mustardseed2007 - I have installed our extra Britax in friends’ cars in advance, or in our car to transport a friend. DD was in a five point until almost 9 - LATCH makes it easy.
And —- this is another reason to buy a house walking distance from the school. We have play dates and no need to transport because they walk here and parents pick up after.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jan 8, 2018 23:11:50 GMT -5
2chatter, yeah the school we're at is within walking distance...but only if you count walking down a narrow street without sidewalks and then crossing a freeway. So...not walking distance at all.
Public Elementary would be, though, if the kids were energetic enough.
mustardseed2007 This mom has a car with a third row and my 9 yo doesn’t need a booster. She had three other high back boosters. Her DS uses a booster. My DD is a tall almost 6 yo and in my car is in a five point harness as is her DD in most situations. However, yesterday, both girls rode in a booster. So yes, transport is a pain but we are just on the cusp of it working perfectly- I however can not reciprocate and transport more than one of her kids due to my car size.
mustardseed2007, I don't actually carpool because I just have a car and get home after the other moms, but mine are both in boosters, so I would just throw an extra booster in my trunk.
Post by greenmonkey1 on Jan 9, 2018 7:51:36 GMT -5
mustardseed2007 If we have an after school playdate I usually drop DS1 off at his friend's house to avoid the carseat issue. He is probably tall enough for a backless booster (I still have him in a highback), but I don't know the other parents well enough to feel comfortable with them driving my son. I have to pick-up my younger son from school anyways so it is not much out of my way to swing by his friend's house before going home.
With the low cost of a backless booster I was considering keeping an extra in the trunk, but have not done so yet. I think as the kids get older I will probably do so.
Post by HeartofCheese on Jan 9, 2018 8:27:14 GMT -5
My little chat with my boss about getting promoted worked and I had a stellar review. Let me clarify. My request to get promoted got me a stellar review. I guess it didn't work. Anyhoo.
Making a last minute offer today to STBXH to settle. I have no idea if he'll take it, but it gets me the kids and house while completely eradicating my 401K. So I'll be starting over, but on a budget I can afford with all the things (people!) I want. And once DS starts K (in 8 mos), I might be able to start saving again.
As an aside, I have to sell the house or cash out my 401K in order to get rid of the H. We currently have about $42k in equity in the house. After a refi, I would have about $35k in equity. The 401K has $50k in it, which will give me about $30k in cash. Which would you do? Keep the house or keep the 401K?
HeartofCheese, That is a hard one. How old are you and would you be able to buy another house on your own? I have been trained never to touch my 401K, however at my age (28) I might to keep the house, however my DH (36) would not. Is there a finance person you can talk to about that? Not my expertise.
HeartofCheese , That is a hard one. How old are you and would you be able to buy another house on your own? I have been trained never to touch my 401K, however at my age (28) I might to keep the house, however my DH (36) would not. Is there a finance person you can talk to about that? Not my expertise.
39.
If I keep the 401K, I would have $50k in the 401K + 11k from the sale of the house. Apt and a storage unit would cost about $200 less than my refi'd mg payment. An apt would require my kids (currently 4 & 5) to share a room and it would cost me about $2500 in additional DC (b/c my parents wouldn't be able to stay for long periods to help and cut DC costs). It would take me about 3-5 years, but yes, I would eventually be able to buy another house. So in 5 years, I'd be buying a house similar to mine but without the new roof, water heater, and furnace; and have maybe...$65K in 401K?
If I keep and refi the house, I would have $35k in equity and that's it. Savings would be minimal until DS was in school (in 8 mos) and even better when DD is in school (in 20 mos). I would have a place for my parents to stay and help for long periods (probably 3mos out of every year). My reliance on my parents would be significant for the next 2 years. In 5 years, I would have about $50k in equity. My regular savings would be around $15k (?) in 401k?
ETA: I have a finance person, but don't have the time to put specifics in front of her for an analysis, so trying to estimate and brainstorm all the considerations. I will be talking to her before I make up my mind, though.
I’d keep the house. I took all the debt in the divorce, kept the house and kids and by living frugally (I was extreme in this - I only drove once a week other than work) paid off the debt and built 10K in savings the first year. Could you rent the room your parents use to a college student for one semester a year or even for part of the summer, etc?
Post by erinshelley21 on Jan 9, 2018 10:04:16 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, my initial reaction was for you to leave your 401k alone but now I'm leaning more towards keeping the house since you mentioned new roof and furnace and those are HUGE expenses that you shouldn't have to worry about for a long time. Do you have any other retirement accounts or just the 401k? Like 2chatter said, you can be very extreme about your saving habits and be back to where you were in a matter of a couple years. It will suck, but you just have to get creative with your meals and entertainment.
Post by freezorburn on Jan 9, 2018 10:20:32 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, you might be able to transfer your 401k to STBXH via a QDRO under the terms of your financial settlement. This would preclude you from having to cash it out and have any tax penalty. So it retains its value.
Don’t know how the math shakes out, but this might help with whatever division of property you agree to.
@rainbowpie - would it be possible to get a hardship loan from your 401k? Could you work out terms under your plan that would allow you to pay yourself back without a struggle? Would the loan get you enough $$?
Post by covergirl82 on Jan 9, 2018 11:20:26 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, I would lean toward keeping the house, and I'm leaning that way due to the big ticket repair items that not an issue in your current house, and your parents being able to stay and help with DC. (Not money related, but staying in your current house may also help the kids emotionally with the transition.) I would just say to have a plan to rebuild your 401k.
Post by HeartofCheese on Jan 9, 2018 11:32:09 GMT -5
mae0111, the hardship loan is a great idea! It would be enough for me to pay off STBXH. The trick will be making the loan payments until kids get into school...
mustardseed2007, I bought the bubble bum for a spare booster. It has the strap to pull the seat belt so it doesn't choke DD who isn't big enough for the backless booster. The nice part about it is that it folds up and can go in her backpack.
@rainbowpie I would look at transferring your 401K to your STBXH vs cashing it out so you don't have the extra penalty for early withdrawal. I normal say keep the retirement plan but I agree that keeping the house would make me feel more secure and you can always cut expenses as time goes by to rebuild retirement.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jan 9, 2018 11:56:23 GMT -5
The transfer via a QDRO is the normal thing, I think. In my situation, I would be weighing how much I love the house vs the fact that I would never be able to buy another one in my neighborhood on my own. My house today would go for double what I bought it for. But I don't love it, and if I were single I'd prefer to live in a condo or town home in our are vs a house. Not sure if that's smart, but that's what I'd want.
akafred, I'm sorry your visit with your dad was so hard. Bringing him home with you is probably the worst thing for him as you don't have the time to devote 120% of your attention to him which is what it sounds like he needs. I would talk with his doctors to see if a weekend visit would be okay if you are up to trying that. My great aunt is doing this with her husband. He stays at the memory care facility all week and then she brings him home on Saturday or picks him up to take him out to dinner as she just can't give him the care he needs the rest of the time. My great uncle is a big guy and my aunt is petite little thing.
Oh no no no, there is NO WAY he could live with me and I wouldn't dare risk that. I just HATE that he wants to live with me and was possibly even LOOKING for me when he wandered off and got lost. OMG it is just heartbreaking!
I would be up for taking him on weekends but honestly I think he would do much better with a steady routine. He's never even seen my house since we moved so I don't think he would really understand. I do look forward to being able to go have lunch with him or walk around the grounds with him once the flu situation has passed.
Post by traveltheworld on Jan 9, 2018 12:22:18 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, I'd keep the house. You'd be building equity in the house as you pay down your mortgage, it's not like you are taking out your 401K and spending it on something that's not adding to your overall net worth.
HeartofCheese, look into it. I took out a loan when we bought our house, just to have a little extra cushion for extra repairs. We'd planned to pay it off right away, but with the way the market was working, we were better off guaranteeing the 5% interest I was paying myself through the loan.
My plan had several very flexible options for repayment. I stretched it out over 8 years to ensure I'd be comfortable with the payments, but could have gone out longer with lower payments.
I don't know if this will work, but would allow you the best of both worlds if it did... good luck to you...
Post by freezorburn on Jan 10, 2018 0:03:37 GMT -5
HeartofCheese , I just remembered another thing -- it is also possible to QDRO __a portion__ of a retirement fund. This is something we ended up doing in our settlement, so I know for a fact that it can be done.
So if I understand correctly, you would need 21K to buy STBX out of his share of the equity in the house, right? You could offer to give him 21K of your 401(k) via a QDRO. I don't know if he would be able to consolidate it with his other retirement funds ... depends on his situation. In my experience I've always been able to consolidate like with like. Unless he needs immediate access to the money, it's a pretty good deal.
For your part this means you wouldn't have to cash out your savings to buy him out, and you wouldn't be starting from scratch in terms of saving for retirement.
HeartofCheese , I just remembered another thing -- it is also possible to QDRO __a portion__ of a retirement fund. This is something we ended up doing in our settlement, so I know for a fact that it can be done.
So if I understand correctly, you would need 21K to buy STBX out of his share of the equity in the house, right? You could offer to give him 21K of your 401(k) via a QDRO. I don't know if he would be able to consolidate it with his other retirement funds ... depends on his situation. In my experience I've always been able to consolidate like with like. Unless he needs immediate access to the money, it's a pretty good deal.
For your part this means you wouldn't have to cash out your savings to buy him out, and you wouldn't be starting from scratch in terms of saving for retirement.
Yes! Sent too soon... I gave my ex half my retirement in our settlement (403(b) technically but basically a 401(k) type plan). He set up hos own account (asshole had never worked so no retirement of his own already set up) and just rolled it in there. That way you wouldn't have to take a loan or pay penalties. He would only pay penalties if he took cash instead of rolling it over.
Post by HeartofCheese on Jan 10, 2018 8:25:35 GMT -5
Hmm...it sounds like I'll be doing a QDRO then to give him a portion of my 401k and taking about 8k in additional principal out on my refi to keep the house. (Which would actually not change my mg pymt if I get the same interest rate! Woot!) This only leaves the silly matter of paying my parents back the 13k I'm going to owe them... But I'd rather owe them than anyone else in the world.
xctsclrx, we haven't figured out custody yet. I'm going to propose that he get them every other weekend and alternate between getting the kids 1 night one week and 2 nights the next. If he doesn't accept it, I'm willing to give him every other weekend and 2 nights per week. I don't think I'm going to do any better than that with the judge. So I'm basically going to offer what I think the ultimate outcome might be for our case minus all of the attorney's fees.
I'm talking to a financial advisor and my attorney this morning. Hopefully we get a proposal out to them before court tomorrow. And hopefully STBXH accepts it and moves the hell out.