Need texting help

[waverly]

I'm a late adapter to texting and I always feel like I am doing it wrong especially with people I never texted before. Can anyone help me with protocol? What is the typical time for people to respond? I do realize I sound like an idiot here.

One mom I texted I tried to joke around with and I realize it was too soon. Ok no joking.

Another one I invited to DS's party. I think she was the rude one there because she didn't text back for a week later, asked if she could bring a sibling and then never showed.

Now I am reaching out to another mom for a play date and not sure of protocol. Her son keeps mentioning it and she mentioned it to me earlier.

I also left my number for another mom in her kids cubby since she mentioned getting together.

I am proud of myself for reaching out, but I have no idea what I am doing. I was blessed with close friends in school and college and never had to work at well actually just acquaintances let alone friends. I realize play dates for my kid are not really friends. So I don't have great skills. I feel like it was easier in the 80's when moms just called each other. The texting is still hard for me and I have been doing it a few years now.

Anyone else have this problem? I need strategies.

[saraml13]

I’m lol-ing because I am also a horrible texter. I was just texting a mom from DS1’s class to decline an invite to a birthday party we got in his cubby. I spent way too much time debating whether to send one long text or break it up into multiple.

[waverly]

Jan 16, 2018 21:19:10 GMT -5 saraml13 said:

I’m lol-ing because I am also a horrible texter. I was just texting a mom from DS1’s class to decline an invite to a birthday party we got in his cubby. I spent way too much time debating whether to send one long text or break it up into multiple.

Thank you- at least I'm not the only one!

[akafred]

I would text 100% of my interactions outside my family if I could. Well, 88%.

It really depends on the person. I have a good friend that I basically have one long text conversation with. We text any time. May not answer right away if driving or busy but we will eventually get to it, but if we are available we tend to have longer conversations at one time. I have another friend that ONLY texts (no calls) but only does so to set up an in person get together. I may not hear from her for 1-2 days. Another friend will do bursts and then fall off for weeks at a time then pop back in as if nothing happened. I tend to answer my texts right away (if available) but don't get offended if I don't hear from someone quickly.

Personally I don't break texts up usually, but try to keep texts to new people short. I don't use text speak (no "u r" for "you are"). Some do. Just depends.

[2chatter]

Other moms make fun of me because I abbreviate everything.

Id say don’t overthink it - and text like you talk. My standard i have typed so many times is

Hi, this is DD’s mom, 2chatter. DD would like to have CHILD over to play after school on a Monday or Wednesday. We live down the street so they can walk here with our sitter and I work from home.

[waverly]

Jan 16, 2018 22:25:52 GMT -5 2chatter said:

Other moms make fun of me because I abbreviate everything.

Id say don’t overthink it - and text like you talk. My standard i have typed so many times is

Hi, this is DD’s mom, 2chatter. DD would like to have CHILD over to play after school on a Monday or Wednesday. We live down the street so they can walk here with our sitter and I work from home.

Ok good. This is pretty much what I wrote.

I was also wondering about how to word if I had the right person so hopefully that wasn't too weird... I had gotten a bunch of text RSVPs for his party and hoped I put them in my phone correctly, but maybe I should try to find my directory and double check there. I may have thrown the directory out from last year and forgot to buy one this year. Rookie mistake.

All the moms seem to send evites for parties now and have everyone's email. Although from doing the one party it seems some moms email and some don't as in I was the only one of 3 people to respond. Maybe I am just used to responding quickly due to my job (which really isn't that fast paced), but it is expected.

I'm probably awkward on the phone too I just imagine it was easier for my mom for me but probably it was more because I had an older sibling, so she already knew a bunch of parents at the school. And that school was much smaller than DS's.

[2chatter]

waverly - your PTA may host the directory online for members - worth checking!

And I am baffled by party invites myself this year. I can’t do evites because I don’t have everyone’s email. I also lack addresses for some, but two of those are oldest DD’s middle school teachers who have kinder boys that DS plays with at school so DD will deliver those two. Some I will sneakily try to deliver at pick up on Friday.

I think all the communication methods make it more complicated for us instead of our parents. If people wanted to ask me to do something they had to call. If my mom wasn’t home they got the answering machine and my mom returned their call. I also feel like now some people feel no obligation to respond and others are super flighty. Several moms have shown me their texts - they typed a response but never sent it because they got distracted (I have done this too). It makes me insane trying to guess how to communicate with people so I text because it’s most convenient for me.

[twinmomma]

Jan 16, 2018 23:16:09 GMT -5 waverly said:

Jan 16, 2018 22:25:52 GMT -5 2chatter said:

Other moms make fun of me because I abbreviate everything.

Id say don’t overthink it - and text like you talk. My standard i have typed so many times is

Hi, this is DD’s mom, 2chatter. DD would like to have CHILD over to play after school on a Monday or Wednesday. We live down the street so they can walk here with our sitter and I work from home.

All the moms seem to send evites for parties now and have everyone's email. Although from doing the one party it seems some moms email and some don't as in I was the only one of 3 people to respond. Maybe I am just used to responding quickly due to my job (which really isn't that fast paced), but it is expected.

Evites totally stress me out. We just got one and it wanted me to put the number of guests RSVPing... Is the whole family invited? 2 guests seems weird, since I'm a parent and not jumping so I'm not part of the head count. Other people are putting 3 or 4, so are they just assuming the whole family is invited? So I'm assuming only DD2 is invited and DD1 is out of luck, mainly because it makes me too anxious to be "that person" and ask if my other kid can attend and crash the party. 

So I guess... add me to the club of over-thinkers and bad texters/planners. LOL

[2chatter]

twinmomma - along those lines I feel sick thinking about the fact that I have to call all of the families with Sibs who are friends with DS and DD and tell them sibs are out until I get RSVPs as the party is capped at 25 and DS is inviting 25 kids .... Awkward. But it could increase head count - just the families with siblings that are friends with both my kids - by NINE kids. Not to mention several of those families have an additional kid, or two....

[twinmomma]

2chatter, I've only ever assumed our whole family is invited when it's an invitation with both my kids' names, or it's a casual party at someone's house. And at least in our circle, that's how it seems other people read into it as well. I'd hope those families understand that you're celebrating DS - so DD's friends are not included.

[covergirl82]

Add me to the club of over-thinkers and bad texters!

All of DS's friends seem to do evites and DD's friends do regular invitations. On top of that, DS's birthday is in the summer (July), so I have to try and get all parent emails before the end of the school year. Thankfully he has a pretty steady group of friends since last year, so I should only have a few new emails to get.

[waverly]

Ok so it's not just me. People may be flightier nowadays perhaps with fast paced life or technology.

I may reach out to the PTO and see if I can get another directory. I don't think they have it online. At least we are not hosting anymore class parties this year.

[sandandsea]

We are in an evite area and our classroom has a Shutterfly page so we all have everyone’s emails. I’d say 80% of school communications are done through email. So parents email or text.

The only annoying thing is one mom who texts like 5 paragraphs with 4 topics including extra language and her thoughts on everything instead of getting to the point.

[sandandsea]

Technically the school doesn’t allow invitations to be passed out at school so that make evite easier too.

[justcheckingin73]

I’m an introvert so I love texting since I hate talking on the phone. But, like you said it can be awkward too. Just yesterday I was texting a question to one of DDs friends Mom. I’ve known her for years but based on one of her responses, I may have appeared to answer “short” which was not my intention so I felt bad. Because I worry about tone, I tend to add more emojis and exclamation points so as not to appear curt. 

I typically expect responses in the same day, if not within a couple of hours. Of course it depends on a lot of variables. I won’t be upset if someone doesn’t respond right away but I do think a week is a bit much and then to not show up is rude. 

Unfortunately I think it’s something you’ll have to do trial and error with since people have different texting habits. 

[2chatter]

sandandsea - when you say “extra” do you mean “more than needed, surplus to requirements” or “too much, special, attention seeking”?

[sandandsea]

Jan 17, 2018 11:10:45 GMT -5 2chatter said:

sandandsea - when you say “extra” do you mean “more than needed, surplus to requirements” or “too much, special, attention seeking”?

All of the above. Her texts are three iPhone screens long. It’s too much of everything!

[2chatter]

I just love the new use of the word extra, I think. I’m too old to say it, except to DD, but it’s one of my new favorite words!

[sandandsea]

Jan 17, 2018 13:15:23 GMT -5 2chatter said:

I just love the new use of the word extra, I think. I’m too old to say it, except to DD, but it’s one of my new favorite words!

Haha. I feel so cool now.

[twinmomma]

2chatter, DH is always trying to use the high school slang his students use. He calls me and my OCD antics "extra" all the time. haha

[2chatter]

twinmomma that’s awesome! I think students have got to rub off on teachers - here’s proof!

[waverly]

They both responded! So now to the making plans. Once they are school age potentially dropped off I can just invite the child to my house right and parent can stay or not depending on their comfort.

I have one friend that won't do anything unless it's "special", like she won't hang out at your house- it's got to be a local free event or a party. A bit weird but whatever. So it makes me second guess myself.

But since it's not necessarily the mom or whole family coming, the child just comes to my house right?

The other one for DD her friend is only 3, so mom will come. Usually etiquette is more like a park so no one has to "host", but in the winter I'm not sure if there are any free options or just the house by default.

[2chatter]

waverly - I always assume just kids unless it’s a friend of mine. I’ve been super wrong once. But there’s not really a not awkward way to qualify it....

[sunbutter]

Jan 17, 2018 15:20:02 GMT -5 2chatter said:

waverly - I always assume just kids unless it’s a friend of mine. I’ve been super wrong once. But there’s not really a not awkward way to qualify it....

I usually just add a reference or suggestion about the free time the parent will have (cause they won’t be at my house). “You and Jack should go and see a movie!”

[waverly]

Thanks- first play date down. It was a hybrid where the mom stayed for part of the time and drop off for part of the time.

Second play date I still have to set up.