Best way to transition clingy toddler to daycare?

[emptygee]

I'm a long-time lurker, but I'm having a hard time figuring this out so I thought maybe I'd post and see if anyone had any advice.

DS is 20 months old and I've been a SAHM since he was born. He has only been left with family so far. I have decided to start a business and put him in daycare 3 days a week. He is very attached to me, even when we're at home. I think I've made a mistake in that regard, because I don't think I've encouraged him to be very independent. I'm trying to work on that.

Anyway, since I really have no set work schedule, I plan to transition him to dc slowly. I was thinking I'd stay with him for an hour or two and then leave for a few hours for the first few days. I anticipate it's going to be pretty bad when I first leave. Do you think it will make it worse to have me stay for that hour or two? Should I just stay with him and then bring him home with me for the first few days? One thing I know I can't do is just drop him off the first day and leave. Considering how he acts when I just leave the room sometimes, I think that would be traumatizing for him (or maybe I'm just being overly dramatic!)

I've been really agonizing over what would be best for him, and I honestly don't know. He's starting next week and I feel so unprepared.

TIA for any advice!

p.s. Okay, reading over what I've written, I know I sound crazy and overprotective, and I know kids adjust. I just can't stand the thought of him wondering if I'm coming back.

[ECB]

Are you going to a center? If so, talk to them about their usual protocol. One center we looked at actually kind of did what you laid out. The first week is a LOT of involvement w/ the parents. They stay for awhile, etc.

I would definitely take him to visit first. Let him see it, explain that he'll be spending some time there, etc. And if they will let you- the first day, spend some time with him.

But at some point you are going to have to rip the band-aid off! It happens w/ all kids - and the day you are going to leave him first thing, you have to give your hugs and just GO. Don't prolong the goodbye...

[emptygee]

Sept 17, 2012 12:39:05 GMT -5 ECB said:

Are you going to a center? If so, talk to them about their usual protocol. One center we looked at actually kind of did what you laid out. The first week is a LOT of involvement w/ the parents. They stay for awhile, etc.

I would definitely take him to visit first. Let him see it, explain that he'll be spending some time there, etc. And if they will let you- the first day, spend some time with him.

But at some point you are going to have to rip the band-aid off! It happens w/ all kids - and the day you are going to leave him first thing, you have to give your hugs and just GO. Don't prolong the goodbye...

Yes, I should have added some of these details to my original post. He's going to a center, and they have told me that I can basically do whatever I'd like as far as staying with him. The director seemed very flexible on that. LO did come with us once to visit the center, so it won't be totally unfamiliar to him, but that was about a month ago.

Thank you for the advice.

[Deleted]

DS started at 12 months. I did spend the first week ramping him up slowly; I left him for 2 hours the first time, then 4 hours, then 6 hours a few days, then I went back to work and he had to settle into the 8-3:45 time at daycare.

I'd say take him to visit once, but I wouldn't hang out for a half day or anything. It sets up the idea that you CAN stay. Short days did help him get used to it, so if you can do a few half days to start go for it.

[atouchofklasse]

I wouldn't stick around. It will make it harder on both of you when you leave. Good luck. It may be hard at first but hell quickly
Adjust and love it!

[mrs07]

Whatever you do, don't quasi leave and keep coming back in every five minutes. I dealt with that a lot when I worked in a church nursery- the mom was 'trying' to leave for an hour long service - an hour! Coming back kept both mom and child much more upset for a loooong time. Otherwise we typically had zero tears within five minutes of leaving, until mom came back and child 'remembered' he was left alone.

You may want to leave and do non-work for the first time, so you don't feel like you can't go back early or whatever. Like go home and clean the house or go grocery shopping.