Help me interpret kid behavior- feel free to add your own.

[waverly]

DS (8) told me he has headaches from 3-11pm every night.  When I asked him where it hurt, he said no where.  I said headaches hurt, and he looked confused like he didn't know headaches hurt.  When I asked him where it hurt he pointed at a random spot, so I think it was just because I asked him to point.  He had no bump.  Nothing in sinuses or back of the neck like for tension.  DD, DH and I have colds but he hasn't shown any symptoms. ETA- I also asked him if he needed to go to the doctor and he said it was mild and no.  Oh and DD uses headaches as a euphemism for being annoyed, so maybe that is what he meant?  Like annoyed because he has to do homework and set the table and do dishes.  He doesn't do dishes every night, and I help him usually.  

He also told us that he doesn't like the math curriculum.  He says he doesn't like having math in the morning because then he doesn't do well in readers and writers workshop afterwards because he is tired out.  When I asked why he doesn't like the math curriculum he says it is because he has to tear it out and he has problem sets, application sets and exit tickets etc.  His math scores on a standardized test are down this semester interestingly.  He says he liked it better last year because it was in a workbook.  Obviously math was easier last year.  I asked him what strategies could he do, and he said tell the teacher, but I don't think she will change the order of teaching because one student said he was tired...

Is this just his way of telling me he is tired every day?  I put him to bed at 8, but he stays up reading most nights.  I don't mind him reading, but if he needs more sleep I may have to pack up his books somewhere else.  They go to aftercare every day, so I do imagine it is a long day for them.  

Also, an interpretation for DD.  She frequently has a list of everything that went wrong in her life and complains a lot.  She also seems to be a perfectionist and gets mad a lot when things aren't perfect.  So when I pick her up for example she will tell me all her problems.  Is this normal for a 5 year old- like her version of whining or crying?  I try to point out the good things that happened to her that day.  She will say the opposite to be contrary too.  I will take her to a birthday party and she clearly is having fun, but then when I ask her she says she had no fun and inserts a silly reason here.  


 

[186momx]

waverly, My DD sounds like your DD with the list of problems and whining. I started asking her before she could say anything what the best thing that happened today at school. That has started to stop the negativity because she gets on a role about the good thing before she starts on the bad.

DD would read for ever at night to if I let her. I giver her about 20 minutes only if she gets in bed before bedtime. She really needs her 11-12 hours of sleep otherwise she is a mess by 5pm and she has after school activities she needs energy for. Could you email the teacher and ask what the math curriculum is and see if she has any ideas to make things easier on your son. If he is getting too tired from math to switch to writing it could be all that common core boxes he has to draw is wearing out his hands. DD would love math in the morning instead of the last hour of the day.

[waverly]

186momx , common core was always their curriculum but last year was just those addition worksheets 2+2=. And this year it is all of those common core boxes. The new manufacturer of their curriculum is Eureka math. I do know he had hand strength problems in OT. I asked him about it, and he said no, but I think it could be it. He was making it seem more like taking it all in brain problems.


Good idea on asking the best thing that happened with DD. DS was managing his own fall asleep time. Like I made him go at 8, and would check on him at say 9:30/ 10. But I guess I need to check on him at 8:30/9 and make sure he is asleep and enforce that better. It's hard to get myself off the couch to go up there. And he was doing fine with less sleep but it must have caught up to him. I set an alarm on my phone to remind me. 

[traveltheworld]

waverly, my DD is only 3.5, so it may not be applicable. But she was super whiny and had a tendency to start crying over every little thing. We started doing a grateful routine where every night we'd sit together as a family and each say one thing that we are grateful for, share a family hug, and then go to bed; and in the mornings as soon as everyone is down at the breakfast table we each say one thing that we look forward to that day. DD resisted for quite a long time, always claimed she was "tired" or can't think of anything; but we kept at it and would give her suggestions. She finally started doing it after 5 - 6 weeks, and I've seen a marked improvement in behaviour. Not sure if it's related, but worth a try.

[k3am]

waverly, we usually guide her to the good or neutral things that happened. (Who did you play with? Who did you sit with at lunch? Were you kind to anyone? Did anyone do anything kind for you?) If she's having a bad day or just wants to complain, I let her do that and then follow it up by asking what she could have done or should do in the future to help make it better.

I have the opposite problem with sleep. DD wakes up way to freaking early. We had an okay to wake clock, but it broke and she was constantly bringing it in to tell us it was broken because it wasn't turning on. (It wasn't turning on because it was 4am). We recently upgraded to a light with a $10 smart outlet - when the light is on, it's time for bed, when it turns off, she can get out of bed. (She also is afraid of the dark and sleeps with a light on anyways, so it works for us) The nice part is we can set it remotely for whatever time we want. Would something like that work for YS? When the light goes off, reading time is over? You don't even need to move from the couch.

[xctsclrx]

waverly, Does he wear glasses? He might be tired, but eyes might be worn out from reading all day too if he needs them and doesn't have them, or a prescription change.

When I was 8 I would stay up all night reading if I could get away with it. My parents enforced an 8 pm bedtime until I was in middle school.

[waverly]

xctsclrx , he was checked and he has a .5 difference now so the eye doctor said to hold off a year and see if they got worse. k3am , xctsclrx , he is definitely the type of kid that stays up as late as possible reading. I have to go in multiple times a night and tell him to go to sleep. Some nights I take books away.

[sandandsea]

For ds, I would limit the reading time if he’s tired. Like bed at 8 and lights out at 8:30. Also does he do sports or other active things during the day? Maybe he has some physical energy and his body isn’t as tired as his mind. Does he have some downtime when he gets home from school? I know my ds does better with a half hour lull between getting home and dinner.

For dd, you could start a grateful chart and have her add to it everyday with something she is thankful for that day and can be as big or little as she wants. It helps focus on the positive instead of the negative. She can also use fun markers or colored glue or whatever to write it on a poster to make it more fun. I also ask every day “what was the best part of your day?” And get some good answers or at least start a corner positively. Also modeling positive speech is super helpful because I find that when dh or I complain, the boys start being negative too.

[sandandsea]

I also have multiple bedtime alarms on my phone. It’s a good reminder to be diligent about it because it’s so easy to lose track of time in the evenings rushing home from work to get the boys, make dinner, bath, bed, etc. it’s like I blink and it’s bedtime.

[waverly]

Oct 22, 2018 23:55:37 GMT -5 sandandsea said:

I also have multiple bedtime alarms on my phone. It’s a good reminder to be diligent about it because it’s so easy to lose track of time in the evenings rushing home from work to get the boys, make dinner, bath, bed, etc. it’s like I blink and it’s bedtime.

The alarm was really helpful tonight. I have it set to repeat daily and it starts playing some song. Startled me really. I think it was something like We are Family...

[waverly]

Oct 22, 2018 23:52:50 GMT -5 sandandsea said:

For ds, I would limit the reading time if he’s tired. Like bed at 8 and lights out at 8:30. Also does he do sports or other active things during the day? Maybe he has some physical energy and his body isn’t as tired as his mind. Does he have some downtime when he gets home from school? I know my ds does better with a half hour lull between getting home and dinner.

For dd, you could start a grateful chart and have her add to it everyday with something she is thankful for that day and can be as big or little as she wants. It helps focus on the positive instead of the negative. She can also use fun markers or colored glue or whatever to write it on a poster to make it more fun. I also ask every day “what was the best part of your day?” And get some good answers or at least start a corner positively. Also modeling positive speech is super helpful because I find that when dh or I complain, the boys start being negative too.

He is into sports. He has some downtime and plays outside and watches TV. He doesn’t do his homework at aftercare so sometimes I think he is tired because when he comes home he has to do homework, set and clear the table with sisters help and do dishes maybe every other night and a bath every other night. It’s not that much time wise but I think it’s one more thing.

I like the grateful chart!

[sandandsea]

Is there any way he can do homework at aftercare? We told ds he doesn’t have a choice because there is no time once he’s home. And the aftercare people are on the same page. He tried telling them once that I said he didn’t have to and was quickly shot down. there’s no way we could do homework nightly.

[sandandsea]

And we do baths 2-3 nights a week depending on schedules/activities/stinkiness. The boys are 6&2 and both have super sensitive skin so the pediatrician recommended we do fewer baths to avoid bothering their skin. We wash hands and faces every night/morning/meal time but don’t do full baths.

[abs]

Is he in 2nd grade? DD started 2nd grade this year and the transition was really awful. The expectations are so much higher this year so while she finds the work pretty easy still it's way less fun and much more tiring.

She started school in mid-August. It took until mid-October for her to settle in. I would say his headaches are another word for feeling stressed.

[waverly]

Yes 2nd grade. I mentioned to him that if he does homework at aftercare he might be less tired. Aftercare doesn’t force them to do it though; it’s voluntary per their policy so it’s probably unlikely that he would.

Stressed is a good word for it. And yeah his baths are generally not super frequent. A tad less than his sister because she has longer hair. He has started showering finally which is also helpful.

Soccer season is over with so we’ll have no sports until mid January when he does basketball so that should help too. Last year we did 6:30-7:30 and were always tired. Maybe this year I’ll leave work early and do 5:30-6:30 for basketball.

[HeartofCheese]

Maybe he's associating a headache with being crabby? Or...he's associating the phrase "growing aches and pains" with learning and he's complaining his head is full? Idk. It's been a long time since I thought like a kid...

This might also be a stretch, but maybe ask the people around about the context in which you and YH have used the word "headache"?

[waverly]

Thank you everyone. He says he is feeling better with more sleep. The alarm is helping me enforce sleeping over reading/ playing better.

[mae0111]

waverly, I'm glad that the sleeping helps. I kept meaning to reply, but I wanted to add in that my DD1 (just turned 9) goes to bed (lights out) at 745 for a 630 wake up. She has always been a kid that needs a ton of sleep. She will complain of headaches, body aches, stomach aches if she's tired.

My 5 year old needs less sleep, but since she's younger, we stick to the same bed time - 745. I know it takes her longer to fall asleep, but she still does not wake up on her own most mornings.