Birthday Help!

[sweetptater]

Do you have both family and friend birthday parties for your kids? We only have one weekend free in July for DD's birthday. She wants friends over for a pool party, but I know grandparents and aunts and uncles are expecting a party too. It seems awkward to mix school friends/parents that we don't know well with family. I have no idea how to handle this. 

What is typical for a 6 year old birthday party? 

[mommyatty]

No family party but we do have a dinner with the birthday kid and invite grandma. We don’t have much family though. Even if we did, I wouldn’t do a family party. That’s just not a thing in our family.

[covergirl82]

After the kids started school, and wanted friend parties, we changed to a friend party and then having grandparents (and my sister, who is single, no kids) over for a lunch or dinner to celebrate. Because most of the extended family was DH's, I let him communicate to his family members who wouldn't be invited anymore.

[kimberlybb]

We just started doing friend parties last year when DD turned 5. I invited grandparents/other family members last year and will this year but made it clear that DD would be running around with her friends so they shouldn't expect a lot of quality time with her. The ones that were okay with that showed up and the others opted to see her another time. We only had the one party so I definitely wouldn't feel obligated to do two parties.

[ECB]

No, we don't do 2 parties. Now that DS is the age where he wants friends parties - we might do a dinner w/ my parents to celebrate. Maybe. But that's not always a given with our busy lives.

I feel like when kids get to school age and their focus is more on friends, it's time to start changing expectations with family over how birthdays will be handled. 2 parties every year for both kids? This isn't something I'd want to do or feel that I "have" to do.

I know I didn't grow up with multiple parties every year for my birthday!

[yummmy]

We do his friend party and then have a family BBQ and pool party after. So this year his friend party was from 1:30-3:30 at a local jumping place and then we did an after party from 4-6ish at our house where he got to invite 1 friend and then it was family. So it is two, but really just seems like a continuation of the same one and they are both done in one day.

[twinmomma]

We just invite family to the friend party. It's grandparents and a couple aunts/uncles who are all young and don't have kids. They end up either playing with the little kids (because they have fun and humor them) or just hang out and watch the kids play. This year we had my folks swing by our house right before the party so the girls could open gifts with them alone and then we did the same with the in laws immediately after the party. So that was nice - they got a little one on one time and didn't have to compete with the party craziness. Will not be throwing separate parties. No way.

[sweetptater]

mommyatty, DH says the same. Family birthday parties weren't a thing for him growing up. My family always got together for birthdays.

covergirl82, I like the idea of a small family lunch instead of a party. DD's birthday is close to the 4th of July and my parents always have a huge 4th party with all family that would be invited to the birthday party. In the past we've squeezed it in during the 4th party weekend so people wouldn't have to make plans two weekends in a row. This year my cousin has decided to have her wedding reception (they eloped last month) the night before the 4th party, also at my parent's house, so I didn't want to try to fit in one more thing. I may decide screw it and fit it in anyway.

[rere]

We only invite friends to the party once the kids became interested in having friends over. Like others, if we have a special dinner or go out to eat on their actual birthday, we may invite the grandparents, but no other extended family.

I called my mom to borrow her fire pit for DS's 15th birthday party. She started freaking out that she had plans and couldn't come. I had to explain that we just wanted the fire pit, she wasn't expected to hang out and play pool and darts with a bunch of 15 year olds.

[sweetptater]

Jun 12, 2018 7:51:41 GMT -5 yummmy said:

We do his friend party and then have a family BBQ and pool party after. So this year his friend party was from 1:30-3:30 at a local jumping place and then we did an after party from 4-6ish at our house where he got to invite 1 friend and then it was family. So it is two, but really just seems like a continuation of the same one and they are both done in one day.

This is a great idea. We have a pool so DD usually wants a pool party with her friends. I wouldn't be able to kick out one group so the family party could start, but I could definitely look into having her friend's party somewhere else and the family party at home.  

[polecat8]

DD's birthday is just after the 4th of July. We usually have our families over for a bbq around the 4th and celebrate her birthday then. We've decided to only do friend parties every other year because it is too hard getting kids to come in the middle of summer.
DS1's birthday is early August, along with my nephew's and twin nieces' (they are all within the same week). Last year, we had our families come to our house to celebrate all the birthdays since we have a big backyard.
DS2 has a mid-March birthday. This year we did a big family party with about 45 people for his 1st birthday. We'll probably combine his birthday with Easter next year.
I don't know what we will do when DS1 and DS2 start asking for friend parties.

The family celebrations usually end up with 25 - 30 people total, which isn't too bad.

[helenahhandbasket]

We did one for her friends and then I let her grandparents each take her out/ spend the day with her with a special activity.

I don't have much family though and I am not close with my siblings so my perspective is probably a little bit skewed.

[mustardseed2007]

We have gotten together for a dinner with family for birthdays in addition to the kid's birthday parties. It depends on if the grandparents come to the kids parties. My mom has some mobility limitation and so if we're going anywhere that would be difficult for her to get to or navigate, she can't really come.

[waverly]

We used to have family only parties.

We have done the first birthday as a combo. And I think for a couple other birthdays I mixed my family with one other family. But that doesn't work anymore since the kids are into the friends.

Last year we did a friends only for DS- family also came but it was just 3 Grandparents. DD's was family only in their area.

This year, I was thinking a friends party for DS, but just a couple of friends. And for DD a class party like DS has last year.

I can't wait until they get old enough to have 1-2 friends dropped off and call it a day. But even at 8, DS doesn't have a ton of friends where the parents are comfortable dropping off yet. He doesn't have besties, and play dates are hard to come by because of everyone's schedule. I guess I remember a time when I was always at my friends or they were always at my house, and I feel like that doesn't happen anymore because families want to hang together and don't want to send their kids out unless or until they are older and besties.

[186momx]

I've done what yummmy, has done in the past and it worked but I was exhausted by the end of the day. this year we are doing friend only party. Next year I told her she can pick 2 or 3 friends and we will go do something fun or have a sleepover.

DH's family isn't near us anymore and have just decided to forget DD's b-day all together. It was yesterday and crickets from his side, DD noticed and commented. I made up some excuse about it being a Monday and things go crazy on Monday. We did family dinner on Sunday with my side at my mom's. Grandma let DD pick the menu and desert so she saw everyone Sunday and they all called or texted her last night wishing her a happy birthday which is probably why she picked up on DH's side not.

All the parties we have gone to that have tried to combine friend with family seem to not work great. The poor parents are torn between the kids and entertaining the relatives and no one seems to be happy.

[yummmy]

186momx - I definitely agree! It's a long day and I am totally beat after it (Levi's was this past Saturday and I am still recovering from the weekend!) but it's nice to be all done in one day. We run into issues with holiday's dragging for days/weeks and then Levi expecting presents every time we go somewhere because he got them for weeks. I have put my foot down on that and said, this is the day, you come or you don't, mail something ahead of time if you can't make it, but I am not doing another cake and ice cream and presents at your house a week later.

[ilovelucyvv]

we still mix family and friends with parties but my nieces and nephews have two parties, one family one friends. well, the family party is usually just going out to eat as a large group someplace special if that sounds less stressful than hosting two parties.

[waverly]

yummmy, Yes! When we used to go back for the holidays we had 5 Christmas parties! NOOOOO. So we stopped going back. But DD's birthday is early January, so we went back for her birthday because we had for DS (October birthday), and wanted to do things equally. Family hijacked birthday party and made it a Christmas party. Never again are we going back around that time of year.

Of course when they came here, they also hijacked her birthday and made it Christmas/ birthday, but at least we were in our own house for all those presents. We have gradually phased out the family coming here because there are a lot to host for an entire weekend even if they are in the hotel because they come 9am-8pm every day for several days. I do miss them coming, but it was just a lot. And for her birthday there was always huge snowstorm.

[sdlaura]

Our family isn't local, so we have at most one set of grandparents around during kids' birthdays. They'll just come to the friend party, more to help out than really celebrate. Could you just have a cake for DD right before/after one of the already scheduled family gatherings that weekend, or would your cousin see that as raining on her wedding reception parade?

[mellym]

We really struggle with this. I don't want to do two parties but grandparents make it difficult on us. This was the first year that we did a friends party, DD1 turned 6. The first question our mothers asked was when is the family party? We did a cookout a separate day with our family. It went okay but it's a lot during a busy time of year and we have three kids so I'm trying to find a way to stop it. Last year, in laws also called us on DD1's birthday and invited themselves along to our family dinner. This year MIL wanted to have a third party for DD1 in late June because BIL couldn't make it to the party on her birthday (he lives out of state). I had to put my foot down on that one.

My Mom came to help with the friend party but she didn't really get any time with DD. I think it would be awkward to mix the two so I would do the pool party with her friends and have family come over later that day. That would've worked better for us but the venue for the friend party wasn't available on her birthday.

[2chatter]

We do whatever works. Sometimes that means we celebrate three months later with family, or we skip a kid, or adults come to the kid party (which actually helps with nearly strangers as parents). Do whatever works!

[sandandsea]

I’d do a party with friends and go out to dinner with family.

[mommyatty]

This family party thing must be a medium-sized family issue. I had 27 cousins on just my mom’s side of the family and 22 more on my dad’s. First, if we did a birthday for every kid, there would be no non-birthday weekends. Second, everyone would be broke from buying a million gifts. We got a card in the mail from each set of grandparents with $1 in it. When we turned 12, we started getting $5.

Now, we have really no family near us. So it’s a nonissue. I just can’t imagine doing family birthday parties. It seems completely foreign to me. If you don’t want to do it anymore, just don’t do it. If someone asks when the party is, act like they just offered to throw one for you. “We aren’t having one, but if you’re getting everyone together, let us know and we’ll see if we can make it.”

[freezorburn]

Most of our family lives far away, so this hasn't really been an issue for us.

We did a mini golf party for DS's 6th birthday. We invited mostly friends from school, and a few from other parts of our lives. I told parents that they could stay and hang out, or they could drop off. Also, siblings welcome. I think we ended up with a dozen kids and 6-8 parents, which was perfect. Felt like the right number of adults to help the kids around the course. Everyone had a good time, and my house didn't get trashed.

We also did family dinner on the actual day, which consisted of DS, his dad, my brother and me. We're trying to make an effort to get along as a divorced family ... but I have doubt as to how enjoyable the dinner was for the birthday boy. I'll have to spend some time reflecting on how it went.

[sweetptater]

Jun 12, 2018 10:54:26 GMT -5 sdlaura said:

Our family isn't local, so we have at most one set of grandparents around during kids' birthdays. They'll just come to the friend party, more to help out than really celebrate. Could you just have a cake for DD right before/after one of the already scheduled family gatherings that weekend, or would your cousin see that as raining on her wedding reception parade?

My cousin would be absolutely fine with it, and honestly this is probably what we'll end up doing. There's just always so much going on during the 4th party weekends that it's hard to fit one more thing in.