What kind of stuff do you do with your partner/SO/DH? Not THAT kind of stuff - I’m talking hobbies, weekend family time, etc.
Lately I’ve been feeling like DH and I have no common interests. We used to do lots more things together like reading some of the same books and talking about them, strolling farmers markets, occasional light hiking, trying new restaurants, watching TV together even. Now we do none of that. Some of it is parenting-related: we have less free time. Money is tight. Loads of it is mental health related: he just can’t do new things the way he used to, or focus long enough to read a book.
But I guess before I bemoan all the reasons why we never do anything together, I’m looking for a reality check. Maybe my expectations are out of whack. Do you do stuff with your SO, or is everyone really too busy in this stage of life to do more than the occasional date night?
We don’t do much just the two of us because we would have to get a babysitter. Most things are done on the weekends as a family of 4.
Some things I can think of- watch new tv shows on weeknights from the DVR. Occasional date night to movies, breweries and dinner. 1 vacation a year while Grandparents have the kids.
We try to have family watch them when they come to visit. Or leave them with family and get a hotel room when we visit family. Or hire a babysitter or sign up for parent night out programs. But it’s super variable as far as frequency. Monthly would be great.
Truthfully we spend most of out time with the kids because they are at the age where they are fun to hang around.
Definitely this now. DS is a lot of fun to hang out with and travel with.
IDK - I look at any time together as time together - if that makes sense... I really just try to enjoy whatever time we have together and don't look for it to be special "one on one" time or just "special".
but to more directly answer your question - we (as a family) go out to eat pretty regularly, we play outside w/ our son to practice his various sports, walk the dog, run errands together. Even going to our sons games - I enjoy that time hanging w/ DH while we watch.
And I even look at stuff we do with other people as time together! Even if we're at a party and talking to different people, we walk away from it, talk about the party, who each of us talked to, compare notes, etc, and just enjoy the fact that we were able to both go (DH does work a weird schedule where I'm often left to socialize without him).
Every once in awhile, we'll meet for lunch- that's often our "date" time. Going out to dinner can be hard - if we really even want to. Lunch - cheaper and usually just as fun and yummy.
but to more directly answer your question - we (as a family) go out to eat pretty regularly, we play outside w/ our son to practice his various sports, walk the dog, run errands together. Even going to our sons games - I enjoy that time hanging w/ DH while we watch.
And I even look at stuff we do with other people as time together! Even if we're at a party and talking to different people, we walk away from it, talk about the party, who each of us talked to, compare notes, etc, and just enjoy the fact that we were able to both go.
It’s even this that I’m wishing we had. I love the way you’re looking at “together time” as all the regular stuff too. I wonder if it would feel like enough for him to just come with me when I take Dd to swim class, or when we take her scooter to the park.
but to more directly answer your question - we (as a family) go out to eat pretty regularly, we play outside w/ our son to practice his various sports, walk the dog, run errands together. Even going to our sons games - I enjoy that time hanging w/ DH while we watch.
And I even look at stuff we do with other people as time together! Even if we're at a party and talking to different people, we walk away from it, talk about the party, who each of us talked to, compare notes, etc, and just enjoy the fact that we were able to both go.
It’s even this that I’m wishing we had. I love the way you’re looking at “together time” as all the regular stuff too. I wonder if it would feel like enough for him to just come with me when I take Dd to swim class, or when we take her scooter to the park.
Can you ask him? even in a "I'd love it if we could spend some time together while DD is in swim class" way? I'm sorry if it's hard for him to even do this, though.
Post by covergirl82 on Oct 10, 2018 8:02:06 GMT -5
We don't honestly do too much just the two of us right now. We will go out to dinner occasionally, but it requires getting a babysitter, unless my parents stay with the kids, then it's free.
We do both like a couple of the same TV shows, so we just need to be better about watching them together.
I accompany him with his hobby and now that Ds is into it too it’s good family time. We also watch Survivor together and do other things as a family like go on hikes, to the beach, skiing, weekends away, etc. We don’t have a lot of couple time but we enjoy dinner and movies and just hanging out doing anything when we can.
Post by supertrooper1 on Oct 10, 2018 8:29:39 GMT -5
We don't do anything together other than watch tv together. We only get a babysitter once or twice a year. We don't have couple friends. He rarely wants to go out to eat as a family because worrying about how DS might act makes him anxious. Pre-kid, we would go out to eat, go out for drinks, go to a casino, in our together time. But now he doesn't drink, I hate spending money at the casino now and neither of us have hobbies. I work most weekends and he claims he is always too busy with school work.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Oct 10, 2018 8:42:18 GMT -5
My hobby is triathlons and training in the 3 sports that go with that --- this is not DH at all. He's gotten into playing this star wars card game. I played it with him once and while it was nice, I am not into games with excessive rules...and that is a game with a stupid amount of rules.
We haven't had a date night in a while but we will go to movies together and go out to eat at foodie type places. We used to watch Brookyln 99 together but lately we don't do too much together ... so I'm kind of like you.
shakinros , we are kind of like ECB in that we treat family events as quality time for the whole family. OK running errands is not quality time, but we do grocery delivery to get rid of that. But things like going to the kids soccer games, going out to eat as a family. DH wants to spend all his time with us which is great.
I find I occasionally need to split up from the amoeba I call it. So two of us split off for something (parent +child) and then come back and the other two split off and come back then the 4 of us go somewhere together etc whether it is playdates or soccer or scouts or whatever. Occasionally he takes the kids and gives me time.
ETA- I talked about planning the weekends in block planning before. So we always have the plan of Friday night is family movie night. Sat morning is family out to eat for breakfast (or I stay home because I need alone time). Then the kids activities and chores and date nights go in blocks.
We divide and conquer. I can’t remember when we were both at the same sports event for one of the kids. Sometimes we meet for lunch on weekends. Even with two injured kids this hasn’t changed and it bothers me.
We choose a show to watch together (Ozark was the last one, currently casting about for a new one).
We try to get out for drink/dessert quick dates at least once a week. Being out of the house forces us to interact instead of retreat to chores, books or kids. We used to do kitchen dinner dates every Sunday night where we Uber eats food but with my mom’s move we have missed a few weeks and need to get back to it. No kids allowed.
We watch TV together on during the week and then on weekends we try to have family lunch, sometimes we go grocery shopping alone because older boys can watch DS. I will ride with him to pick up and drop off older boys if we need some connection time. We do our best communicating in the car together.
pre kids there was never a divide and conquer. We did everything together until night time and then he would play video games and I would read or watch TV.
Our life is kids and work right now. We watch football on Sundays. Every few months, we have a date night. A couple times a year, we ditch the kids and go wine tasting - for a day now, vs. a weekend, which we did pre-kids. That's aboutt he extent of it.
Post by traveltheworld on Oct 10, 2018 12:06:21 GMT -5
We spend most of our time hanging out as a family. And then we watch TV together. That's about it. But we do talk a lot while we are watching the kids play their various sports, or when we are out running errands. We also email and text throughput the day. Sometimes I feel like we communicate almost too much. But, we don't actually do anything together, just the two of us, in terms of hobbies.
I don't mind it. We were just talking about this the other day - we spent a decade together before we had kids so we know we have lots of common interests and hobbies, so we are perfectly fine with our lives being almost exclusively revolved around the kids right now.
Before DD...DH and I did everything together. Part of this was me just tagging along. We did archery, kayaking, hiking, I would go with DH hunting, cycling, snowshoeing/cross country skiing, long walks. Basically everything DH loved he had me doing with him. It got to the point that I lost myself. I dropped all my hobbies crafts & reading to do his stuff. After DD was born I put my foot down and refused to do a number of those activities. The only thing I kept was kayaking and light hiking/walks which are the two I enjoyed the most. DH resents me and DD for taking those things away because he refuses to do them without me.
DD and I do a ton together but DH refuses to join us as he isn't interest in things DD does. DH and I are co-existing at best right now. He won't do anything unless I hold his hand and do it with him which is frustrating me to no ends. DH got really involved in paintball but something happened the last time he played and now he doesn't want to play. No idea what happened as he refuses to talk about it. I guess the most we do together is watch TV after DD goes to bed.
This weekend we are camping which he loves and I despise. I love to beach walk and will spend most of the time just walking the beach which DH can't stand doing so he will probably stay behind and play with the fire pit while DD and I walk miles on miles.
I like to do lots of things and he doesn't like to do many things So most couple time is just chatting about current events or whatever we're reading or podcasts he listens to while commuting. And some TV/movies - we just finished the new Jack Ryan series and both really liked it.
Our kids are 6, 4, and 1, so there's not much couple time unless it's after bedtime or we have a babysitter. DH is a homebody and doesn't like to leave the house but sometimes on weekends we'll use the Y childcare and exercise at the same time and then sit and chat for a minute, or we all go swimming or to a playground.
Every once in awhile I'll meet him for lunch at work if I'm nearby for some reason. On our date nights we go see a movie or get dinner. A couple times a year we'll have a babysitter stay overnight so we can go on a quick trip - in the spring we went to Mexico to go wine tasting and in a few weeks we're going to a nearby city to see a comedian.
Camping Sitting on our patio listening to music and taking after the kids g to bed Watching shows together We bought Date Night in a box or whatever. That was really cute. But it is a challenge to set aside a weekend night that we can drink since I usually have long runs in the morning or something.
Post by ilovelucyvv on Oct 11, 2018 7:07:50 GMT -5
We don't really do things without the kids, unless you count watching TV. We talk a lot about anything and everything. Since we watch the same tv shows, listen to the same radio station, work for the same employer... there's that plus all of the kids stuff. We are going on vacation in a few weeks and there will be some opportunities for more alone time together than usual, assuming the kids cooperate.
It doesn't feel like we do much at all with just the two of us because we both work full time and have three young children. There isn't much time for us until they go to bed and then we're both exhausted. We watch tv or movies together, talk about the books we're reading. We are trying to get better at planning date nights but it's hard with no family in our city. We just found a new sitter and are trying her next week so we can go to dinner and a movie. The last time we did something like that was 5 months ago.
We do a lot as a family though so we have common ground, memories and jokes together. Eat dinner together during the week and most weekends we all hang out as a family - go to parks, hiking, play outside in the yard, take kids to movies, board games, etc.
Most stuff is done with the kids. Hiking, outings, etc..
We had our first date night in many years last week. We went to a play at the Arden. You are close to Philly, right? Maybe go see this show - Once (based on the movie). It was low key and lovely.
Other than that, we watch Netflix series together.
Most stuff is done with the kids. Hiking, outings, etc..
We had our first date night in many years last week. We went to a play at the Arden. You are close to Philly, right? Maybe go see this show - Once (based on the movie). It was low key and lovely.
Other than that, we watch Netflix series together.