Adventures in Incompetence (SOS)

[akafred]

Last time I posted about how DH gave DD my 6 months old Flonase when she had the sniffles and then left it with her to have full access to it on her bedside table, and thus she was using it unsupervised days later. My biggest concern is that this med is a steroid and not OTC for kids. Well I was wrong. It is totally OTC for kids, apparently, because he bought a Children’s version of the same med OTC last week. I quietly ordered a couple of saline spray bottles and will slowly move the Flonase out of the house to work. Sigh.

Next SOS: DD got the bug in her brain to start walking the dog alone. The problem is the dog pulls the leash HARD and then bolts FAR. So she cannot walk the dog by herself or even holding the leash alone. The other problem is the dog constantly spins circles. So we can’t use a gentle leader or no-pull harness because she will get totally tied up constantly, and again DD can’t free her without letting go of the leash. So today they went to the pet store and she talked him into getting a harness so she can walk the dog. I guess like a no-pull harness. But it isn’t. It’s just a harness.

These are not huge things, but it is constantly things like this. It adds so much of that mental load thing.

[ilovelucyvv]

Sorry akafred that sounds very frustrating

My H routinely works more than his 8 hour day. He refuses to claim any of the additional hours on his timesheet. If he did he could later use them as credit for additional leave. This week while solo parenting I convinced the daycare teacher to let me drop off DD at school a little before before care officially starts so i can beat some of the traffic and still get everyone home at a decent time. I also paid a few bucks to take the express lanes for the worst part of the traffic everyday. Since before and aftercare if by the hour i think it is worth it for me not to be stuck in traffic. DH will be solo parenting next week and his plan is to drop off on time and take annual leave everyday so the he doesn’t pick up the kids too late. But he complains that he doesn’t have very much leave saved up. Knowing him he also wont pay for the express lanes for the worst part of the traffic either. I think he is being silly but no use giving advice to a stubborn person.

[xctsclrx]

ilovelucyvv, sometimes they need to learn the hard way
akafred, I don't even know.


Mine:

This morning I was able to wake up 15 min late and get both kids ready and out the door on time. When my DH is home "helping" we are consistently late even waking up on time. I don't know what he is doing that is taking so long, but he better figure out.

[rere]

I think I wrote this before but it is so stupid, it needs to be repeated. I spend an entire afternoon making a lasagna for the week. I left it for DH to eat and I went to a benefit for the night. He left it out from 3 pm until 10 pm when I got home and found it. I had to throw out an entire lasagna that I didn't even get to taste, plus now I had to come up with another meal during the week.

He is sometimes so clueless. He gets mad when I tell him things over and over, but he doesn't listen and pulls stupid stuff like that. Be clueless and unorganized all you want, but when it affects me and my time, we have a problem.

Plus the older he gets, I think he is a hoarder or just the most sloppy person on the planet. Any area deemed his, one cabinet in the kitchen, our detached garage, slowly now our attached garage, the top of his dresser, is full of junk. No one can find anything in our detached garage except him. His workbench is piled. I look in other people's buildings and there are things on shelves lined up nicely, and his looks like a rat's nest.

[phdmomma]

DH is sick with a man-cold that has gotten way worse, because he always wants to push through when there is no reason to. Like, I push through when I have a big meeting or a deadline. But he has been sick, and has been putting all of his time (ie any time that he is not at work) into the new garage. We had it built, but he wants to do the electricity himself, and wanted to floor the rafter storage space himself. He needs to go to the doctor, it's been a few weeks. But he won't. At least he took today off to sleep. My parents are watching the kids tonight because we were supposed to go out for a birthday dinner. Although getting a kid free night while he rests and I get to watch Hocus Pocus sounds good, and I'm not too bummed. I reminded him today that I am out of the country for most of next week, so he is running solo. I'm pretty sure that this is no longer a cold and something that he should get checked out to make sure its not bronchitis or walking pneumonia (he's had both before from similar pushing through illness incidents). Meanwhile, I just don't want to be sick for 15 hours of flying.

[2chatter]

Last night I handed DH the leash to the dog I was walking and headed home alone. He had a total fit because DD has a ride to go camping and he no longer has to take her. It is one hour each way with no traffic, and it’s a rainy Friday, so will be 2-3 hours there and 2 hours back. I told him when he agreed to drive her that she may still get a ride. The reason for his fit? He scheduled an 8:30 meeting so he could wrap up earlier and he still has to have the meeting. Seriously? You’re welcome for saving you five hours in the car....and I have no sympathy for an “early” meeting at ... 8:30.

[librarychica]

My H had this little house when we met. It’s a cute little house in a mildly dicey area by the university (that has gotten progressively less dicey over the last fifteen years). We lived here a few years and I rather like it, though he’d never want to live here now because he’s a bit of a snob. I was so charmed when he told me his plans for it! His father made his living on rental properties, perpetual income and he is handy with a tool box.

I was charmed. What can I say? I was 19.

He is the worse landlord. He preferred to rent to people he knew. Evidently people he knew are slobs. The last set were literally circus performers. They wrecked the walls hanging all sorts of equipment. It would sit months between tenants because he is “busy.” Also don’t forget — he makes a lot of money! His time is valuable!

So this time last year it was damaged in a hurricane. Happened to be the same month the circus tenants moved out.Needed a new roof. Okay, I left him to handle it as I was busy with our damaged home. Division of labor. We wait for roof contractors to be available. “Is there anything else that needs doing? We can take care of that while we wait for the roof.” “Just come cleaning and junk removal.”

In January, I asked about the roof. “No one is calling me back.” A few weeks later, I ask again. Then I schedule some quotes for him. Schedule roof install. Drive to house.

Holy shit, the place is wrecked. Needs serious disinfecting. 3/4 of the fence is missing. We make like half a dozen dump hauls, needs all new paint job, including the ceilings, walls need repaired. I schedule estimates, I clean and I clean, I borrow my dad’s truck and wrangle H over to clear out the stinking garage and bedrooms. I clean some more. I supervise roof replacement. I continue to have two kids and a job. Now it is March. There is one last thing to do — outdoor tile removal/replacement of a rectangle patio. I get quotes. He says it is too expensive and he will do it himself. He removes damaged tile. I wait. We continue to pay the $1,000 a month in mortgage. He continues to make the “I make a lot of money, my time is valuable argument.”

Today I got more tile quotes. It is October. The house has now been empty for 11 months.. He has admitted all fault but I am still pissed. Also I showed up today and the AC is down.

I’m considering selling it. He says “it’s not yours to sell.” I say it will be half mine if I divorce your ass. If it isn’t rented by January it is on the market.

[k3am]

librarychica, being landlords is not for the faint of heart. Being landlord with a husband handling it like that is not something I'd be willing to do.

DH also thinks his time is valuable. It's why we just pay someone to do the work in the first place.

[mellym]

librarychica, your post reminds me of our basement project. DH started by wanting to do everything himself. I told him he's crazy that we don't have time for it at this stage in our lives. He started it last November (with a newborn baby) and this past year has been marked by my resentment of him working in the basement while I'm sick with the stomach flu and all three kids are literally puking at the same time, I'm in a boot taking care of the kids, etc. He did agree to hire out the plumbing, HVAC and plastering. He's been painting and we went to the store this week (on our first date night in months) to pick out some fixtures, lighting, doors, etc. I again told him I don't have time for this right now when I'm up to my ears in work, doctor appointments and PT. I literally don't care what he picks out and I will probably regret it someday. I think I convinced him to get white trim and doors, the pre-painted kind because there is no way in hell I'm helping him stain and I like that look hoping it will brighten up the basement. He's now talking about doing all the floors himself. He can't even find the time to finish the painting!!

[librarychica]

Oct 19, 2018 10:45:39 GMT -5 k3am said:

librarychica, being landlords is not for the faint of heart. Being landlord with a husband handling it like that is not something I'd be willing to do.

DH also thinks his time is valuable. It's why we just pay someone to do the work in the first place.

Honestly, I should have insisted on coming with him, assessing the damage and hiring it out at the time. And in all fairness, the hours he has worked one of his side gigs has more than covered it. I just feel so damn irresponsible and I hate that feeling.

I get so nostalgic when I have to come over here. Things were so good. I painted the house an overly-bright blue and we spent weekends scrubbing and planting flowers, we talked and fought about politics and life but also played all the time (somehow, despite having three jobs between us plus my full time college load we had so much time) and his friends teased him about his slightly crazy young girlfriend and we rented the extra room cheap to people we liked and then rolled our eyes when they complained about how much noisy sex we had. My boss lectured me for walking to work through “that neighborhood” and my dad looked suspicious but loaned us tools and resisted the urge to demand H marry me and then we got married anyhow and we were going to be successful and happy and have a passel of kids and a garden.

And now we are successful and have a house where no one would ever worry about me walking though I don’t have time to walk anywhere and we have two kids, if not quite a passel and I pay someone to do most my yard work. We only fight about this house, I’ve long won almost all of the political arguments and we almost never have sex. We have nothing to say anymore and I have no idea what happened to us.

[librarychica]

And so now this has evolved from me bitching about owning a rental to marital angst.

Once upon a time we were going to go to Japan for our tenth wedding anniversary. It’s coming up but he has too much business travel and my oldest can’t manage away from me for more than 3 days. I suggested we take a long weekend somewhere and he tried to arrange it so we can go check on some potential investments while on our anniversary trip, sandwiched two months after our actual anniversary. I can’t bring myself to plan anything now.

[covergirl82]

librarychica, you have my vote for putting it on the market if it's still vacant in January. That amount of money just going out the window would make me crazy. And I'm sorry about your marital angst.

DH has mentioned getting into buying rental properties, and each time I shoot him down. He is not handy (exhibit A being the shoddy trim work he did when we finished the basement at our old house) and he doesn't have time for it. The house I rented for 2 years in college with some friends had the ceiling fall in in the living room (in the middle of the night, of course), and that turned me off completely to ever wanting to be a landlord. One home to maintain is enough for me.

[waverly]

librarychica, I vote sell. What kind of investments would you check out on a 10 year anniversary? Why would you want to do business stuff on that kind of trip? I vote for a girls weekend instead.

[k3am]

Oct 19, 2018 11:36:26 GMT -5 covergirl82 said:

librarychica , you have my vote for putting it on the market if it's still vacant in January. That amount of money just going out the window would make me crazy. And I'm sorry about your marital angst.

DH has mentioned getting into buying rental properties, and each time I shoot him down. He is not handy (exhibit A being the shoddy trim work he did when we finished the basement at our old house) and he doesn't have time for it. The house I rented for 2 years in college with some friends had the ceiling fall in in the living room (in the middle of the night, of course), and that turned me off completely to ever wanting to be a landlord. One home to maintain is enough for me.

If he really wants to get into rental properties, there are ways around being handy. My mom has owned several rentals throughout the years. For the one remaining, she bought when I was in college and it's 3 hours from her. She's 71, so she's definitely not out there doing repairs. She has a management company who handles for it, and while it eats into her profit, she has steady/consistent tenants who pay enough in rent to cover PITI payments, allow for enough extra cash for her to get some cash every month (or to allow for her to break even annually in the event it sits empty a couple months over summer when school is out, which it hasn't.) They handle all the maintenance issues, procuring tenants, and any issues with the tenants. It's been a good enough deal that my sisters and I have all agreed that after mom's not in the picture, we'll probably just leave it as is. (Which sounds morbid, but my mom has been actively planning to die and discussing how she wants her estate handled for at least the last 20 years.) 

[librarychica]

Oct 19, 2018 11:36:26 GMT -5 covergirl82 said:

librarychica, you have my vote for putting it on the market if it's still vacant in January. That amount of money just going out the window would make me crazy. And I'm sorry about your marital angst.

DH has mentioned getting into buying rental properties, and each time I shoot him down. He is not handy (exhibit A being the shoddy trim work he did when we finished the basement at our old house) and he doesn't have time for it. The house I rented for 2 years in college with some friends had the ceiling fall in in the living room (in the middle of the night, of course), and that turned me off completely to ever wanting to be a landlord. One home to maintain is enough for me.

If you can buy enough rental properties to make a management company reasonable, they can be a good investment. My H is extremely handy and that hasn’t helped, lol. He is just pulled in too many directions and always ranks the rental last. My FIL has 6 and now he maintains them but when he is elderly a property manager will take over. We had two — the calculation was not in our favor. (Though this year it would have been a benefit since it had been such a cluster). For the level of properties we own and location, 3 seems to be the tipping point. We are headed in the opposite way. We sold one and I think this one will be sold as well.

[knavy]

We use one of these for our Great Dane 100% keeps her from being able to pull me. Similar to controlling a horse with a halter. We also have a leash that clips around the waist from kong that has a handle. It’s very convenient for times when I’m taking both dogs alone and I don’t have to worry about dropping her leash I’d she pulls unexpectedly.

www.chewy.com/halti-optifit-dog-headcollar-large/dp/117361?utm_source=google-product&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=hg&utm_content=Halti&utm_term=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5PParJKT3gIV2YWzCh17Hgx5EAQYAiABEgLFaPD_BwE

[akafred]

librarychica ((Hugs)). My marriage is in a similar boat right now and I have no idea how it happened.

[akafred]

Oct 19, 2018 13:38:01 GMT -5 knavy said:

We use one of these for our Great Dane 100% keeps her from being able to pull me. Similar to controlling a horse with a halter. We also have a leash that clips around the waist from kong that has a handle. It’s very convenient for times when I’m taking both dogs alone and I don’t have to worry about dropping her leash I’d she pulls unexpectedly.

www.chewy.com/halti-optifit-dog-headcollar-large/dp/117361?utm_source=google-product&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=hg&utm_content=Halti&utm_term=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5PParJKT3gIV2YWzCh17Hgx5EAQYAiABEgLFaPD_BwE

knavy I had Danes for decades and I miss them so much! Problem is the dog twirls circles CONSTANTLY. She would strangle herself with a nose halter.

[librarychica]

Hugs back akafred.