Join the Navy Experience Things?

[justagirlwithacat]

So there's been that whole thing with transgender in the military for a few years now. I could care less how anyone identifies honestly. Well, the first male to female is moving in to the berthing I live in very soon. He's married to a female, heterosexual, has no intentions of having gender reassignment (expected since only a very small percentage do get it). I don't really have a problem with it. Tge girls in his...I guess actually her...shop are comfortable with her moving in with us. I dont see why I shouldn't be, especially since she's promised to be respectful of privacy. My boyfriend and mother are losing their damn minds. I don't understand why and they don't understand why this doesn't bother me. I guess a lot of my need for privacy and what not went away when I showered with 80 women at boot camp. I'm at a loss...

[CrazyLucky]

Can they specify what their concerns are? I'm trying to think of legitimate ones and coming up empty. This makes me think of my mom, who doesn't like Hillary Clinton because Hillary is "ugh," said with a shudder. (She still voted for her, though). And it also reminds me of husbands/boyfriends who are not comfortable with their wife/girlfriend seeing a male OB/GYN.

If the woman is married to a female, she is not heterosexual. Completely beside the point, but your misuse of pronouns and this mistake makes me wonder if you really couldn't "care less how anyone identifies."

How long have you been with the guy? Is this the first time he's shown this side? How often do you see his mother? These kinds of things - having a different value system, can often be a showstopper.

[justagirlwithacat]

Yes my misuse of pronouns means I care. Definitely. The CMC called this individual a he when he had the meeting to inform us of the situation. He must really not like transgenders either.

My boyfriend cares because he expects the worst from people. My mom not his cares because she also expects the worst in people. The normal "what if he makes you uncomfortable or becomes a peeping Tom." Maybe I dont understand because I'm looking at it from a medical standpoint but his male hormones make him attracted to his female wife. How is that not heterosexual?

[justagirlwithacat]

I'll add I've met the person she looks like a dude. My bad if I use the wrong pronoun occasionally. I see this person a few times a week at lunch IF I eat on the ship. I imagine if I saw them all the time it would be much like when people pick up rank and eventually I would get used to it. But yes please assume I have a problem with it.

[nsl]

First, she is a person. “Transgenders” is offensive and needs to be scrubbed from your vocabulary. She is a person who happens to be transgender.

Second, her appearance has no bearing on the pronouns you must use when speaking to or about her. She is female. Misgendering her is not only offensive, it’s hateful. If you truly want to welcome her to the ship and community you should correct anyone who makes that “mistake” or makes excuses for doing it the way you just did.

[beans]

Jul 27, 2018 12:55:12 GMT -5 justagirlwithacat said:

Yes my misuse of pronouns means I care. Definitely. The CMC called this individual a he when he had the meeting to inform us of the situation. He must really not like transgenders either.

My boyfriend cares because he expects the worst from people. My mom not his cares because she also expects the worst in people. The normal "what if he makes you uncomfortable or becomes a peeping Tom."



Maybe I dont understand because I'm looking at it from a medical standpoint but his male hormones make him attracted to his female wife. How is that not heterosexual?

well To the issues your mom bring up- what about if a cisgendered female made you feel uncomfortable? Or was a peeping tom? Women can be sexual predators too. And men hardly need to be bunking with women to sexually harass, etc.

To the second point- she identifies as female and is attracted to females which means she’s probably not heterosexual (we don’t necessarily know what she identifies her sexuality as...). “Male hormones” don’t make you attracted to women... some cisgendered men with male hormones are attracted to other men. I’m not actually sure what you’re saying with that

I’m not trying to say your biased against this woman or population or whatever. If you truly want to understand, accept, and support your fellow service member, you might benefit from learning more about this population. If you’d like resources or have questions I’d be happy to help. And yes, it’s the most respectful to use the pronoun the individual prefers, most commanders are not any more in tune with this population than the general public so be weary of following their lead on things like that.

[Deleted]

I’m going to take a slightly different angle here, and it might be an important one to explore with your boyfriend and his mom.

In the military we value people for who they are and recognize that it’s a very special and important thing for individuals to WANT to serve our country and to VOLUNTEER to serve our country. Each individual has inherent value as a human being.

Everyone in the military is a leader. Even the lowest-ranking person is a leader of their peers, and many of us also lead those who outrank us. If you wish to effectively lead others, you MUST respect them and value them, even if you don’t “agree” with something about them (their religion, political affiliation, whether they drink or not, how they choose to spend their time or money, etc). This means adopting inclusive language and habits, respecting pronouns, and finding a way to get past whatever hangups you have with this woman in order to live with her, serve with her, lead her, and let her lead you. Our national security depends on it.