Help me be more social - UPDATED AND ANOTHER QUESTION

[traveltheworld]

So, we moved to a new city 8 months ago and really don't know anyone, and I really want to change that.

DS has a good friend from kindergarten who lives 3 doors down from us.  DS and that boy has play dates at least once or twice a week outside of school - but I've never really talked to his parents as the play dates are arranged/supervised by our respective nannies.  That little boy had also come over a few times on the weekends to either invite DS to play at his house or wanted to play here - each time I/DH just chatted briefly with the mom and dropped DS off or let the other boy play at our house and then walk him back to his house at the appointed time.  That happened 2 weekends ago and I finally got the mom's phone number so that we could text each other if the boys wanted to get together on the weekends.

For the first time in months, DS actually doesn't have any activities this coming Saturday - so I want to schedule a play date, but also want a friendly / non-creepy way of inviting the parents (or just the mom) over so we could have a little chat.

What's the best way to do this?  Should I just invite her over for a coffee?  Wine?  Brunch?  Dinner?  I'm really ok with anything.  I love to entertain so making brunch/dinner is not a big deal for me, but I also don't want to seem too pushy/desperate.

I know I'm way over-thinking this, but help please!!  Oh, and I need detailed instructions on what to say via text, otherwise I'd likely agonize over that for hours as well. 

UPDATE: So after a bit of back and forth, they came over for pizza.  We ordered take-out, they stayed for 3 hours, we had 2 bottles of wine, I thought it went well.  I really like the mom (fellow professional working mom) and feel like we have quite a bit in common.

NEW QUESTION: What is proper Facebook etiquette in adding the mom as a friend? I have her full name, did a quick search and found her, but am wondering if I should text her and ask if it's ok to add her before I send her a FB request?  Or is that too weird?  I use FB, but only with a few dozen friends/acquaintances, and haven't added a new person in years...so not sure what the proper way to go about it is?  Or should I wait till she reciprocates with an invite/text before I reach out again?  I hate that I'm so insecure....

[sunbutter]

I vote brunch/play date.
Low key with no expectations.
My text would be:
Hi! Are you free on Saturday or Sunday? We would love to have you over for brunch and a play date.

[sweetptater]

My go-to is "Hi, are you busy this weekend? Would love to get the kids together and hang out."


ETA: I lied. After thinking about it, I think my go-to is waiting for the other parent to make the first move. I'm pretty sure I've never had the balls to actually approach someone. 

[kimberlybb]

I also vote brunch/coffee/ play date because it is more low key. Is there a mom's Facebook group in the city you live? I'm a member of one for my area. It is a good mix of working and stay at home moms. They regularly schedule events with and without kids so something like that may be a good way for you to meet more people.

[HeartofCheese]

I would invite her over and just make it clear she's invited: Would you and [Gary] like to come by for a couple hours sometime this weekend?

I also try to make the timeframe openended, b/c it's harder to get out of. Lol.

[rere]

I would probably do dinner so that I could make sure the Dhs could come too, my Dh doesn't do brunch. I am awkward one on one, so 4 would be better to carry a conversation. Plus a couple of drinks with dinner would help.

[justcheckingin73]

I feel a bit socially awkward most of the time plus I’m an introvert so being invited over to someone’s house might scare me off. Is there somewhere you could meet - bouncy house place or even Mcdonald’s play place - that’s neutral? Then if you feel like it went well you could move onto brunch.

[k3am]

We invite all the neighbors over for dinner. "Hey, DH is going to be making some ____. You guys around to help eat it?" Usually works for us.

[2chatter]

I’d give a reason - I don’t know why but I always do, and when people don’t it makes me feel weird like idk what they want from me. Is my kid an issue and they want me to deal? Do they want to sell me something? Do they want to hang out? Do they plan to leave me there so they can run an errand (all of these have happened to me).

So I would text
We are finally getting settled from our move! Would you and kid like to come for brunch Saturday? Flexible on time - just let me know!

[waverly]

I would just do what you are looking most to do (open ended time? Just moms? Play area? Or your house?) I feel like lunch is more informal and dinner is more like invite the whole family and a bit more formal. Brunch seems more sophisticated than lunch. I love brunch but I have more visions of fancy restaurants in the city for that probably because I lived in NYC for a while where brunch was very serious business.

If you just want moms I would do lunch and come over or meet at this play area.

I am not sure I should be giving texting advice since I just asked for it myself in another post.

[dglvrk2]

Jan 26, 2018 21:16:48 GMT -5 waverly said:

I would just do what you are looking most to do (open ended time? Just moms? Play area? Or your house?) I feel like lunch is more informal and dinner is more like invite the whole family and a bit more formal. Brunch seems more sophisticated than lunch. I love brunch but I have more visions of fancy restaurants in the city for that probably because I lived in NYC for a while where brunch was very serious business.

If you just want moms I would do lunch and come over or meet at this play area.

I am not sure I should be giving texting advice since I just asked for it myself in another post.

I like all of the suggestions.

Being a bit introverted, I'd be most comfortable at a neutral place like a park for a first playdate - as either the one making the arrangements or the invitee. Just me though.

If it was at your house, lunch or coffee seem less formal, more relaxed.

[mommyatty]

Is it weird that I take a little of the same approach to this as I did dating? I would either do a group thing the first time (hey! Trying to get a group of moms and kids to hang out at the park on Saturday! Since you’re a cool mom, I’d love it if you’d go!) or something shorter than a meal in case it’s awkward. Like “I’m making a coffee cake. Save me from myself! Would you and Kid come have a piece on Saturday? Then the boys can play while we drink coffee and relax.”

[waverly]

Ok so I am back and forth in the Facebook thing so take me with a grain of salt.

Sometimes I prefer not to even get into friendships in Facebook. Like they might come across strange online and maybe I don't want to know all that yet. Or you see that they have a million friends and are always having a blast and feel FOMO. I would probably wait and see if you all hang out a few more times before worrying about the online world.



Sometimes it's fun to just have offline (i.e. Friends like we used to have them) friendship. I don't take FB very seriously, so this is reflected in my answer here.

However once I decided to open things up to my friends again online then there were some positives like it made inviting me to events easier for them type thing.

Texting me to see if you can add me on FB is weird. Don't do that. I wouldn't say anything or casually bring it up as a coversation is flowing like oh are you on FB?

[sunbutter]

Oh gosh, do not text her asking for permission.

Just add her if you want to. If you don’t, don’t.

FWIW, I have many Facebook friends that are parents I met at school, and that is our only connection. It is just one of the ways we build community within our school. I wouldn’t read anymore into it.

[traveltheworld]

Jan 29, 2018 21:27:12 GMT -5 waverly said:

Ok so I am back and forth in the Facebook thing so take me with a grain of salt.

Sometimes I prefer not to even get into friendships in Facebook. Like they might come across strange online and maybe I don't want to know all that yet. Or you see that they have a million friends and are always having a blast and feel FOMO. I would probably wait and see if you all hang out a few more times before worrying about the online world.



Sometimes it's fun to just have offline (i.e. Friends like we used to have them) friendship. I don't take FB very seriously, so this is reflected in my answer here.

However once I decided to open things up to my friends again online then there were some positives like it made inviting me to events easier for them type thing.

Texting me to see if you can add me on FB is weird. Don't do that. I wouldn't say anything or casually bring it up as a coversation is flowing like oh are you on FB?

Ok thanks! I'm not a huge Facebook person either but I started to feel like I'm the only one. So it's good to know others are like that too.

Ok, I'll just leave it until we get to know each other better.

[mustardseed2007]

I like having mom friends on facebook. I would just send a friend request, she can always ignore it.

[shakinros]

So glad it went well!

I might leave FB alone a little longer, but when you do add her, no need to text in advance. The mom of DD’s bestie just friended me (which is great for me cause I don’t have to now) but I’ve had her cell since November and we’ve hung out during play dates 3 or 4 times.

[2chatter]

I don’t think there’s any hard and fast rule. Because I was formerly very involved at the school lots of people friended me and that was kind of weird - like, I had never met them and some I declined. But moms that our kids play? Never weird especially as this whole kids thing is a total marathon.

Also - no weird texts in general!

[justcheckingin73]

Can you FB stalk her friend list or timeline to see if she has other, mutual friends or other people you may recognize? In cases where I’m not sure, I sometimes do that and see people I know from school and figure they are open to that. I also would not text to ask if it’s OK.

[sweetptater]

I've noticed that every time I meet one of my kid's friend's parent's, they'll send me a request within hours even if it was just that one meeting. I always accept because it's an easy way to communicate with them in the future without the awkwardness of asking for cell numbers.

I'd send the request because it's socially acceptable in our current society to friend everyone you meet. She can always accept then hide you.

[ECB]

Just send her a request. Don’t ask permission. Honestly, I’m always a little “oh, they want to Be friends online too. Cool!” And makes me happy.

Don’t overthink it.