@/Dear Prudence letter

[blindyswife]

I agree that while it is wildly inappropriate, I am not sure I would define it as abuse without knowing more.

When a child weans, they still have a desire to be comforted by breasts, as those breasts were 'theirs' for however long prior to that. Maybe this mom has no boundaries, and just continued to let her kids up in her business because the kids were comforted/attached to them?

I still think its completely inappropriate, but I hope that this was the case, rather than it being sexual in nature.

[karinothing]

May 18, 2012 10:50:56 GMT -5 lilmgirl said:

I think I had an idea what the letter writer is saying. My mom BF my brother, but it wasn't extended to my recollection. But when he was done BFing, he'd still cuddle up in my mom's chair with her and stick his hand down her shirt up until he was about 4-5 years old. I don't know what he was doing under there, if he was actually fondling something or just resting his hand there. I never asked, but it made me feel weird and I was always embarrassed when I had friends over and he would do that. Eventually it stopped but I don't know how and I never asked my mom about it because it still kinda weirds me out.

Interesting. I would say I had an opposite experience. My mom BF my brother and I till 2. I know when we were young and weaned and having a rough night we would lay a hand on her breast (kind of like a security blanket). We eventually grew out of it when we were still pretty young (although I have no clue when). I never thought of it as weird. I mean we breastfed for 2 years and during those 2 years breasts were both nutrition and comfort. I think when she weaned we understood we no longer needed them for food but still needed them for comfort if that makes sense.

I don't think either of us were molesting my mother or being molested by her. But maybe we are weirdos?

ETA: To be clear we were NOT nine. I am assuming we were 4 and under.

[heightsyankee]

I agree there is not enough information to make a true judgement. One thing that has me leaning away from molestation is the line that the mother insists on treating her like a baby since she is the last child. Not saying it's healthy or normal, but sounds more like a mom with attachment issues than a pedophile.

I think the advice is bad. As many others said, a therapist would be the 1st step and CPS later. Sorry but if you know anything about the foster system in this country, she might be better off playing with her mom's boobs and getting therapy later than being pulled from the home and dealing with the kinds of abuse and neglect that are prevalent in the foster care. CPS should be a last resort in any case where this is a gray area.

[Deleted]

You know CPS doesn't just pull kids, right? Why does everyone insist on believing that's what happens because it isn't.

CPS is probably the only way this woman is going to get into therapy, the mom and kid I mean.

[heightsyankee]

They don't always but they do often enough.

[Deleted]

They wouldn't do it for this. What they would likely do is throw them all into counseling and do home visits over a certain period of time.

They just don't have the space to be yanking out kids for all this mess. Now if she didn't comply with the requirements they might pull the kid but I guarantee you, it would take a while.

[heightsyankee]

Perhaps that depends on where they live...

[msmerymac]

Is it bad that I thought that since the kid is 9, the damage is probably already done? I mean, 4, and yeah, I see the point. But even if she stops at 9, it seems like she'll still have many of the same feelings as her siblings.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

Inappropriate and gross. Sort of like dry nursing. It's not okay. And that mom has a problem. Plus, she knows she has fucked up one kid by doing this. The kid flat out told her. By not listening, and CONTINUING the behavior with another kid, she is NOT protecting her children.

[brookles]

Okay, that is so outside the norm of appropriate behavior. She's just setting that kid up for being messed-up in some aspect of her life.

[secretlyevil]

Having read only two or three replies, don't know what this thread has turned into.

I am responding to the OP. What was described is seriously gross. Yes I'm not a parent but seriously it seems really off to me to breastfeed a kid until they're five. Second - no, no, no there will be no random groping of mother's breasts. No I'm not a prude but this just screams all kinds of wrong to me.