Leave everything you know to move from HCOL to LCOL?

[newyearae]

We are facing the reality of moving from a high cost of living area to an area that is more affordable. Otherwise, we fear we will have a lower quality of life and drown under financial obligations.

My husband sees the reality, but is still not in favor of moving. He loves his job and we have a lot family in this state (although all several hours away). I don't like change, but am open to moving so we can have the life we want for our family.

Has anyone made a big move like this? How did it work out for you? Regrets? Advice?

Or advice on how to survive in a HCOL area long-term?

I know there is no magic solution...facing reality is damn hard.

[countthestars]

What are the job prospects in the LCOL? My friend is looking to do similar (though she's starting at MCOL) and they're finding the her H's salary would go down proportionately with the COL.

[krystee]

If you like your area, your family and your job, I would look at additional ways to increase income or cut costs rather than move. What kind of LCOl area are you taking about--like big city to smaller city, or like city to tiny town without many amenities?

ETA: just saw family is several hours away. Are they in a low-enough cost of living that you could move there?

Also, is moving a bit farther out where you are now an option, rather than a big move?

[starryfish]

If your family is several hours away, can you move closer to them instead of moving far away?

[countthestars]

Could you move a little further out and increase your commute, but decrease housing or some other HCOL costs? I'm thinking about my area (Central MA) and how many people commute into Boston or the Boston metro area, but live in a slightly lower COL area. Most of my neighbors do this.

[Velar Fricative]

Is there any chance his job can be done remotely? I ask because the only people I know who ended up happy with their move to MCOLs and LCOLs are people who can do their jobs remotely from home and make the same money they were making here. Otherwise, you'd be looking at lower salaries and perhaps tighter job markets. Or, if he can't do the job remotely, does he work for an employer with locations in other areas that he could somewhat easily transfer to?

[hocus2]

It seems like you and your DH are just not on the same page. If he loves his job where you are now are there ways to earn more or adjust your spending so you find life is more inline with your desires. I'm assuming the high cost of housing is the big issue for you. Have you considered downsizing to a smaller house or even an condo?

Her in HCOL but moving would require my DH to change careers entirely and earn less .The equity we have in our house could cover housing in VLCOL but I'm not really open to it. If we moved we most likely see a small improvement in our housing options but other things might be similar in terms of the % we spend on kid stuff.

[Velar Fricative]

As far as surviving in a HCOL area, I can give some tips. We live in NYC, grew up both in and right outside of the city, and have no desire to leave because of our great job situations and having local family around. Here's how we "survive":

1) We live in the outskirts of NYC, which is more affordable than the hotspots. Thankfully, we both have short commutes for this area.
2) We bought the house we needed for our growing family, nothing more, nothing less. We do not subscribe to the idea that we "need" more square footage than we have, a backyard bigger than a postage stamp, a detached house, etc. Yeah, we get twinges of jealousy when we visit friends and family in suburbia and exurbia, but we realize it's fun to visit but not actually live there.
3) Bigger, more HCOL cities generally have no shortage of services and low-cost/free things to do. There are lots of cost-effective things we can do here that we're already paying for through tax dollars and such, either just DH and I or with our kids. Otherwise I feel like we'd ultimately be spending more on kids' activities if we moved further away because there'd be fewer options and they wouldn't be supported by municipal budgets.
4) I think about how we're still doing pretty damn good compared to many other city residents who don't have the income we have. We're really not "sacrificing" anything at all, and certainly don't feel like we're missing out.

Good luck, it's a tough decision no matter what!

[countthestars]

Apr 3, 2018 14:03:11 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

As far as surviving in a HCOL area, I can give some tips. We live in NYC, grew up both in and right outside of the city, and have no desire to leave because of our great job situations and having local family around. Here's how we "survive":

1) We live in the outskirts of NYC, which is more affordable than the hotspots. Thankfully, we both have short commutes for this area.
2) We bought the house we needed for our growing family, nothing more, nothing less. We do not subscribe to the idea that we "need" more square footage than we have, a backyard bigger than a postage stamp, a detached house, etc. Yeah, we get twinges of jealousy when we visit friends and family in suburbia and exurbia, but we realize it's fun to visit but not actually live there.
3) Bigger, more HCOL cities generally have no shortage of services and low-cost/free things to do. There are lots of cost-effective things we can do here that we're already paying for through tax dollars and such, either just DH and I or with our kids. Otherwise I feel like we'd ultimately be spending more on kids' activities if we moved further away because there'd be fewer options and they wouldn't be supported by municipal budgets.
4) I think about how we're still doing pretty damn good compared to many other city residents who don't have the income we have. We're really not "sacrificing" anything at all, and certainly don't feel like we're missing out.

Good luck, it's a tough decision no matter what!

This is a great point - I'm always amazed at the fun free stuff I see people in NYC and Washington DC doing. It's not like that here - we spend a lot on entertaining ourselves and our kids because we have fewer options.

[cabbagecabbage]

My BIL/SIL did this by choice but more because they wanted a fresh start. It was a big adjustment but they love their new life in the country. They bought a big house because it was “only” 200k and now their town thinks they’re rich. In reality they probably should have bought smaller because BIL took a huge pay cut and a few steps down in title to find a job. They were thinking with their HCOL mindset and it felt like Monopoly money.

I don’t think I know enough about your situation to offer any advice. Like, is someone being offered a job in a particular place or are you just needing to save money? LCOL areas tend to pay crap unless you have an in demand career that pays well.

[macmars45]

H and I have been seriously considering it for the past few months. We're in the Seattle area and bought our TH 3 years ago. We are now priced out of our area as well as all the surrounding areas. So a SFH is out of reach here for the foreseeable future. Which kind of sucks as we have no yard and no third bedroom/office (FWP). We do try and remind ourselves that we are extremely lucky and well provided for. And we have a great group of close friends here.
The city we're considering is in WA state. I have family there and family in a near(ish) city as well. Neither H or I have ever lived there though. It is daunting and scary to contemplate for sure. We are being eyes wide open about pros/cons as much as possible though.
GL with whatever you decide; it's definitely hard.

[noodleoo]

I kind of dream about it sometimes. But the reality is that we really like where we live and so we just suck it up and realize we're never going to have a House Hunters type of house. We are lucky that the job market is great where we live and we both have good jobs. My parents have tried for years to get us to move closer to them in FL and I considered it, but after a few visits I realized how bored we would be there. It just doesn't compare to our current city.

[jenny1223]

H and I moved from the Seattle area to a rural LCOL area about 10 years ago. This was before we were married, owned a house, had kids, etc, so it felt less risky then than it would to make a big move like that now.

Ultimately, I love it and can't imagine moving back to a big city. There are absolutely pros and cons and some of those are location-specific, not just HCOL v LCOL.

Pros for us: We are able to afford to buy a home with a large property. There is a great sense of community. Lots of outdoor recreation activities to do for free/low cost. I don't feel any "keeping up with the Joneses" pressure here. Despite being a rural area in a conservative county, the local area where we live skews more liberal. Lots of emphasis on local business (all stores/restaurants are locally owned and a lot primarily use local produce/meat/products).

Cons for us: Job opportunities are limited. Travel anywhere takes extra time. Not a lot of variety for shopping/dining/etc.

[minionkevin]

DH and I are facing this now. He can do his job in an office in a LCOL state but among the highest COL areas in that state. My company has an office roughly an hour away from his so we could hypothetically split the distance. His dad (widowed) wants to move there as well, to save on taxes (my state currently has an estate tax). My parents, of whom my mother is my kids’ primary caregiver when DH and I work, do not want to move to that area. My FIL is nowhere near as involved with kids as my parents are, I generally dislike my FIL and don’t want to “reward” him and punish my parents by moving away over a few thousand dollars of savings a year, plus some nebulous amount FIL may leave us. He could just as likely spend it taking care of himself until he’s 100...

[sunflower17]

We did a couple years ago and it’s the best thing we ever did. It was also one of the scariest things I’ve ever done.

We lived in a VHCOL area. We grew up there and it became that way over the years. Even with good income we could not afford a house in any of the areas we wanted to live in.
ETA: houses range 700k-1million and they’re not even that nice.
It also became so overcrowded that although there was a lot to do, we didn’t do any of it due to frustrations about parking, traffic etc. We knew something had to change especially if we wanted a child.
H took some persuading and was not too happy initially, but our quality of life is so much better. We’re very content here. We have a large 5 bedroom house (for what we would have paid for a small not updated condo back home) and life is good.

Do we miss things from home? Yes sometimes we do. Would we want to live there again? Nope.
Feel free to pm me.

[luv2rn4fun]

We moved to a LCOL (for So Cal, probably considered HCOL compared to most of the US) when we got pregnant the first time. We wanted for me to SAH with our kids. Luckily the move also meant we were close to my mom and some other extended family though.

However, we did not like the change. Within a few years we were fortunate that we could move back to a HCOL that is also close to family and friends (my mom has since passed away and was critically ill when we moved and she wasn’t talking to me because that’s just how she coped with her illness). I still SAH and we make the financial sacrifices to make it work. My DH has a lot more job availability and income potential here as well. In our previous city he commuted an hour each way and now he has a 10 min commute (if he left this job he could possibly find something close or he could commute...commute only was his option in our previous city and he would likely have to take a pay cut to leave his job he had whereas he could still make his salary if he switched jobs here).

There is way more to do here than our previous city. I was not happy being a SAHM there and really struggled because I felt isolated. It’s different here (we have friends with kids similar in age, I can walk wherever I want/need to vs driving 15-20 min to go anywhere, we have a mall, library, kids programs, and much better schools.

The biggest things for us though are having friends and family close by. It really does help to know we have support when needed (we hardly use it but it’s there in an emergency or occasional night out).

We are able to live here on my DHs income and still max out his retirement so it’s not like we aren’t being smart now at the detriment of our retirement. We just cook most meals at home, drive older cars that are paid for, don’t carry debt besides our mortgage (we had actually paid off our previous home in less than 2 years of living there and put all that money towards this home), we don’t have cable, I walk vs drive if it’s realistic (and plan our days closer to home), etc. we do have zoo memberships and my parents buy me a pass to Disneyland for Christmas so we still have fun as well as the ordinary play dates, park, library, etc

[georgeharrison]

We did this just about a year ago. We moved from 15 miles outside Seattle to Arkansas. We sold our 2 bedroom condo in a neighborhood where people getting shot was not abnormal for $172k and bought a super cute yellow house with a white picket fence across the street from sweet neighbors with 6 cows that are now my BFFs for $126k.

The job my H was told he had when we moved didn't work out, so it did take him a while to find work, but he has a great job now that he loves. It is lower paying, but it is equivalent. I work remotely for my Seattle company, but I work part-time. I would have to work a 40 hours/week job here to bring home the same $.

We have an amazing sense of community in our neighborhood here that we never had in the Seattle area.

I am glad we moved, but I do miss Seattle like MAD. I still think it is just the best there, but we never would have been able to have the lifestyle there that we have here. Also, now that my H is sick, I wish we had access to as much awesome healthcare as we did there in Seattle.

[steamboat185]

We moved from Boston to Denver about 10 years ago (when Denver was more MCOL) and it has been a good move for us. DH lucked out and was hired by a good company that has advanced him and after some struggles I now have a great career. We were able to buy a nice house in the city that gives us both a 3 mile commute and almost everything we need is 10 minutes away. The “slower” pace in Denver means that DH is home almost everynight for bedtime vs the people he knows in the same industry in Boston. Being away from family can be challenging, but it’s also kind of nice we don’t have to spend every weekend at dance recitals- we just do what we want. My BIL/SIL moved out here a year or two after us and then moved back to Boston 2 years ago after a having kid so it doesn’t work for everyone, but it has been great for us.

[kershnic]

We did this about 2 months ago, so the jury is really still out. I hope we didn't make the mistake of our lives, but only time will tell.

For us, none of our family was local in the HCOL, and we also have no family in the LCOL. For most purposes our families are the same distance away. HCOL however had a few very close friends from college, and right now I am missing them a lot and feeling pretty isolated.

We both started new jobs in our now LCOL area and are earning about 80% of what we were in the HCOL. Our fixed expenses have decreased enough that our discretionary budget looks pretty similar - not worse, but also not a whole lot better. But I don't think we would ever be able to buy a house in the HCOL, because our ability to save for DP and pay for mortgage was never going to keep up with the rising cost of homes. So we would have been stuck in a mediocre apartment, probably eventually priced out of our gentrifying neighborhood, for life. We also had ridiculously long commutes (60+ minutes each way for each person) and not much prospect for reducing that. Our options for moving were also constrained by school quality. In our new LCOL area our commutes are less than 15 minutes, both of our jobs are very family friendly, and there are several different strong school districts. Houses are ridiculously cheap (although property tax is ridulously high, so it's not all sunshine). Looking to the future, there are tons of low cost kids activities here, and summer camp options seem to be affordable.... whereas both of those things were insanely expensive in our HCOL. So many people have described this area to us as a great place to raise kids, so I hope we build a social network and it works out for us, but we'll see. The culture shift out of progressive/Democratic/educated urban America has led to some interesting moments.

[Deleted]

We are actively planning on doing this within the next 18-24 months. We are in VVHCOL and make six figures, yet it JUST covers our obligations. We are priced out of buying a home; even a fixer would put us at the top of our budgets. We don't want to live lives a slave to a mortgage. Our area is geographically isolated and there aren't lower cost of living locations within driving distance. I also work remotely and don't have much of a chance of finding work in our local area. We are considering moves to places where 1) I have a better job market, 2) COL is lower (but prob still MCOL - HCOL; just not VVHCOL), and 3) we can buy a home where we aren't slaves to the mortgage.

To put some numbers on it, a fixer w/ $100-200k worth of work is $1m. A similar home in a HCOL or MCOL would be more like $500-700k.

[newyearae]

Ok, I'm back. Thank you, thank you for all of the insight and advice! I love reading about the different sides and potential things to think about. Trying to keep it short, but here are a few more details.

We do believe my DH could make a comparable salary in an area with a lower cost of living. No possibility to work from home. He is talented with fabulous job experience, but has not applied for other jobs yet. I'm a SAHM.

Talking of going from a HCOL metro area to probably a medium-sized city or smaller metro area (not a small town or rural).

We already have a very lean budget and a 40-minute commute. Moving 1-2 hours away from his work is an option here for more affordable housing.

Thanks again!

[isabel]

How old are your kids? Would you working part time in some capacity relieve some of the financial burden?

What does public transportation look like? You say he already has a 40 minute commute. Would moving 20 more minutes away really make a difference in your housing costs?

There is the potential that we could end up moving, not really by choice. I might be able to work remote, but that's not a given. I will be really sad if I have to give up my job. I like it a lot and wouldn't voluntarily give it up. From your H's perspective, I can see why he's really struggling with that if his job is important to him (on an emotional level, not just finances).

[ellipses84]

I would not do it solely for COL. I would consider it if it were closer to Family or if it was a place I knew I would love living.

We moved from HCOL to MCOL, or so we thought. I loved the HCOL place but DH’s career was stagnant so he convinced me to move, and we agreed it wouldn’t be forever and we could move back in a few years. We were really hoping for a better quality of life and it just didn’t work out that way for us. We were further from Family, which meant less visits, DH had a long commute, we had to live near my work/daycare to make both of our super demanding schedules work which was expensive, some things were cheaper but some were unexpectedly more and our monthly bills ended up being the same. We were unlucky victims of two natural disasters and moved back to the HCOL place. We are in a smaller place but our monthly bills are less. DH’s career isn’t doing as well, but our quality of life and family time together is definitely better already. I feel like I have nothing to show for the past 4 years and we would have been better off selling our house and downsizing, but staying here the whole time. Since I didn’t love the last city, I never felt like I could put down roots. I’m trying not to have regrets, it was good for both of our careers, we might not have had our 2nd kid or be where we are today if we hadn’t made the move.

I have considered taking a step back in my career to live in the MCOL where all my family is, but DH doesn’t love that area, it’s not good for his career, and it’s not something I would really want to do career wise, but it would be great for our kids to grow up there.

[brooke77]

This is our current situation. We are considering a move from HCOL to MCOL. Our salaries in the new area would be higher, and daycare, housing, and food would all be lower. I would also go from having a 75-90 minute commute to a 20 minute (or less) commute. The type of house we could get in the MCOL area literally does not exist in our current town.

The hardest part is potentially leaving my family. I’m extremely torn. We may go and if we hate it we can move back.

[onetruething]

Apr 3, 2018 14:06:04 GMT -5 countthestars said:

Apr 3, 2018 14:03:11 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

As far as surviving in a HCOL area, I can give some tips. We live in NYC, grew up both in and right outside of the city, and have no desire to leave because of our great job situations and having local family around. Here's how we "survive":

1) We live in the outskirts of NYC, which is more affordable than the hotspots. Thankfully, we both have short commutes for this area.
2) We bought the house we needed for our growing family, nothing more, nothing less. We do not subscribe to the idea that we "need" more square footage than we have, a backyard bigger than a postage stamp, a detached house, etc. Yeah, we get twinges of jealousy when we visit friends and family in suburbia and exurbia, but we realize it's fun to visit but not actually live there.
3) Bigger, more HCOL cities generally have no shortage of services and low-cost/free things to do. There are lots of cost-effective things we can do here that we're already paying for through tax dollars and such, either just DH and I or with our kids. Otherwise I feel like we'd ultimately be spending more on kids' activities if we moved further away because there'd be fewer options and they wouldn't be supported by municipal budgets.
4) I think about how we're still doing pretty damn good compared to many other city residents who don't have the income we have. We're really not "sacrificing" anything at all, and certainly don't feel like we're missing out.

Good luck, it's a tough decision no matter what!

This is a great point - I'm always amazed at the fun free stuff I see people in NYC and Washington DC doing. It's not like that here - we spend a lot on entertaining ourselves and our kids because we have fewer options.

Yes, this is us, too!!! I have 4 kids and most of their activities are free/ low cost because we live in the city (Boston.) We would never be able to do all of those things, even if we moved to the close suburbs!!

[Velar Fricative]

Apr 4, 2018 7:27:57 GMT -5 brooke77 said:

This is our current situation. We are considering a move from HCOL to MCOL. Our salaries in the new area would be higher, and daycare, housing, and food would all be lower. I would also go from having a 75-90 minute commute to a 20 minute (or less) commute. The type of house we could get in the MCOL area literally does not exist in our current town.

The hardest part is potentially leaving my family. I’m extremely torn. We may go and if we hate it we can move back.

I don't know if you're asking for advice or not, but your situation sounds like something that even we'd have to think long and hard about (more money but fewer expenses). The family thing is super important though so I'd probably tackle the decision-making by doing a lot of math. Obvious things include travel back to visit family, but there are also bound to be some things that, say, you might not have to pay separately for in an HCOL that you would in a MCOL (for people we know, it's things like sanitation, extra childcare if the new district has half-day K, etc.). If you're still way better off financially in the new location, then I'd pick the new location. And I'd rent first juuuuuust to make sure you really like the location, because while you absolutely can move back if you hate it, it's better not to have to sell a house just to do so. But I hate buying and selling and moving with the passion of a thousand fiery suns so maybe you wouldn't hate that as much. Good luck with your decision-making too!

[Velar Fricative]

Also, I think this is something that's a ways away for a lot of us, but I'd think about college costs too. Yeah, there's no guarantee that either of our kids will go to one of the SUNY or CUNY colleges, but when we were originally considering whether to stay in NYC or move just over the bridge to NJ a few years ago, we saw that NY in-state tuition for residents is way cheaper than NJ in-state tuition. It's good to have the cheaper option if that's ultimately where one or both kids go (if they're going to attend a public college, I'd rather they stay in-state than pay near-private costs for an out-of-state public college, but that's just me). It's possible (probable?) that many LCOL areas have more expensive state public colleges.

I can't remember if some public colleges allow out-of-state families to pay in-state tuition after freshman year though, so maybe that's ultimately NBD for most people.

[penguingrrl]

We moved from HCOL to MCOL/LCOL a few years ago. While our rental cost was lower by a lot, the difference was made up in the municipality nickel and diming us to to death. Among things, trash and recycling pick up weren’t included in our taxes, which is something we had never experienced. But it wasn’t because we had the freedom to price around and compare, we had to pay a separate bill from taxes to the municipality for their choice of trash collector. There were a few other things like that. Snow removal was so poor that minor storms that would have resulted in a half day or one day closing in our old district meant 1-2 day closures because it was inefficient (a problem if both parents need to work) and our police station closed overnight, so there was a major delay in getting aid in an emergency.

We moved back home in a year because we were miserable there. We also have both sets of grandparents within a mile back at home, which has made our lives so much easier in general.

[sent]

Apr 4, 2018 8:45:06 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

I can't remember if some public colleges allow out-of-state families to pay in-state tuition after freshman year though, so maybe that's ultimately NBD for most people.

NY allowed this when I was in grad school over 10 years ago. I don't know if they still do but it's a great deal if they do. My brother was a NY resident who went to a state school in Indiana. They did not allow it there. 

[sent]

My parents did this with us 25 years ago. At the time my dad was offered stable employment in the LCOL city so we had to move. They lasted 12 years before they moved back to the HCOL area they originally left. They finished raising us kids during those 12 years so their expenses and needs were a lot different when they returned to HCOL. Also by the time they came back, the economy had improved and my dad didn't have difficulty finding work anymore. As a teenager when they moved, I hated the move but the LCOL area actually offered great affordable extra curricular activities that were financially out of reach for me in the HCOL area. There were just a lot less kids competing for stuff so more opportunities for internships and stuff.