Video games and play dates

[dizzycooks]

Do you allow video games during play dates?  If your child has a friend over how much screen time do you allow?  Do you expect they'll be playing video games when at a friend's house or do you expect they will be playing outside, with games or coloring?  Does age play a roll in your comfort with this?

[momin2013]

DS hasn't really have play dates yet, so far it's been more us visiting another family all together.

But now he's almost 5, and I figure play dates either at our house or a friend's house are right around the corner. Honestly, I don't think I'd really put a limit on it at our house (although he don't actually have any gaming systems yet), unless maybe they'd been doing only that for most of the day (but I doubt a play date would last that long anyway).

I wouldn't have an issue with him just playing video games at a friends house; I'd be more concerned with what game was being played and whether it was age-appropriate than how much time they spent playing it.

[cjcouple]

Yes, I allow them. Usually about an hour depending on how long the play date is.  A kid here for a sleepover is 2-3 hours total but usually broken up. 

I expect them to play video games at friends as well.  I would hope they play other things as well but I will say there are certain people I know that just let them stay up and play for hours.  I have started telling my kids to cut it off at a certain time and to suggest other activities.  I DO expect the games to be rated age appropriate.   

As for the age, really no difference to me but I feel my guidelines are reasonable.

my boys are 11 and 8

[hocus2]

I dislike it when the kids watch TV or play video games at play dates. The whole point of a play date is to interact with someone else and screen time doesn't really do that.

Playdates at our place don't have any video games and maybe only TV at the end or if things are getting tense. My kids are 6 and 8.

[gastro]

We don’t allow any screen time during play dates. We also don’t have any multiplayer video games.
I’m pretty sure DS1 gets no screen time at other houses with the exception of a friend who has invited him over for dinner and a specific movie.

Edit: he’s 6 so I do expect that the change when he gets older but I’m pretty sure we won’t ever get a video game console in our home.

[dizzycooks]

I'm frustrated bc our new neighbor asked me very kindly is dd1 plays video games (no) and if she could come over to play some WiiU games. I'd rather she play outside or at least be playing inside. She's already at school all day and I know they get at least 30 minutes of screen time there. I'm not a fan personally. It's not something we do at home. She gets maybe 20 minutes a week on some academic sites and we might watch Sesame Street when she is sick or some TV special like the Charlie Brown Christmas stuff as a special treat.
I told her we don't really do screen time and that if she wanted to play, dd would be happy to come out when she gets home from school. Now I'm wondering if I have to say no all the time bc they'll end up playing video games if she's inside. ugh.

[cinco]

Not for shorter play dates, but if we have a child here for 5+ hours (like a sleepover or me watching a friend on a snow day), then absolutely! Usually an hour or so at a time. DS is in 4th grade, and this didn't come into play until the last year or so. I don't care what he does at his friends house, within reason (ie nothing illegal, lol)

[cinco]

Dec 18, 2017 16:12:45 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

I'm frustrated bc our new neighbor asked me very kindly is dd1 plays video games (no) and if she could come over to play some WiiU games. I'd rather she play outside or at least be playing inside. She's already at school all day and I know they get at least 30 minutes of screen time there. I'm not a fan personally. It's not something we do at home. She gets maybe 20 minutes a week on some academic sites and we might watch Sesame Street when she is sick or some TV special like the Charlie Brown Christmas stuff as a special treat.
I told her we don't really do screen time and that if she wanted to play, dd would be happy to come out when she gets home from school. Now I'm wondering if I have to say no all the time bc they'll end up playing video games if she's inside. ugh.

I don't think this is any different than our neighbors kid who we don't want in the house b/c he is wild. I say "You guys need to play outside.", and then they do. NBD.

[wildfloweragain]

We have been a non-video game family up to now. Our kids are 13, 11 and 7. The 11 year old's friends don't usually know what to do with themselves at our house and we didn't want to be the house nobody wants to go to. So this Xmas we are getting a play station.

We will have them play video games and my 11 year old does play games at others' houses.



Sent from my SM-G900V using proboards

[L From The D]

DS is nine. My rule is that when he has friends over they have to play something else first (go outside, play a board game, etc). Then they can play Wii (Mario Kart, Mario Party, Sports).

DD is six and almost never plays video games with friends. Occasionally they will play Just Dance.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Arranged play dates, I do let them play and don't care if my kids play at others' houses, but would hope it's not the entire time. My ds had a friend over after school the other day, and they made/decorated gingerbread cookies, went outside and sledded for over an hour, and then played in his room for a bit, but then ds asked if he could show his friend a video game he'd never played before, so I was fine with that.

With the neighbor we play with every day, we follow the same rules as they get if they were not playing with a friend (which for us is 30 minutes of screen time after all homework is done), but usually it's like, they get a new game and play every day for maybe a week, then they stop asking for screen time again for weeks at a time.

If it's something new, I'd give it a few days/a week for the novelty to wear off before stressing about it being 'too much'.

[livinitup]

Last week, we had a snow day and DD invited 2 friends for the day (I was home from work). They did everything ... including Minecraft on iPads.

So, yeah, lots of outdoor play and lots of non-structured imagination play AND screen time (not horrific).

I guess our play dates go really long ... because screen time is NBD.

[nicolewi]

Age makes a difference for me. In kindergarten, I pretty much expected them to be playing REAL things, not video games. Now that DS is in 1st grade, I still prefer that they not play video games, but a little is okay. The couple times they did play video games on play dates, it tends not to go well so far. One kid tends to hog it. I think it's hard, too, to gauge different families' comfort levels. As DS gets older, I fully expect that he'll be exposed to some games I don't agree with, and I don't love that.

Also, playing a non-violent game a little bit is okay with me. Playing video games the entire time? Wouldn't like that at all. Even for DD, who is in 3rd grade.

[gastro]

Dec 18, 2017 16:12:45 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

I'm frustrated bc our new neighbor asked me very kindly is dd1 plays video games (no) and if she could come over to play some WiiU games. I'd rather she play outside or at least be playing inside. She's already at school all day and I know they get at least 30 minutes of screen time there. I'm not a fan personally. It's not something we do at home. She gets maybe 20 minutes a week on some academic sites and we might watch Sesame Street when she is sick or some TV special like the Charlie Brown Christmas stuff as a special treat.
I told her we don't really do screen time and that if she wanted to play, dd would be happy to come out when she gets home from school. Now I'm wondering if I have to say no all the time bc they'll end up playing video games if she's inside. ugh.

What sort of screen time does she get at school?

[dizzycooks]

Dec 18, 2017 22:47:06 GMT -5 gastro said:

Dec 18, 2017 16:12:45 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

I'm frustrated bc our new neighbor asked me very kindly is dd1 plays video games (no) and if she could come over to play some WiiU games. I'd rather she play outside or at least be playing inside. She's already at school all day and I know they get at least 30 minutes of screen time there. I'm not a fan personally. It's not something we do at home. She gets maybe 20 minutes a week on some academic sites and we might watch Sesame Street when she is sick or some TV special like the Charlie Brown Christmas stuff as a special treat.
I told her we don't really do screen time and that if she wanted to play, dd would be happy to come out when she gets home from school. Now I'm wondering if I have to say no all the time bc they'll end up playing video games if she's inside. ugh.

What sort of screen time does she get at school?

In music they’ve watched two musicals over the last 6 weeks, 3/9 of the literacy centers are currently computer based, 1/3 of the math centers are computer based and I’m sure there’s more other stuff she doesn’t even mention. Mostly it’s academic, but that is still a lot for kindergarten imo.

[cjcouple]

I wouldn't stress about the neighbor yet. You may need to clarify your wishes with them if they invite her over to play again but I wouldn't automatically assume they will be on video games if she goes over.

Adding my 2 cents, you may want to think about relaxing your rules some when she is invited to others houses as she gets older. It's your child so other parents should respect your wishes but it could potentially keep her from being invited to some things and socially hold her back in years to come.

Honestly, if my son had a friend that was not allowed "any" screen time, I would not have them over very often. Not being mean, just honest. I don't want to have to worry about whether they are on my kids devices when I am not in the room, or not having the TV on at all. It's just not our lifestyle. Granted they are older 11 and 8 but they definitely would go to the neighbors at 3,4 and 5 yos and watch movies on a snowy day and eat popcorn. or I had their girls over they played wii on occasion. They still played outside, dress up, games in their play room, or make believe but it was not 100% screen free at all times. I think that is an unrealistic expectation at others homes.

[gastro]

Dec 19, 2017 6:37:07 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

Dec 18, 2017 22:47:06 GMT -5 gastro said:

What sort of screen time does she get at school?

In music they’ve watched two musicals over the last 6 weeks, 3/9 of the literacy centers are currently mounted based, 1/3 of the math centers are computer based and I’m sure there’s more other stuff she doesn’t even mention. Mostly it’s academic, but that is still a lot for kindergarten imo.

Oh, she’s in kinder! That seems reasonable.
For some reason I thought she was younger.

I agree with cjcouple said about relaxing rules when when she goes over to someone’s house. But I also think kids should be able to come up with something to play especially when they have a friend over and it’s sad if they always resort to watching TV or playing video games. DH is actually the strict rule enforcer in our home about this stuff (and he is a technology investor and pretty much funds only internet based companies!). Screens have a place and a growing presence in our lives but I don’t think we should surrender completely and it’s also fine to be the house that doesn’t do screen time. Most families in our circle do not do screen time at play dates. I do expect this to change once the kids get older.

[gastro]

Also, I think this neighbor is conscientious about screen time because she asked you specifically. And I’m not familiar with wii but aren’t they physical...like you are up and moving around?

[dizzycooks]

gastro and cjcouple I agree that it’ll happen at others houses. I appreciate her asking. My concern is that it seems to be a screen every time they get together (2 movies prior), tablets when I’ve stayed and visited with the mom, etc. they don’t have many toys or outdoor play stuff so I think options are few. She has unspecified nut allergies and has never been inside my house (parent preference) so I don’t see this being a new bff. I expect some reciprocity and really don’t know this girl or see that I’m going to get to know her if they never come over when invited.

[cjcouple]

Oh yes, I can definitely see your concern now.  There are a LOT of families like that in our area. It is annoying and not always easy to manuever.  I would just limit the amount of time she spends there.  Invite them to play outside in your yard.

[mamaalysson]

At our house, no screen time on regular play dates (an all day situation would be different). My kids are 7 and 4, and I am pretty firm on this. They have a friend over; they don’t need a screen in front of their faces. When they go to other houses, they play by that house’s rules. On several play dates, that has meant watching a movie.

[court26]

My kids don't have a lot of playdates, so when they do, I am honestly just happy they are with their friends! They may want to play video games, but they always have other stuff they want to do too! We live in upstate NY, so it isn't super easy to kick them out to play for half of the year.

[auroraloo]

we don't have a lot of playdates.

my son is INTO minecraft. I guarantee we will be dealing with Minecraft playdates soon.

I wouldn't worry about what they're playing at another's house, but I don't think video games are the "devil" a lot of others do. Especially on the wii. There are virtually no violent games on the wii consoles. It's not like they're playing Call of Duty

[adviceneeded]

We don't allow video games so I just give the mom a heads up. DS is also good at knowing what he is and isn't allowed to do so I can usually trust him to make good choices.