PSA: Living together before marriage = harlots.

[debatethis]

This guy gets the douchecanoe of the year award.

Waiting till the wedding night – getting married the right way

By Steven Crowder

Published September 14, 2012

| FoxNews.com

As anyone who’s read my abstinence column here at Fox News Opinion could guess, my wedding is something that I’ve looked forward to for quite some time. After having tied the knot at the end of August, I can now say beyond all shadow of a doubt, that it was everything I’d hoped and prayed that it would be since childhood. (I’d also prayed to be bitten by a radioactive spider and develop sticky hands, but… I was an idiot.)

Let me preface this column by saying this: my wife (I have to get used to saying that) and I not only waited sexually in every way (no, we didn’t pull the Bill Clinton and technically avoid “sex” sex,) but we didn’t shack up as live-ins and most importantly, we courted each other in a way that was consistent with our publicly professed values.

We did it right.

[pullquote]

Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple.

We’d certainly never make it to the wedding without schtupping, and if we did, our “wedding night would be awkward and terrible,” they said.

Turns out that people couldn’t have been more wrong. Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.

I think it’s important to write this column not to gloat (though I’ll be glad to), but to speak up for all of the young couples that have also done things the right way. When people do marriage right, they don’t complain so much, and so their voices are silenced by the rabble of promiscuous charlatans, peddling their pathetic world view as “progressive.”

Our wedding was perfect. Our wedding night was nothing short of amazing. I write this on a plane heading into a tropical paradise with the most beautiful woman to have walked the planet earth. I know everybody says that their bride was the “most beautiful in the world.” They’re wrong. I win.

I’d like to tell you a story of our morning after, however. One that transpired into one of the most glaring epiphanies I’d ever had.

As my wife (again, still not used to that) and I ate breakfast at a local inn, we discussed how excited we were to start the rest of our lives together, how scary it was that everything was now so different. At the same time, we overheard the table next to us discussing their very own wedding from the night prior. What a coincidence!

“The thing is, nothing’s really changed,” the bride said.

Puzzled, my wife asked, “Did you get married last night too? So did we!”

“Congratulations!” the other dame said. “Yeah we did, just last night.”

“Where’s the groom?” my wife innocently… scratch that, naively asked.

“Oh, he’s sleeping. There was no way he was coming out with me this morning!” She paused and smirked. “Let’s just say that he’s got a lingering headache from a really good time last night.”

My heart sank. Firstly, that poor schmuck's “good time” was simply getting snookered. Not enjoying the company of close family and long-lost friends with a clear head and clean conscience, not staring in awe at his beautiful new wife, wanting to soak in every glimmer of her eyes as she shot him heart-racing looks from across the dance floor, not taking all of the cheesy pictures as they cut the cake, not even carrying her across that suite threshold as they nervously anticipated their “nightcap.” He probably won’t remember any of it. Instead, he got smashed. He was “that guy”… at his own freaking wedding.

Then I realized something. Our wedding was truly a once in a lifetime event. It was a God’s-honest celebration of two completely separate lives now becoming one. Physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, everything that made us who we were individually was becoming what bonded us together. Our family traveled from far and wide to celebrate the decision of two young people to truly commit themselves to each other, and selflessly give themselves to one another in a way that they never had before that very night.

The people next to us that morning? Well, theirs was just one big party. And the morning after? Just another hangover.

Our “weddings” were the same event in name only. They know it, and we know it.

Do yours the right way. If you’re young and wondering whether you should wait, whether you should just give in, become a live-in harlot/mimbo and do it the world’s way. If you’re wondering whether all of the mocking, the ridicule, the incredible difficulty of saving yourself for your spouse is worth it, let me tell you without a doubt that it is. Your wedding can be the most memorable day and night of your life… or just another party.

Oops. Did I just make a “judgment?” You’re darn right I did.

Read more: www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/09/14/staying-celibate-before-marriage-was-best-thing-ive-ever-done/print#ixzz26q8S4tM1

[ttt]

Ummm okay. Someone is a little *too* defensive about how great his wedding night was.

[pedanticwench]

Bless his heart.

[copzgirl1171]

Sept 18, 2012 11:37:42 GMT -5 ttt said:

Ummm okay. Someone is a little *too* defensive about how great his wedding night was.

Little dick syndrome.

What?

[emilyj]

[ringstrue]

:-|

I've been married 2 days and I'm already an expert!

Is he related to Josh Duggar?

[marie427]

Um, good for them?

[ttt]

Sept 18, 2012 11:35:11 GMT -5 debatethis said:

�Oh, he�s sleeping. There was no way he was coming out with me this morning!� She paused and smirked. �Let�s just say that he�s got a lingering headache from a really good time last night.�

My heart sank. Firstly, that poor schmuck's �good time� was simply getting snookered. Not enjoying the company of close family and long-lost friends with a clear head and clean conscience, not staring in awe at his beautiful new wife, wanting to soak in every glimmer of her eyes as she shot him heart-racing looks from across the dance floor, not taking all of the cheesy pictures as they cut the cake, not even carrying her across that suite threshold as they nervously anticipated their �nightcap.� He probably won�t remember any of it. Instead, he got smashed. He was �that guy�� at his own freaking wedding.

Also, how do you know the headache was from drinking and not from having incredible sex all night long? That's what I thought she meant by that comment.

[NitaX]

I really don't know what the point of this whole diatribe was. Was it that he didn't have a hangover or that he did screw his wife before they got married. And how does that nullify the marriage of others? I need a cogent argument here.

[josieposy]

I'm glad he enjoyed his wedding and did what he felt was best for him and his wife. I'm also glad that he has everything figured out after being married a mere 5 minutes.

[copzgirl1171]

Sept 18, 2012 11:40:12 GMT -5 ttt said:

Sept 18, 2012 11:35:11 GMT -5 debatethis said:

�Oh, he�s sleeping. There was no way he was coming out with me this morning!� She paused and smirked. �Let�s just say that he�s got a lingering headache from a really good time last night.�

My heart sank. Firstly, that poor schmuck's �good time� was simply getting snookered. Not enjoying the company of close family and long-lost friends with a clear head and clean conscience, not staring in awe at his beautiful new wife, wanting to soak in every glimmer of her eyes as she shot him heart-racing looks from across the dance floor, not taking all of the cheesy pictures as they cut the cake, not even carrying her across that suite threshold as they nervously anticipated their �nightcap.� He probably won�t remember any of it. Instead, he got smashed. He was �that guy�� at his own freaking wedding.

Also, how do you know the headache was from drinking and not from having incredible sex all night long? That's what I thought she meant by that comment.

Makes being a judgy McJudgerson a little harder if its because of "marital relations"

[penguingrrl]

Bwahahahahaha!

[cattledogkisses]

Pfft. I thought the whole living together before marriage = harlot thing was old news. I wear my harlot label proudly.

I don't care if you choose to wait until marriage, just don't be a sanctimonious doucheface about it.

[emilyj]

Sept 18, 2012 11:38:32 GMT -5 @copzgirl1171 said:

Little dick syndrome.

What?

I was thinking two-pump chump.

[debatethis]

Secular extremists are "scary" according to him: www.foxnews.com/opinion/2010/09/07/steven-crowder-secular-extremism-religion-james-lee-discovery-channel-mother/

And he's glad his parents beat him: www.foxnews.com/opinion/2010/07/09/steven-crowder-beat-spank-mom-dad-enable-snookie-super-soaker/

WTF is wrong with this person??

[Nonny]

I love how he just presumes to know everything that went on with the other couples wedding.

There are too many points of naivety, stupidity, and overall asshattery to comment on them all.

[ttt]

Sept 18, 2012 11:46:59 GMT -5 debatethis said:

Secular extremists are "scary" according to him: www.foxnews.com/opinion/2010/09/07/steven-crowder-secular-extremism-religion-james-lee-discovery-channel-mother/

And he's glad his parents beat him: www.foxnews.com/opinion/2010/07/09/steven-crowder-beat-spank-mom-dad-enable-snookie-super-soaker/

WTF is wrong with this person??

Not enough sex.

[charminglife]

Well if he's going to judge me I'm happy to judge him right back. Anyone who writes an opinion column about how fantastic their wedding night was should probably think about why he needs everyone to know about it.

[Deleted]

Can I ask his wife how amazing the wedding night was, please? I'm sure it that was a lovely few minutes. /snark

In all seriousness, hey, good for you. You waited. It made you and your partner happy. Congratulations.

How's about I let you live your life and you let me live mine. Keep your judgmental crap to yourself and I'll do the same.

Ta-da!

Oh, wait. If we do that, you can't walk around bragging about what a good, superior Christian you are. And there goes all the fun.

[bhnumbers]

man, I wish he had written this 11 years ago before I met my husband, so we would have known the "right" way to get married. It's amazing that we've come this far without this little prick telling us how it should be done!

[wrathofkuus]

You know what he got that all those "harlots" who had sex before marriage didn't get? Extra celibacy. That's it. Personally, I'll opt for extra sex every time.

[MarmeeNoir]

Appearently, he is also a comedian. I'm sure it's a riot.

[pedanticwench]

This guy is supposedly a comedian?

[bhnumbers]

Sept 18, 2012 11:46:59 GMT -5 debatethis said:

Secular extremists are "scary" according to him: www.foxnews.com/opinion/2010/09/07/steven-crowder-secular-extremism-religion-james-lee-discovery-channel-mother/

And he's glad his parents beat him: www.foxnews.com/opinion/2010/07/09/steven-crowder-beat-spank-mom-dad-enable-snookie-super-soaker/

WTF is wrong with this person??

okay, I only read the "my parents beat me, thank god" one and o.m.g.

I don't get too judgy over people who spank their kids (not beat, spank) I don't do it, but I know people who do and they're not terrible people.

but this guy spouting off about how children shouldn't have self-esteem and they need to be beaten into submission? WTF is that???

[jillboston]

I loved all my floozy years a great deal. So there.

[knitty]

So his wedding was about having sex, ours was about a party to celebrate our decision to be together forever, and that makes us the harlot/manwhore?

[Deleted]

I love how he assumes that his way of living is the "right" way and everyone else who would do anything different is wrong and missing out. LOL

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

People, he laid it out there for you in the first paragraph - he's an idiot. The rest? Proof.

[wawa]

I just googled him to figure out hte comedian aspect of this thing.

His google image results do not look funny. Nothing on his FB page is funny. I fail to see the funny. Unless he's acually a long-game Colbert-esque satire act.

[luckyval]

What a waste of the prime sexual years that are early marriage. You have no *clue* what you like, don't like and how to communicate that.