Working parents with large families

[dizzycooks]

I have had the privilege of taking 2 1/2 years off work without losing my teaching position, but now I have to decide if I'm going back.  DH is ok either way, if I return we will be spending the equivalent of my salary on childcare for several years, but I get to keep a teaching position.  If I resign obviously childcare isn't an issue, but I lose my longevity and tenure.  I'd need to keep my license up independently and obviously, go through the hiring process again at some point.
We are expecting our 4th child in April and I am really not sure how it would work to have 4 kids in daycare. dd1 is 6 and attends kindergarten ft, but we would need to pay for back up care for all the days off they have (way more than the district I work for) and figure out how to handle sick days.  We do not have family that would watch them, cover sick time or do bus pickup/drop off.  Can anyone here explain how they manage this as a larger family?  What am I missing?

[supertrooper1]

I only have one, so I don't know from personal experience. But coworkers of mine have 3, soon to be 4 and they have a nanny. I work with both the H and W, and we work shift work. So for the unpredictability of our jobs and cost effectiveness, it was easier and cheaper to get a nanny. Plus, the nanny can work on non school days, do drop offs and pick ups and watch a sick kid.

[186momx]

Does your oldest school have a before and aftercare program they run or an outside program that will pick the kids up. Our school doesn't but their is a program that takes and picks up the kids from DD's school and a few other in the district and drives them back to their base. They also offer no school day care for little cost.

Could you work part time? How flexible is your DH's schedule? Could your DD transfer to your school district so schedules align better?

I just have one DD but she has friends with multiple siblings and both working parents and it seems like to get around the huge daycare cost they work weird schedules to limit daycare to 3 days a week. The one I'm thinking about mom works 9-6 M-F while dad works Sa-W 4am-12pm so they just need care M-W in the AM. Then they use PTO for no school days.

[covergirl82]

I only have 2, so my feedback isn't based on personal experience. I do work with two ladies who have 4 kids. A nanny is probably the best option, but you also have to consider their sick days and vacation time (unless you write into the contract that their vacation time must align with yours).

Does your DD's school have a before/after care program? My kids' school does and quite a few of the two-WP families use it. We have the kids get on the bus at a friend's house (the mom doesn't have to leave for work until after bus pick-up) and then they stay at school for after care until DH or I can pick them up. Also, some DC centers have busses that go to elementary schools to pick up kids and take them back to the center - typically families with siblings at the center use that service.

[2chatter]

DH travels FT and I have three. The kids go to camps or I have sitters when schools are closed (often a combo - camp 9-2 then a sitter 2-5). Very occasionally I work from home with them here. It is WAY easier when they are all in regular school - this is my first year of that and it is amazing. I’m also way more relaxed than most about the kids being home without me — which I didn’t expect, but there it is. By 10 I am fine leaving them for a day. With FaceTime we haven’t had issues we can’t resolve.

[xctsclrx]

Where I live (low cost of living and childcare cost) it would be cheaper to hire a nanny instead of daycare. If you want to keep working and maintain that tenure ( I would) I think that is your best bet that is the least chaotic. As the kids get older they might have friends that can cover the random off days and then you only have to think of the major breaks for child care.


Personally I wouldn't want to give up my career. That is a very personal decision, and not one we can make for you.

I do think it is possible to cover child care, just maybe not with daycare. As the kiddos get older move back to daycare or maybe you will have talked to other parents who have a better solution for you.

[dizzycooks]

The school does have a before and after program. My oldest would attend before school bc I start at 730. They open at 630 and school starts at 930. She’s come home after school at 4 and I’d be able to get home by then most days. Random off days are $$ though. Our states childcare costs are along the highest in the nation.
Obviously no one can answer this for me. I don’t know how a nanny would take the others to preschool bc most cars struggle with three car seats and I don’t think I’d trust a nanny to install car seats in her car every day she needs to transport them and I totally understand the difficulty of having car seats in every seat 😂.
Part time is not an option unfortunately.

[2chatter]

dizzycooks - does preschool have early hours too? Ours did - and it really helped. The cost increase was negligible. What do other teachers locally do with their LOs?

[dizzycooks]

Jan 16, 2018 12:35:18 GMT -5 2chatter said:

dizzycooks - does preschool have early hours too? Ours did - and it really helped. The cost increase was negligible. What do other teachers locally do with their LOs?

No, preschool is 9-1130 or 9-3, the daycare they go to has a formal prek program, but it’s $425/week vs $190/mo bc it includes childcare. Toddler and infant care are each higher than that per week.

[sweetptater]

I only personally know of a handful of families with 4+ kids and honestly the mom stays home in each. They've all said that they'd be paying to work if they went back and tried to put 3 or more in daycare.

On the nanny topic, an au pair sounds like it would be a good fit. I have a friend with 3 kids who has had one about a year now and says she wouldn't be able to survive without her. She said it pretty much broke even when she totaled up the cost of 3 in daycare/after school care and the cost of the au pair. Add to this that the au pair cooks meals, cleans, and shuttles kids around and she said she's priceless.

[waverly]

I only have 2. But our elementary school partners with a program that offers before and aftercare. They also have a preschool that runs from 7am-6pm. I would probably have the younger two in an in home daycare to cut costs. We also have a couple of daycare centers in our town, but they are more expensive. Our in home daycare in our town is licensed.

The teachers I know kept their licenses up, and went back after probably more like 4 years. She didn't have a job- was tutoring, and just stayed home as the market was difficult then. Then she got her job, and they all went to daycare. She has 3 kids. Our daycares and the program at the elementary school offer care for days off school. We also have a park district that offers camp during fall, winter (half the time), and spring break.

You could get a nanny / babysitter but what would you do with them in the summer when you are off?

The other person I know who had a large family went back to work when the youngest was in pre-school.  They were 4,6 and 8.  Full day Catholic school for all 3 of them.  They all are moving over to the public school because they don't like the 4th grade teacher, and they ride the bus. The oldest is now 12 and watches the younger two until she gets home. 

You could ask a neighbor to get one on the bus for you...

[dizzycooks]

sweetptater an an pair would be so awesome! I’d love to have that experience for my kids! Unfortunately they seem to require their own bedroom (??) and we only have three bedrooms. 😂

[waverly]

Our days off are $37 a day per kid. I sometimes use PTO, but I understand a teacher can't do that. Can you H take some of the days off? Then if the breaks don't match up you could do a camp maybe.

Or see if you can hire a college student or teenager to do it for $50 a day or something like that. A teenager might be off at the same time if they are in the same school district.

Do you have an extra cars lying around that the nanny could borrow (probably not)? Once they get into booster seats with seatbelts at least that part would be easier.  As far as sick days, I take a day off work or my husband works from home.  It's usually me, but he does do some of them.   

Some places offer drop in care or sick care (not too sick), but then again it would be pricey.  

ETA- if the 3 are in daycare isn't that all the time, so you would only need care for when there is no school for the oldest?  Or do you mean 1 or 2 are in pre-school, and the pre-school follows the school calendar?  

Also, if you have a local moms group you might ask there for other care options in the community that you may not be aware of.  I know one family sends her school age kids to the in home daycare on days off because it is cheaper than the one through the school.  They have a relationship already though.  I also know my daycare will accept kids for winter break etc, so if you have a relationship with them you might be able to drop the kids off for random days.  

[186momx]

If you got a nanny could you leave your car with all the car seats available for her to do drop of pick ups? Do you have a 3rd car that then you could commute in?

Do you have any old retired teacher friends that may be interested in being a nanny? At least here most teachers retired in their early 50s and want to find something to do as they are still young to be retired but want to keep their summers free.

[sdlaura]

Congratulations on expecting #4! I have three kids, all in full time programs (three different ones), and I would like to have a 4th kid, but like sweetptater said, the only families I know with 4 kids have a stay-at-home parent. I also travel for work 1-2x a week - mostly day trips but a lot of them involving air travel. I'm glad that I really like logistics. I spend a ton of time on our shared google calendar.

I could see our method working with 4 kids, though. DD (5, in kindergarten) is at the elementary school on our street, including aftercare onsite (we're signed up for before care too but have never used it because we can drop off at 7:45 for the 8 am school start). The aftercare also runs camps during breaks, and so does the local YMCA, where DS1 (almost 4) goes to their full-time preschool (which is year round, and not many breaks). We just switched DS2 (7 months) to a licensed in-home daycare that is also on our street. Because it's just one provider, we will have more breaks to juggle with the in-home, but I hope to arrange for my in-laws to come for some of her breaks (they're retired, and I'll fly them here from the East coast), and the rest of the breaks we juggle between DH and me, and our babysitters. We have two fabulous babysitters who used to teach our kids preschool at the Y and then left for various reasons. One of them helps me 3 mornings a week and one of them helps pick up kids 3 afternoons per week (on her way home from her day job).  I own a bunch of inexpensive carseats so the babysitters can keep them in their cars.

Schools are closed here the first week of January, and we put DD in a YMCA camp, but there were no camps for 3-year-old DS1. So of the 4 working days that week, I stayed home with him one day, DH stayed home 1.5 days, and we paid a babysitter the other 1.5 days. The babysitter time is expensive, but I figure one benefit of us both working FT is that we have some financial flexibility to use babysitters. DH and I just juggle sick days and do some work from home time. The amount that I spend on aftercare + camps for DD, preschool for DS1, an in-home daycare for baby, plus morning and afternoon babysitting help is pretty close to what I would pay for an experienced nanny for 8-5 everyday, and I feel like our set-up works better for us with the early morning/pick-up and drop-off help.

If DH gets on board, I would try to have baby #4 when DS1 starts K. That way two kids would be in the elementary school on our street, and two kids in the same in-home daycare also on our street. It probably won't happen, but we'll see.

[dizzycooks]

sdlaura thank you for your reply! I think part of our struggle is that my salary just doesn’t allow for help beyond our basic childcare coverage. Paying extra for sick days, break days, drop off help or a car (!) would turn the equation upside down. I’m going to keep looking at different programs, but I think it may well just make sense to leave well enough alone for now. My dh travels some for work and I can’t imagine also having to do that! As it is 95% of drop off/pick up sick days fall to me bc of his schedule.
You are a rock star for juggling all of that!

[waverly]

dizzycooks , ugh I get you on the expense of childcare. I don't suppose you could ask for a raise being that most teachers are on a salary schedule and you are coming back from a big leave. But maybe if they really liked you and wanted to keep you. Also, any potential for your H to get more money at his job? Just to make it worthwhile?

No idea if it will stay that way, but I do hear the teacher market is hot right now in case you may want to apply elsewhere or wait another two years, maybe the market will still be hot?  Definitely uncertain.  

[sdlaura]

dizzycooks our schedule sounds crazier than it is, really It sounds like you need affordable break camps and preschool/daycare options in your area that would have better/longer hours. Do you have a YMCA that runs break camps, or does the aftercare program offer break camps? Ours even do 1-day camps for days like Columbus Day, where I have to work but school is closed. It's not super cheap (the Y averages like 40-45 per day and the aftercare is 35 per day, I think), but much cheaper than paying a babysitter at our rates here. Our YMCA preschool is really affordable and hours are 6:30 am - 6 pm. The baby's daycare has the most constrained hours at 8-5. DH typically works 5:30-3:30 so either I or the babysitter get kids to school, then he can almost always get them, since he doesn't travel much. We've been really lucky on the sick kid front (fingers crossed it stays that way) - I think part of it is that we're in a warm climate, so the stuff going around in the winter isn't too bad. And since the older kids have been in full-time daycare since 3 months, the early days of constant colds have equaled good immune systems.

Good luck with your decision!

[shakinros]

Sorry to say I only have 1 and I don’t know anyone with 4, so I’m not much help.

I did want to say that it sounds like you & your H are thinking beyond the next 2 or 3 years, and I think that’s smart. It’s really tough when they’re young to swallow the idea that every penny of your paycheck goes to childcare, but when they’re in regular school, it won’t be that way. What will you have gained/lost during those few years? Sounds like you have a teaching license, salary scales, and probably pension to think about and there’s value in what you gain on those fronts, even if your net wage doesn’t end up as extra spending money.

[zarapipe]

Can your son go to kinder at your school or is that not offered?

I would look at full time daycare options and ask other teachers who they use. The daycare we use has a ton of teachers kids bc the center doesn’t charge to hold their spot in the summer. Maybe you will find some recs for in home or a cheaper center.

[campermom]

I have 3 and have found a center to be right for us. Even with a full time infant and 2 school aged, it was cheaper than a nanny and I didn't have to worry about anyone calling out. If I had 4, a nanny would be more cost effective.

The benefit of a center is that they transport to elementary school, but I still have them for delayed openings, early dismissals and teacher professional development days when school is off and Inhave to work. The other benefit is Im not sure I could find a quality nanny in my area that would stick around. Most that I looked at were heading back to school. Plus I don't need/pay for care in the summer, I I'm not sure a nanny would stick around for us each year.

The downside to a center opposed to a nanny is my kids have to get up early, whereas a nanny could get them ready when they wake up naturally.

It was a must for me to find a center that accommodates my littles and my bugs, I needed a one stop drop off.

An au pair was not an option for us bc we did not want anyone to live with us. Just not for us.

It can be hard finding an infant spot in any daycare setting, so you are smart to start thinking about this early.

[sandandsea]

I don’t know any families with more than three kids that have two working parents. And the families I know with three all have a part time working mom. I would think a nanny would be mandatory to do all the running to and from and help with cleaning and cooking and just keeping things going. However, I am a huge advocate for toddlers starting some kind of daycare though at 2-3 to gain independence and early learning. Many kids in DSs Kindergarten who stayed home with parents or grandparents started school very far behind socially and academically. We use a center with our two and there are days the center is closed and we have to hire a babysitter or take time off. Probably fewer than a nanny would be sick or vacationing. So I’d pair a nanny with a center and hopefully the center would allow extra drop in days if the nanny was sick.

[dizzycooks]

I think we’ve decided that me taking another year and just taking it year by year and is the best choice at the moment. A nanny is still crazy expensive and I am concerned about the kids getting out and getting socialized in that situation. I trust myself to make sure that happens bc I know how incredibly important it is. Thanks for all the perspectives. I know we will still need to get creative in the future.