morning nanny and whining kids

[dglvrk2]

We have a morning nanny that gets my two daughters (ages 4 and 6) ready for school and takes them to school occasionally, about 1 morning a week, sometimes more.  H usually takes them to school, but the nanny helps when H is out of town or has early morning commitments.  (I have to leave for work about the time they get up.)

The nanny is great.  She's very calm, sweet and organized.  

My kids are the problem. They whine and cry with her.  (They sometimes do this a little for H, but not as much.) I go over routines with them nights before she helps. We set out clothes, backpacks and breakfast dishes and food the night before.  I've provided incentives for good behavior - trips to the library, dinner at restaurants etc. 

I'd like mornings to go more smoothly for everyone's sake.  Any suggestions?

TIA!

[traveltheworld]

Do they like her in general? Is that the only time they see her? If that's the only time they see her, maybe they are just not used to having her around, and that's made even worst because mornings are hard in general? If that's the case, all I can suggest is that maybe try to have her babysit some afternoons/evenings so they do more "fun" things together and the get to like her more?

We have the opposite problem. Our kids are fabulous with the nanny, but are terrible/whiny with us. I've now given up on trying to organize them and get them out the door ourselves on school days. We wake up, we read and play with them for 20 - 30 minutes, and then I go work out while the nanny takes over and does the dressing, breakfast-eating and getting out of the door - she can get all of that done in under 40 minutes, which is always shocking to me.

[2chatter]

I like 123 Magic for these kinds of things and where they are old enough and don’t always display that behavior. Set the expectation, then push to consequences (either with the nanny immediately or with you later). Nanny consequences could be simple things like having to wear least favorite tennis shoes or cereal instead of scrambled eggs or natural consequences like being late and missing something at school (this would send my five year old over the edge). With all three of mine to this day I can hold up one finger and they either stop speaking (mom got a work call) or stop the behavior. Because I don’t count beyond one any more, bitch that I am!

[twinmomma]

Jan 26, 2018 15:02:36 GMT -5 2chatter said:

I like 123 Magic for these kinds of things and where they are old enough and don’t always display that behavior. Set the expectation, then push to consequences (either with the nanny immediately or with you later). Nanny consequences could be simple things like having to wear least favorite tennis shoes or cereal instead of scrambled eggs or natural consequences like being late and missing something at school (this would send my five year old over the edge). With all three of mine to this day I can hold up one finger and they either stop speaking (mom got a work call) or stop the behavior. Because I don’t count beyond one any more, bitch that I am!

We also swear by this method! 

2chatter one of my most bad-ass parenting moments was when my kids were acting up while I was paying at a store. I paused, turned and said "1." and they immediately got in line and stood patiently. The cashier was shocked and I felt like a weird combination of a rockstar and a dog trainer... (Granted, it rarely works that smoothly, but we're getting there!)

[2chatter]

twinmomma - those are THE BEST moments!! Last night at a school event DS climbed on something and smiled at me from across the gym. I held up one finger and he jumped down and looked sheepish. Another mom had just lamented that she had to get over there to pull her kids down and that she had told them a million times. She asked me if I had mind control powers. For every one of those though there’s a story where we are out somewhere and I am left holding up one finger like an idiot....

[waverly]

Most likely it's the change in routine. Mine always get nutty if I change one little thing. If it were me, and you are probably a better person, I would just skip off to work and let her and DH handle it whatever.

Maybe a little discussion with them on routines and sometimes we do things different and sometimes that means the nanny and that's ok. And reminders are he nanny is tomorrow, and good transitions. Sounds like you are doing some/ most of this anyway. Sometimes they just have to grow out of it.

If it was every morning I would say a sleep issue like they are still tired. But since it's just with her it sounds like a whine because my routine is different issue. You could also do a routine chart. One of them could be no whining or positive attitude! Stickers rewards yada yada. I stantanpus crap from the dollar store maybe better than a reward a ways out time wise.

* instantaneous but I like istantanpus so much I left it.

[dglvrk2]

Thanks, everyone! I agree with waverly that changed in routine is a component. I've gone over routines with the girls nights before the nanny comes. When she arrives, I say quick good-byes and leave. She later mentions (eg in texts) that they cried or put up fights over things like wearing jackets, breakfast etc. This morning was especially rough as I had to leave before the girls were awake and they were sad that they didn't get to say goodbye to me. A quick phone call helped for dd#1, but DD#2 cried a lot.

Another pp mentioned getting her to watch the girls at times besides mornings. The nanny also suggested this. Great minds think alike 😊 I've asked her to watch them a few other times, but she hasn't been free yet. I agree that done less strucured, fun time with her would be helpful. Her sister watches them a lot on week night and they love her!

[librarychica]

I’ve been thinking about this one and am glad to come back to see you have a plan! We also have someone take the girls to school when H travels but they love having a sitter and I think part of it is my kids get up so damn early that they can have fun time with her before the getting ready march begins. So it’s a treat when she comes. (I am not a morning person despite the early job. being with me that early is not a treat. I do not play at 6AM.) I bet if you can get her to cover a few date nights part of this will fade.

I will say that on the rare mornings the oldest sleeps a little later I have to wake her up before I leave, even when H is home . The younger one not so much but the oldest cannot deal unless I wake her up for a hug. Idk how early you leave, but maybe that is an option for some of the crying?