Week of 3/5

[katespade]

luv2rn4fun - I'm glad that someone was finally able to figure out the coding! Medical billing is seriously the worst thing ever. I haaaaaaate it. I had a moment earlier this week when I considered just giving up again, cancelling all of my appointments, and going back to a doctor free life. I know that isn't realistic or safe for me to do, but I'm so tired of medical bills.

[katespade]

Mar 6, 2018 17:25:57 GMT -5 pooh8402 said:

Mar 6, 2018 17:11:53 GMT -5 luv2rn4fun said:

((Hugs)) pooh8402 . I would also be very mad and frustrated with this situation, possibly so much so that it would be worth getting your own line. Is there any way to split from them and go into your parents account?

Eh for several reasons, it's not a good idea.

H and I used to be on a "family" plan with one of our friends (our friend worked for the cell phone company and he had a ton of people on his "family" plan so they could get the discounted rate). Somehow, the plan was set up so that the lines were linked but each person paid their own portion of the bill. That way, if one person didn't make payments their line was the only one impacted. Any chance you could see if there are any options like that for your plan?

[awick14]

katespade- I think he is having some depression in regards to our move. He doesn’t like living here, we could move back but I would have to bid into a position back in our old town but it would be a huge step down for my career. 😞 So I have been giving him lots of space to figure this out himself.

Personally I want him to be a SAHD and just have daycare 2 days a week. This would give him a break but also save us $$. But that’s not what he wants and I get that. I don’t want to be a SAHP either. But even a part time job would work for now.

[estrellita]

I unexpectedly finished the show I was binging today.. it must have had a short last season! Now what to watch... hmm. Or maybe I should stop binging shows and do something productive with the rest of my time off? Haha.

[luv2rn4fun]

((Hugs)) katespade. Medical issues are so frustrating. I know I should probably see an endocrinologist but I fear even starting this path with our new insurance.

awick14- I would be beyond frustrated 🙁. I hope your DH takes steps in whatever direction he wants to go. Would he be open to talking with someone? He (and you) have had a ton of big changes lately. He’s probably feeling stuck and if he really doesn’t want to SAH but also doesn’t know what it would look like to support your career, work, and take care of DD (and future LO)...that’s a lot to navigate. He probably needs to find a job if staying home isn’t something he’s passionate about (because it’s hard enough when you want to stay home...I mostly want to but I definitely had my moments when C was little where I highly considered going back...I can see why it’s not for everyone) but he also has limitations as to what kind of job he can take that he didn’t have to consider before.

Do you think he is just waiting it out and hoping you decide to move back to your hometown?

[pooh8402]

We went to a Home Free concert last night. They're a country a cappella band who won the Sing Off a few years ago. DH and I loved it. They have a beatboxer who was AMAZING. He had like a 10 minute solo where he did a drum solo, Michael Jackson, dubstep, synth-pop, and our jaws were on the floor. I could not believe those sounds came from someone's mouth. Look him up--Adam Rupp drum solo.

Today I'm going to a big consignment sale. I hope it's worth it!

[ewall]

Good luck, hope you find good stuff at the consignment sale pooh8402! I'm selling this week and pleased so far with my results.

So tired, but on the plane home after a long week! Going to take a nap, finish some reports, mop my floors (lol) then pick DS up early from daycare. He is so excited that I'm coming home today

[pooh8402]

ewall, I found some good stuff! I got some nicer clothes in a size up, 2 pair Hanna pjs, and a bunch of play quality clothes for cheaper and better quality than I would find at Once Upon A Child. And a crossbody purse for me, and a play tool bench for E.

They had this double stroller there that I was drooling over online, and if I were pregnant now, I would have jumped on it.

[katespade]

In progress 😁

[katespade]

Done!

[Deleted]

pooh8402 : I'm like that too. I see stuff on FB Buy & Sell groups or in the thrift shop and think "This would be perfect for if I were pregnant" but I know I have to hold off until we need it. People definitely side-eyed us when we bought a double stroller for C even though it was a deal that meant a double was the price of the single & the second seat worked as a parent facing seat when she was a NB. Link
Just got back from the cheap thrift shop, "quickly" (for me, not for DH) picked some stuff for a 50 cent garbage bag and got a pair of $1 shoes.

awick14 : I would be frustrated too. We moved recently in August and part of the discussion was that I would SAHM for now. DH thinks I would like to go back to work at some point but has agreed that I don't have to look for work unless I want to look. I am curious what he's being doing instead of his resume though if your DD is at daycare.
Moving is rough though, has he found things he enjoys doing there? It took time for us both to adjust here but I made sure to find things we enjoy doing to make it more homey. DH looks forward little things like the mall having stroller "cars" to push C around in or checking out a new grocery store.

[estrellita]

I'm really annoyed with ILs right now. They basically invited themselves over today to drop off my birthday card. Ok, fine, we told them we'd let them know what time worked. I ran to the store and E wanted to come with me. H texted me while I was at Target to say his parents were coming then because apparently they had plans in the afternoon. Um. Ok? If they would have mentioned that to begin with I would have waited to go to the store. Also I'm glad I didn't mention it to E that they'd be stopping by because I would have had an upset kid then. So they weren't even here when I got back. Also FIL apparently commented about how it shouldn't be necessary that I want to get out of the house occasionally without the kids and something about H being the provider for the family. I don't even know where to start with all that nonsense. Ugh.

[luv2rn4fun]

((Hugs)) estrellita. I would be annoyed on all counts. Everyone needs a break from the kids, it’s healthy and totally normal. Plus, your DH is fully capable of taking care of them just as you are. You guys both work...so don’t know what your FIL means by that comment. You are both providing for the family. Maybe it stems from your DH working two jobs? But that’s because he wasn’t being a good provider in the sense that he was spending money you guys didn’t have and not being honest about it.

Speaking of IL drama...

DH’s older brother has been living with ILs since the younger brother killed himself. They were staying at the river condo (not house, they don’t want him to know about their $$$$ dream home because they don’t trust him). Anyways, he needed to come back to CA to get some prescription drugs supposedly. They caved and gave him a key to their home here. After not being able to get in touch with him for a couple days they decided to drive back to CA and found him passed out in their home, vomit everywhere. He was taken to the hospital and won’t admit that he tried to kill himself (MIL thinks that is exactly what happened based on him saying he wants to die etc). He is starting dialysis today because his kidneys aren’t working. He will also be seeing a psychiatrist. ILs are likely going to have to move back to their CA home for awhile, possibly indefinitely if they decide they want to care for him 100% if he can’t be on his own. My heart is so heavy for her right now. She doesn’t need any of this.

[estrellita]

luv2rn4fun not to mention I make more than H (hourly is way more and we only even out because H gets commission and all insurance and such comes out of my paycheck) but we definitely couldn't live off either of our incomes alone, so neither of us is THE provider. H is still on leave from job 2 (and I'm leaning toward him not going back) but you make a good point there! And H is way more than capable of taking care of his kids.. he's way better at it than I am in a lot of ways! Anyways, it just bothered me so much. It makes me feel like he's saying H isn't being a good "provider" and/or I'm just supposed to be with my kids 24/7. I love them and all, but no. We all need a break!

Also your poor MIL.. that is so much to deal with I hope he's able to get some help and turn things around!

[amaranth]

katespade it's amazing! Is there significance to your choice?

estrellita your FIL is clearly living in a hole. At least your H doesn't buy into it.

luv2rn4fun oh my goodness, I'm so sorry! What a painful situation all around

[pooh8402]

@opal, that's the stroller that I was looking at! How funny.

luv2rn4fun, I'm so sorry

[katespade]

amaranth - It’s the illustration from the title page of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. I’m going to get the illustration from The Deathly Hallows on my other foot.

[katespade]

estrellita - I would be so offended if my FIL (or anyone) said that!! I’m sorry that he thinks it’s okay to not only have that opinion, but to express it out loud. Ugh.

[katespade]

luv2rn4fun - How awful for your ILs! I’m so sorry that they’re going through that. Is your BIL going to be okay, or are they expecting him to need care permanently?

[Deleted]

pooh8402: Oh really?? It's a good stroller. If you don't have a jogging stroller already, that would be an excuse to get it.

katespade: I love how well it matches the illustration.

[estrellita]

Mar 10, 2018 18:57:57 GMT -5 katespade said:

estrellita - I would be so offended if my FIL (or anyone) said that!! I’m sorry that he thinks it’s okay to not only have that opinion, but to express it out loud. Ugh.

The weird thing is that he's usually somewhat liberal/progressive compared to most people in his generation so I'm surprised to hear he said that. He knows we're far from any sort of traditional family. I'm very much not the stay home and cook for my H kind of wife and H is very hands on and does a lot of the more "female" things like cooking and taking care of the kids more than most of his friends I'd say. So where these comments come from, I have no idea!

MIL was also trying to guilt H because last weekend she was arranging for BIL to come visit since he didn't make it to E's birthday party. It wasn't going to work for us so he didn't come. Find out later that ILs were planning on coming too. Why can't she just be clear and upfront about it instead of trying to make H feel like he's keeping them from seeing their grandkids or something. There are a lot more examples of this and jealousy/competition with my parents that I'm not going into right now but I'm just so over the dumb drama!

[luv2rn4fun]

((Hugs)) estrellita.

Thanks ladies. I am really worried about MIL. I think she’s on way over her head and I can’t see this going in a positive direction given BIL history.

katespade- thankfully I think he’s expected to live. Time will tell if he will need dialysis permanently or if this is temporary. Also, he supposedly is bipolar and not on correct meds. If they can’t get him stable and independent then he will need long term care. MIL says they would put him in a home but I can see her taking all this on...I hope not for her sake.

[estrellita]

I'm full of complaints today, lol. My throat is starting to hurt and feel a bit swollen again. If I somehow ended up with strep again I'm going to be PISSED. Also, how do I keep getting sick when I don't go anywhere that often? I pretty much just sit at home right now, how are these things finding me?

[awick14]

luv2rn4fun- he wants to get back into landscaping, but it’s so hard as here they work such long hours. (6:30-5 or later) and we only have daycare 7:20-5:30, and he needs to do pick up and drop off most days. (I work 6-6, 2 days, 2 nights and 4 days off) I think he’s trying to wait it out but we could be here for 2-3 years. He is collecting unemployment until Oct though so he’s at least getting paid. If he doesn’t find work though there will be no daycare as I can’t keep ya afloat without his help. (His unemployment covers daycare costs).

@opal- he’s been going to the gym a lot, taking our pup for longer walks and watching lots of Netflix. He has done probably 90% of the cleaning at home though, and making meals. Which has been so helpful during my 4 days working.

estrellita- that would bother me so much. Dh and I both get comments about how him being at home and me working. It drives me crazy. Some people are stuck in the 50s and think woman need to be with the kids 24/7 and it’s so frustrating.

((luv2rn4fun and your MIL)) that’s so frustrating.

[Deleted]

awick14: Well that's reasonable. I had this horrible image of him playing video games all day and I thought, if that were my DH, he'd be dead. But cooking, cleaning, and walking the dog, I would be less upset.

[ewall]

Oh goodness luv2rn4fun, that's quite a lot to deal with. Thinking of your MIL and family.

[bk1]

Big hugs ((luv2rn4fun)) thinking of you and your family.

The details are incredible katespade

[MrsMB]

((luv2rn4fun))