Can I crowdsource my campaign again?

[Bernadine]

I'm running for my county's Democratic Central Committee.  I have an opportunity to record a 5 minute spot that will air on our local cable channel.  Below is what I have so far.  I'm at 607 words, and they said to keep it around 750.  I'd also like to include something on criminal justice reform and the environment, but I'm not sure where to tie them in.  I could also use suggestions on transitioning to my experience.

ETA- going to bed now, and I won't be able to respond until lunchtime tomorrow, but I appreciate any and all feedback!

Hi. My name is justrak, and I’m a candidate for the My County Democratic Central Committee. I’ve thought a lot about what being a Democrat means to me and what I can contribute to the Central Committee.

I believe in the Democratic party and its platform. It’s a party that believes as I do, that all people should have the same opportunities to achieve the American Dream, without discrimination due to gender, race, religion, age, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity, or socioeconomic status.



We should be allocating necessary resources to support our veterans, our elderly, our disabled, and our children. All children deserve a quality and affordable education, from Kindergarten through higher education. They deserve to feel safe in their schools. And as they graduate and begin to pursue their careers, our young adults should be able to start their lives, as previous generations did, without burdensome student debt. They deserve jobs that pay a livable wage, with good benefits, including sick days. We shouldn’t have people in this country who work a full time job and can’t afford to support themselves or their families, while the richest 1% of Americans continue to amass wealth.



We also shouldn’t have people who have to choose between food and healthcare. Healthcare is a right, not a privilege. At the very least, we need affordable healthcare premiums and prescription costs. And we need healthcare to cover treatment for drug addiction, which is a mental health issue, not a criminal issue.



I can bring to the My County Democratic Central Committee my leadership, my organizing abilities, and my passion for the party.

 I have recently held leadership positions in both Organization A and Organization B.

I am a prior steering committee member for Organization A, an inclusive grassroots organization that advocates for moral and just principles, policies, and officials in local government. I am proud of the work I did in Organization A to encourage the Board of My County Commissioners to pass an ethics ordinance that complies with Maryland State law. This year, for the first time since the state law was passed eight years ago, the voters of My County will have access to expanded financial disclosure information from candidates for the Board of County Commissioners. Voters will finally have information to which we are legally entitled, that will allow us to make an informed decision when we cast our votes.



I am the current leader for Organization B.  Organization B is committed to action in our community and nation that honors diversity, promotes equality, and is inclusive, ethical, and just.  Organization B participates in calls to action for local, state, and Federal issues that are important to us. We host candidates for public office at our monthly meetings, including candidates for County Commissioner, County judgeships, State Delegate, Congress, and Governor and Lieutenant Governor. We participate in national marches, including the Women’s March, the Science March, and the March for our Lives. I myself organized our first ever local march, the My County Women’s March. We were joined by 300 people as we marched down Main Street in (town name) to support equality and inclusivity in our community.



I will bring these skills and more to the My County Democratic Central Committee, as we work to elect Democratic officials at all levels of government. I am proud to be a My County Democrat, and I hope that I have your vote in June. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or would like to talk. My email address is gmail .com. Thank you for your time.

[seeyalater52]

I think this is pretty good. Is there something you can say (without being negative) that speaks to your unique experience compared to others in the race? I dont know your area and whether the positions you list are common among Democrats/in the DCC, but if everyone agrees with them it might not set you apart too much.

Personally I’d try to define based on one or two issues (how you have it) instead of adding more. It could be helpful to give one or two examples of specific policies you’d champion to help make it more concrete. Not just what you want/your vision but HOW you would make it possible. That might also help link with your experience. I want to do xyz and you know I have the experience to do that because of xyz skills and leadership.

[sparkythelawyer]

Do you have a website? Send it to me if you do, I have some free press I can send your way

[jinkies]

You have good ideas, but I would suggest aiming for a more conversational tone. It seems like it's written for print, not to be spoken.

I agree that you should focus on your specific accomplishments-- maybe pull at least one of your examples up earlier in the speech.

Is there any compelling story about why you got involved in local politics, what motivates you, what issues are most important to you? Since you are running for a democratic position, presumably only dems are voting for you. So I wouldn't spend as much time talking in generalities about the Democratic platform. But if you can incorporate personal anecdotes about why healthcare, or fair wages, or school funding, or gun control is especially important to you, it could help you stand out.

[mouse]

We talk a lot about creating a personal story in my political group and how it doesn't have to be a single great moment that was transformative (although it's great if you have one!). We recently put on a community action forum, and the volunteer pitch was given by a co-leader. He narrated how he got involved in our group after the election, that dismaying feeling that our country isn't what he thought it was, isn't what it should be, and how he funneled that into action so that he can make a change for the better. It was honest and quite compelling even though it wasn't exactly dramatic.

[4speedy]

I would add some info about actionable items. What do you actually plan to do at the local level? It’s great that you want healthcare for everyone but what does that actually like like to you? Obviously you are not running for Congress and won’t be voting on that topic so what do you actually plan to DO about it, other than just hope it happens? Will you improve your local meals on wheels program? Will you expand the school vaccination program by applying for grants? Will you budget money to improve the local water treatment plant? (I just drove through Flint and realized they are still passing out bottles of water in the parking lot of the health department so this is fresh on my mind).

[Bernadine]

These are great, thank you so much!