I have witnessed the downfall of society toady. The only thing I wanted my class to do is take a phrase on a work sheet such as someone who I would like to know better, someone who made me see a different perspective, etc... and put a classmates name. What I got was...why do we have to do this. ..I don't talk to people in this class...do I have to make eye contact? !... I have nothing in common with the art people. ..I ended up mad. They didn't care. I give up. This is what is wrong with our country. No one wants to interact with people unless they are like them.
My update: DH and I stayed up too late almost every night this week discussing our future. My two best friends are waiting in the wings to help me pick up whatever pieces fall apart. We're not splitting up right now, but it was a big wake up call to both of us. Now I'm on the hunt for a marriage counselor. And so, of course, we're spending the weekend at my folks' house! Looking forward to seeing them, not looking forward to acting like nothing is wrong.
MIL's trip report was pretty positive. I do think it was probably good she was there for part of their trip, because SIL and BIL can be very hard on their DD1. (Their DD1 is a sweet girl, but for whatever reason, SIL and BIL tend to be critical of her and punish her for what seem like small things (to me).) MIL was treated the same way by her mom, so I think she has a lot of empathy for their DD1. We didn't get a chance to FaceTime with SIL last weekend, but will try to this weekend.
Post by sweetptater on Mar 23, 2018 7:34:54 GMT -5
twinmomma, that's the worst. DH and I have been there and acting like nothing is wrong sucks the life out of you. But maybe being together while seeing the best in each other and acting like you want to be together could help you both remember the why?
I'm done with this week. I was blindsided at a meeting yesterday by my replacement, DH has been out of town all week, I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed on Tuesday, and of course we're leaving on Spring Break today so it's been 100% on me to do all of the shopping/packing/laundry. I didn't even want to go on this stupid trip. I'd rather take a week off and not leave the house. This was DH's idea and I'm the one who has to do the heavy lifting. He'd better not be surprised when I disappear for a day while we're in FL.
DH had laser "surgery" on Monday. I put it in quotes just because I was amazed how fast it was and how not like a regular surgery it was. No OR, just a chair in the dude's office. No anesthesia, just some numbing and dilation drops. Absolutely zero recovery. Just 45 seconds with a laser and his retina is no longer flapping around in there. It was actually a minuscule tear; the retina specialist didn't even see it at first. Hopefully that is the last of the major fallout from Nerfgate 2018. He should have 100% vision back once the last of the RBC's clear and get reabsorbed in the next couple of days. He's currently 20/30 in that eye so not bad.
Mentally not so recovered. He is so over DD and has no empathy at all. It's understandable but so hard to watch and hard to handle. I'm really having to stretch my empathy muscles for both of them, honestly. Thank God her medicine is working as well as it is, though. I can't imagine how hard this would be if her anxiety was peaking. It's definitely affecting her for the worse, but not as bad as it could be.
I am hoping to take a half day today to see a movie by myself and get caught up on some housework before having dinner with a friend and her daughter.
Post by justcheckingin73 on Mar 23, 2018 8:24:28 GMT -5
How demotivating, rere. I think I’d throw up my hands too.
Hugs twinmomma. I hope you’re able to figure something out. I have a hard time pretending when things aren’t right. I hope this weekend goes well for you.
I keep thinking it’s Thursday - not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. I could use another work day since I’ve been so tired and rundown all week (thank you allergies), I haven’t gotten much done. Plus Spring Break starts for the kids next week and I only took one day off.
DH has been waiting for some kind of death benefits check from the insurance company and we were both concerned that I may have thrown it away. I was pretty sure I didn’t but I think he had doubts. Found out yesterday that the funeral home sent the check to DH’s stepmom’s son who has the same first name but different last name than DH. WTF?! Apparently they called her with questions instead of DH who has been handling all of this (and after giving them explicit instructions about how things should be divided). Ugh. SMIL told her son to write a check to DH. Fingers crossed he didn’t spend it already - he’s not the most trustworthy and upstanding individual in the world so I’m a little worried.
justcheckingin73 - that’s awful about the check. How did the guy cash it when it wasn’t in his name?? Or did they write the check to the wrong name? If they wrote it to the wrong name I’d think they are in some way liable? That may be wishful thinking and regardless it’s a pain.
justcheckingin73 - that’s awful about the check. How did the guy cash it when it wasn’t in his name?? Or did they write the check to the wrong name? If they wrote it to the wrong name I’d think they are in some way liable? That may be wishful thinking and regardless it’s a pain.
They wrote the check with the wrong name. DH and I still have a big WTF written on our faces about this. I’m not sure what the liability is. For now, we’re hoping he complies and writes us the check.
justcheckingin73, I'd totally go after the people that wrote the check in the wrong name. That's a HUGE oops for them to make. Even if he writes you the check, they need to know how badly they messed up.
justcheckingin73 , I'd totally go after the people that wrote the check in the wrong name. That's a HUGE oops for them to make. Even if he writes you the check, they need to know how badly they messed up.
Funeral homes of all places should know how messy things can get between family members when there is a death in the family! Not to mention the added stress in an already stressful and emotional situation (i.e., death of a family member).
I would assume this is the check from the Socual Security Administration. Yeah, if they jacked up the beneficiary, that’s a huge screw up! Definitely call them!
Post by justcheckingin73 on Mar 23, 2018 10:22:53 GMT -5
DH did call them and they basically said oops! He’s the executor and he’s ready to go to war with them but he’s so busy with tax season, I think he’s waiting to see if he gets the check first.
We had DD's MRI yesterday. I wish I'd fought to have them sedate her with gas before placing the IV line sooner. (Typically they just do the sedation through the IV, which has lead to a lot of screaming, being held down by multiple people, blown veins, etc. Everytime I asked for gas previously, they denied the request.) The sedation went so much smoother it was amazing. She wasn't happy about it, but it was way less traumatizing for her and for me.
I thought I'd been an anxious mess leading up to the MRI, but that was nothing. I cried 3 times on my commute in today, and it's only about a 25 minute drive. The sooner they give me results, the better.
We also should close on our new house today. And then more waiting until we can move in a month. Go time, go.
justcheckingin73, I'm glad he isn't adding this onto your plate.
DH is still sick but going to work. He knows I'm annoyed and is hiding out in the spare room whenever DD and I are home. My house smells like sickness/stale air.
DD and I both have a cough only rears its ugly head in the evenings before bed and first thing in the morning. Otherwise we are totally fine minus scratchy voices.
I'm counting down to my Friday off which after today is only 3 more Fridays.
Post by traveltheworld on Mar 23, 2018 10:43:21 GMT -5
I joined a book club that just started in the neighbourhood and went to the first meeting last night. The women in the group were amazing! We picked a book that really lead to a lot of discussions and we all ended up telling each other quite a bit about our own life stories. I think I know more about these women in 3 hours than in months/years of acquaintance with other people whom I've met. I'm hoping all stick around. I offered to host the next one.
DH and I had our 48 hour get-away. It was good. But it was also slightly odd, in that we kind of ran out of things to say to each other. He kept asking me if there's anything I'd like to talk about, but I couldn't think of anything that we haven't discussed.
FWIW, the question that lead to us all telling our life stories was this: "May says, “A woman’s past need not predict her future. She can dance to her own music if she chooses.” How has your past made you who you are? What do you want to leave behind? Anything? What is the true “music” of your own soul? Are you in step with it or out of step? What helps you hear your own music and find balance in your life?
A pretty deep question for a group of women who just met for the first time, but it worked.
I don't know if I brought it up previously, but they're attempting to do a minor reorg in our very small division, which would involve one person getting 50% of his responsibilities moved to me, and his support person to report to me. (She was hired to support both of us but the division is about a 95/5 split.
My boss says she cried and refused to report to me. Apparently, she's going to report to my boss but support me.
This is weird, right? My boss tells me to do something and... I do it? Especially knowing that it's not really my boss making the decision, but the president of the company and he's just following orders.
I'm also wondering what's so awful about me that the prospect of reporting to me would make her cry.
k3am - my org used to be like this. Literally same scenario - a woman cried because she was going to have to report to me. It became this huge drama, she didn’t report to me but because of the way it was handled eventually thought she didn’t have to respect me within the org, ie do work on my projects. She eventually quit because she was ... a crying train wreck and kept getting in trouble for not doing assigned work.
Second scenario was a woman who reported to me claimed I was “mean” and cried. She later brought a hostile work environment claim against her new boss, who was also “mean”. I dodged a bullet and senior management apologized off the record for believing her insanity when it clearly wasn’t me.
Underneath all of this was my former boss who was feeding the fires.
So...I’d say it’s most likely not you and/or someone is feeding the drama.
k3am - my org used to be like this. Literally same scenario - a woman cried because she was going to have to report to me. It became this huge drama, she didn’t report to me but because of the way it was handled eventually thought she didn’t have to respect me within the org, ie do work on my projects. She eventually quit because she was ... a crying train wreck and kept getting in trouble for not doing assigned work.
Second scenario was a woman who reported to me claimed I was “mean” and cried. She later brought a hostile work environment claim against her new boss, who was also “mean”. I dodged a bullet and senior management apologized off the record for believing her insanity when it clearly wasn’t me.
Underneath all of this was my former boss who was feeding the fires.
So...I’d say it’s most likely not you and/or someone is feeding the drama.
k3am- Yes, weird. Very weird. But in my experience, admins are often super-aware of who they report to in terms of their status among other admins. And frankly I’m my experience, the lower the level of the female employee, the more they buy into “it’s harder to work for a woman than a man.”
Maybe it’s because crying doesn’t get us to change our minds about stuff like who your supervisor will be? Just saying.
k3am - Yes, weird. Very weird. But in my experience, admins are often super-aware of who they report to in terms of their status among other admins. And frankly I’m my experience, the lower the level of the female employee, the more they buy into “it’s harder to work for a woman than a man.”
Maybe it’s because crying doesn’t get us to change our minds about stuff like who your supervisor will be? Just saying.
At best, it may be an age thing, because she's roughly the same age as me and have roughly similar experience - except she CHOSE to take a step back in her career, doesn't want the responsibility of managing a portfolio.
FWIW, the question that lead to us all telling our life stories was this: "May says, “A woman’s past need not predict her future. She can dance to her own music if she chooses.” How has your past made you who you are? What do you want to leave behind? Anything? What is the true “music” of your own soul? Are you in step with it or out of step? What helps you hear your own music and find balance in your life?
A pretty deep question for a group of women who just met for the first time, but it worked.
I almost bought his off Amazon this morning. Let me know how it is!
k3am, I was in the opposite shoes recently. My boss was moved and they didn't backfill his position, so his 2 direct reports were reassigned; one went to one manager and the other to the other manager. The problem was our skill sets really don't match our new managers, but most particularly mine didn't match my new boss. There's at least SOME correlation between the other and her manager. Plus my new manager is just horrible; he is gone all the time and no one knows where he is (he travels a lot, works from home sometimes, and has a LOT of meetings, so there are often times that no one knows where he is when they need him), and as a result, he doesn't support his employees, and doesn't listen to their ideas. Everyone who works for him is miserable. So I was really not pleased with the move. I choked back tears, and just said ok. I'm sure they could tell I wasn't happy, but I tried not to show it, and I certainly didn't try to make them change their minds.
Fast forward 4 months: I don't look like an ass, everyone still likes me, and boss's boss realized the mismatch without me saying anything and now I report to the other manager, who is still not a great match for my skills and responsibilities (probably worse, tbh), but is MUCH better to work for and always willing to support her people.
All that to say I like to think I am fairly sane (quirky but not nuts) and a good employee, and I handled it exactly the opposite. My conclusion is she is the problem, not you. A regular person would at least give it a shot.