Anyone else struggling?

[tacom]

I’m having a hard time.

My step sister is in labor now with an oops pregnancy. She cannot afford to care for herself or the baby, so she’s moved in with my dad and his wife indefinitely. My dad built a nursery and he’s so excited to be grandpa.

I know her happiness shouldn’t affect mine, but this is much harder than I thought it would be.

When I found out (June), I naively assumed I’d be pregnant by the time she delivered. But here we are.

Anyone else have anything? Misery loves company.

[seeyalater52]

I’m so sorry you’re struggling, tacom. Being in close proximity with other people who are pregnant or have new babies is the worst. My step sister just gave birth to her 2nd and my mom is so excited about being a grandmother and I’m jerky and jealous because they’re not even that close but she is still so happy.

I am very very much struggling right now. I know we need to stop trying to have a baby now that my wife has basically lost her job and most likely won’t find something with remotely the same pay. I hate that this string of bad luck (job loss, home repairs etc) is all happening right after we just drained way more of our savings than we should have on fertility treatments which means we are in a bad place financially. And I’m pissed that our stupid insurance is the reason we had to do that. I just can’t see a sustainable way for us to pay down this debt and also afford daycare.

But the bottom line is we need to stop trying and it’s killing me, especially because we still have tries left to use with our RE. We should just reassess this summer but I just can’t emotionally handle it so I’m in this depression spiral that I don’t know how to get out of.

[sarapocalypse]

We just hit the 1 year mark and it is harder than I thought it would be. I had several friends who announced pregnancies this year and most of them have had their babies now. I never imagined that I would still not be pregnant at this point. There were so many things last year that I was like "Wow, let's enjoy our last pre-baby *fill in the blank*" and now it's all coming around again, which sucks.

Some days I am more positive about it, but it has been hitting me harder this week for some reason.

[tacom]

seeyalater52 - I am so sorry, friend. Internet hugs your way.

sarapocalypse, Yes yes yes to “let’s enjoy the last X”. We haven’t been trying as long as you (month 4) but we starting planning to TTC about 7 months ago and I feel like I’ve forced this pattern of constant excitement over what i thought would be milestones (last big trip, last wedding, last trip home to see the family, last girls trip, last holiday) which only results in frustration and sadness. I really am trying to change my thinking and live my life the way it is. So much easier said than done.

Sending good thoughts your way. ❤️

[katespade]

Ugh. YES.

I am very seriously considering just not dealing with holiday family gatherings this year, now that I've had yet another cousin (who already has four kids) announce their pregnancy. Sitting around while everyone talks about the many babies that are on the way and how excited all of my aunts and uncles are about being grandparents again does not sound like my idea of a good time right now.

I also think that getting ready to roll into a new year is not helping. The last seven months have gone by so quickly, and I'm not ready for more milestones to showcase how long it's been.

It also doesn't help that my cycles are a million years long, and I've only ovulated three times since May. I start my first dose of progesterone on the 18th to try and shorten my cycles, but I don't know how that will impact my ovulation since it already happens so sporadically (CD29, CD19, CD37). I'm trying to prepare myself for the idea that I might have a few anovulatory cycles while my body adjusts and/or regulates.

[compassrose]

Dec 11, 2017 10:42:10 GMT -5 katespade said:

Ugh. YES.

I am very seriously considering just not dealing with holiday family gatherings this year, now that I've had yet another cousin (who already has four kids) announce their pregnancy. Sitting around while everyone talks about the many babies that are on the way and how excited all of my aunts and uncles are about being grandparents again does not sound like my idea of a good time right now.

I also think that getting ready to roll into a new year is not helping. The last seven months have gone by so quickly, and I'm not ready for more milestones to showcase how long it's been.

It also doesn't help that my cycles are a million years long, and I've only ovulated three times since May. I start my first dose of progesterone on the 18th to try and shorten my cycles, but I don't know how that will impact my ovulation since it already happens so sporadically (CD29, CD19, CD37). I'm trying to prepare myself for the idea that I might have a few anovulatory cycles while my body adjusts and/or regulates.

Why don't you ask your doctor about clomid or letrazole? It works pretty well, the side effects aren't bad (better than progesterone!), and at least you'd know you are and when you are ovulating...

[katespade]

Dec 11, 2017 11:41:51 GMT -5 compassrose said:

Dec 11, 2017 10:42:10 GMT -5 katespade said:

Ugh. YES.

I am very seriously considering just not dealing with holiday family gatherings this year, now that I've had yet another cousin (who already has four kids) announce their pregnancy. Sitting around while everyone talks about the many babies that are on the way and how excited all of my aunts and uncles are about being grandparents again does not sound like my idea of a good time right now.

I also think that getting ready to roll into a new year is not helping. The last seven months have gone by so quickly, and I'm not ready for more milestones to showcase how long it's been.

It also doesn't help that my cycles are a million years long, and I've only ovulated three times since May. I start my first dose of progesterone on the 18th to try and shorten my cycles, but I don't know how that will impact my ovulation since it already happens so sporadically (CD29, CD19, CD37). I'm trying to prepare myself for the idea that I might have a few anovulatory cycles while my body adjusts and/or regulates.

Why don't you ask your doctor about clomid or letrazole? It works pretty well, the side effects aren't bad (better than progesterone!), and at least you'd know you are and when you are ovulating...

That's supposed to be the next step. My doctor recommended that we try progesterone first since there's less monitoring involved in taking it, and if that doesn't work within a few months (she prescribed me three cycles worth) then we'll move on to clomid or letrazole. 

What kinds of side effects have you had with progesterone? My doctor said I shouldn't expect to have any...

[compassrose]

Dec 11, 2017 11:56:30 GMT -5 katespade said:

Dec 11, 2017 11:41:51 GMT -5 compassrose said:

Why don't you ask your doctor about clomid or letrazole? It works pretty well, the side effects aren't bad (better than progesterone!), and at least you'd know you are and when you are ovulating...

That's supposed to be the next step. My doctor recommended that we try progesterone first since there's less monitoring involved in taking it, and if that doesn't work within a few months (she prescribed me three cycles worth) then we'll move on to clomid or letrazole. 

What kinds of side effects have you had with progesterone? My doctor said I shouldn't expect to have any...

Mostly just all.the.feelings for the 6 days a month I took it (crying over silly things, overreacting), plus some ramping up of my anxiety. 

FWIW, my letrazole dose was low so it was not monitored.

[katespade]

Dec 11, 2017 13:30:28 GMT -5 compassrose said:

Dec 11, 2017 11:56:30 GMT -5 katespade said:

That's supposed to be the next step. My doctor recommended that we try progesterone first since there's less monitoring involved in taking it, and if that doesn't work within a few months (she prescribed me three cycles worth) then we'll move on to clomid or letrazole. 

What kinds of side effects have you had with progesterone? My doctor said I shouldn't expect to have any...

Mostly just all.the.feelings for the 6 days a month I took it (crying over silly things, overreacting), plus some ramping up of my anxiety. 

FWIW, my letrazole dose was low so it was not monitored.

That's good to know. I'll have to keep an eye on my anxiety levels, since they tend to get a bit higher during the second part of my cycle anyway. 

If I remember correctly, my doctor is also thinking that if we can get my cycles regulated it will help if we have to move on to clomid or letrazole? Does that make sense? I might not be right in remembering what she said. But right now my cycles are crazy - 43 days, 65 days, 32 days, 51 days... I don't think I'll be willing to wait very long, though. If I have more than one anovulatory cycle in a row, I'll definitely be calling to move on to the next step.

[compassrose]

Dec 11, 2017 13:43:54 GMT -5 katespade said:

Dec 11, 2017 13:30:28 GMT -5 compassrose said:

Mostly just all.the.feelings for the 6 days a month I took it (crying over silly things, overreacting), plus some ramping up of my anxiety. 

FWIW, my letrazole dose was low so it was not monitored.

That's good to know. I'll have to keep an eye on my anxiety levels, since they tend to get a bit higher during the second part of my cycle anyway. 

If I remember correctly, my doctor is also thinking that if we can get my cycles regulated it will help if we have to move on to clomid or letrazole? Does that make sense? I might not be right in remembering what she said. But right now my cycles are crazy - 43 days, 65 days, 32 days, 51 days... I don't think I'll be willing to wait very long, though. If I have more than one anovulatory cycle in a row, I'll definitely be calling to move on to the next step.

Honestly, I don't think it will help or hurt-- your cycles are long when they are anovulatory and letrazole will have you ovulating like clockwork. 

[tacom]

@aliciaroset I’m so sorry. Hugs to you.

katespade do whatever you need to do. I hope the progesterone is what you need.


My step sister had her baby. I cried on the couch (luckily I’m off on Mondays) then immediately booked the traditional Chinese medicine acupuncturist I’ve been eyeing on yelp.

Within an hour, I had needles in my belly trying to promote egg quality and blood flow to my uterus or whatever.

I don’t know if it will do anything, but I felt more relaxed, currently feel less sad, and like that I have something to look forward to (next appt is slotted for 2-3 days after expected O)

[tacom]

Oh and my boss went into labor today. Two in one!

But that really isn’t affecting me. Dynamics are everything, I guess?

[Jalapeñomel]

The holidays are the worst for people who are TTCing. Sorry and hugs to all those who are struggling.

[megstoo]

I'm a lurker but I just finished my first "round" with progesterone on Thursday and started bleeding today. I have to schedule an HSG test for probably next week to see about cycts and blockages. I have PCOS so periods are all over the place.

2017 was the worst for us. In my family my cousins each had a baby (4 total), and 2 friends just gave birth last month. Needless to say it's taken it's toll emotionally so I just want to hide all holiday.

[MrsE]

Me. DH and I had originally planned to start TCC next year - after I am MOH in my sister’s and a dear friend’s weddings. Then I had a health scare and DH was all “why wait?!?” and I agreed. Now, he wants to wait again. I was all in to start TCC and potentially take my first test on Christmas. Now the tables turned again and it’s ironic that I was originally the hold out and now I’m ready and he’s not. So I am sad.

[noodleoo]

Is venting allowed? We had planned to start TTC back in May when DD turned 2, but there was a death in my family the day after DD’s birthday that kind of messed up that plan. By August we were ready to start again, but H’s brother got engaged and we’re all in the wedding, so we decided to wait a few months to avoid their wedding date, which of course was 10 months away. So we’re already 6 months behind my original plan. If it ends up taking us a long time to get pg, I’m going to be so mad at myself for waiting. And I’m 38 and I made the mistake of reading about everything that starts to go wrong with fertility as you approach 40. I wasn’t that worried about it before, but now I feel stupid for putting it off. I’m the oldest of my friends, they are all done having babies so I just feel old altogether. I wish things had worked out differently and we had been in a place to have babies younger with all of them. My new mom friend who has a kid the same age as DD is due in March. H and I always wanted kids to be 2 years apart and I’m disappointed life messed up our plans. I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining since I already have DD but something about TTC makes me crazy.

Sorry, I hope it is ok to post this in this thread.

[seeyalater52]

Hugs to everyone. This really is the hardest time of the year I think. And for many of us this was a tough year regardless of TTC. Thinking positive thoughts for all of you to find peace and happiness and get your BFPs. <3

[tacom]

megstoo MrsE noodleoo hugs all around. Sorry guys.

[pinkpeony08]

Ugh, me too. Mostly a lurker here, but after long thought out debate and decision making, we decided we wanted a third about a year ago. We had a missed miscarriage last spring at 11 weeks and then another earlier this fall at 15 weeks. All testing for the 15 week loss was perfect with no reason. Meanwhile, both of my sister in laws had babies. We went to my brother and sister in law's for niece's birthday party a few weeks after my loss. Somehow, seeing the baby was relatively ok, but the entire weekend, all everyone talked about was the baby! And my dad won't stop talking about us buying a mini-van as we were lining up a babysitter to buy a mini-van the week before the 15 week loss.

Now we think we are close to trying one last time for a third, but I admit the thought of being pregnant is pretty scary for fear of another loss.

Hugs all around.

Edited to add that 2 co-workers, one who I see every day and is due 5 days before my spring due date talks constantly about her pregnancy... great for her but hard to listen to.  And a second co-worker walked across the whole campus to personally announce to me her pregnancy.  I'm happy for her, and I don't think she knew about my loss (I was just starting to announce at work and not sure who knew what as no one really said anything...), but seriously?  Couldn't I have heard through the grapevine?  

[msmerymac]

I remember being pretty devastated around this time last year because my insurance (initially) denied my IVF request. I figured that this year would be better. Well, one miscarriage and one failed transfer later, and here we are. Also in 2016 a good friend decided to not announce her pregnancy until she was like 6 months along (we live in different states) and then a few months later I found out that my SIL was about 7 months pregnant and was very WTF about both of those things. Especially since I thought I'd have a baby before SIL had her second.

So... yeah. I think about the fact that I'm not a parent every single day of my life.

[pickel]

Big hugs to everyone. TTC is such a hard journey.

[noodleoo]

Ugh. CD1 here which wasn’t that big a deal since I knew it was coming. But I met a friend at music class and she blurts out all excitedly “guess who’s pregnant?!?”. So now everyone that I made friends with when I had DD are either pregnant or have had their second baby already. Seriously DD is only 2.5! This hit me really hard. I was the last of all my old friends to have kids and now I’m the last of all my new friends to have 2nd babies too, who are all a good 5 years younger than me. I’m so much more upset about this than I thought I would be. I’m just mad at this year and all the stupid things that made us delay TTC.

Sorry. Thanks for listening. I told my sister and she was like “why do you care?”

[compassrose]

I’m sorry noodleoo. It’s rough even when you are expecting it.