How to counsel someone out

[waverly]

An employee was fine with training, but has decided she is trained and takes major offense to the slightest thing. To the point where she won't speak to any of her co-workers. Ignores direct requests/ commands and won't speak unless it is to growl out a hi. Even to people that are not involved in the situation like the director. For example, she was corrected a couple of times. It is angering I get it to be corrected. But people get corrected in work all.the.time, right?

These are just minor statements like training. Nothing major. No write ups etc. she has been mad for two weeks and is getting slightly better. I would wait it out as a one time thing but it won't be. Now she is offended at every little thing, makes everyone uncomfortable. We've never dealt with this level of passive aggressive. She has never come to any manager with a problem or solution. She just ignores, growls and acts mad. She is still in probation period.

I think I will wait until after the holidays and ask if she thinks this is a good fit. I am a pretty direct speaker and if I speak my mind I am sure she will quit. Which is ok. But I want to try to be super gentle and I am just not. Any advice for wording? I mean if she ignores everyone and bites their head off for two weeks she has to know something is wrong. I want to be gentle because she has had some losses and the holidays are rough.

I also plan to mention internal customers (employees) as well as external. Because she is like one person to external and another to internal because she is mad. A baseline of politeness is required for a job, right? I'm pretty sure none of you could get away with this behavior. I certainly can't.

[waverly]

So far I have:
1. Do you think this is a good fit?

2. You seem angry and unhappy?

3. Internal customers (co/workers need to be treated as good as external customers) with a hand out on customer service.

4. Should I add- training is never ending and I still get corrected all the time and have been here for 8 years?

Anything else I can ask to lead her to believe maybe she shouldn't be working here. She doesn't need to work and was just doing it to get out of the house.


Should I be harsher and get her to quit? I think she can't handle the job emotionally speaking.

[twinmomma]

I would just recommend documenting as much as possible leading up to it. We had to counsel someone out at my last job and it turned VERY nasty because my old boss was terrible at documenting issues and having anything real to fall back on. We're really lucky she didn't pursue further action against us. If you have documented examples of issues, it will make it much easier for you to make your case vs. just having anecdotal stories and info.

[mommyatty]

“You need to learn to accept feedback as a gift. If you can’t do that -and right now you aren’t- you are not going to make it here”. Then give specific examples of bratty behavior.

[ECB]

Scratch the 2nd question. Keep this business related. Asking that question opens a whole can of worms IMO.

[idahome]

Agree with another poster: do not ask the second question.

Also, based on your initial post you need to drag out the job description/duties and go over it for this meeting. I think questions are great as a way to promote a dialogue, but you should be prepared to list out instances (dates and behaviors) to support the conclusion you want her to get to.

I would also be prepared with: today’s conversation will go in your personnel file. If we do not see a clear and sustained improvement in X days/weeks then we will need to decide if this is the best place for you.

[2chatter]

I document every incident and conversation in email. Keeps it clean. Emails don’t have to be long and you can keep the detailed notes separately. I usually create an excel file with date, incident, description, action taken, response. Then it’s kind of all in one place when supporting emails are added.

I’m actually trying to manage someone back in — struggling because of personal issues but unusual. I feel like I should document because if things don’t improve something will have to happen but it’s like I can’t hold mentoring and managing out in my head at the same time to do both.

[ECB]

Dec 19, 2017 8:58:42 GMT -5 waverly said:

So far I have:
1. Do you think this is a good fit?

2. You seem angry and unhappy?

3. Internal customers (co/workers need to be treated as good as external customers) with a hand out on customer service.

4. Should I add- training is never ending and I still get corrected all the time and have been here for 8 years?

Anything else I can ask to lead her to believe maybe she shouldn't be working here. She doesn't need to work and was just doing it to get out of the house.


Should I be harsher and get her to quit? I think she can't handle the job emotionally speaking.

I'm on a PC now and can expand a bit.  

With #1 - if you ask this, you can also follow up with "why or why not?" (depending on what her answer is).

Then I'd go into #3 (again, don't ask #2) and basically detail what is expected of her.  And yes, I think #4 is a great point to add!  She needs to understand that "training" in some form or fashion will always exist and receiving feedback and constructive criticism is a PART OF THE JOB.  I'd empathize briefly with a "I understand that it's difficult to be corrected.  However, it's not personal.  And ultimately, being open to feedback will make you a better employee.  We WANT you to do well.".  

From what you say about her- she probably will not take this well. But try to remain as focused on the purpose of the meeting as possible and don't get dragged into her emotional reactions.  

[xctsclrx]

Have you tried to counsel or "coach" her before about her attitude? I know at most places I worked they made you document everything you have done to remedy the situation, however I am not sure that was necessary during the probation period.

She really may not know that anything is wrong. I might mention something before the Holidays so she can reflect when she might have some time off. I also wouldn't worry about being gentle. I would be direct and professional. If she offers something up then maybe you can soften.

[HeartofCheese]

Is this appropriate?

"You are currently in a probationary period which means you can mess up because you're learning. But learning requires feedback. Feedback is not discipline. What is discipline is this conversation. Normally feedback does not rise to the level of discipline unless you are not accepting it well. So let me tell you why we're having this discussion. [Example, example, example]. So the bottomline is that if you are not kind to people and accepting of feedback, you are not only not meeting the low probationary period expectations, but failing at life. We will not try to train someone who has already failed at life."

No? This is why I'm not a supervisor. Lol.

[ECB]

Dec 20, 2017 9:34:31 GMT -5 HeartofCheese said:

Is this appropriate?

"You are currently in a probationary period which means you can mess up because you're learning. But learning requires feedback. Feedback is not discipline. What is discipline is this conversation. Normally feedback does not rise to the level of discipline unless you are not accepting it well. So let me tell you why we're having this discussion. [Example, example, example]. So the bottomline is that if you are not kind to people and accepting of feedback, you are not only not meeting the low probationary period expectations, but failing at life. We will not try to train someone who has already failed at life."

No? This is why I'm not a supervisor. Lol.

LOL!!!!  I was like "this is pretty good..." then I got to the end.  

But really- I feel like she is kind of failing if she is THIS shut off to ANY feedback/training while NEW AT HER JOB!!!!

Oy.  

[2chatter]

I love this.