Playdates

[waverly]

I've been thinking I should make an effort to do play dates with DS but really both kids. I feel like I should help him foster friendships. But as a working mom they already socialize all day at school and at aftercare, so I guess it would be for the weekends. And I am pretty tired come the weekend. He has his sister and generally speaking they play well together for hours and I like fostering the sibling bond as well.

We have had the neighbor over a few times and regularly get together with another family so they do have friends. I think my situation was maybe unusual but I did things with one friend every weekend for years and occasionally a couple of other friends, so I feel like I should foster some more but I realize that was serendipity.

In some ways I figure I was too close to my girlfriends growing up but in other ways that was good because I felt I belonged.

Not really sure what I am asking for here. I guess how much effort should I put into this. I have two moms that expressed interest. One has my phone number but never texted me. The other one I need to exchange numbers. I am an introvert, and I wasn't always this bad, but for me I talk myself out of social things a lot I think just because of being tired and things being easier not working around other people's schedules etc. But I really should put a bit more effort into it....

It's hard too when other moms are not all reaching out that much either. Like we invite them to things and they come but don't reciprocate or we invite them to things and they say they will come and don't show up (birthday party). So I guess I was burnt a little reaching out in the fall. Will this just start happening organically when the kids are older? DS is 7- first grade.

[mustardseed2007]

waverly, I don't know but with the kids being off all week I'm wondering if I should try to plan a playdate also. I also hate having to spend a lot of time cleaning my house for people, which is something I definitely feel like I have to do when we have people over that I don't know well. I did plan a playdate last week with a DC friend, and it went super well, but the other mom ended up hosting in the end so it was my perfect situation.

Anyway, I'm just here for other people's comments b/c I definitely avoid the playdate scene b/c I'm introverted and the kids are in daycare and I'm tired and everything you said. On the other hand I have your same concern, like I'm responsible for my 6 year old's social life and so I should be more active. Can't we all just sit at home and read a book when we have down time? That would be lovely.

[campermom]

I really try to avoid play dates, to be honest. The kids that come over are always wanting something or requiring my direct involvement. There have been two occasions where kids have said the snack is gross. My kids are like...eyes wide open and in disbelief these kids are so rude. The only time a playdate went well was when I had DS have a friend and DD have her friend all at the same time. Zero arguments or issues. But that took a bunch of coordination.

Then when they get picked up there is small talk. If it's a dad, I've had 2 experiences where the kids like.....nah I'm not leaving and the dad sits there for 30 minutes asking them to leave.

Meanwhile my toddlers nap time is ticking away before my very eyes.

F that. We do play dates like this: we like a couple, they like us. Kids are the same age. We hang out with them on a Saturday night or they hang out at our place. Not a lot, just every two months or so.

Either that or my kids get invited to a birthday party.other than that we are too damn busy for play dates. Like mustardseed2007 said Can't we just read books during downtime? I'm also just really tired!

I feel zero guilt about avoiding them, I read some book once and the general theme was making sure your own extra needs are met And reflecting on whether you are spinning wheels making sure your child's extra needs are more important. Like if I haven't spent time with my girlfriends in over a year, why am I prioritizing my 6 year old's social calendar? Nope, no guilt. They see their friends at school all day long.

[waverly]

Oh good then I shouldn't worry.

Probably the reason I am asking is one friend does them but she has Fridays off. I feel like a lot of the working moms are like me. They kind of want to spend that time with the kids while they are young and since they have been out of the house all week.

And my friendship only started really at age 6/7 because our sisters were also friends so they came over together. And I don't know if it makes a difference but before I was 13 my mom was a SAHM. I don't feel like she super coordinated but we were at a lot smaller school and she volunteered in school and Girl Scouts so she knew more moms than I do. We have 6 classes of first grade, so it's hard to know the moms. My school growing up had 3 classes for each grade.

I just thought I should make an effort because my H never hung with friends on the weekends, and he regrets it. But his parents (while mostly nice people) were kind of strange and controlling more so back then than nowadays.

[mommyatty]

Mine are both in school, so I don’t sweat it. Both kids have multiple birthday party invitations and seem to play well with others. Their teachers say they are well-adjusted and well-liked by their peers.

We are going to try to get together with a family that has kids in both my kids’ classes during the break. So that should be fun. And we are going to try to get together with a couple of kids who used to play with mine before they were in school. That one I’m excited about because the grandmas had a standing play date but I’ve never met the mom and it sounds like we have a TON in common (both major breadwinners, both attorneys in training doing only quasi-lawyer Work at a corporation, both strong feminists). But if it doesn’t happen, that’s okay too.

I’m a “don’t sweat it” vote. If things happen organically, great. If they don’t, and you’re worried, add an extracurricular so your kids get more time to socialize.

[sdlaura]

We don’t do play dates. I do have a few friends that I’ll text when I’m going to be at a playground near them and see if they want to join, and if it works out - great. We also have become friends with another family from school with three little kids also - our two oldest kids are in the same kindergarten class. So we’ll hang out with them like every other Saturday night from like 4:30-6:30.

I figure the kids get enough social interaction at school and aftercare.

[covergirl82]

I am not a huge fan of play dates, and I usually feel like I have to make the effort, but I told the kids they could have one play date each over break. Each of my kids happened to invite their friend they get along with best, and each friend also happens to be pretty polite and well-behaved, so I actually don't mind as much when those friends come over.

I would vote to let it happen organically unless you really want to make the effort.

[sunbutter]

We don’t do as many play dates as some folks but my kids do enjoy them. They are both old enough to be dropped off or to have friends come over here without parents. It actually frees up a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon. Like the last one we hosted, two siblings came and played with my two while I made Sunday dinner and puttered around the house cleaning up loose ends. And two weekends ago, they both went to a play date while I went home and wrapped presents for two hours. Or other times, I go food shopping for a couple of hours.
I understand not wanting to schedule more things but we have gotten to the stage where we know the families well and we make it useful time.

[mustardseed2007]

I scheduled a park play date with a neighbor a while ago and while I had a nice time talking to the mom and husband (my husband didn't come...I had no idea he was supposed to???) my kid actually spent the whole time playing with a (very nice) random kid at the park and didn't play at all with the kid we actually went to meet at the park. womp womp.

[waverly]

We've done a few let's meet at the park, where mostly they whine for snacks or try to steal snacks or fight or the other mom is frustrated or me.

Also he is in aftercare, basketball league coming up, cub scouts and gets lots of birthday party invites. And is doing well socially. I guess I won't worry about fostering close friends. He can have less close friends now and have the closer ones happen organically.

[callmekd]

We do play dates with the parents we like. 😂 today our neighbor and her daughter came over because the girls have been missing each other. Girls played, moms drank coffee and ate Christmas cookies and the babies napped. It was a glorious one hour.

[callmekd]

But otherwise we don't do very many play dates. DD1 gets lots of social time at school. And the weekends are too sacred. It helps when she's in a weekend activity and sees her friends that way too.

[k3am]

If I like the parents, my kids can have a playdate with their kids.

[186momx]

I avoid playdates. I don't mind helping another WP out with pick ups from camp and entertaining the kid until work is over. This happened last week and was a lot of fun for DD. Weekend playdates don't happen. Everyone is so busy it just doesn't make much sense. I'm in the same book of lets sit and read or watch a movie and just be home and quiet. That said I may try and see if a family friend we haven't seen since summer is free this weekend and try and do a dinner playdate. We try to do this every few months.

[mustardseed2007]

The sad thing is when I like the parents but their kids and my kids do not get on. I've tried to do play dates a couple times with one my friend's kids and it did not go well. Like actually fighting with their kid having a melt down any time my kid touched a toy...My son finally actually told me he did not want to have another play date with them, and that's remarkable for him.

My hope is that their child eventually grows out of it, but I think there MIGHT be an undiagnosed sensory or developmental thing going on BC she's very cool and knows how to parent. It also could just be a phase....that's all kind of off topic but kind of on also BC I go to the lengths to set up a play date and they often but don't always go well. I mean, some people are "sure things" but when it's new and so it's a bit of a roll of the dice it makes it less appealing.

[xctsclrx]

We don't playdate. My son goes to DC full time. We are exhausted on the weekends and we have our older boys. He loves his brothers. It is good enough in my opinion. When he can ask to go to a friends house we might reconsider.

[waverly]

Maybe I just wait until someone invites him to their house? I feel like it is about at this age, and I see other kids maybe 8 and 9 doing playdates, so I don't know, but I would think it just happens maybe?

[2chatter]

Just wait - around 9 DD started organizing her own. Now that all of her friends can text (10, on devices over WiFi) the kids totally organize these themselves (after asking permission). So do some now, but I would focus on the ones you already mentioned - the adult friends who have kids. The kids get to be social and it’s not a beat down for you. We still socialize with adults we like where our kids aren’t close at school but they look forward to hanging out when we organize it.

[dglvrk2]

Haven't been here for a while. It's good to see so many familiar moms!

I'm also relieved to read that so many of you shy away from playdates too. My kids - ages 4 and 6 - are in school and after school care five days a week. They're in ski school every Sunday from now until the end of April too, so they get plenty of social time. The little time we have for playdates is often filled with house work, errands or them just playing on their own. I too hope the playdates happen organically in the future, especially since I had a tough time making friends as kid.

When I do reach out for playdates, they work best if they're improptu and at a mutual place like a playground or hiking trail....

[olenka]

Heh, this thread is reminding me that I reached out to another DC mom at an event in October and was all "let me get your number, I'll totally invite your kid over for a playdate soon." And now it's January.

We just have too much going on most of the time on the weekends lately.

The one kid we've had over a few times for playdates is a handful, and I end up emotionally exhausted dealing with her. My kid likes her though...sigh.