phdmomma, DD is in 2nd. They have the grades broken into quads so she shares a 2 stall bathroom with the other 2nd grade class along with the 2 third grade classes. The rule is 1 kid per class can go to the bathroom at a time but there could be up to 4 in the bathroom all at once.
I’m home for Day 3 with what was diagnosed as “probably generic, non type A or B flu that has turned into an upper respiratory infection and is trying to become pneumonia”. It feels worse than it sounds.
And arguing with outside counsel is easier than arguing with a six year old about which crayons to use for her homework. So I gave up. She wins!
ET fix iPhone changing “generic” to “genetic”. Stupid autocorrect.
Post by greenmonkey1 on Sept 6, 2018 15:56:16 GMT -5
I don't think my Mom likes my DH right now. Or maybe she likes him, but is not impressed with his behavior. He's not abusive or exhibits any red flags that make her concerned for my safety. But I do think he is displaying some rather self-absorbed behaviors and perhaps just a general lack of care for others. Not that he is uncaring, but more like he doesn't consider the impact of his actions on others for the not high level stuff. And this isn't a new thing per se, just perhaps has gotten more pronounced.
Honestly I'm having a hard time with him right now. I've told him once his big work thing is done in November we need to set aside time for counseling. It all makes me sad, especially when I see how well my BIL fits in with the family (my BIL is awesome) and I wish DH melded in that well.
DH went to pick DD up from school and talk to the teacher... DD is clearly the aggressor, but she thinks it stems back to the before/aftercare program. She didn't have good things to say about it, but basically, that before-care in particular is just a free for all blended with ages K-5 (after school is separated and kinders are separate) and that the lack of structure there is somehow causing problems later.
So now we're pondering if we do nothing and hope it works out, pull her from the program in general, have DH flex his work schedule and I take over dropping off DS so we don't have to do before care and keep her in the aftercare program, something else, etc. We've already paid for September, so we've got a month to figure it out.
My youngest dd started Prozac about a month ago and is doing really well. She auditioned for a play, she didn't get it and was upset but recognized how she was feeling and dealt with it appropriately. She also went out to a movie with friends yesterday. These are huge for her. Her anxiety has kept her from doing the things she has wanted to for so long. Its exciting to see the changes. I am so happy for her. I hope it continues to help her.
mustardseed2007 my DS hits his head all the time (he has the hardest head ever and has nearly broken my nose with an accidental headbutt) but never to the point of a concussion I don’t think. And don’t worry, I did take it as a joke.
greenmonkey1 my BIL is also the favorite, so I know how you feel.
k3am, that’s good that you have the rest of the month to figure it out. My DD is also a hitter and had some issues with another kid (a boy) at the start of K but they went away quick. I also feel weird about teacher names but default to calling them Ms.
DH was calling her by her first name today and it felt wrong... but I also feel wrong correcting him.
DDs JrK teacher says she was always freakishly protective of her place in line. Not sure how to parent that.
We spent a lot of timing role playing today.. when is it okay to push? (Basically never - if a bird is going to poop on someone’s head or car is going to hit them) What are okay things to say/do if someone does XX?
Post by mustardseed2007 on Sept 7, 2018 4:45:49 GMT -5
k3am, I had the same question about teacher names. At our old crunchy montessori school, the kids all called the teachers by the first names - Ms. Cindy; Ms. Elizabeth. And parents were a mixed bag of Ms. Cindy and just Cindy.
My coworkers all told me I should call my kid's teacher by her last name at the traditional school. She's younger than us, it's her first year teaching, and she's absolutely adorable, so it kind of seemed more respectful to refer to her that way to give her that respect.
Kind of like the first time a judge called me, a baby lawyer, "counselor" it both made me feel cool and freaked me the hell out 'cause the shit just got real, lol.
By the way, I over think things like it's my job. Ya'll might have figured that out by now...
Also I wouldn't reach out to the parents, at least not in this instance. I think that's a can of worms I wouldn't want to open.
Here all teachers are known by their title and last names, unless you know them outside of school. Like both kids had the same preschool teacher. Her daughter is a friend (and burgeoning frenemy) of DD. So until both DD and DS were out of her class she was Mrs. Lastname. Now she’s Firstname when we are hanging out as parents.
But we are in the south where there are people who never allow kids to call adults by their first name alone and insist on “ma’am” and “sir.” So for us it may be sub-cultural.
Post by ilovelucyvv on Sept 7, 2018 7:51:51 GMT -5
k3am, I would definitely give the before-care program some time for your DD to adjust. It might take her more than a month to get there but as long as they are threatening to kick her out of it yet, I would keep going.
The before and after care at DD's school is a mixed age free-for-all between the cafeteria and the gym. She likes it but her behavior is starting to slip. Yesterday she had an incident where they said she refused to share a ball at the gym, ran off to the cafeteria before telling the teacher first and then proceeding to take off her shoes and socks. DD said the other kids were ganging up on her and not giving her a turn, which is believable especially because she is a K and it is a mixed age group. The elderly lady who is running the program got all worked up and made a comment to H, "If she is going to be here, she is going to have to share." Hopefully today is a little better.
k3am , we had an issue with DD1 in K last year and we had no idea until her first P/T conference in February! She happened to have "choked" another child that same day so it came out that DD1 is "bossy" and likes to have things her way. The other child was her bestie in K and DD1 swears it was all in fun that they were all wrestling around. I have a feeling there was some truth to both stories. I never reached out to the other child's parents because I hadn't even met them at that point. Her behavior never came up again after that conference. Anytime I asked, her teacher would tell me all was good but she really lacked in follow-up and communication. I always referred to K teacher as Mrs. xyz. However, her first grade teacher has been much more communicative already and ends all of her emails directly to me with her first name so I reply and use her first name in emails but go back to Mrs. abc at the school in front of other parents/children.
k3am - can you give DD a task for before care? Like coloring or iPad or really anything that keeps her out of the fray? Here when the school opens they have to sit in lines. My kids still like to go 45 minutes early because they want to talk to their friends. I’d also talk to the before care and the principal to understand the plan here - I promise you aren’t the only one with this issue.
2chatter, they are not allowed to have anything from home during before/aftercare. Backpacks get hung up outside and no toys/books, food, or drinks are allowed in.
It sounds like her teacher wasn't all that concerned, just wanted us to be aware of it and start trying to fix it before it evolves any further. She didn't even get a red card for the day, just an orange.
DH talked to the staff member who is there in the mornings... she hasn't noticed any kind of issue with DD. She also said that mornings, what you see is what you get - a room full of kids aged k-5 for 2 hours left to their own devices. She's not sure what they do in the afternoons in the kindergarten program.
k3am that sounds like chaos for before care! Can you have DH flex two days to minimize the exposure? I’m a big fan of hybrid solutions that make things liveable enough.
Update: DH’s exwife has been evicted from her apartment and will live in her car (that is a 2001 and has to ready to die). SS continues to pay her gym membership (super fancy) either to keep up appearances or so she can shower. Maybe both. I am glad DH didn’t even try to ask me to help her. No kids live with her and she refuses to work. Her family won’t speak to her because she is crazy. I told SS to tell her to go to the subsidized hospital to do the inpatient treatment for her uncontrolled MRSA. That is beneath her.
You guys, this is one of those things you just can’t make up.
k3am that sounds like chaos for before care! Can you have DH flex two days to minimize the exposure? I’m a big fan of hybrid solutions that make things liveable enough.
I think we're going to give it a few weeks and see how things go. I'm also relatively sure that if we asked, our neighbors would be willing to take her in the mornings at least a few days a week, just as long as it's not as early as we usually leave, which would still be a BIG help. (We're usually out the door by 7... I imagine that's about the time their house is waking up.)
k3am, I would keep her at before care until Christmas break and then make a change with the new year. I would also ask the teacher to keep you abreast on anymore hands on incidents as she has a history of using her hands before her words. I would also ask the teacher if she knows of any other before care places that you could maybe put DD in as both you and DH need to realistically be at work by 8am.
Update from my bathroom post. DD used the cafeteria bathroom yesterday during lunch but not the quad bathroom but then this resulted in her eating maybe 30% of her lunch since she was too busy peeing. So she was hangry and melting by the afternoon. She also misplaced her light jacket so we went back to school and it has disappeared. It is a XS so not many in the school would fit in it. Talked with her teacher and they were going to ask both classes thinking maybe someone grabbed it to give to her and they forgot to. We had this problem last year and I pre-warned the consequences were no jacket for a week. Weather is 68 and rainy next week for the first 3 days so we will see if I cave or not.
DDs started at their new school. Omg I can’t believe the difference. The teachers smile. Everyone has gone out of their way to introduce themselves and welcome us - students, teachers, parents. DD1’s teacher emailed me to see how DD was adjusting so far. Like actual, positive communication. Insanity!!
Both girls asked me if they could come back to the school next year.
DD1 is very reluctant to make friends. She seems to be gun shy. I’m waiting to see how it all plays out.
Also.. what's the etiquette here? Do I need to send the parents a message an apologies or anything like that?
And how do you refer to your kids' teachers? Do you call them Mrs. G when kids aren't around, or do you refer to them by their first name?
I suck at kindergarten.
I don’t talk to the other parents generally. I also believe in letting the kids figure it out with appropriate actions. Talk it out, ignore each other, get over it, and move on. K Kids are pretty fickle and things usually pass over quickly it seems and we rarely had repeat offenses.
I say Mrs G all the time. It seems weird to say Sue sometimes and Mrs G others and don’t want DS to say “Sue” because he would. 🙄.
I wouldn’t change programs yet or flex schedules etc but would work with the teachers to implement more structure And boundaries to avoid future problems. It’s clearly a known issue at the school so they should work to improve it.
An update on DS’s class I was worried about since none of the kids he knows are in there. It’s awesome! He’s made 2 new friends (“one with flat hair” and “one with puffy hair”, and he doesn’t know the name of the one with “puffy” hair. Puffy=curly and Flat=straight). We love Love LOVE his teacher. She’s warm and smart and kind and funny.
DD’s teacher is also awesome. She seems to relate really well to the kids and they love her. I’m loving how she grades their papers. I can immediately tell what she wants the kids to work on. Like DD has a tendency not to write on the lines, so she circles that. Then as we check homework, we can remind her to fix that. But for really good examples, she draws hearts around what DD did right, and since DD craves praise, DD is striving “to only get hearts” so her handwriting has really improved in the last two weeks. She is getting to the point where we don’t have to tell her to “fix your 2” or “your P looks like a 9” because she’s doing it on her own to earn a heart.
I’m relieved it looks like we are going to have a drama-free school year.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Sept 9, 2018 21:05:40 GMT -5
We went to a birthday party of another kid at the new school and ds...I dunno. He had a rough time. Played by himself most of the time. Then actually was angry and sad bc two boys ganged up on ds in a game to make sure ds didn’t win. One of the dads noticed and called the Boys on it so one kid cried and ds was angry and cried. It was a cluster. And by the way those are two out of the 3 boys in the class. Ugh.
Post by traveltheworld on Sept 10, 2018 10:36:21 GMT -5
mustardseed2007, I'm sorry. That must have been hard. At least the Dad called the boys out on it, so there's a tiny bit of comfort in that the parents are trying to be nice?
k3am, Here is varies by the teacher. DS's K teacher last year was Ms. Firstname, the K Teacher next door was Ms. Lastname (it seems to be up to the teachers). The principal is Ms. First letter of last name (long and hard last name for little ones). This year, he has a long term sub while his main teacher is on maternity leave (they both came the first week to class, and the transition will happen in November. It all seems super put together, and I am getting emails from both of them). Anyway, long term sub is Ms. Lastname, and his main teacher is Ms. Firstname. It seems to be the case here that the older teachers (and maybe older school teachers) prefer the last name, and the younger ones the first name? I just refer to them by whatever he is supposed to call them. And that is how I address my emails to them, about sick days or changes in transportation plan, etc. I feel like I am no help, I went to catholic school as a kid, so it was all Sister firstname.
I'm worried that DS is not a nice kid. He makes friends easily, but can't seem to foster good relationships. And he has minimal empathy. He is bright and engaging, but seems to care very little about other people. I was venting to DH last night about this, and DH's response was (and this is a straight quote): "well, even if he is a psychopath, there's not much more we can do. So we'll just have to keep trying and live with it." Not helpful DH, not helpful.
My DH and I worry about this same thing with our DS (6 yo). It is hard to wonder, but we keep trying!