I left a very comfortable government job for a position in the private sector. And immediately the whole economy crashed. Luckily, my industry isn’t terribly cyclical. I mean, it is cyclical, but less so than many industries. So I agonized before leaving the government. I loved my agency and my work but I also wanted to pay off my student loans and afford kids. Then I agonized about whether to go back. My agency held my position open for six months, hoping I would come back. Then they offered me a position in Belgium for 2 years, hoping to lure me back. That was kind of my dream job, so it was hard to turn down.
Looking at how much more money I make at my company compared to government work (I literally made 5 times what I could have at my government job last year), and looking at the lifestyle that has afforded us (SAHD, private school, vacations), it was clearly a great choice. When I look at my stress levels, though, some days I wonder.
Post by justcheckingin73 on May 8, 2018 8:48:08 GMT -5
The most recent one was when I switched to this job almost two years ago. After being unemployed for a while, I took a WFH job at a large company based on a recommendation from a former coworker. I never felt comfortable. Never felt like I was getting it and felt like a fish out of water. I kept counting the days until a year because I was sure I would feel better after some campaigns and time under my belt. Then my current boss reached out and asked if I was open to changing jobs (I’ve known her for a while and she knew I was new to my job). I said yes but still wondered if I was making the right decision. Would I be going into another role that wasn’t a good fit? Would I disappoint people by leaving? Would I look like a job hopper?
It has turned out well. I feel like I fit in so much better, although I have days like yesterday where I feel like I suck at everything, but mostly it’s been a great transition. I still can’t believe it’s been almost two years that I’ve been here.
Buying our new house. Our mortgage was almost doubling, we knew we wanted another kid (daycare is crazy expensive), and it was so fast. We had been casually looking without an urgent need to buy for about a year (before kindergarten was the goal and ds was 3). We hadn’t seen anything we loved and hadn’t put in any offers. Dh and ds saw this house on Saturday, showed me on Sunday, and we were in contract by Tuesday morning with an offer $100k over list price (normal for the area). It was nerve wracking. I couldn’t sleep for a week. Three years later, I’m so happy we jumped when we did. It’s appreciated more than 15% since we bought and the payments have been easier than we expected, even after the second baby. Ds1 is in Kindergarten and the schools are amazing! I love my new house and am happy we are in our “forever” home. Well at least until the boys are out of school barring we don’t have to leave the area.
Taking my current job. I was miserable at my last job and it was impacting every aspect of our lives in a negative way - emotionally, crazy hours, tons of travel, etc... Old coworkers and I compare that place to an abusive boyfriend. They'd woo you back with money and gifts, then beat you back down again. When I made the leap to this job it was super scary. I had been at my last job since graduating from college. I had to take a pay cut to come here. I was going to go from an agency where everyone did my job with me to being the sole person in this department for a while. It was a HUGE leap of faith. But man, has it worked out. Two years in and my salary is back to where it was because of huge raises. Bonuses are above and beyond what I got before. Work/life balance is real and encouraged. I haven't gotten a stress migraine since starting here and they were more than once a week at my last job. And all of it was because of a total fluke! My VP found me on LinkedIn and sent me a message. They weren't even actively advertising this job and basically created it for me!
Taking a more than 50 percent pay cut to take a FTE position. The market crashed and I survived 13 layoffs in less than twelve months and am still here eleven years later. It’s the right fit for me - benefits, flex, WFH, stimulating - and is something that fits “everything happens for a reason” and the whole gods plan and not getting more than you can handle. The first couple years of very long commutes were hard, but my parents made the girls dinner and it got better over time.
The other one is divorcing my ex. I should have done it while pregnant, but I wasn’t brave enough. Divorce with an infant and three year old isn’t fun, but it was an instant relief - emotionally and financially. I got promoted six months into the divorce and I still have the card my ex gave me - he knew that he was not good for me and wasn’t a good spouse, and that’s something that to this day helps. At the time, it was a brief moment of rationality on his part in a sea of his threatening assault, suicide, custody battles, international abduction, and career destruction.
Put it all together and this opportunity and career saved me and the girls.
Post by HeartofCheese on May 8, 2018 9:31:27 GMT -5
At my first job out of college, I was hired while my boss was on maternity leave. When she came back, she arbitrarily decided she hated me. As in - no words were ever even exchanged, but she began sending me to work with another team everytime I worked my shift for the next few weeks. When I asked to stay with the team I was assigned to (and with my actual clients), she started reprimanding me for everything and accusing me of terrible things. When I turned to coworkers and other supervisors, she told them not to talk to me and so I'd have to literally sneak conversations with people while hiding behind the building as I tried to figure out WTF was happening and get advice. Eventually she tried to put me on a probationary contract which I refused to sign and ended up quitting.
I had a slightly milder experience with my first clerkship during law school. The first incident involved a more experienced clerk actually taking responsibility for the routine thing she was pissed about that I had supposedly done "willynilly" on my first day (I was told by the senior clerk to make a phone call to another dept asking if anyone was going to be at court for that day's docket). She blamed me for everything even when it was something in the handwriting of and signed by one of the other clerks. She eventually badmouthed me in front of court personnel and out of fear of damage to my reputation before even getting started, I gave my 2 weeks.
Women can be fucking brutal, man. Please be supportive of your female fledglings.
I need to think about this more, but +1 to women being brutal. My manager at my last employer hated pregnant woman (and she had had 3 maternity leaves herself at that employer) - one was put on a performance plan for "performance" upon returning from leave (like, the day after), the next one was terminated for "performance" not too long after returning from leave, and then I was told in a performance review while PG that I needed to really think about priorities between work and family, so I saw the writing on the wall and started looking for another job - and we have a division of the company that I'm currently at that has mostly women leaders, but they are super catty and cliquey.
I work with pretty much all women. I tend to get along well with them. There is one bad apple left, but most of the cattier type have quit or been forced out by the bad apple lady. And the one I had to move offices to get away from- she finally realized that she wasn't happy (no crap, Sherlock) and gave up the fight (she fought people on everything including herself I think) and finally moved to be near her family. She wanted to stay one more year, but I think her new husband and family convinced her that she wasn't happy.
I think in the trend of replies I would say this job has helped because I have a family friendly boss, lots of PTO and can work any times and even though most roles require evenings, I was able to say no evenings and he accepted it. It works because DH travels for work, so a job requiring evenings wouldn't have worked with having kids, and with him being unreliably home during the week I also have to do 99% of the doctor appointments which are a lot because DS is special needs. I keep hoping he will outgrow the doctor appointments but audiology and ENT appointments turned into cardiology appointments and surgery. Which turned into more audiology and ENT appointments (finally getting audiology through the school district) and then that turned into PT and OT and now we have the eye doctors scheduled with possible vision therapy.
After two weeks of convergence exercises I can finally see his eyes coming together to converge. Its funny though the left eye comes in and goes back out, so I am also thinking strabismus.
I didn't really agonize over decisions though since it was the only job offer at the time. Same with DS's surgeries most of them I did not agonize over, except maybe the heart surgery since I was trying to determine if it was necessary. I didn't agonize on the decision for his fetal surgery, but it was definitely an agonizingly emotional time.
I agonized over my undergrad school a lot. In the end I am glad I went to school where I did, but when I moved out of state it didn't have the name recognition as the other school. Then I moved back and am in my current field, and the name recognition doesn't matter anymore. I probably should have dropped one of my majors down to a minor though...
I left a very comfortable government job for a position in the private sector. And immediately the whole economy crashed. Luckily, my industry isn’t terribly cyclical. I mean, it is cyclical, but less so than many industries. So I agonized before leaving the government. I loved my agency and my work but I also wanted to pay off my student loans and afford kids. Then I agonized about whether to go back. My agency held my position open for six months, hoping I would come back. Then they offered me a position in Belgium for 2 years, hoping to lure me back. That was kind of my dream job, so it was hard to turn down.
Looking at how much more money I make at my company compared to government work (I literally made 5 times what I could have at my government job last year), and looking at the lifestyle that has afforded us (SAHD, private school, vacations), it was clearly a great choice. When I look at my stress levels, though, some days I wonder.
At 5x the salary, this literally reads in my head as "I was given the choice to win the lottery or be happy?" Lol. +1 for settling for being whatever type of happy the lottery brings.
Post by librarychica on May 8, 2018 10:26:16 GMT -5
DD2. I agonized for at least a year on whether to stick to the one and done plan or have another baby. H had no opinion and I just couldn’t decide. I posted here about it more than once. k3am told me to quit trying to make family planning decisions with a spreadsheet.
It worked out. She’s a ray of sunshine and we adore her, obvs.
For non-kid-having-decisions, moving across town to be closer to my job. I’d have quit if I had to keep making the commute and I’ve done well here and greatly increased my earnings.
Quitting my old job. I hated that job. I knew I hated that job when I had it and would cry on Mondays on the way in to work. Older versions of this board used to hear me complain so frequently it wasn't funny. And somehow, I had convinced myself I was in the best place I could be. Shocker, I wasn't. I also didn't realize just how much I hated it until I'd left.
I'm hoping that eventually, I'll be able to say our new house like sandandsea . Our payments now are more than double our entire PITI payment + an extra $1000 principal was in our old house (we bought that house at the LOW of the market). So far we really love just about everything about the house except what we're paying. We haven't had any months of normal expenses/spending in it yet to judge my comfort zone, and right now, I feel like I have to say no to things I wouldn't have before because of money concerns just because I have no certainty.
I judge my (only) fellow female coworker hard. She is what gives all other working mothers a bad rep. She has literally left before because it was her time of the month and didn't have supplies. We work five minutes from a wal mart.
Her husband also works weekends; Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday night, However I think he is useless (not her fault) He can't take the kids to doc appts or handle them when they are sick. So she is always calling out, or late and she always blames her kids. I think it is just her personality though. She worked here for 6 months before she put in a full 40 hours. I will strive not to judge so hard.
For Me:
I think dating my now husband. I was 18 he was 26. He had two kids from a previous marriage and wasn't interested in anything long term. I was 18 and wasn't looking for serious either. I have learned that I am not a casual dater though. This morphed into our marriage and 2 kids. Very happy, but there were huge red flags that told me not to date him. I just couldn't help myself.
Going part time when I had Ds. I have never been one to be sure about my role between working and being a mother. I swing between wanting to be Aunt Bee and ambition. When I had Ds, I quit my job and stayed home. I figured out pretty quickly that that wasn't all it was cracked up to be. They asked me back and I agreed on 25 hours a week at the same hourly rate, including retirement and insurance. I stayed PT for 10 years. 15 yrs later, I have been back full time for almost 5 years, moved into a supervisory role, accrued seniority, vacation and sick time and my pension all those years, and got to fulfill my Aunt Bee homemaking dreams without going mad.
There have been several jobs I passed over looking back would have been terrible in the long term.
Post by covergirl82 on May 8, 2018 10:59:37 GMT -5
After a little thought, the decision that comes to mind is breaking up with my college boyfriend to date DH. I met DH at a work party a few months after I graduated college, and I was still dating my boyfriend from college. I knew the night I met DH that he was going to be my H, so deciding to break up with my boyfriend was an easy decision, but I agonized over actually telling him, because I knew he'd be crushed. (We had been together for almost 3 years and had talked about getting married. The last few months of our senior year and then after graduation felt different, though, because I was starting work, and he didn't have any plans and apparently no ambition to make a decision about what he wanted to do.) And he definitely was crushed. He called me at least a few times a week, asking what went wrong and would I give him another chance, for a few months after I broke up with him, and finally I had to break it to him that I had met someone else. I have never once regretted or questioned my decision to break up with my college boyfriend to be with DH, and it's been close to 14 years now.
Post by ilovelucyvv on May 8, 2018 17:29:54 GMT -5
Moving to VA after undergrad instead of staying in PA. It was a big gamble not knowing people, etc. If i would have stayed im honestly not sure I’d be as successful as I am now and I wouldn’t have met H.
Personal: leaving my exH before we had kids. It was an emotionally abusive relationship that turned physically abusive right at the end. We had just decided to TTC and I left. I’m still thankful I got out when I did.
Work: Agreeing to take my current position after turning it down twice before. Im finally in a good grove with it, gained so much knowledge and I feel comfortable answering questions.
Friends: 9 years ago I joined a book club I found on meetup. These ladies have become my best friends. We have common interests, a yearly weekend away, and multiple events each month. We range in age from 30-50 and have a variety of backgrounds but I love my tribe.
Jobs. To take the sure thing that was close to home, or take the sure thing that paid 30k more but had a questionable commute up to an hour each way.
I chose close to home.
Mornings on my own w 3 small kids, husband who is gone a lot, kids in sports and activities, working/living/daycare in a one mile radius...the convenience was SO worth the price.
Post by mustardseed2007 on May 9, 2018 10:16:09 GMT -5
I have a really bad tendency to still say "what if", even I can say that my life is good.
For instance, I was originally offered a job in Los Angeles after I graduated from undergrad. I chose a job in my home state, worked for a year, met DH, went to law school, had my awesome kids. I agonized over turning down the job in LA because I really wanted to live in California. But you know. This life is great...but WHAT IF.
So I'm no good at this "turned out well so hooray" thing.
Post by traveltheworld on May 9, 2018 11:34:50 GMT -5
Marrying DH. He was my first and only boyfriend, didn't "check all the boxes", and our relationship was mostly long distance. Most importantly, I always wanted a spouse that is ambitious and and accomplished, and DH was neither. Honestly I married him because I had really low self esteem and the guy worshipped me.
But, it has turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. His unconditional love shaped who I am today, and he has turned a lot more ambitious sincd we've had kids. He'd never run a fortune 500 company, but he wants to and tries really hard to take care of us, so that's enough. Oh, and after almost 16 years, he still lights up every time he sees me.
Having DS. I had debilitating PPD after DD. I decided when she was six months old that I couldn’t take the risk of having it again and decided that I would not have any more children. DH was disappointed but supported my decision. I was packing up DD’s baby stuff shortly after her first birthday and felt really sad about never having the chance to use it again. I got pregnant with DS a few months later. I was terrified about PPD again but didn’t have any issues after I had DS. He brings so much light to our family that it has been the best decision I’ve ever made.
Leaving my job to become a SAHM for a while. I’d been with my company for 16 years and had worked my way up to a pretty senior position. I reported directly to the CMO for a Fortune 100 company, and I was part of the leadership team to set policy for the entire organization. I’d worked hard to earn my MBA and to establish my career. But I was miserable. My time with my kids was not quality time. I felt my whole life was just something to “get through”. I tried to find another job, but every job was the same. Same commute. Same hours. Same stress. And I was too tired to start over.
I agonized for 2 years. And I gave it all up. My exit was bumpy because DHs job blew up at the same time, but it was definitely the right decision. I’m starting to build a small consulting business, and being away from that job has allowed me to focus on some issues DD1 was having in a way I never could in the past. It took me until about a month ago to feel like my brain was functioning normally again. After 5 years of operating at a frenetic, super stressful pace, I felt like my brain was broken. I’m finally feeling normal again.