Our cat died and I have to tell DS

[lemonberry]

He was 21 years old and it wasn't unexpected, but he started declining quickly over the last two days. We had a vet appointment today, but he passed during the night.

It's the first time I'll have to explain death to DS and I'm not really sure how to go about it. He understands that the cat was sick and old. He didn't notice him missing this morning, but will this afternoon when he gets home. He didn't really interact with him, but he's still always been there.

I'm not sure if he even understands the concept of death. We aren't religious and I want to be straight forward with him. DH thinks he's too young and thinks that might scare him. He suggested some explanation about him sleeping, but I think that might confuse him.

How would you explain it?

DS-5yo, ASD-GDD

[akafred]

I've seen the "run out of batteries" analogy a lot, and have used it also.

[auntie]

In this situation, at a similar age, I gave a simple truth. The cat was very old and his heart stopped beating. I wouldn’t use the battery analogy because they can be replaced and you don’t want to create a false hope especially if you jave sick or elderly relatives.

Any explanation that involves sleep as an analogy could set you up for serious sleep issues. Don’t go there.

Since they weren’t tight, he may come through this better than you expect.

[sahara78]

Sorry about your cat!

Our dog died of cancer late last year. He was 9 and healthy until about a month before we had him put to sleep. He was really my dog; DD petted him sometimes but they didn’t interact too much.

I told DD (5, ASD) ahead of time that Atlas was too sick, and that he was going to die. She’d noticed him lying on his bed more. I added that after he was dead, he wouldn’t live with us any more. Not sure if I should’ve given more details about death. DD just said that was sad. She mentioned it a few more times; once she said she missed him. Really she doesn’t care; kind of sucks because I was crushed.

[auntie]

I wanted to circle back to this as I was in the car posting which lends itself to brevity.

I am sorry about your dear old cat; 21 years makes for quite a family member for you. I'm sorry for your loss. You son, on the other hand may not be as bonded and may seem not to care. Sometimes it takes a while for a child on spectrum to process a loss. He may wrap his mind around this in weeks or months rather than immediately. He might focus on the physiological aspects of death and decay which can be tough.

[lemonberry]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Feb 16, 2018 5:33:29 GMT -5 auntie said:

I wanted to circle back to this as I was in the car posting which lends itself to brevity.

I am sorry about your dear old cat; 21 years makes for quite a family member for you. I'm sorry for your loss. You son, on the other hand may not be as bonded and may seem not to care. Sometimes it takes a while for a child on spectrum to process a loss. He may wrap his mind around this in weeks or months rather than immediately. He might focus on the physiological aspects of death and decay which can be tough.

I think this might be the case with DS. I haven't actually told him anything yet. I was waiting for him to bring it up. At first I thought he just hadn't seemed to notice, but now I think maybe he overheard us talking about him dying because yesterday he was refilling the animals food bowls and commented that the cat food was for our other cat only-no mention of the one that died. He also gave treats to the animals and didn't even look for him-he use to be very fair about giving four treats to each one.

[mightymaude]

I am sorry for your loss. We lost our dog in December, and, while she also was old and it was somewhat expected, the actual event was a surprise.

We were straightforward and said that she had died, that every living thing has a start and an end, and it was her ending time. Our 9 year old, who we didn't actually think was particularly attached, was distraught for weeks. Our 7 year old cried for a few seconds, then asked to watch cartoons, and asked blunt questions (Why haven't we thrown away all of the dog's things yet? Why is her brother even sad, because everything dies?) for a few days.

[cam]

Sorry for your loss. I'm obviously late to be able to help with the question, but I'm glad your LO seems to be taking it well.

[agedsubaru]

We lost my mom and fil in a span of 2 months. I kept to the facts and explained how this would affect them (practically). I still get questions or they bring it up from time to time. They focused more on facts but threw in feelings too. I am sad or I miss.