Post by HeartofCheese on Oct 4, 2018 9:10:37 GMT -5
I was going to put this on TWERKS but decided it was too much.
So. Christian Grey. An update...
If y'all remember, a guy on plenty of fish wanted to set me up with his friend who I nicknamed "Christian Grey" (after the character on 50 Shades). I said no initially, but then went for it b/c he was hot. We talked a total of about 3 weeks. Single dad w/ fulltime custody of 15yo daughter. He works from home for himself as a headhunter. He said he owned his own home, but there were no property records in his name. And he's into really kinky stuff. I couldn't verify who he was and didn't know the guy who set us up, so I kept imagining he was part of some kind of porn ring where they recorded sexual acts in secret. So I kept canceling. Eventually we meet for coffee. He pays with cash. Tells me a few more things: grew up and college locally, poli sci major, has a sister, written off his dad, divorced wife 10 yrs ago b/c she was an alcoholic and still is a functioning alcoholic. I ask him about the lack of online presence and he says he prefers to work in person and lost interest in social media. I don't mention the records check that I did.
Cue weekend. I dump the doctor to do kinky things with CG. We hook up. We make more plans (GOOD plans *tear*). He continues to be elusive: unwilling to open up, not answering/asking questions, etc. Then it finally dawns on me that he's married. Not sure why porn ring seemed more tenable than "married" initially but whatever. Life is a process. At that point it all started to make sense.
He catfished me on POF (and has probably been doing this to women about 2-3 years). The ruse about fulltime custody of his daughter was just to keep visits short, away from his house, and no overnights. It explained the 3-5 minute delays on all his responses to texts (b/c I expect he hides the notifications on his phone). Text convos were always brief, never too in depth. We never talked on the phone. He keeps his condoms in his gym bag. But he also really showed so little interest in actually getting to know each other.
So I called him on it which resulted in him attempting to deflect a bit ("I was starting to really like you, but this paranoid side...," etc.). Long story long, after I demanded proof of who he was before I would see him - he disappeared. Haven't heard from him since...
ETA: So I called him out on being married, but I didn't call him out on catfishing me. Should I? Should I report his profile? Or would that just result in him starting a new profile?
ETA2: In case it's not clear, I do not know his real name! It's freaky to say the least. I think I have enough info that I could ultimately figure it out and probably will come back to it from time to time. But until then - FREAKY. What I did discover is that the name he gave me and the name of his handle on POF correspond with an intersection here in town. I expect that's where he lives or worked at some point.
There are more shady guys online than I ever thought possible. I’m one of my single friend’s safeties so I help with some research. I’d report him for sure. It’s hard initially to tell the guys who are just out for sex (they don’t want to get to know you) from the guys who are married, felons or living in a mental health facility with breaks for learning to reintegrate.
Is also think they have an algorithm so when you match/message a serial sex only type of guy it puts more of those guys in front of you. I tested this on match with two friends - set them both and didn’t locate the same guys (one got 95% d*ck pics type of guys and the other had more normal guys). So...I would try to match/message guys who you may never date but appear to be totally normal. I mean, that ultimately can’t hurt, even if the algorithm doesn’t work that way.
The last thing you need is more shady jerks! So, back to hot doctor?
I would report his profile because the company could check by IP address if he tries to start a new one, and to protect other women. I wouldn't talk to him personally again.
Post by HeartofCheese on Oct 4, 2018 9:44:24 GMT -5
Fortunately the hot doctor is still in play. So is the former UPenn now physical trainer movie star looking guy, and a hot nerdy guy who like to play games. I've also been doing the cougar-thing w a hot 33yo treetrimmer. I'm having a LOT of fun.
I will report him. Probably won't let him know that I know he catfished me just b/c I don't have any idea who he is - but I do know he's capable of some pretty elaborate deception.
twinmomma - I highly recommend choosing an incredibly unsuitable choice - mine was a 22 year old that really, really, really just wanted to make me happy (read that in the most dirty way you can), was stupid hot and Mensa level smart. It was exactly what I needed.
Post by HeartofCheese on Oct 4, 2018 19:50:07 GMT -5
+100% to getting someone terribly, terribly dirty and inappropriate once you start dating, twinmomma. And I really haven't found it so hard, but it will be different for everyone. The freedom is exhilarating. I'm 40, I've checked all the boxes, and I have zero of the inhibitions I had when I was in my 20s. It's a good, good time.
HeartofCheese, I don't see myself dating for a while honestly. Time to get my shit together myself before I start dealing with anyone else. But I will keep that advice in mind. haha
Post by HeartofCheese on Oct 8, 2018 12:18:08 GMT -5
twinmomma, no need to rush. When it's time, it's time. I actually only started dating b/c the X was moving out and taking my kids w/ him 50% of the time. I needed a distraction for that 50% to save myself from depression and obsession. It just ended up working out in really awesome ways.
Btw, just went out with a nerdy, sexy guy and I'm half in love. We're going out again tonight. XD