Barriers to working out, help me problem solve

[waverly]

DH wants me to work out (for health reasons, he's not calling me fat or anything).  But I have some things holding me back, and I know they are just excuses, but I feel like I need a plan anyway.

The main thing holding me back is DS's physical therapy.  I work with him 10-20 minutes a day, and I feel like right now that is all I am capable of doing, and he is my priority.  My H doesn't understand this because he has taken him to only 2 appointments (due to work) in the last 6 months and has maybe worked out with him twice.  I try to tell him, but he just doesn't get it.  He travels a lot for work and isn't available to help out.  When he is available, he usually decides to cook dinner instead which is still a help. 

The other issue is that I have chronic neck and pain in the traps/ upper back.  I have seen a physical therapist and a chiropractor on this before. It helps, but it doesn't cure it.  I probably need to do physical therapy again, but since I am doing DS's PT and OT I again don't have any more bandwidth or time to take off work for another recurring appointment.

I am also having a problem with my blood sugar.  Any suggestions for maybe a protein bar or something to eat first thing in the morning that I could also exercise right after but still keep my blood sugar up but not cause a problem with my stomach?

He keeps trying to book me with his personal trainer, but I am not ready.  When I tried to do something like a candlelight yoga (when he wasn't traveling) I was so sore from the day, that I would have to spend 20 minutes with the neck massager and take IBuprofen just to attend the class.  So evening classes I guess are not for me.  I compromised with a water aerobic class on Sat morning that starts in 2 weeks.  But its at 8 in the morning when I would rather sleep in, and I have to do Kindergarten registration the first class right after, and I don't trust DH to ask the bus coordinator the right questions, so I have to be there. I wake up sore and stiff as well, but better than the evening. 

In the past, he would try to get me to join him, and I would just to try to motivate him, and then it wouldn't work anyway.  Now he is motivated, and I am burnt out.  I actually agree with him that it would be good if I work out.  I just feel like I need to get DS going more so, and the PT keeps dragging on, and it may now be the end of March or end of April before he finishes PT and then he would still have OT.  Also, I am not sure if I should take a therapy break for the summer for DS?  I hate to take him out of swimming to go to OT when he is at summer camp.  And swimming is great for his vestibular, motor planning and physical stuff as well.  

I just need someone to tell me to do this on this month and this on that month.

[2chatter]

I like Zone Perfect Double Dark Chocolate bars. They don’t mess with my stomach at all - before or after workouts. DD eats honey stingers - no starch - but they don’t mess with her and she’s way more sensitive but also needs calories, so I am relieved we found them. Middle likes the chews and she’s another one that gets an upset stomach if she eats before running around.

As for the plan — think of it as Month x month. Do the water aerobics for a month. If the early start still sucks choose a different activity. But commit to the four weeks to get yourself started.

Email the bus coordinator or call them outside of the event.

[186momx]

Can you do DS's PT and OT exercises with him a home? Once the weather gets nicer will you be more physically active because of doing stuff with the kids outside? If yes, then I would find something to fill the lull before that starts up.

My DH is like yours and wants me to work out and lift but to his capabilities not mine. We've tried it and it usually ends up with me in tears and I feel worse about myself than before we started. The healthy fitness thread suggested I do squats every time I use the restroom and a plank every hour in my office. I've been doing the squats but haven't tried planks as when I can sit down I want to work and not take a break to plank. We've been super busy.

I would stick with the water exercise class. I find if I sign up for a class I will attend better since I paid for it vs a drop in punch card. I've done it before and it can be as hard as you want or as simple as you want to make it. If the pool has a hot tub I would soak afterwards to help relax your body.

Call the school and try to get paper work early for K registration along with the bus people's number so you can be proactive on filling stuff out and dealing the bus so you aren't so rushed going from the pool or since everything will be filled out send DH.

[rere]

My only suggestion is that it works for me to work out in the morning before getting ready for work. With the kids schedules, that's the only time I could get it done.I also have a weight set and treadmill in my basement.

Pintrest has a variety of protein ball recipes like below that can be made ahead of time.

NO BAKE ENERGY BITES
These delicious little no bake energy bites are the perfect healthy snack!

TOTAL TIME: 10 MINS PREP TIME: 10 MINS COOK TIME: 0 MINS
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup (dry) oatmeal (I used old-fashioned oats)
2/3 cup toasted coconut flakes
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup ground flax seeds
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips (or vegan chocolate chips)
1/3 cup honey or agave nectar
1 tablespoon chia seeds (optional)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

[erinshelley21]

How do you do with at home workout videos? Beachbody has great options for that and 30 day shred is another good one.

I'm a fan of working out in the morning. This is a very recent development though. Before i preferred after work before picking the kids up or prior to DD, after DS went to bed. That's the only way I can get it done and I am at the point in this part of my journey that I know I feel better and am happier when I get exercise in. With that said, make it easy at first just to get into the routine. If that's 10-15 minutes a day or night for a few weeks then start there. Once you get moving again, hopefully you'll be less stiff and sore then you can build on that routine.

For a pre workout snack, I've been doing a spoonful of almond butter. Justin's vanilla is my favorite. I eat a jar per week almost. It's addicting.

[freezorburn]

It sounds like a certain amount of rest needs to be a priority for you. And if you have some kind of neck/shoulder injury, I agree it might be a good idea to go back to PT. At least get them to show you some stretches or exercises that you can fit in to different parts of your day. You don't want to make it worse by doing activity that you just aren't ready for.

I'm not really a fan of bars before workouts. I prefer smoothies. Maybe not as convenient, but especially if I'm working out in the morning, I tend to wake up dehydrated so I need the fluids. Lately I just do banana, yogurt, and whatever other fruit I have on hand. A few years ago when I was training for a triathlon I would add a bit of protein powder.

[waverly]

Thanks I think part of me wants to work up to the personal trainer, but it's DH's goal not my goal and it's a huge PITA. He is a friend of ours so it's nice of DH to go but it's an hour drive one way to the city where parking is scarce. There is no childcare at the gym so he would have to manage the kids while I work out and vice versa and really it's not how I want to spend an entire Sat afternoon. Plus I don't want him there when I work out because I just know he'll make encouraging or dumb comments that will annoy me. Then he'll nag me about doing the routine at home. I would rather just do my own thing.

Thanks for the advice on the K registration. I will email the transportation coordinator again.

As far as working out while DS does PT I can but very minimally. I have to hold him on the exercise ball while he does push ups and help him with his weights. Since I bought smaller weights for him now maybe that part we can both do side by side. Throw in DD whining for attention and it's not the most ideal time but something to keep working towards.

[judyblume14]

You can't do someone else's workout. You need to find something that YOU like if you want to be committed. So, just because your H loves personal training, doesn't mean you will.

That said - don't write it off without trying it. It was actually being peer pressured by a friend to go to small group personal training with her about 8 years ago that got me to where I am today - which is a reasonable (for my work/family/self balance) 4 or 5 day per week workout schedule. I don't work out with a personal trainer anymore, but it was my gateway, if you will. I do crossfit at a gym very close to my work. I do not have the discipline or self-motivation to work out on my own at home. I need someone to program for me.

I will say that there are 3 major things that allow me to stick with it:
1) My kids are young (1 and 3). We only have one activity - swim lessons. So that doesn't really get in my way.
2) My husband is the day care taxi (it's near his work). So, when I workout immediately after work, we still all get home at the same time. I do not have to sacrifice family time during the week.
3) My gym is very family friendly. So, I can take my older daughter with me on the weekends and she either works out next to me, plays with other members' kids.

One big downside - I absolutely sacrifice sleep in favor of working out. Like today, I woke up at 4:30, fed the baby and dressed her before putting her back down to sleep. Left the house at 5:15 to get to the 6am class. And showered there afterwards before work. My husband knows working out is basically my only "me" thing. So when he has to pick up my slack in the parenting department when I'm at the gym, he never says a word. Though I do know that sometimes it bothers him.

[judyblume14]

Also, stretch.

[mellym]

Skip the personal trainer if that's not your goal. It wouldn't be practical for me personally to drive an hour to work out, esp on a weekend.

Do you have any time at lunch that you could work out? Even if it's just to go for a walk.

I second the No Bake Energy Balls. I love them and so do our kids.

[momof2]

As someone who suffers from chronic pan, needs to get more exercise and has a husband that is always "encouraging" my in this area, I can relate. However, here is my reaction to your post:

First, if my husband was commuting 2 hours to see a particular personal trainer, I would lose my shit on him. I don't know how many times a week he goes, but there is no way I would handle crap at home for a 2 hour commute on this. Your husband needs to revisit how he gets his own workouts done to give you back some time (whether you use that time to work out or sit an eat bon bons).

Second, you need to find a way to get your husband more engaged in therapy. I say this as someone who has had 2 kids in DT, OT, ST, PT, horse therapy, etc. My husband will never be as involved in the orchestration of all that, but if there were therapies to be done at home, he would find a way at least once a week. I would tell my husband in no uncertain terms that his lack of involvement in therapy had the potential to be a marriage issue and that him finding time to help 20-40 minutes a week will be way easier than marriage counseling or running his own household.

Third, I found my husband had a really hard time understanding my chronic pain. It isn't really "visible" to him. I did better when I realized that he would just never really get it. That said, I spent a year consistently in PT to make things better. Remember, you have to prioritize yourself also. I am not sure if your kid's situation is short term or long term, but if long term, you have to find a way to fit your needs in also. If you are in a reasonably sized metro area, you can usually find Saturday morning PT. That may be a better investment than water aerobics for a while.

Fourth, decide what you want to do and tell your husband to stop talking to you about this subject for X months (whatever number you think will give you time to make your own decisions). I didn't focus on my health for the 2.5 years that my kid was in a health crisis. Since that is now over, I've lost 25 pounds and am trying to find ways for more physical activity, but I am never, ever, ever going to do some real workout multiple times a week. And, I accept that. And tell him you don't want to work out with him -- I feel you on this too. I don't want my husband around being "helpful" on this topic.

[waverly]

momof2, DH only goes about 1 time a month. It doesn't bother me if he takes 3 hours out of his day to go on a Sat. And some Saturdays I work, so he goes and takes the kids, and apparently they were really good and entertained themselves well at the gym. They are getting older and can do this, but I am so used to the toddler crisis mode that I just tend to assume more that they would misbehave, but really they have been behaving well out in public. I just don't want to go with him and make working out a big happy family event. I would rather do pretty much anything else.

I will tell him to help with PT on Sat and Sun. The problem is I can see him procrastinating on it, and it not getting done, and then I have to nag, but you are right I need to put my foot down more/ harder. His PT is short term, but its been 6 months already so I guess I should probably reframe my mind set to thinking its long term. OT was suggested to be 6-12 months, so I was thinking long term on that, but PT I was always told 2 more months and then I get there and they say 2 more months again....

[2chatter]

+1 to not wanting to work out with DH. Anecdote: I had that stress reaction last year. He, competitive guy that he is, chose to start running right then. He said it was the only way he would catch up to me, then surpass me. And he did. He’s running 8 minute miles. And he wants me to run with him. 10 minute miles are pretty much my top form. So...I made him run with DD, who set a 6.5 minute mile pace knowing he would bow out because she’s my girl and he was out after .25. He hasn’t pushed me to run with him since then. 😂

[mustardseed2007]

Basically I'm only here to +1 everything momof2 said.

And I work out. A lot. And I love working out. I do not bug DH. That's his decision.

And I also want to emphasize who THE HELL drives that far to work out with a persona trainer? That's too much time driving. If you feel like working out with a trainer, find one close to you.

my cousin is a personal trainer by the way. And she has started something where she trains people using a mixture of in person training plus remote training using an app called Ladder. My triathlon coach also uses a mix of group sessions and sessions we do on our own as posted in an app called Training Peaks.

Something like that might be a good fit for you so you don't have to go often but you're still being "assigned" workouts.

[judyblume14]

I might be a voice of dissent, but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world that OP's husband drive to meet a personal trainer.

We moved a couple years ago. When we did, I joined a gym close to work that I went to during the week. But on Sundays, I continued to go to my "old" gym. Which was an hour from home. It's where I was comfortable, and where I wanted to go. So, I was gone for 3-4 hours. Just to work out. Sometimes my H stayed home with DD1 (DD2 wasn't here yet), and sometimes one of the grandparents watched DD1 so that H could do something for himself.

Just wanted to say that waverly's husband doesn't necessarily "need" to find a closer trainer if it doesn't bother her. Maybe I'm projecting, or WKing, or whatever.

[waverly]

It doesn't bother me if he drives that far like I said it's only once a month and then he does do the exercises at home. I just don't think it's practical for me to go also and haul kids.

DH spends a lot of time with us and besides projects around the house is pretty much always with us, so a little separation isn't bad. I just feel like it's his thing and that doesn't mean it has to be my thing just because he wants company.

[2chatter]

But waverly it sounds SO fun - you guys could take the train and slog through snow and the kids would love it! (haha)

[waverly]

Feb 13, 2018 16:08:21 GMT -5 2chatter said:

But waverly it sounds SO fun - you guys could take the train and slog through snow and the kids would love it! (haha)

Ha- this is what he would say to me!

[erinshelley21]

She also said the trainer is a friend of theirs. I don't blame him for driving that far to support a friend's business.

[pengy86]

I use the metabolic aftershock dvd set. It's 15-20 min workout I can knock out when DS is sleeping. The company sells other products but I just bought the dvd. It also shows some alterations if you need to modify. I have chronic migraines and have no issues with doing any of the movements.

[mustardseed2007]

Once a month is different than going 2-3 times per week, which is what was originally in my head...2 hours though? Really?

Although, I do sometimes drive 1-2 hours to ride a bike, but that's to get out to the country so I won't be killed by a car.

[waverly]

I did go snowboarding am am super sore, so I will count that as a workout.

My neck issues I think are from sleeping on my stomach. I've tried sleeping in my side but end up turning in my sleep. I got a body pillow since I read online it can be a good way to get the same feeling as sleeping in my stomach. I think it might be helping mildly.

Water aerobics starts Sat. If I can get my butt out of bed then I'll try 2chatter method of doing it for a month.

We'll see what DS's PT says about his arms in Thursday. They are definitely double jointed so super floppy/ bendy but they are getting stronger. He rushes through it so it's not feasible for me to work out at the same time as I have to constantly slow him down and correct form.

[judyblume14]

waverly - snowboarding is a workout. 100%.