sleepovers and sleep aways

[waverly]

DS will be 8, and has never done a sleep over.  I think it is more a girl thing or less a thing in our particular social circle.  Parents seem a bit more over protective in this town than in other towns where I know their kids have done sleepovers at age 5.


I have no particular desire for him to have one or go to one, but I am wondering if it is something I should do to prepare for sleep away camp next summer?  He has slept at Grandparents houses and he has done camp outs with the family and with cub scouts, but there was always a parent there.  He has been dropped off at friend parties but not at friend's houses just to hang out except neighbors.

I guess his friends are more on the casual side rather than best buddies.  I tried to make it happen, but the one mom I tried with didn't reciprocate and seemed very hesitant to drop off her 7 year old.  She did, and he was fine, and it went great, but I think their schedule is so busy.  And she has 3 boys and probably doesn't want more over her house and she had gotten burned by previous situations (family wanting to take her 5 year old to a hotel and a water park which was outside her comfort level).  

But later in the year I could ask a neighbor family to have him over to prepare for camp and see if their son would want to come.  The boys are not really as close as they once were though.   

[akafred]

I don’t know that a sleepover is really close enough to sleep away camp to make it a prerequisite. Unless he goes to camp with a scout troop or a buddy, he likely won’t know anyone. And the daily routine is very different from normal life. The only part of camp that a sleepover really prepares them for is sleeping away from mom and dad.


Have you discussed camp? How’s his anxiety level about it? Is he asking for it?

With his history with motor skills issues (PT and OT etc) and hearing aids, do you think he’ll be able to fully participate in camp? A kid who is afraid to or can’t do all the physical activities could face some criticism or even ostracism. Just food for thought and making sure you find a camp that is a good fit for him.

[waverly]

We have discussed it. He is half anxious and half excited. He isn't asking or resisting more neutral. Dad went to that camp and wants him to go. I was hesitant last year, but next summer I think he will love it and do great.  He is like me- he wants all the info before deciding.  We can show him the website, but you don't know camp until you experience it.  

He could do anything physical unless it was bike riding, ice skating, roller skating, scooters, things like that. Just realizing he doesn't do great with things with wheels. Definitely a bike riding camp (unless it was to learn) would be a no. For hearing aids- the counselors just have to take ownership while he is swimming. Fine motor skills his drawing and craft and knot tying might be challenging. Not sure how much of that they really do of any of the above at that camp though.  The climbing wall could be an issue.  He can only get half way up the ones at Pump It Up.  

[akafred]

I was thinking things like climbing walls, ropes courses, zip lines, water skiing or knee boarding, etc. I’m not trying to discourage you at all, but thinking of DD’s experience at camp and also thinking of her BFF who is a bit of an uncoordinated sensory avoider (as I sort of picture your DS from your posts - but I could be totally off on that), I don’t think she would do very well because there is so much physical stuff and stretching beyond what you typically do and accomplishing more is part of that kind of traditional outdoor type camp.

As for hearing aids, I didn’t really mean they would get lost, just that he might miss out socially in water activities (which, at DD’s camp, is probably 40-50% of all camp activities) since he can’t hear well.

I think if he had a buddy, a lot of that would be easier to handle. Also some camps will be better than others. I would spend some time checking out different camps. Maybe the one dad went to is also perfect for your son, but maybe not. We have to be careful about camps for very different (almost the opposite lol) reasons. Before deciding on this camp, I spoke to the director personally about DD, then she gave us a private tour, then we took her for a week of day camp there (which required me driving 90 minutes one way to drop her off and get to work) so she could be familiar with the location and some of the counselors. It ended up being perfect, but I was super cautious.

Also, DD read books about camp and watched a lot of movies and tv shows (Bunk’d). She was very excited for months in advance and was definitely driving the train. DH was extremely hesitant, but now he is glad he agreed to let her go.

[waverly]

It looks like most of those activities are for older kids from the website, but definitely a question to ask. On the hearing loss, he has mild to moderate hearing, so he can still kind of hear, but might not catch every syllable. He does OK at the day camp which swims 3 times a week, but he is familiar there. Maybe we could try some of the local cub scout camps first.

There is a family camp we could go for the weekend, but it is kind of far to undertake casually. As far as a buddy might be hard to convince for this camp due to the distance and cost. We could work on it more for local camps. I would like to find something closer honestly because it just makes more sense, but I will say this camp is highly recommended.

[hocus2]

A visiting day at camp was hugely helpful in getting my daughter excited about going. I don't think sleep overs are required to help him. In the end all camps are ready for kids who need help adjusting.

[akafred]

Yeah just trying to give food for thought.

There is a day/sleepover camp here that is “highly recommended” (which really just means large, haha) and it was a disaster for DD. Mainly because it was so very large. It is a very “big box store” kind of camp, the Walmart of camps lol. I don’t know anyone else personally who had any issues, but I know DD and she really needs people who will get to know her and care about her and form a bond with her. If you just try to shuffle her here and there, she is not going to thrive and probably not going to bother behaving for you. If you connect with her, she will bend over backwards to help you. She needs more of a boutique store kind of camp. The one we chose is relatively tiny (they have two cabins each - one boys and one girls - for ages 7-8, 9-10, 11-12, and 13-14, with each cabin having 2 counselors and no more than 6 kids). The big box camp has 12 kids per cabin (plus 2 counselors) and 2 cabins per age group; literally hundreds of kids vs no more than 50. Huge difference. Not that anything is wrong with big camps, but they aren’t best for DD at this stage of life.

[waverly]

akafred, I appreciate it since we haven't sent the kids anywhere yet. And my only experience was one week at GS camp where they didn't have any of those big adventure type apparatuses.

[auntie]

It's really hard to say.

My idiot ex-BIL's 3rd ex-wife sends her sons to the camp she and her brother attended growing up. It's family tradition; her brother shipped his kids from CA to VT to make it happen for them. It's been great for them. Interestingly, the first year, only the older boy went and the next she staggered their sessions so each attended solo. Her reasoning was that it gave them a chance to "re-invent" themselves. They were born 14 months apart so sometimes feed into the same age group.


This camp has a more professional staff than most (counselors tend to be college students and younger teachers) which has made this doable for her kids since they both have some issues. The older boy was an abstinence baby who has ADHD and some anger issues (in school is mainstreamed with GATE pullouts for math and humanities); the younger has ASD w/o ID (he is served primarily in an ASD special day class with push-ins for math and science). Neither is particularly sporty but they have thrived there.


I think the 2 biggest pieces to finding a fit with camp are to pick a place with highly qualified counselors and replicating the level of support they get in unstructured settings in school. I have seen this born out with DS, with my semi-step-great-nephews and with a couple hundred boy scouts over the years.


I think if he's sleeping independently and able to overnight at a grandparent's place, he'll be fine. It might be a hard couple of days for him and definitely for you- but nothing grows a kid like camp.

[waverly]

auntie , I am not sure where they get their counselors from, but I know their ratio is pretty good for the age group 1 counselor for 6 kids for 1-3rd grade completed. I'd almost rather him go for this age group because more counselors and lower or no expectations for climbing wall/ ropes course rather than the 4th grade where they start to introduce the harder physical challenges.  


DS has no supports in unstructured settings. The only support he gets in school is the FM system and hearing itinerant meetings (hearing aid training, listening skills, speech reading) two times a month, and sitting closer to the teacher/ teacher using visual aids which they probably would have anyway for the class. Speech was dropped down to just speech/ teacher consultation minutes.