DH is killing me with mishandling getting out A/C repaired. It stopped working at the end of last summer (it runs but doesn’t cool), and he refused to get it fixed then because “they’ll just charge us $500 and it will break again by next summer”.
We forgot it wasn’t working until we hit 90 degree weather over Memorial Day. I won’t go into the details, but DH has gone through various cycles of procrastinating, scheduling, rescheduling, and changing his mind on what he wants to do. Current status: a company is going to call us back and set up an appointment to have a tech come out.
Post by HeartofCheese on Jun 13, 2018 21:09:32 GMT -5
My STBXH is saying and doing things that are completely unreasonable, are designed to make me feel terrible about myself, and all deflect from his completely unreasonable unwillingness to comply with a reasonable request to reach a goal very much in his favor. He does this when he's trying to hide something. As a result, I'm going to trial on my own over both custody and support. I divorced him b/c he was abusive, found no support in the legal community, and now fighting on my own. Hopefully this is one of those times where everyone else is wrong and I can do a half-decent job of standing up for myself.
Post by covergirl82 on Jun 14, 2018 6:54:30 GMT -5
mae0111 , yup, I think your plan to keep your DD home the last 7 days is appropriate. If it were me, I would probably also contact a lawyer and the news like you mentioned you are considering.
Did you take a picture of the bruise and cut? If all the communication yesterday was by phone, make sure to send a follow up email to document that they refused to do anything.
HeartofCheese - do some research into your judge. DH went pro se for a very basic adjustment and the judge railed at him and decided punitively because he prefers dealing with lawyers. DH executed paperwork flawlessly and the judge said if he saw him again without a lawyer he would rule against him on principle. IDK about where you are, but here support is a machine that feeds the state, and they take it very seriously as a revenue stream.
I hate that the legal community is so backwards where support and custody are concerned. DH had good luck with a fathers rights non profit - may be worth checking to see if there are similar local organizations for abuse and child rights that can help you. For the second go round DH worked with them and did all the work himself with their guidance and they supplied a lawyer (for a fee) for the actual court date. It made a big ($$$) difference.
If you haven’t done so already, put together a binder of documentation with a timeline summary. Are you in any divorce forums? Lots of strategies there. Hugs girl - don’t burn it all down because he will be in the kids lives so it pays over time to take the high road (but it sucks so much), but take him to task legally.
Post by covergirl82 on Jun 14, 2018 9:29:58 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, I think 2chatter has a good point about a judge treating you infavorably because you don't have a judge. (Which is crazy, because people are able to legally represent themselves without an attorney.) It might be worth checking with your local United Way or your company's EAP (if you have access to an EAP through your employer) to see if they can connect you with local organizations for abuse and child rights, as 2chatter suggested.
@rainbow pie- Don’t do it. Seriously. Do not do it. If you are going to trial, you cannot handle this pro se. There are rules of evidence, and procedural rules, and you are going to misstep because this isn’t something you do every day. You need a lawyer. Call yours and grovel to get them back. You need them. Badly.
I don’t want to scare you, but this is going to end very poorly for you.
Post by HeartofCheese on Jun 15, 2018 6:08:54 GMT -5
2chatter , mustardseed2007 , mommyatty , covergirl82 , I'm back to trying to settle. I've been trying to get professionals involved to help in a number of different ways and keep running into closed doors. Still trying though. Hopefully I get a call back from one attorney I've contacted or get a few more referrals from another professional. I'm doing everything I can, but have literally never been told no so many times in my life and never needed help more.
ETA: I am an attorney, but haven't practiced in 10 years. I'm essentially a layperson, but would have the expectations of a first year associate.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jun 15, 2018 7:17:38 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, that's how I feel about divorces too. I'm in house counsel so I could figure one out but it would be ugly. You need someone good and then it will be like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time getting there. I found a good referral for divorces by talking to outside counsel...and then I got a really good name from my cousin who's friend had an abusive husband. I save that lady for people who need warrior lawyers.I'm sorry you're not in Texas (you're not right?)
(((((((HUG)))))))
No matter what, this is not forever, and you can get through this. You are strong and you can do it!
I'm doing everything I can, but have literally never been told no so many times in my life and never needed help more.
Feeling this really hard today. I’m the same about trying to get H a decent psychiatrist. I feel like he’s gonna be hospitalized before I can get anyone’s attention. Hang in there, mama.
Have you tried collaborative lawyers? NOT for that kind of divorce, but a lady in my book club moonlights in regular divorces because she sees there’s such a need for it. Very limited caseload for her and she’s super selective but i feel like it’s a right person right time kind of thing - if you can network into someone it may open up a different population.
Why are they telling you no? Maybe we can help with a pitch.
Post by freezorburn on Jun 15, 2018 10:27:57 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, sorry to hear you are having so much trouble finding support.
I like the idea of trying collaborative lawyers. At least leave no stone unturned. Collaborative is so new most places, it is likely they do have background and training in traditional divorce, they just choose not to practice that way.
I'm doing everything I can, but have literally never been told no so many times in my life and never needed help more.
Feeling this really hard today. I’m the same about trying to get H a decent psychiatrist. I feel like he’s gonna be hospitalized before I can get anyone’s attention. Hang in there, mama.
Big feels, shakinros. Maybe this is just how it feels before things better. We can do this.
Post by HeartofCheese on Jun 15, 2018 20:26:34 GMT -5
I keep typing updates and then deleting them b/c I just can't get into it on here. If I'm lucky, what has been the never-ending divorce will just suddenly be over. But, yes, I looked into collaborative law and mediation. STBXH said no to one and was noped out of the other.
I keep typing updates and then deleting them b/c I just can't get into it on here. If I'm lucky, what has been the never-ending divorce will just suddenly be over. But, yes, I looked into collaborative law and mediation. STBXH said no to one and was noped out of the other.
Best of luck! And hang in there. I know it doesn't help much, but every time I feel like I couldn't do it anymore, I keep repeating the motto: "this too, shall pass."
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jun 17, 2018 5:29:16 GMT -5
HeartofCheese, he doesn't have a lawyer? OMG. Sometimes that makes it worse. Although I guess the worse worse case scenario is that he goes without one until you're at the finish line. But if he doesn't have one, maybe a collaborative lawyer will work. :/