@randoms 5/14

[luv2rn4fun]

May 18, 2018 18:18:55 GMT -5 estrellita said:

luv2rn4fun I just want to smack your H TBH. If it was mostly his idea for you to stay home, he can't complain about it. I think you guys should sit down and realistically discuss you working. Because you're right, it's very possible your check would only really cover daycare, and if you enjoy staying at home, what's the point? He needs to understand that plus all the things you do that he probably doesn't even notice!

Thanks, I do too some days 😜 I feel like with having kids his life hasn’t changed all that much but the big sacrifice is financially, which we all “feel”. However, I gave up even more and it hasn’t been the easiest adjustment. But he doesn’t really see that and appreciate it...and when he’s “regretting” that choice it makes it hard not to just jump and start applying for jobs.

He also has ZERO idea what it’s like to stay home with them and actually care for them 100%. I take a lot of ownership in that with L especially because I never really pumped after he refused bottles, so it’s been all on me. He thinks because I go for a run, the park, Disneyland, etc that it’s all fun. He isn’t home to see L screaming while I am cooking dinner, C not listening or whining non stop, the boys fighting over toys, balancing their needs while getting stuff done, etc. He also has no idea how much me going back to work would affect his ability to actually do his job and how much more he would have to take on at home (and he already does a lot of the house/car/yard stuff...he’s good at that, just doesn’t readily do things for the boys unless I am barking orders which is so draining...and probably annoying to him LOL).

[luv2rn4fun]

May 18, 2018 20:18:48 GMT -5 Blue Moon said:

luv2rn4fun. Ugh sorry your H doesn’t see all that you do. Every few months my H and I have the same argument. It’s so frustrating. I don’t stay at home but I feel like I bear the brunt of all the toughest parts of parenting, ie kid sickness, MOTN wake ups, trying to keep up on cleaning the entire house while also responsible for the kids, etc. And my H really does a good amount with them if you tally it up. Anyway it’s so hard to feel unappreciated. Huge ((hugs)).

Huge ((Hugs)) to you as well. Sorry you guys go through this same cycle to. You would think 3.5 years in we would have a better working system.

I agree with you that my DH also does a lot, it just might not be the things that are on my priority list (or high on it). We are in this horrible habit of keeping score. I know we both do a lot but he definitely has way more flexibility to leave and do something for him than I have and it’s frustrating that he doesn’t have that weight (but I also don’t have the weight of having to pay all our bills and I do take that for granted, probably because I could have paid them by myself before I quit...but still something I need to work on showing appreciation for).

Anyways, how is G doing today? How did your guys’ day go? Hope he is feeling better.

[luv2rn4fun]

I will add that the comment about his coworkers wife was made after he had been drinking. Still not cool and he shouldn’t be complaining about the situation at all since it was his choice (he can bring it up in a better way if he seriously wants to make a change and have me look into going back to work).

Also, the money stress is peaking right now because we recently found out that C will not qualify for TK so he will be in preschool at the same time I was planning to start L. That is going to cost us $600/month and it’s something we can’t afford without a huge cut somewhere or DH making more money. Likely, we are going to have to start L mid year so it’s not as much of a financial hit.

The other factor in all of this is that he really hates his job so in his mind staying home is a dream (although he knows he would likely go crazy), whereas my job was super easy/low stress/good money/flexible so it was much easier for me to go to work vs most days staying at home. But the good outweighs the bad for me and I know they will only be young once...plus, DH’s job isn’t flexible so from a logistics stand point it doesn’t make sense for me to work.

[estrellita]

luv2rn4fun I feel like you should take a weekend trip and leave the boys with your H so he can see how hard it can be. Sure, some of the stuff you do is fun, but like you said, there's a LOT of hard stuff too. I could never be a SAHM. I got pretty much nothing done on ML until A started DC a few days before I went back to work. Imagining being home with the kids all the time and trying to also do anything at all.. no thanks, lol. I can't imagine taking both of them shopping, trying to do anything for myself (eat, go to the bathroom, etc), clean, etc while also watching both of them. I'm also a lower energy and higher anxiety person than I think most people are so that doesn't help, and I'm sure it would be better as they get older but still. Anyway, my point being that he really needs to appreciate all you do. But if he's serious and you want to work, maybe it's something you could explore? He could stay home for a while and you can go do fun stuff with your coworkers instead!

[luv2rn4fun]

May 19, 2018 6:51:58 GMT -5 estrellita said:

luv2rn4fun I feel like you should take a weekend trip and leave the boys with your H so he can see how hard it can be. Sure, some of the stuff you do is fun, but like you said, there's a LOT of hard stuff too. I could never be a SAHM. I got pretty much nothing done on ML until A started DC a few days before I went back to work. Imagining being home with the kids all the time and trying to also do anything at all.. no thanks, lol. I can't imagine taking both of them shopping, trying to do anything for myself (eat, go to the bathroom, etc), clean, etc while also watching both of them. I'm also a lower energy and higher anxiety person than I think most people are so that doesn't help, and I'm sure it would be better as they get older but still. Anyway, my point being that he really needs to appreciate all you do. But if he's serious and you want to work, maybe it's something you could explore? He could stay home for a while and you can go do fun stuff with your coworkers instead!

Thanks estrellita! I am definitely planning on having at least a day away and maybe a weekend away once I wean L (my Dream right now is to leave the boys and go to Disneyland all day with a bunch of girlfriends...since my pass is only good during the week, DH will likely have to take the day off unless I can convince my parents to watch both of them).

I am very lucky in that I have a ton of energy and am very type A. I was forced to be out of the house a lot when C was born because of my mom’s health issues and then when L was born I wanted things to be the same for C so we just KOKO. Luckily the boys mostly like to help with chores and I break it all up so there’s not a lot to do on one day (yesterday I vacuumed the house and cleaned two bathrooms, Monday is always grocery shopping, we do Costco as needed). Oh, and they like to go shopping and to Costco so that gives us something to do that doesn’t cost extra $$$.

But yeah, it’s hard juggling two kids and all.the.noise all day long! I feel like I do a better job than most do/would. And I try to remind myself how much harder it would be on me if I went back to work (because likely I would shoulder most of the kid/house responsibilities still and then have to work on top of it...I would get a break but also miss out on some pretty cool stuff...and be super busy trying to keep it all together).

There is no way DH would quit and stay home. He actually needs to get a promotion in the next 1-2 years and become manager. If he quit he would definitely lose all he has worked hard for (just like I have). Plus, he would last maybe a week, if that, being home. Some days he has absolutely zero patience for either of them and he’s not even around them all that much.

I have a feeling that I will do some form of work at some point. Ideally I would do something for my dads business from home or teach online. Maybe some day I will start my own business (even if it’s something that only makes $1k/month). I have a lot of ideas and have my dads experience as a business owner to help work through a path that might be successful.

[luv2rn4fun]

katespade- how are you feeling? Thinking of you!

[katespade]

May 19, 2018 12:45:29 GMT -5 luv2rn4fun said:

katespade- how are you feeling? Thinking of you!

Thanks for thinking of me! I’ve been feeling... no worse than normal, I suppose. Mostly bloaty and crampy and tired and about as nauseous as usual. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but my anxiety levels are definitely through the roof. lol.

[grover]

Took A in for allergy testing this morning. Thankfully she reacted negative to the environmental and food allergies we tested her for. Since she had an immediate reaction last week to Nutella, he didn't give her the scratch test for Hazelnuts. But he's now not sure if that is what caused her reaction last week because Hazelnuts are closely related to Almond, Cashew and Pecan and she had negative results to those three today. So basically, we ruled a bunch out, but aren't positive on Hazelnut at this point. Plan is to continue re-introducing the other nuts, and once those have been reintroduced, he wants us to do a Hazelnut/Nutella food test in office.

[luv2rn4fun]

May 19, 2018 12:50:56 GMT -5 katespade said:

May 19, 2018 12:45:29 GMT -5 luv2rn4fun said:

katespade- how are you feeling? Thinking of you!

Thanks for thinking of me! I’ve been feeling... no worse than normal, I suppose. Mostly bloaty and crampy and tired and about as nauseous as usual. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but my anxiety levels are definitely through the roof. lol.

Aww, sorry to hear your anxiety is through the roof 🙁. Any way you can mention this to your OB and see if they can get you in earlier? Hang in there...first trimester is especially hard but it should get a little easier the longer you progress.

[luv2rn4fun]

I just had an 18 day cycle with 7 days of bleeding. I am irrationally annoyed by this (my cycles are already averaging 23 days, which is short enough). Ironically, I looked at the calendar yesterday to see if I was near the end of my cycle because I was feeling really tired (more so than normal) and was like “nope, likely next weds”...and then it starts today.

[estrellita]

May 19, 2018 12:50:56 GMT -5 katespade said:

May 19, 2018 12:45:29 GMT -5 luv2rn4fun said:

katespade- how are you feeling? Thinking of you!

Thanks for thinking of me! I’ve been feeling... no worse than normal, I suppose. Mostly bloaty and crampy and tired and about as nauseous as usual. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but my anxiety levels are definitely through the roof. lol.

*hugs* first tri is so hard on anxiety! A lot of people say it's better when you can feel the baby move, which is sort of true, but then when you don't for a while you freak out about that. The anxiety is never really ending, but it does get better, lol. I'm glad you're not feeling super sick though, hopefully your m/s won't be too bad!

[katespade]

luv2rn4fun - I don’t think calling my doctor would help, really. I’m not interested in taking any meds for it right now, so I just kind of have to keep on keeping on and hope it gets better. I think it’s mostly a mix of sitting around waiting for MS to hit me and worrying about getting bad news at our first appointment in three weeks. Only time will help get through both of those things, so I feel like just need to ride it out.

estrellita - I’m only 6+3, so I feel like it’s still too soon to tell if this is as bad as it will get. I hope it doesn’t get worse than this, but I’m not ready to get too optimistic about it. lol.

[luv2rn4fun]

katespade- makes sense. I was just thinking that maybe you could be seen earlier for peace of mind. I was lucky to have my appointments no later than 8 weeks (first pregnancy), 7 weeks for second pregnancy, and 6 weeks for the last two pregnancies.

[estrellita]

May 19, 2018 15:13:16 GMT -5 katespade said:

luv2rn4fun - I don’t think calling my doctor would help, really. I’m not interested in taking any meds for it right now, so I just kind of have to keep on keeping on and hope it gets better. I think it’s mostly a mix of sitting around waiting for MS to hit me and worrying about getting bad news at our first appointment in three weeks. Only time will help get through both of those things, so I feel like just need to ride it out.

estrellita - I’m only 6+3, so I feel like it’s still too soon to tell if this is as bad as it will get. I hope it doesn’t get worse than this, but I’m not ready to get too optimistic about it. lol.

True, it'll probably get worse from about 8-12 weeks, at least that was my experience. FX it doesn't get too bad for you!

[luv2rn4fun]

May 19, 2018 20:11:52 GMT -5 estrellita said:

May 19, 2018 15:13:16 GMT -5 katespade said:

luv2rn4fun - I don’t think calling my doctor would help, really. I’m not interested in taking any meds for it right now, so I just kind of have to keep on keeping on and hope it gets better. I think it’s mostly a mix of sitting around waiting for MS to hit me and worrying about getting bad news at our first appointment in three weeks. Only time will help get through both of those things, so I feel like just need to ride it out.

estrellita - I’m only 6+3, so I feel like it’s still too soon to tell if this is as bad as it will get. I hope it doesn’t get worse than this, but I’m not ready to get too optimistic about it. lol.

True, it'll probably get worse from about 8-12 weeks, at least that was my experience. FX it doesn't get too bad for you!

katespade- mine wasn’t too bad til about 7-8 weeks and then it lasted til 16-18 weeks. I remember always being so hopeful that it would end once first tri was over and then feeling like it would never end. It was always better when I avoided foods that didn’t sound or look appealing (I eat chicken all the time but can’t stand it when pregnant...even making it for DH made me nauseous) and also keeping a little something in my stomach at all times helped. Good luck!! I hope you are one of the lucky ones that doesn’t get bad m/s (I actually consider myself lucky in that I was nauseous and didn’t feel well but I never vomited from m/s)!

[luv2rn4fun]

We had a fun girls night out yesterday to “celebrate” a good friend moving to the East Coast! I was kind of dreading it because it was after bedtime, at a club, and my one other friend that I knew actually ended up bailing on us so I only knew the friend being celebrated.

We had dinner, a couple drinks, and did some country dancing LOL. There was a 87 year old gentleman there that kept asking us to dance with him. He was trying, unsuccessfully, to teach us how to two step. Fun times! I ended up staying til 11:30 and was home just after 12a. Of course L STTN (that never happens and he has been awake a lot lately) but he was awake at 5:35 so I got up then to enjoy coffee before getting him.

The only bummer was the food/drink bill. I ordered significantly less than everyone else (partially because I got there late but I also drank beer vs cocktails/wine). When the bill came I agreed to split (the friend being celebrated was trying to get me to only pay my share because she knew I got less, but I was ok with the original plan to split but not pay tip) because it was only $5 more than “my share”. Well, the friend who gave the bill to the waitress agreed to give the waitress the cash for tip so all of us paying with credit card paid more. I ended up paying almost double ($50 for some nachos and one beer). Not the end of the world and worth it because my friend was glad I came (made her feel special because she knows I don’t leave the kids often and that we don’t have money for things like this).

We walked to the grocery store and got most of the groceries for this week. I also made a double batch of chicken enchiladas for dinner tonight and tomorrow and lunch for DH a couple days this week.

[katespade]

May 20, 2018 15:03:24 GMT -5 luv2rn4fun said:

May 19, 2018 20:11:52 GMT -5 estrellita said:

True, it'll probably get worse from about 8-12 weeks, at least that was my experience. FX it doesn't get too bad for you!

katespade- mine wasn’t too bad til about 7-8 weeks and then it lasted til 16-18 weeks. I remember always being so hopeful that it would end once first tri was over and then feeling like it would never end. It was always better when I avoided foods that didn’t sound or look appealing (I eat chicken all the time but can’t stand it when pregnant...even making it for DH made me nauseous) and also keeping a little something in my stomach at all times helped. Good luck!! I hope you are one of the lucky ones that doesn’t get bad m/s (I actually consider myself lucky in that I was nauseous and didn’t feel well but I never vomited from m/s)!

I’ve been having a lot of lower GI issues, pretty much since my BFP, and as miserable as they are I’m kind of hoping they’re my body’s version of MS. It sucks, but it’s the better of the two options, in my opinion. lol.

[grover]

katespade, I had lots of lower GI issues my entire pregnancy, as well as all day nausea. Thankfully not much actually throwing up.
Also, my good IRL friend is only a few days ahead of you. If you want I can hook you ladies up to have someone to commiserate with.



I'm home today with a sick toddler. She woke with a 101.6 fever. Of course now that the motrin has kicked in she's acting fine. I feel bad for her (guessing it's either a continuation of the virus she was diagnosed with last week, or teething) but I can't help but be slightly annoyed that it couldn't have been NEXT week when this happened so I wouldn't have to miss a ton this last week of school. H volunteered, but he missed a day last week and he gets no paid time off for his first 90 days.