Post by erinshelley21 on Jul 2, 2018 6:19:34 GMT -5
Celebration: We survived the hot, swimming-less camping trip. We spent a lot of time in the camper but also got some outside time. The campground we went too was great and we are definitely going back. We were even thinking about keeping the camper we have and not trading it like we've been talking about.
Vent: We will go back if we still have a camper. Its broke again. We took it in on 2/6 for the warranty work and the standard "here is a list of everything that needs fixed" appointment. 2 weeks later they called dh and said there was an accident involving our camper so they needed 3 more weeks to replace the front panel. After 2 months and 3 phone calls, it was done. First trip out in May the power quit working. Got it fixed enough to camp for a wedding. Got it fixed right. We go camping this weekend and on the way home the bottom front panel that holds the recently replaced panel on starts falling off, while we are going 70 on the interstate. Get that pulled off the rest of the way and get home to unload so DH can put it in his dad's barn since there's a chance of rain today. The slides wont move now. Thank God I'm only 5'3" and can climb over the table and counter easily so I could get our food out.
We have so much fun camping but holy shit. Pretty sure we bought a lemon.
erinshelley21 - that sucks. Do you have any recourse??
Celebration: the kids had friends over to swim on Fri, and all went well. I’ve been coaching DD1 with her play dates - she tends to be pretty bossy - and she did pretty well.
Celebration: we had friends visit for dinner that we hadn’t seen since October. We smoked 2 turkey breasts (one honey brined, one plain with a rub) - both were awesome. Good company, good conversations, and good to catch up.
Vent: our kids fought and bickered and whined for most of Saturday while swimming. DD1 got very disrespectful with me, so I made her get out of the pool. She spiraled, I made her go inside and told her she was done swimming. Then DH, who has told me repeatedly that I’m too easy on the kids, let her go back in the pool. I wasn’t pleased. On Sunday, DH took the kids out to swim while I picked up the house, and when I came out to join them, they were coming back inside, kids crying. There was more fighting in the pool and after warnings, the fighting continued. So DH wrapped it up.
I don’t know how to stop the bickering, other than making them swim in shifts.
Post by erinshelley21 on Jul 2, 2018 6:46:02 GMT -5
mae0111 oh I wont be paying for a single hour of labor or part. The panel is most likely a result of them not putting it back together correctly. The slides were doing the same thing in November so that has also been fixed within the last 9 months.
Eta: I will pay if they can prove we have caused either issue. If they can't then they can fix it so we can trade it elsewhere. We are stuck with this dealer as long as we have the camper because we have a warranty.
Celebration/update: DH managed to pull himself out of his funk, apologized for a bunch of stuff, acknowledged where we're at in our relationship and the work that needs to be done, and we're in paradise on vacation! I'm so relieved/happy to have this week together. When we get home, we're each going to start solo therapy and then couples therapy after a few sessions alone.
It was a rough weekend. We found out on Friday that MIL's cancer has spread to her abdomen and most likely her brain (which explains the confusion and delirium). The oncologist said she is too weak for any treatment and most likely has weeks to months to live. She still has a nasty bladder infection, which the doctor is trying very hard to stop so she doesn't get septic. DH's family is not surprised by this information, but it was still hard to hear. The next step is to get referred to palliative or hospice care, which FIL will be asking about today. In the meantime, FIL wants to start getting funeral arrangements settled and start making payments so he doesn't have to worry about it later. He already has prepaid burial plots, but he can't find the papers for them. This led to DH and FIL searching their house for 3 hours last night and still not finding them. There is so much junk and garbage in the house that FIL doesn't know where to start. FIL wants to get the house cleaned up so he can sell as soon as MIL is gone. It looks like DH and I will be spending a lot of time at their house for the foreseeable future to do this, since FIL spends his entire day at the hospital.
Post by justcheckingin73 on Jul 2, 2018 7:55:26 GMT -5
Celebration: Had our favorite neighbors over to swim on Saturday and drank too much but at least I didn’t wake up with a hangover. DSS and two of his friends also came and I was worried it would change the whole dynamic with 3, 25 year olds there but it actually ended up being pretty fun.
Vent: I had a horrible run on Sunday. Usually I do 5 miles but cut it to 4 and walked a little - which I never do. It was hot and humid but I think the alcohol on Saturday night contributed more than anything. Usually I can push through whatever issue I’m having but mentally I couldn’t do it. Back on track this week.
Celebration: the baby slept from 11:00 to 0530. Yay! I went to bed at nine so I slept from 9 to 3 when I woke up in a panic because she hadn't woken up yet. Then I was able to feed her without supplmenting with formula.
Vent: my dad told my mom he wanted a divorce at my house and then left the country for 2 years. My mom has been a sahm for 21 years. My brother just graduated and she was completely blindsided. I have never seen my mom so broken before. Never. I don't care about the divorce so much just how my dad did it. He didn't say anything to her about being unhappy and refused to do marriage counseling. And he did it while they were visiting me. Ugh. I saw both my parents cry in the same day. These are the parents I have never seen cry unless in physical pain before.
I have no idea how to help my mom. She is homeless right now. Not because my dad won't pay for anything but because they had just moved from one house and they were supposed to be moving out of the country. Now she has to figure out where she wants to live. My heart is broken for her.
polecat8, I am so sorry. If they can call the cemetery, they should have that on record. Does she have life insurance? That can be used for the funeral expenses. In an estate, funeral expenses get paid first if that helps.
Celebrate: My accidental sale of DH's truck went through for about $1000 more than he was going to ask for it a month or so from now. Maybe next time I call him with questions at 7:00 in the morning, he won't be so pissy about it. We spend most the day Sunday getting the title notarized, cleaning it out, and taking it to the buyer.
Good weekend. The music festival was fun, but so HOT. The kids ended up going out to eat with my mom. DS was hauling in hay Saturday, which is a hard hot job, so he laid around Sunday. He did get $20 and hour, so I added to the other money he has made, I have a substantial deposit for his account today.
Post by erinshelley21 on Jul 2, 2018 8:37:18 GMT -5
Damn xctsclrx that is a lot for your family to process. Wow. If your dad is still providing money to pay for things, maybe figure out living arrangements and then a job? Is your dad okay mentally? Yay for your baby sleeping and eating well though!
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jul 2, 2018 9:02:56 GMT -5
polecat8, xctsclrx, that sounds like a shitty weekend. I'm so sorry.
We had a decent weekend...I got my exercise in, we saw the Incredibles AH-MAZING and so much fun. My mom came with us...I'm glad she came but she almost couldn't get into the movie theater walking from the car up to the theater. Her mobility issues have gotten really really bad.
Sunday was more of a lazy day that was capped off with my parents coming over for dinner and bringing us really delicious desserts from a (locally) famous bakery in town. That was really nice. It was good to spend time with my parents where I could actually talk to my mom.
Damn xctsclrx that is a lot for your family to process. Wow. If your dad is still providing money to pay for things, maybe figure out living arrangements and then a job? Is your dad okay mentally? Yay for your baby sleeping and eating well though!
My dad is not doing well mentally. He knows he is being a jerk the way he is doing this, he just hasn't been happy in a long time. I just don't know why he didn't say anything over the past 10 years. He will be okay. As soon as he knows that mom will be okay. That is the hardest thing about all of this. They still love and care about each other, but they aren't making each other happy. They are toxic together. Both suck at communicating so they let things fester beneath the surface. I think because there are feelings there it could be worked on. Not sure if it will be successful, but could be attempted.
I really don't know what is going to happen with my mom. She only has an associate's degree and hasn't had a job in over 20 years. I think she should go back to school with something to do in the medical field. She was a lab technician before my dad joined the army. She likes the medical field, but my mom had a brain tumor removed about 11 years ago, which left half her face paralyzed and balance issues.
I am not sure that she is capable of working full time.
Right now my Dad is willing to keep the accounts open and support her completely. She feels weird spending the money though. I can't imagine how she is feeling right now.
This week (to include this past weekend) is probably the 2nd busiest week at my work throughout the year. I had mandatory OT last night and ended up doing a 14 hour day. I'm so glad I have the 4th off this year, otherwise I would have mandatory OT.
I thought I had an ulcer last week. I felt so sick and had all of the symptoms. But then yesterday I felt better, so I guess it was food poisoning? Yay for not having an ulcer.
Post by erinshelley21 on Jul 2, 2018 9:32:43 GMT -5
xctsclrx, I wasn't sure if there was more going on with your dad other than general unhappiness with the marriage. That's so tough though. My parents split after a few years of unhappiness and the split was mutual but I think a little impulsive. Everything was final within 60 days and then my dad passed within months of that, so my mom has not gotten the closure I think she needed. It was a rough few years for my mom and she is just now financially stable. That took A LOT of work, tears and unfortunately loans on my part that was mostly my dad's money but still some of mine and DH's.
I know you're just in the beginning of all of this, but encourage her to reach out to her friends and not shut them out. My mom alienated herself from her friends for some reason and ended up venting to me a lot and it was not my place to be that source of comfort for her. It changed my opinion of my dad in a way and I hate it. I became the parent for a few years as she purchased vehicles, made housing decisions, etc. She also had a hard time going back to work and didn't for a year after their divorce. She had been a SAHM for 8 years at that point. She will get through it. It's just going to take time.
Vaca weekend was fun but one couple is having serious marriage problems. It was the elephant in the room and there’s something big that both of them allude to and neither will talk about that adds an extra layer of awkward.
Then on the way home DH and I got into what could have been a totally normal conversation about soccer but he is .... crazy resentful of my ex (for various reasons that I understand, but they won’t change - they are why I’m divorced, so I choose not to beat my head against that wall and DH literally hates me for it). It’s bleeding over to make him resentful of me and the kids. I won’t change a thing that I’m doing - DH wants me to take my ex to court and try to raise child support $1500/month because DH paid a higher voluntary amount because his ex quit her job when he left to try to force him to stay and hasn’t worked since. 1) the court won’t do it and 2) I have zero interest as I left because my ex was financially abusive and that was the ONLY reason I got a divorce. Apparently saying “If you want to force the money issue and expect that he pays out of pocket for camps and doctors and sports and clothes (with money he doesn’t have and that CS already covers) then I don’t understand why I wouldn’t just be married to him” is a bad idea.
So pretty much I am waiting for DH to go to Chicago for work next Sunday so I can have a normal life for a week. Awful perspective that I’m trying to snap myself out of. But he makes it hard when he says things like “I unloaded the car” and I find that he only took his bag and left the swim bag, my bag, the cooler and piled all the trash on the drivers seat. I need a partner not a child...not sure what to do about that at this point. He hasn’t been going to therapy and it so shows.
Celebration: DD1 got her cast off on Friday so we spent the whole weekend swimming to beat the heat. Found out DD3 loves the water so I can't wait for our vacation in two weeks.
Vent: The owner of our company unloaded on me Friday about another department and demanded that I "fix it". I'm annoyed that I keep getting dumped on to fix everyone's problems and that he didn't go directly to that department head or my boss who is also their executive. The other department head was just in my office giving me an earful about it. I don't have time for the drama of another department.
My brother's family is sharing the beach house with us in two weeks and their son fell Friday night and may have broken his arm. They're taking him to the Ortho today to see how bad it is and if he needs a full arm cast or surgery. They've said that they may cancel because of it and we would need to find someone to take their place. Find another family to go on a vacation for 10 days across country with my parents and share a house with all of us. Say what!? How is that even an option? Really hoping it's just a sprain!
xctsclrx , So sorry. Parent divorce issues suck, especially when you are the sounding board for one of them.
Celebrate: 3 1/2 days of work this week then off to Colorado for vacation!. We love the Smokies, but have never been to the Rockies, so I hope we love it. I have flown over them, but that's about it and the kids have never been this far west. It is 1000 degrees here with 100% humidity, so I am looking forward to a cooler climate.
I am sorry to those that had a rough weekend, polecat8 and xctsclrx .
I am back to work which is fine I guess. Still adjusting back from the time change. I signed the title over to DH, so hopefully all goes smoothly on the sale, and I don't get a phone call at his appointment time.
Post by erinshelley21 on Jul 2, 2018 11:33:42 GMT -5
mellym, finding someone to magically take your brother's family's spot on the trip would be nice and like I said magical but probably unlikely. Hopefully they aren't expecting you and your parents to cover their portion of the house if they can't go.
polecat8, xctsclrx, I'm sorry for what is going on and hope your families find a peaceful balance quickly.
Celebration: I found a pool. Was looking for an above ground metal frame that is only 36 inches deep and 14 feet wide and nothing. Walked into big lots looking for something else and there it was. New stock and on clearance!
DH is leaving Tuesday after work to drive over the mountain to deal with his dad over his time off for the 4th. He is staying with our friends event though they already have company. He had a 20 minute phone call with his brother Saturday night and all I heard was nursing home in JC so DH could help take care of him, no dad can't be broke, drivers licenses taken away, life alert and hospital. DH isn't talking to me about any of this. I called our family friend who has been talking a lot with FIL to give her a scoop since they have been in CA (home today) and they will be getting back to me and may call and talk with both brothers since they talk with FIL twice a week most of the time and no nothing of what I told them.
So...DD, the dog and I have a impromptu girls middle of the week. Both DD and the dog don't like fireworks so it will be a not so fun week. I'm already drugging the dog nightly and she still paces and last night decided she had to sleep on top of me to be safe and actually sleep. She is a 60lb lab!
supertrooper1, we haven't. For her size it runs about $75. I found a good combo last year with the help from the vet for the actual 4th. We give an anxiety pill at noon, another with her dinner at 6, and then add a sedation pill at 8. She was one drugged dog but slept through it last year as long as she was touching me which is better than a shaking 60lb dog in my lap. What really gets her is the one of booms leading up and the few days after. I gave her an anxiety pill at 8 last night but by the time the big one off boom hit at 11 the pill was wearing off.
We live in city limits and the city imposed a ban on all fireworks except on July 3 & 4th. The only way to turn people in is by this app that you need to video the guilty people in the act along with the address. No way I'm going to wander the neighborhood in the dark videoing people. Why can't I just say please come to the XYZ school and watch the show from the surrounding neighborhoods?
I’m back at work after vacation. Yay? I kind of want a do-over, but I talked with DH and I think I managed to explain to him why his mother is never going on vacation with us again. I told him my entire work life consists of me trying to constantly read rooms and determine who has unmet needs. It’s exhausting. His mother coming with us meant I got to take that on vacation with me since she has no ability to communicate. So I had to constantly monitor if she was pissed or hot or tired instead of being able to rely on her as a grown up to open her effing mouth and say “I don’t want to go out in the heat, so you guys go without me.” I got to sit there and do the balancing of “Is she going to be pissed if we ask her to stay at home? Will she insist on coming with us and then we will have to cut things short because she looks like she’s going to pass out? Will the kids be upset we are ditching Grandma?” So instead, we wasted every afternoon sitting at home doing absolutely nothing because Grandma. Luckily he felt the same way. Grandma, otoh, had a fabulous time and is wondering when we are planning our next trip. So DH is going to have to handle that one.
DH and i are planning a just us long weekend for later in the summer. He wants to go back to NYC like we did last year. I want to go literally anywhere that is not NYC. Nothing against NYC, but can’t we go somewhere new? So that’s fun so far.
And work is freaking crazy. I have a gazillion emails and my people are needy AF.
We had DD's recital this weekend. All that fussing/tears/misery over me trying to put her hair in a ponytail for a bun? The girl ended up with two of the tightest french braids I've seen in my LIFE, and I'm sure there wasn't a tear in sight. (I told you guys she'd let other people do it just fine).
Ventibration? After hearing her complain about not wanting to go to ballet class anymore... she is now BEGGING us to put her back in. It's been less than 48 hours since she last danced. The girl loves dancing.. she holds her own ballet classes in our living room. The only thing she DOESN'T love about ballet? That she has to turn the TV off on Saturday morning to go to class. Heaven forbid she miss an episode of Bubble Guppies that she's seen multiple before.
Also.. isn't she too old for Bubble Guppies? We only discovered it a few weeks ago, but the girl is obsessed. And almost 5.5, it seems like such a baby show.