Tuesday GTKU

[mommyatty]

1. Do you have an old SO you ever wonder about? Not in a “I would run away with him to Tahiti” kind of way. Or not necessarily. 
2. Think of 2018 as a book you are writing. At the end of this year, looking back, what do you want the title to be? If you had to have a one word title, what would that be?

[HeartofCheese]

1. I think about 2. One is the guy I was "dating" just before my STBXH. He was a douche and I was very naive. When I think about it, I'm astonished I wasn't taken advantage of more. The second was a guy who was clean while we dated, but had a coke addiction in the past. He was an engineer, but kind of a flunkee. He worked at his dad's firm. Last I heard, he had relapsed. I always wondered what happened to him. Oh. And a third was a guy who I'm pretty sure had Aspergers. Very kind and unique, but also quirky - like a big, big laugh when I made a joke, but then just stopping cold. I broke up with him to go to law school. He had the same name as my STBXH, but it was pronounced differently. So that's weird.

2. The Elephant. This is going to be inspiration for the coming year:

[twinmomma]

1. Not really... I married my high school sweetheart and am Facebook friends with the two other guys I had "dated" before. I also saw them at our high school reunion a few years ago and vaguely kept in touch. So not much to wonder about.
2. There's a book titled "10% Happier" that I listened to this past year, and I feel like that sums up what I want to achieve in 2018. I know I can't fix everything, but I need to make some small changes that will hopefully add up.

[rere]

1. I do frequently on most of them. Not that I would ever want any of them, but I am competitive and want to see if they are doing significantly better than me. So far, I'm holding my own with the ones I know about. Except exceedly better than the guy who got arrested multiple times for drugs.

1. The better, more positive, more forgiving rere.

[mommyatty]

1. I briefly dated a guy in college who came from a really rich family. Like his house had been featured in House Beautiful. But he was not good at fitting into the Rich Boy mode. He enlisted in the Army, fought in Iraq, and then went to college. He had an interesting personality, and I’m sorry we didn’t keep in touch. Also he had a very common name, so there’s no way to google him.

2. Calming the F%&#@ Down. Seriously. I need to learn to start tempering my internal reactions because they are CRAZY. So I’m looking for ways short of meds to get myself under control. And if that doesn’t work, meds.

ETA: One Word Title: BREATHING. 

[erinshelley21]

1. A boyfriend I had in HS. We only dated for like 3 months, but he had a gorgeous smile. After we broke up and he went to college, he found his partying side and had some drug issues that landed him in rehab. He got back on his feet and passed away while at work one day and no one really knows what happened. I only know all this through mutual friends on FB and one of my BFF's works with a family member of his. I just always hated that his life went down the wrong path because his parents and sister were wonderful and it tore them up.
2. mommyatty , coming in strong with the deep questions. Choosing Happy or just Happy for the one word version. DH and I have spent so much of the last 7 years doing what is better for everyone else and taking care of other people. It's time for us to do what makes us happy instead of everyone else. Not in a selfish way, but in a taking care of ourselves first kind of way.

ETA: He was never a SO, but a guy I was friends with and me were like Will & Grace, except for him not being gay. We were best friends for 7 years and even pretty close through our first year of college. We were so close I imagined him being my MOH, but after DH and I got married and he got into a serious relationship and they are married now,  he just fell off the face of the earth. I tried reaching out to him several times, calls, texts, almost crying to his dad when I saw him about how much I missed him. He started following me on Instagram yesterday and I've been holding out hope that he'll reach out at some point. Hell I think DH would even be excited for me because  he knows how much him just disappearing has bothered me in the past. 

[twinmomma]

mommyatty, Check out 10% Happier. It's so good! Written by Dan Harris, who had a panic attack on live TV because of his stress levels. I started doing some of his mindfulness and meditation right after I read it, and it definitely helped without feeling like a big commitment. I need to get back to it.

[supertrooper1]

1. The timing of this question is interesting. My ex-fi reached out to me a couple of days before Christmas on FB (we're not FB friends). He had to tell me that he still had feelings for me but I was smart to break up with him because of all of his health problems. He said that I had a perfect life. I responded that I hope the doctors figure out his current medical issue and that he was assuming a lot saying I had a perfect life. I don't regret breaking up with him 17 years ago.

The one I think about the most was a guy I went on a couple of dates with when I was 19. He was a loan officer in a bank but had jumped jobs quite a bit since getting out of the military, so he didn't think he would stay in banking. I wonder what he is doing now. We met randomly and didn't know anyone in common.

2. Don't let others affect your mood would be my book title.

[k3am]

1. I dated a guy in my early college years. I mean, we're technically still dating, since we never broke up, he ghosted me. Just dropped off the face of the planet. We went from bumping into each other around campus for over a year to never, ever seeing him again. At the time, he still came up in conversation occasionally, so I know it wasn't a Criminal Minds type of disappearance, just very weird in general. It would be nice to figure out what happened there.

2. Cheer up, buttercup.

[186momx]

1. No, my mom keeps me in the loop 2 to 3 times a year about the one guy and my parents are friends with his (younger siblings match my sibs). The other one was crap, I drive by his parents house all the time but never see him. I'm pretty sure he is gay.

2. Om (yoga/meditation)

[justcheckingin73]

1. Yes and no. I wonder about my HS and college boyfriends but I’ve sufficiently stalked them on FB so I don’t wonder anymore. I wonder more about the guys I dated once or twice and never saw again. Mostly I can’t remember their names bc it was so long ago.

2. I guess it would be A Space. I’m learning more and more about how habitual our thoughts are and how we can change that by creating a space between thought and action. I’m hoping this will help stop me from automatically reaching for food when I’m stressed or doing other habits that seem out of my control.

[2chatter]

My two serious boyfriends (one in college and one after) both live a very East Coast lifestyle now (One the breakup was largely precipitated by a Duke MBA move and the other left for Yale Law). I can’t imagine that being my life (living in NY or DC) but I do enjoy seeing their FB updates/kids, etc. I could totally have been with my college boyfriend forever if I would have been ready to settle down when he was - he married the next girl he dated.

More (I need to focus on doing more of the things that feed me
and less of ... the rest. This break was the first where we didn’t take the kids anywhere except parties, play dates and one museum - and it was amazing.)

[olenka]

1. I wonder about my high school BF, mainly because he has almost zero online presence. I did recently find an address for him. My sister wanted to do a drive by when I was back east visiting her, but we never followed through.

2. Hopefully the book will be about getting out of a rut, taking more chances, and getting my ass off the couch more frequently

[sweetptater]

1. Yes, but we're friends on FB. Mostly so I can keep with what a shitshow his life is and be thankful that I dodged that bullet.

2. Minimal. I'm trying so hard to pare down our life and things. I'm stressed to no end and it's almost all because we have too much everything except time.

[mustardseed2007]

1. Two of them. 

One of them I see on facebook. He has a kid my son's age and I wish it wouldn't be weird for us to meet up and the two of them hang out some time. This is an ex that I'm glad I'm not with anymore but he was really nice and his kid looks and seems a lot like my kid. 

The other one is not on facebook or any other social media b/c I have tried to look him up. We were friends for a long time and then quit talking when I went to law school and now i have no idea what he's doing. Which is fine, but the other day I was driving through our neighborhood and I realized his parent's house had flooded and it made me think about him. 

ETA: 2 would be "success" because I'm striving for success this year and hopefully I attain it. 

[sandandsea]

1. Not really. I dated two guys before dh and we met our freshman year of college. One joined the military, got married right after HS to the little sister of a friend. He is still military something with 2-3 kids and stayed in the same small town forever. The other married someone older than my mom and moved away. No kids because she already had some and he’s not mature enough to be a father. I know he took our breakup hard but he wasn’t going anywhere and lacked all ambition and it was starting to bother me already -and I was only 17! Looking back I’m proud of my 17 year old self for knowing I wanted more in life.

2. Success. I’ve decided I’m going to go for partner at my firm so that’s a 1-2 year process so I’ll be focusing on that this year along with successfully maintaining balance with family, dh, kids, work, etc.

[shakinros]

1. My last high school boyfriend. He was so cool. Expat. Spoke French and Spanish. Went to the international school. I don’t know what the hell he was doing dating me, lol. Our only friend in common is not on Facebook and this guy has a super common name so I can’t google him. I bet he’s a diplomat or something like that.

2. I have no idea. Seems like something I should figure out though!

[traveltheworld]

1. No. Sadly(?) DH was my one serious boyfriend. We broke up a few times and I dated a few people casually for a bit, but they were all short and I can barely remember their names, so no curiosity to look them up.

2. Less stress, more happiness.

Edit: should be less stress, more contentment.

[covergirl82]

1. I do wonder about a guy I had a fling with in high school. He liked me the second half of junior year, but he was super popular and I thought he was a player, so I shied away. Then I decided the beginning of senior year I liked him, but by then he had a girlfriend. Apparently he didn't mind cheating on her, so he and I made out a few times. He did try to connect with me on FB years ago, but DH and I have an agreement that we aren't friends on social media with old SOs or people we were romantically interested in.

2. Fitter and Not Fatigued. I want to get back to exercising regularly, which I think will help me not feel tired as much.

[waverly]

1. Nah. I didn't have very serious relationships before H. I wonder but not any more than I wonder about anyone in my past. Sort of randomly and vaguely if something makes me think of it.

2. My word of the year is supposed to be fun. So I guess that is the title of my book maybe, "Is this fun?"

[msn06]

1) my exH I last I heard from him (almost 7.5 years) ago his work made him go to a councilor for his anger. I just wonder if the woman/women after me have been abused or if he got help finally. For all of the women I hope he got help.

2) Completion, Focus, clean would be my book title. In 2018 I'm focusing on these words. Completion (I have tons of work in progress craft projects, plus I want to work on some follow through when I start things rather then handing them off). Focus I'm working on focusing more on all the positives and things I can control this year. Clean I'm working cleaner eating and getting more veggies into my families diet with less carbs, as well as a better cleaning routine around the house. My one word would be Damn (assuming I'm successful with my words)

[mae0111]

1. I dated a guy for 5 years through HS and college, and our break-up was sudden and abrupt (his decision). After a year, we tried to be friends, but it got weird when he started dating a girl that looked exactly like me. I mean, EXACTLY. All of our mutual friends commented on it. He decided that his religion would not allow us to be friends, and he married my clone and moved across the country. It would have been an unmitigated disaster if we stayed together, but I still think of him and wish him well.

2. Calm. After fighting it for years, I finally sought help for what my dr and I believe to be PMDD. I have a prescription. I've had it for weeks. I cannot bring myself to take it. No one knows - not even DH. I need to muster up the courage to start it.

[greenmonkey1]

1. I dated a guy in college who I wonder about from time to time. We broke up when I was going through a really tough time and he just didn't know how to help. I don't blame him, I was pretty depressed and hadn't acknowledged I needed professional treatment yet. We're actually friends on FB so I know basics, but sometimes I wonder "what if". Realistically, I'm not sure we would have worked in the long run, but he is a good guy and I wish him well.

2. Courage. I feel like I've been holding myself back out of fear of failure/rejection. It's time to let that go.

[erinshelley21]

mae0111, that's a huge step you took getting help and a prescription for meds. They don't have to be a forever thing. If you do start taking it though, please tell your H so that way if, god forbid, something like an accident were to happen, he would know what to tell the paramedics or doctors as far as current medications. I almost didn't tell DH a couple years ago when my OB started me on some anxiety medication but then I remembered having to rattle off medications to the ER a couple times when I had to take my grandma.

[judyblume14]

1) I only had one "real" boyfriend before I started dating my now-husband. I do think about him often. Nice guy, not for me. He is happily married with 2 adorable kids. We have a lot of mutual friends, but I removed myself from that social circle for the most part after we broke up.

2) Whisper

(my new years resolution is to practice patience and stop yelling at my 3yo. So far, I screamed my head of at her on January 1st and 2nd. We shall see how bedtime goes tonight. I cannot continue this pattern because I'm terrified that I'm doing irreparable damage to my relationship with my daughter who is sweet as candy 98% of the time. But the 2% drives me SO fckng crazy that I let it wipe out all of the fun).

[waverly]

Jan 3, 2018 6:42:56 GMT -5 mae0111 said:

1. I dated a guy for 5 years through HS and college, and our break-up was sudden and abrupt (his decision). After a year, we tried to be friends, but it got weird when he started dating a girl that looked exactly like me. I mean, EXACTLY. All of our mutual friends commented on it. He decided that his religion would not allow us to be friends, and he married my clone and moved across the country. It would have been an unmitigated disaster if we stayed together, but I still think of him and wish him well.

2. Calm. After fighting it for years, I finally sought help for what my dr and I believe to be PMDD. I have a prescription. I've had it for weeks. I cannot bring myself to take it. No one knows - not even DH. I need to muster up the courage to start it.

I had to post since I also have PMDD.  Mine is maybe more mild (partly because of my birth control) in that I can get away some months without taking anything or some months it is just a day or two.  But I know some people take it daily or half the month.  

Try it.  What do you have to lose?  Feeling better?  If it doesn't work you can ask the doctor for a different med since more of them are getting approved for PMDD now.  And the fact you can just take them a day at a time is helpful.  I do feel side effects with them because of that, but it's better than feeling mentally crappy.  I would say if I am feeling 50% with PMDD, my BC brings that to 60%.  Then the medicine brings it to 70%.  Not 100, but better than 50.  If that helps. 

[mommyatty]

Jan 2, 2018 9:37:58 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

mommyatty, Check out 10% Happier. It's so good! Written by Dan Harris, who had a panic attack on live TV because of his stress levels. I started doing some of his mindfulness and meditation right after I read it, and it definitely helped without feeling like a big commitment. I need to get back to it.

Thank you! I’m about a third of the way through and I love it so far!

[twinmomma]

mommyatty, I'm glad! I listened to the audiobook and really enjoyed it. I need to get the "guide" book he wrote to go along with it that gives more actionable tips and info now.