This is birthday party weekend. First DD’s on Saturday at a Lego building place. Then Sunday for a good friend of hers at an art studio his parents own. Sunday DH is in charge of finding a good option for DS since I don’t think he would like going to the art studio.
And lucky me, today my stomach has decided to act crazy. It needs to calm itself down before tomorrow!
Dh is still traveling today. He has a presentation at 4 EST, so probably won't leave until 7 maybe to fly back, so not get in until 10 ish.
Tomorrow is another bike riding class for DS. DH was going to take him, and I am not sure DH will remember. I haven't told DS because he has kind of a bad attitude about it, but when he is there for the class with the teachers and the kids, I think he will participate due to peer pressure. He just isn't ready to trust himself and his balance. And there is not much we can do for him since he isn't ready, but he does need to learn to ride the bike. There is a camp for special needs kids, but he has to be 8, so I guess if he doesn't get it this year than next year we will enroll him. It's just a pain because it is 20 minutes from both home and work and only 2 hours a day, so I would have to go in late or leave early 5 days that week.
Then DD has soccer.
I do have a social question since sometimes I am not good with things people do socially. My question is that several moms have apologized to me several times for not getting together. I was just wondering about it because I had not texted them or contacted them in any way to get together- not pressuring them, but then out of the blue they will just apologize. One of them was telling me she travels in the summer for work, so I think maybe she was just explaining, but she seems the type to not really try too hard to get together. Like we got together once, and I initiated. And she mentioned it twice, but then couldn't do anyway.
The other one doesn't initiate, but just tells me her kids have other friends since they are older, which is true and I totally get. It's just the one daughter will come over for playdates when the dad is home, but the mom doesn't send her. And the dad seems to want to have us over or out to pizza, but the mom just says that her kids have other friends. So I just wasn't sure on those because again it's not in response to anything I said- I'm not pressuring them to hang out, maybe the second mom is being pre-emptive in saying don't ask us? Or maybe the dad wants to hang but the mom doesn't, but they are friendly enough that they tell me things like their kids diagnosis (which I did not ask or pry). I have to ask because I have had friends in the past that made it really clear to me as a sensitive introvert that they don't want to be friends, then get really upset when I take the hint and we aren't friends. So this is an area that I struggle in. Because when I ask other people for advice they say yeah those people don't want to be your friend, so I am like OK that's what I was thinking... ETA- I do think there is a little history here too with the second mom because she will post about not wanting to clean her house to host, so maybe it is a bit of a social anxiety/ cleaning thing?
It just made me think because then we have two other friends I made, they actually weren't apologizing and wanted to see us but their schedule and all our vacations was making it impossible, and I know summer is anyway. So that is my long way of saying that no social plans this weekend because almost everyone's schedule is packed.
Going to see the kids! They've been gone with DH all week so I'm going to visit for the weekend. It's the halfway point for their camp program. So, I'll see DH too, but I'm a little less excited about that. I don't want to spend my whole weekend with a mopey, whiny grown man, which is all I've gotten from him on our phone calls or texts this week.
I'm struggling so hard with sympathy for him right now and it makes me feel like a terrible person. He is allowed to have his feelings. I understand that he is upset. I am too. But he is not allowed to guilt me or blame me for why he is feeling this way. He has brought all of this on himself and it feels like it is about damn time for him to own up to that. Plus, I don't want to be covering for his behavior while we're staying with my parents. That just puts me in a terrible, awkward position.
I am so, so, so ready for the weekend though. This week has been hell at work.
I am picking up the kids from camp, running home to change into swimsuits, taking DS to swim lessons, going to 1.5 hours of a swim party, taking DD to soccer and then finally i get to be done. I leave at 7:00 to watch camp tournament for other DD (2 hour drive). We will go to the campus bookstore, out to lunch and then home, then I go to a hair appointment.
Sunday is church, DS has a party, pics of the kids with the dog, and then SD is coming over to get all her stuff out of the garage (finally!!!!).
This time next Friday we will be preparing for DD’s last soccer game of summer and then leaving for CA so that’s keeping me (barely) sane.
waverly - I’d ignore the weirdness from those two people and proceed as you have been. I am friends with the moms I am friends with because they aren’t super complicated to deal with. If they were we wouldn’t be friends. I suspect it’s probably kind of the same for you or you would like it to be. So make that true!
2chatter , thanks- I was just curious if it was a normal social thing that I wasn't aware of. And yes I am definitely in the make it easy camp.
DS does like hanging out with the first families kids, and I did like having the other girl over, but yeah if dad is cool, but mom is weird about it then I guess we just see them at the pool or playground when they are outside. She seems fine then, so maybe she is just not a fan of planned activities. It just kind of seemed like the dad wanted to do something but not actually do it, like he wanted me to plan it, but I didn't want to since we are going on vacation and not a lot of buy in from the mom.
waverly- I’ve had people say that too and I always just take it as a sort of odd way of saying “I would like to get together at some point but haven’t had time.” The second mom sounds odd and honestly kind of rude. But the first might be okay.
waverly - I’ve had people say that too and I always just take it as a sort of odd way of saying “I would like to get together at some point but haven’t had time.” The second mom sounds odd and honestly kind of rude. But the first might be okay.
Thanks. I think you are right.
The second family is a bit odd. We still like them, and they have gone through a lot, but yeah I do think there have been some rude moments in their past which is honestly why I had not contacted them to hang out in like a year anyway (they haven't contacted me either).
Post by erinshelley21 on Jul 20, 2018 20:16:43 GMT -5
Today started off like it could go rough but it ended up being a really good day. I ended things with the agency I currently sell other lines of insurance through and it couldn't have gone better. The main guy was happy for me and told me I've been through enough shit that he isn't going to make me buy my book like he would other agents. He gave me a big hug and I cried like a big ol baby. He's been a solid resource since my dad died and I'm glad we were able to end things on a good note.
Tomorrow I'm not sure what the plan is. Hopefully get the house put back together after fair week. It's a wreck from the constant chaos we've dealt with all week. I'd like to run or workout at some point.
Came home from H’s business tagalong trip late last night, and spent the whole day cleaning up the house, doing laundry, shopping, errands and packing the camper.
Tomorrow we leave for a week long camping trip in a williamsburg.
No plans this weekend and Dh is working. I just want to catch up on my shows, clean, plus the usual running and church. I haven't had any downtime since back from vacation.
However, my brother is leaving tomorrow, but his kids are staying for 2 weeks. So I am sure part of my weekend will involve all 5 running amok. Plans for all 5 at the drive in were rained out tonight.
I need to find some time to shop. My class reunion is at a resort not too far from me in 2 weeks. We plan on staying the weekend and I want a cute dress so I don't feel the number of years since graduation.
Post by sandandsea on Jul 20, 2018 21:06:57 GMT -5
We leave for our family vacation tomorrow to Hawaii. I can’t wait. I may have to take my computer and do some work but I can’t wait to have a break and some quality time with the kids and dh.
DH had friends/clients over yesterday for a bbq - which meant he drank all day. Then we got into an argument because he wants me to deal with more house stuff (fine) but wants to micromanage me through the process (not fine). We’ve been fighting all week, and this one ended with me calling him a d!ck and walking away. Not my finest hour.
I’m beginning to think that we are approaching the end of our marriage. And I’m terrified. I’m 50% sure I will be happier without him, and I’m 100% sure he will be happier without me. I don’t have faith in our ability to coparent. Things will get much uglier than they have been.
DH is leaving tomorrow on a work trip, and I won’t see him for a whole week. I’m hoping we can just use the week to not communicate and think on things. I’m not sure he will respect my request.
We are off to the Shore this weekend. DH’s parents have rented a tiny beach house and we’ll stay over Saturday and Sunday nights, drive back Monday. It’ll be in the 70s and rainy all weekend, sooooo I need to get on researching things to do with DD inside.
Post by covergirl82 on Jul 21, 2018 8:55:48 GMT -5
Yesterday (Friday) was my Friday off. I took my car to the dealership to get the transmission checked (it's under warranty and it hesitates every once in a while). They never had time to look at it, so I have to take it back on Monday, which is irritating. (I'm sure warranty work is probably the bottom of their list.) I also talked to a company recruiter about a WFH job (same type of job as I do now), but their target pay was 5-10K less than I make now, and benefits would be completely out of network which would be $$$$$ (or we'd have to pay a spousal surcharge for me to get on DH's benefits) and I'm not unhappy at my current job, so I'm not going to pursue that one.
This morning is open, so I've been working on some organizing/decluttering. This afternoon we're celebrating DS's birthday with grandparents and my sister, and then this evening DH and I have reservations at a nice steakhouse for our anniversary (which is officially tomorrow - 12 years!).
Tomorrow is church and then DD has a friend coming over to play in the afternoon. I'm hoping to do some more organizing/decluttering in the afternoon.
mae0111 - I’m sorry it has come to this. Good luck with your decision.
One of my co-workers has an ahole husband. When she finally decided to divorce him it got very ugly, and they are still in the same house. I don’t know how she does it. He turned off her access to internet and her phone and she has almost no access to money even though it is court ordered status quo. He told the court she was a flight risk and sent registered mail to her boss to try to get her fired. Luckily our boss is awesome and understands the STBX is harassing her.
If you decide to do it and you think he would be a huge jerk about it make sure you have a very detailed plan on all of those things because I don’t thibk she thought that even though her H was always a huge jerk that all of this would happen.
Quoted because i haven't figured out how to tag on mobile, but edited so if you didn't want the stuff out there you can delete later.
Correct me if I am wrong, but your DH did something major a while back that almost eneded your marriage right? And your DD had a really rough time this past school year?
You have had a lot going on the past 6-9 months. From your stories I get the impression that your DH is a social binge drinker?
If he is willing and you are truly worried about your relationship I would presue marriage counseling now while it might make a difference. And maybe have someone else convince him he is an alcoholic. He probably doesn't see himself that way.
If you are already doing or have done this and you are still feeling this way then I am so sorry. Only you know what is best for yourself and your children and I hope that when you make a decision no matter which one you are at peace with it.
I have a DH vent. We had a lot going on today and I was supposed to work, so I switched my schedule.
The bike class that DH insisted on and asked for an 8 am time, he decided he was too tired to take him. And too tired to hook up the bike trailer for me to take him. Ok fine.
So he does his usual and takes the kids to breakfast. He takes his sweet time and forgets his phone. So DD is not back for soccer and doesn’t have her soccer stuff on. So I go to the gym with her clothes thinking maybe he dropped her off there and he would run home to get her stuff. Nope not there. So then he finally got home and texts me that she is changing. He was 25 minutes late for class and I told him he should just stay then since he was taking them. So basically I got everything together and hustled to the gym and called him and then took the stuff back to my car and waited 15 minutes in my car for the sole purpose to take her water bottle which then he got mad that I was mad at him so I had to give it to DS and run from my car leaving my purse inside to do it. Ugh your total lack of planning DH drives me totally insane because had you said you would be a long time I would have sent her in soccer outfit but you said you had 2 hours for breakfast and then spent 45 minutes of it not leaving and then putzed around at breakfast to be almost 30 minutes late with no communication.
Thank you all. We spoke today and I got a lot out, as did he. I told him that I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop since the Big Deal in January - that I did not feel it was a question of if he would do it again, but when. That I could no longer see a future with him. That upset him a lot.
I haven’t been happy in so, so long. We’ve had a long series of stressors, coming in like rolling waves on the ocean. He didn’t feel the stuff with DD1 like I did. Hearing the crap at school over and over... there are very few emotional things that have made me feel physical pain, and her school year was one of those things. As she improves, I’m starting to feel like I am coming out of it, but it’s been so hard.
He’s a good person. He just doesn’t always see how his actions affect others. Often it just means he’s inconsiderate, but sometimes it’s more.