Last year my November was hell because of budget, and this year they requested it a week early so hell starts mid-October. I’ve already worked a ton of overtime over the weekend.
I’m sad our weekend is over. It was a really good one.
Now today I’m working from home this morning so we can go to DD’s parent-teacher conference this morning. I’ll go in to work this afternoon. Tomorrow I have to fly to DC, which should be a good trip.
Trigger Warning
Something kind of melancholy, though. At the party we attended, there was a toddler-aged girl running around mostly unsupervised. (They live in the neighborhood with my coworker and are at the house a lot, so she felt very at home. I’m not saying she was neglected or anything.) She sort of attached herself to our family for most of the party. So much so that when we tried to get a quick family picture in the photo booth, she joined us. DH picked her up and put her in his lap for the pic so she didn’t keep running in front of the camera. It occurred to both of us that if I hadn’t miscarried, and the baby was a girl, that’s what our family would have looked like. It made me a little sad.
We had a pretty good weekend, but it was busy. DS played his last football game on Saturday, and they won 14-12, so it was a good way to end the season. (Technically, it was a scrimmage because the field director cancelled the game due to weather. A quick-moving thunderstorm (complete with pea-sized hail) moved through about 30 minutes before his game time start, but the weather was clear at least 20 minutes before his game start time. But I suspect the field director wanted to get home to watch the big college rivalry football game that was scheduled to start the same time as DS's game. I hope she felt a little guilty after getting home only to have the game delayed an hour due to the same storm that had come through where we were.) After we got home from the game, we all pitched in and picked up the house and cleaned.
Sunday was also busy. We had church in the morning. I taught the class DS and DD are in, and there were 11 kids, which is more than usual. I only teach once a month, but I always seem to get the most kids, and classroom management is not a skill of mine (which is one reason I'm not a teacher). Thankfully the children's director sent in a teenager to help. After church I ran to the grocery store for lunch stuff and produce. Then home for a little while before I had to take DD to a birthday party. Then we had small group in the evening.
DH is throwing a pizza party tonight for the football team, so we have 20 3rd and 4th grade boys coming over. Pray for my house, that it's still intact when DD and I get home from gymnastics.
My weekend was not great. I had high hopes of getting a lot of house projects and chores done. Instead, I wallowed. I had no kids and spent 90% of the time on the couch, watching Grey's Anatomy on Netflix. I did get some laundry done, so I'm taking that as a win. Divorce drama kicked into high gear just as I was leaving for my trip last week and I just couldn't deal with anything. I get the girls back tomorrow and really need it to keep my sanity right now.
Great weekend. Ate to much at the apple festival. It was beautiful yesterday at the pioneer village. Very chilly, but that made it better because all of the cabins had great fireplaces with stews and cornbread cooking so it was so toasty.
I mentioned that my mom sold our family bar. Well it took me 2 weeks to get sort of kicked out by the new owner. Not me specifically, but a member of our group. We went to an adult Halloween party. Several had adult themed costumes, not body parts showing, but silly. The party was a few doors down from the bar and we walked up there for fun, just to walk through dressed. The new owner grabbed one of the guys we were with and walked him out saying that the costume was inappropriate in mixed company. We laughed, but the consensus of the group, was maybe they wouldn't go back there anymore. I talked to my mom and brother about it who are still helping in the transition. My brother seems to think he doesn't realize he bought a bar, not fellowship hall or country club. Mom said she is going to talk to him about lightening up. You can't alienate people in a small town and stay in business. They are having their annual Scaryoke next Friday and she said you never know what's going to show up there, so he should probably try to chill out before then.
I just think it was funny to be kicked out of the family bar. I don't think he knew who I was, because I was in a mask.
Ds1 was up all night with vomiting and diarrhea and DS2 has lice. Ugh. So we’ve done all the stuff to pick everything out of ds2s hair and shampooed and sprayed to kill it all. Thankfully we have been on the lookout so I know it’s new and we caught it early. Dh and I will both be WFH part of today. We would call in sick but have a few important meetings.
Weekend was good but busy. We had DS's birthday part at a jump place, and he had a lot of fun, and no one got hurt. I leave for China tomorrow, and need to see about a loaner laptop from IT, because of some export control issue.
Thanksgiving at my house may have just gotten massive. Typically my parents come and I invite my international graduate students who haven't been to an American thanksgiving or don't have other plans. So that is 12 people for this year. My MIL used to host a separate thanksgiving at her house for her parents (who both passed away this year), and now is thinking of bringing everyone to our house. Umm...that's going to be 25 people. And quite a few pain in the ass food allergies, and food preferences. I was going to do what I usually do, which is make pie and order the rest from Whole Foods. So that I'm not trapped in the kitchen all day. Also, DH and I are running a turkey trot, like we do every year. I just need to know wether or not they are bringing a turkey and the allergy food, or if they are doing something else. Also they suck at planning more than a day or two out. And it's not that I mind accommodating the allergy folks, it just that they are never grateful for the extra effort, its always something like you got vanilla gluten free dairy free soy free cupcakes, and I only like chocolate. Umm....that's all the store had, the correct answer is thank you.
Our weekend was good in that we had a bunch of family time.
It was bad in that we took Ipad privileges away from my 4 year old and she got mad and threw something heavy at our flat screen tv and broke it.
She was terrified, paid us all the money from her piggy bank (8 bucks) and was an angel after that so I am hoping it's just a very expensive lesson.
We also went to a lego fest experience (great), 2 kids birthday parties (ok), a soccer game (ok), out to eat as a family, purchased a new tv, and I did my final workouts ahead of this race I have on Sunday. Crazy town.
Tonight is my first coach’s meeting for DD1’s basketball team. I will get my roster and practice time. I know the directors, one of them sucks, his kids weren’t nice to DD1 last year. The directors form the rosters and assign gym time for practices.
I have a strong feeling that I will be screwed on all fronts. But I am a pessimist. So maybe I will be pleasantly surprised.
Post by covergirl82 on Oct 22, 2018 10:20:55 GMT -5
phdmomma, we are trying to nail down Thanksgiving plans and it's not looking good (for me). DH mentioned inviting his mom to my family's Thanksgiving, due to different plans going on with his mom's side of the family. My sister and MIL are both very opinionated (and opposite on their opinions) and MIL has no filter, so it could turn out bad. Holidays are already tense enough with my sister, as her opinions don't align with our parents, me, or DH (and we all really try to avoid topics that could create tension). Add MIL in and it could be beyond awful. But then I feel bad for basically wanting to exclude MIL (for my own sanity). MIL would be able to go to Thanksgiving elsewhere with family, if she didn't come with us. I would welcome feedback on what to do from people who have no emotional ties to the situation.
sandandsea, YUCK TO LICE. FX it stays away from you. DD went to a party last weekend and they gave away constuction hats as party favors. The hats got handed out, forgotten, restacked, and then kids just grabbed new ones. I was cringing once I realized what happened. And of course last week, we got a call that at least one of the kids now has lice. Luckily, both kids were clear.
Last night, DD asked DH to comb her for lice. He took it very, very seriously. I did not tell him there's really no reason to comb her at this point, other than she likes it.
Our weekend was good. We had DD's walkathon on Saturday. I was not prepared for how intense it would be. There was like 75 silent auction baskets, booths, etc. I manged to stumble off a 2 inch step I didn't realize I was on (I'm becoming my mother) and oh my did that hurt. I holed up on a bench for the rest of the day and now have a new BFF named Mike who has a kid in college, one in middle, and one at elementary and likes to DJ in his spare time. (I am not a small talker and this guy sat around for hours.)
Yesterday was great. I bribed my kids with cookies to get them out the door for family pictures, and DD invited a neighbor over to help bake them. Somehow that one kid multiplied into 4 extra kids (the power of cookies?), and they all entertained themselves with minimal mess for a good few hours.
Side note: This was my first time doing a silent auction at a dry event. I was much more judicial in my bidding.
On Saturday, DS1 had soccer in the drizzly cold (in the 40s). Some of the kids with weaker soccer skill did really well this week. It was like something just clicked in their heads. So that was exciting to see. Then I went shopping with my mom while DH did some errands and the kids hung out with my dad at home. It was a win-win for everyone. I really needed some mom time. Then we all met for dinner. On Sunday, me and the boys were miserable. We all have nasty colds. It is not easy trying to pin down a 4 and 1.5 year old to wipe their noses. I was in bed half of the day while DH dealt with the kids. Today, I am working from home hoping that this cold is on its way out. I don't have time to be sick this week!
Celebration #1: I got my kitchen put back together. Baseboards are installed, rugs back in place, furniture back in. The only thing that is left to do is put the cabinet doors and hardware on but I got the final coat on the doors Friday so they are still drying. Celebration #2: DD did really well with her private and at open gym Friday night. She has acquired 2 of the 3 skills since last Monday. We've watched tons of u-tube videos, practiced tons, had a private lesson, and one of the optional level girls that DD loves worked open gym Friday and spent a good 40 minutes working with her 1-on-1. Fingers cross Coach A is happy tonight and DD doesn't get so nervous she tenses up. The best part was DD was so happy and excited about gym this weekend.
I’m liking the rain closing all the soccer fields. We had a fun weekend as a result of the free time. I coached a volleyball game for the first time ever - eeek. No one got out of rotation or cried so I am calling it a victory. Don’t want to repeat the experience.
Last night I made chili for my mom and two of her sisters. It was great until the sewer line backed up and flooded the downstairs shower and bathroom, which I am dealing with today. Fun times.
Tomorrow I leave for Vegas and have not packed. Due to the sewer issues I also cannot do laundry (mine or kids), Run the dishwasher or shower.
We moved furniture around this weekend and my house looks awesome. Magic sliders are magic - I moved a pullout couch on my own.
Our health and this weekend were up and down. I burnt my arm badly on the steam from the tea kettle. I have laryngitis and lost my voice. I have TMJ etc etc.
Soccer game was so windy that the other team could almost literally throw or kick it right into the goal from across the field. None of the kids were paying good attention maybe because of the wind.
4 hour birthday party was a bit strange. Luckily I met one of the moms last week, so I chatted with her most of the time. Then lost my voice as a result. I visited the retirement party for the lady that was fired. She seemed sad because she used to ask me about my job, and that was what we always talked about, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. I used several of the lines here to offset any political issues so thank you.
Yesterday I worked and trialed my neighbor taking DD to girl scouts. It seemed to work out really well. I had to come in to work today to help out with ILL, but I really only did that an hour, so I could have taken today off for Sunday. But anyway now I will be off tomorrow for Sunday.
DH is at a conference all week. He killed it this weekend with winterizing the yard and doing massive amounts of laundry though. I think because he realized he would be gone all week, and that I was over life (specifically being injured and sick).
Trigger warning SOS: I was going to make a separate thread but I don't have much to say. DH's dad passed on Saturday. He did not tell me and acted like normal all weekend. He actually did a ton of honey do projects and was in a good mood most of the weekend. Sunday morning I get a text from our friends checking up on DH as he wasn't responding to text/phone calls and they were worried with his dad passing. My response was "What?!" They didn't realize I didn't know. I waited all day for DH to say something nothing. I finally brought it up after DD went to bed and told him I kept waiting for him to say he had to go to City all week since I knew his dad was in the hospital. He just shrugged his shoulders and said it was overdue and he was to busy to go over. His dad was only 70. The only difference in DH's behavior is he asked for wine at he store and drank alcohol both days and he very seldom drinks. WPs I really don't know what to do? I wasn't on speaking terms with his dad. My SIL and BIL don't communicate timely and BIL is dealing with everything and DH is being silent. He has therapy on Tuesday so hopefully he will talk to his therapist. I actually called his boss to see if DH said anything to him and he hadn't but the co-worker so it on Facebook and called the boss to tell him and see if there was anything they could do since DH wasn't responding to the co-worker text either. I'm kind of worried when he stops keeping himself busy he is going to not be able to deal.
Post by covergirl82 on Oct 22, 2018 14:12:29 GMT -5
186momx , is your H usually unemotional about things, or is his dad's passing different? My college BF, towards the end of our relationship, acted similarly when his grandpa was really sick/in the hospital and not too long after his grandma was diagnosed with cancer. I found out from his mom weeks later. He said he didn't want to burden me. Hopefully YH will talk with his therapist about it, but given that he hasn't talked with anyone about it, I'm not sure if you can count on him doing that.
Could you ask your H something like, "Because I love you and care about you, can you help me understand what you're feeling right now? I'm used to people expressing some sort of more intense emotion (sadness, anger) after a parent dies, but you seem aloof/unaffected by it. When you act unaffected, it makes me feel unsure of how to respond to you. Is there a way I can help support you emotionally right now?"
Post by supertrooper1 on Oct 22, 2018 15:47:29 GMT -5
186momx, I would just let your H talk if he wants, but I wouldn't push it. I found out that DHs dad passed away while googling him for an address for my background investigating. I never met DHs dad because they were estranged for 25 years. I fretted all day about showing him the obituary and when I showed him, he just said, "oh" and read the obituary. He was not upset but then called his mom to make sure she knew. It was strange that she had heard when he had passed a month before but didn't say anything.
Tonight is my first coach’s meeting for DD1’s basketball team. I will get my roster and practice time. I know the directors, one of them sucks, his kids weren’t nice to DD1 last year. The directors form the rosters and assign gym time for practices.
I have a strong feeling that I will be screwed on all fronts. But I am a pessimist. So maybe I will be pleasantly surprised.
I posted a longer update in the sports thread, but the meeting went as expected.
I resigned as coach and pulled DD from the league.
Last year my November was hell because of budget, and this year they requested it a week early so hell starts mid-October. I’ve already worked a ton of overtime over the weekend.
I. Feel. You.
I have not been able to participate here, or in life in general because of 2019 budget planning. And for extra fun, I get to do a ton for the job that I applied for. The one where they cancelled the position. But for which the work still has to be done. Yay!
I'm giving DH his space right now. He gave me the cold shoulder last night and looked absolutely miserable after he got home from dog class. I'm having lunch in an hour with an old family friend who has been in contact with my BIL so hopefully she will have some info to pass on and since she has known DH since he was a baby some insight into how I should deal with it. I also got a text from SIL checking up on DH last night that I returned this morning.