vent

[waverly]

This is crazy, but you know how family gets.  I should just do whatever they want right, and give up at this point.  

We didn't do a party for DD last year. Just my mom came.  So I wanted to do one this year, but a class party didn't seem right.  For one thing there are a lot of 3 and 4 years olds in her class, so they haven't started doing class parties yet.  She is turning 5.  And all the ideas she wanted for the class party wouldn't be inclusive for the kids in the class.  So we will do her class party in Kindergarten next year. 

So we decided to go to our home state and have a party there and host it at a pizza place.  We did this for DS, and it went fine.  This year because her birthday is around Christmas now we have to do a separate present opening at both the pizza place (birthday) and the hotel (Christmas) because they have too many presents to bring them to the pizza place. Face plant/ whatever.  I invited them back to swim, so I guess that is when they decided that they had to do it at the hotel for Christmas even though I told them that we can't open presents at the pool, and it is not like our room is big enough to host a party, but whatever.

In-laws also hijacked Sunday because they want to open Christmas presents.  Making us leave late and adding 45 min to our 5-6 hour drive. 

The kicker, no one came to see us like they usually do because we were going to see them.  If we knew that was the case... Maybe we should have done that friend or no party again this year.

Oh and her birthday is actually today, and I have no gifts wrapped and no idea of fun things to do because we had no heat in the house.  Cake will be this weekend.

The point of the trip is supposed to be her birthday.  Nothing Christmas related. Ugh

[ECB]

I'm sorry but Im confused. When was this trip? When would you see all this family again before/around Christmas? And was it made clear "this is for her birthday - not Christmas"?

I just need some clarification.

[186momx]

Let me know if I'm right. You are making a trip this weekend to celebrate DD's b-day and the extended family decided to postpone Christmas until you came and do one big waverly forks the bill combined party.

If this is right. I would send out one giant group text/email and state that you are only celebrating DD's 5th birthday this weekend. Any and all Christmas gifts will not be opened during her birthday celebration but brought home to be opened later.

Take her out to dinner and ice cream tonight at someplace that sings (Red Robin comes to mind) and then let her pick something out special for just her once you get back.

FYI my family's b-days are right after the holidays and we have always celebrated them separately. My mom and brother's b-days are back to back and when we were kids they each got a separate cake and dinner no sharing. Now they share as we have to schedule around work schedules.

[waverly]

Basically what 186momx said as far as the situation. Except they want to do it at 2 locations. And no extra money on that part.

I cant negotiate with them anymore, so I am just going to give in and do all the unforeseen Christmas parties/ gift opening. I just don't have the energy to expend. Just venting because family is annoying (and yes I should and do feel grateful for the presents). The fact that they have too many presents to bring into one location is a bit overboard. And we won't do this again- go back for her birthday.

And venting because her birthday is near the holidays it's always more of a struggle. And we are exhausted from not having heat for 48 hours and not sleeping at the hotel last night. And roads are always terrible this time of year.

We did go out to a train restaurant tonight for the party. But it's 7, and I still have no card or wrapped her presents. Will wrap them now.

I realize these are FWP (except for the heat situation), and we were lucky to be able to go to a hotel last night instead of sleeping in a 33 degree house.

Family was supposed to visit us over Christmas and New Years and cancelled the trips because we were coming to their area. It made for a quiet and nice holiday but some advance notice would have been nice. I didn't realize our trip would cause them to cancel theirs.

And it's still only 58 upstairs. Ugh

[akafred]

Sorry you're stressed and disappointed, waverly.

[mommyatty]

I know you don’t want to fight anymore. And they do suck.

Let me add perspective to their suckage. I have a December birthday. I resented the hell out of the fact that most of my relatives combined Christmas and my birthday, if they acknowledged my birthday at all. I would get the same gift as all my cousins, but my aunts and uncles would claim “we got you a bigger present because it’s a combined present!” Or if they did give me something separate, it was an afterthought. And there was no moment where it was about me. It was about Christmas, with a “oh yeah, here you go, this is for your birthday... oh look what Aunt Sally bought Jimmy! Isn’t that adorable??”

So please try to protect the sanctity of her birthday weekend. Don’t let it be hijacked if you can help it.

[waverly]

I keep trying mommyatty.

Thanks for your support everyone!

[mustardseed2007]

I know this is of no help to you now, but I highly recommend class parties for December/January birthdays.

Ds is 6 and we've done class/neighborhood kids/friends of my kids parties since age 2 partially b/c that's very common in my area, but also b/c it helps with this issue of having a December birthday. Family normally gives him his birthday present at the Christmas celebration, but at this point it's just bonus presents b/c he already had his class party. (We try to do as early as possible in December to avoid holiday conflicts, and attendance is spotty but respectable).

I think for DS' first birthday MIL wrapped his present in Christmas paper and I was so irrationally annoyed that I actually said something about it. And that is HUGE for me. She hasn't done it since but I think as long as we have a kids party she'll be combining the gift giving occasion with Christmas. But that's fine with me, since again, it's bonus stuff he's not really even expecting at that point.

What I don't get is that since over time the lack of respect December/January birthdays receive has become so ubiquitous that it's trite. In that case why isn't family more sensitive?

[ECB]

Playing devils advocate, if I had family 5-6 hours away and heard they were coming to town right after the holidays, I would probably assume that's "the" holiday trip. Unless it was explicitly told to me "this is for her birthday. This is NOT a christmas trip".

If you were VERY explicit with them and they are totally ignoring that, then I'm very sorry.

But honestly, in the future, I'd recommend being very clear about what your plans are ahead of time.

And TRUST ME - I understand the birthday near X-mas thing. DS was born 9 days before Christmas. I absolutely make a point for him to have his own birthday. I can just guarantee you that the more extended the family you're talking about (meaning the further you get away from who you directly spoke to), the less it's going to be on their radar.

You know you're family, though. If this really is about not listening to you and just doing what they want no matter what, then that may mean no birthday trips home for your DD that are ONLY about her. It sucks if they really don't listen - I feel you on that fully.

[waverly]

And the heat is back out. They didn't get a good seal on the gasket. The house was up to 65 last night and it errored out. DH reset the error and told me sort of nonchalantly. I told him I was nervous so he went to check it again and it had errored out again and won't let him reset it. At this point it's 10:30 at night, and I don't want to wake the kids up to go to a hotel where no one will sleep. Emergency run for more space heaters at midnight because no store nearby is still open.

Finished attic has electric heat, bedrooms are warm due to space heaters. The rest of the house ugh. Not sure what to do with the kids. Have H take them to camp? Let them sleep in? They are coming back today but all their appointments are like 4 hour windows. Ugh

On the party front- I can see their POV. I just wish they would have communicated with me that they wouldn't be coming because we are going there. Instead of canceling last minute and then demanding extra parties. We told them about this trip in October, so they had lots of time. Class parties from now on with her I guess.

[2chatter]

My birthday is ON Christmas. I’d say let the stress about this go. My birthday has always been combined with Christmas, no big deal. It actually has stressed me
out more when DH has tried to carve out a separate bday gift opening because it’s one more (or three more!) place to be/thing to do/group to organize.

The key: birthday presents are in birthday paper. Never Christmas paper. Everyone does Christmas and I open Christmas. THEN we do my birthday. It works out well!

In your case....does the hotel have a bar area that’s mostly unused during the day? I’d let everyone run their own tab for beverages of their choice and spread out across the tables.

[k3am]

I'm not sure if your trip has already happened or is happening later?

Trips home are always hard for us. Everyone has their own idea of what they want to do, when they want to do it and where.

I'm with ECB - you need to draw lines in the sand. For us, that's combining everyone we want to see into specific groups and then outlining what will happen. So all the high school friends I want to see get told that hey, on Saturday, we'll be at this bar/restaurant from 6-10ish, if you can stop by and see us, that's great, if not, we'll see you on the next trip and not deviating. DH's family is the hardest at respecting this - they all want a different time, a different location, a different whatever. Hard stop.

[waverly]

2chatter , good idea to do a bar or maybe the lobby. The hotel rooms are going to be super small.

After they cancelled the original Christmas celebration, I actually wanted them to do birthday and Christmas at the same location and just get it over with. They are the ones that want something separate, and my mom's excuse is because they have too many presents to bring in to do it at one place. I would normally call and try to figure something out, but been a little busy trying to keep the heat on. Ahhh Repair guy is back this morning.

[mustardseed2007]

Seriously, since you are going to see them, why can't they reserve a banquet room at a restaurant or something? Have you asked them? Tell them just like there isn't space for two celebrations where you're doing your Christmas shin dig, there isn't room at the hotel!

So annoying.