Hi Guys

[justagirlwithacat]

I used to be FMFwife or something like that. I seriously don't remember. Maybe a little description will help. I was married to a Corpsman, had applied to Marine Corps OCS twice and gotten denied then ended up becoming a Corpsman myself. It's been a big year for me. I got sent to Puerto Rico on the Comfort last fall. My, now ex, dear Johned me while I was away and we are now divorced. Hes getting remarried this summer but if I'm being honest our marriage had been over for at least 2 years (since the first time he left and I took him back) so it is what it is. It actually turned out that his friends found out he was being shady and talking to this girl behind my back for years. In the end I guess he was a real piece of work. I was pretty crushed at first but I'm actually great now. I'm so much less stressed and genuinely happier. I PCS'd to Norfolk/sea duty and I'm super excited about that. I'll be deploying this year. I recently started dating a pretty great guy so we will see where that goes. Hes 35 and has a kid and is also in the Navy but is planning to go reserves this fall.

Anyway why I really am posting. I need some advice. I dont have a ton of female friends. One I got really close to and was a huge support to me through my divorce. Now that I've spent more time with her since I moved to VA, I'm questioning whether this is a person I should be spending my time with. She seems to self victimize a lot and doesn't do anything to help herself and doesn't want anyone's advice. Examples:
1. She has been in the Navy 6 years, she is an E4, only wants to be a greenside Corpsman (work with Marines) but got ship duty then hospital duty. She has it in her head the Chief's Mess has been out to get her and they black listed her from the time she was in bootcamp because of the way she looks (she's very pretty).
2. She has chosen to just basically have casual unattached sex with men because she's career Navy and no one will ever want to date her long term or marry her. But she says shes totally comfortable being independent and alone. She tells me not to judge her and gets mad when people call her a slur buuuuuttttt...if the shoe fits...or am I being too judged on this one? Obviously shes an adult it's her choice but if you're gonna do it expect the criticism and dont get mad about it.
3. She told me the only reason I picked up E5 is I got lucky but I worked hard for my eval and studied my ass off. She doesn't study and she bitches about her eval but refuses to do the work that's expected to change that. I try really hard to be a leader and set a good example but shes just mouthy. I used to think she was a good sailor when I was technically her junior but now I'm questioning my judgement.

The list really goes on. I have a hard time saying I should just drop her and give up on her because I dont like giving up on people in general, she was there for me when I needed someone, and she doesn't have really any relationships of real substance in her life...people that genuinely care about her. Do I drop her or not? I'm confused I'm terrible at this stuff.

[NomadicMama]

Hi! Life has been busy for you! I’m glad that you are doing well and have a good perspective on life.

As for your “friend”. It sounds as though ahe’s got walls up and is set in how she thinks things are, or should be. Take into consideration that I’ve never served, so I don’t know the impact of this all…can you distance yourself from her some? Can you be friends, and appreciate the support she provided you during your divorce without being best friends? It sounds as though you have different goals in life, or at least different ways you plan to reach your goals, which can make this friendship less compatible.

But, if who you hang out with can or will impact how you are seen at work, I would definitely distance yourself. Get involved in activities with more like-minded people so that you don’t have time to hang out with her.

Or, if you’ve realized that the friendship really isn’t working out for you, it’s okay to move on.

[Deleted]

I would have a hard time being friends with someone like that. Do you have enough in common that you could just not talk about Navy/work stuff? That would be the only way I could handle it.

[justagirlwithacat]

Well, I have distanced myself from the "friend" in question quite a bit since my original post. I just decided it's not the kind of toxicity I need in my life.