Holidays - What do you outsource/ how do you get it all done

[phdmomma]

At this time each year between the semester in peak insanity at work and the holidays being almost upon up (umm.. Thanksgiving next week? gulp), I always wonder how everyone gets everything done, particularly working moms.

This year I am hosting Thanksgiving dinner for my folks, and half a dozen of my graduate students who can't go home (due to things like distance, time, money, visa issues, and being from countries that don't celebrate Thanksgiving). In order not to be trapped in the kitchen I have ordered dinner from Whole Foods. I did this last year, it is worth every penny. And then I just have to heat everything up, and put the turkey in for an hour or two to heat up. This helps to save my sanity over Thanksgiving and frees up time for things that I actually enjoy, like the Thanksgiving morning turkey trot. 

What does everyone else do that helps them keep their sanity?

[supertrooper1]

We only have 8 for Thanksgiving. I have my house cleaner coming next week to do a deep clean. Because the grocery stores are crazy, I order my groceries online and pick them up the day before Thanksgiving. I'm taking Tuesday and Wednesday off before Thanksgiving to prep. I do all the prep and DH does the cooking. It's worked out well for the last 15 years.

I'm supposed to be traveling for work the Monday after Thanksgiving, but I still haven't heard whether or not the class will actually happen. I need to know soon to book my travel.

[rere]

Mom hasn't deemed me competent enough to bring anything noteworthy to dinner, much less the entire thing, so I guess I am outsourcing to her. I will do grocery pickup for what I need to bring. I have the day off before, so I will leisurely bake my apple pies. (She doesn't ask for them, but she gets them anyway because my brother, uncle, and I love them.)

I bought 7 presents from Amazon sitting in my robe at the kitchen table. Getting that kind of start was a huge relief.

[waverly]

I simplified a lot. I have been begging my family for years to simplify the present list because my sister was at like 40 people to buy for, and I was at about 30 people. I finally got them to agree. So I only buy now for H, my mom, grandma, my kids and nephews, FIL and MIL. We don't buy for cousins, my sister and BIL or DH's sister, husband, kid (they aren't coming this year). I no longer buy for teachers because they are school age, and not daycare anymore. I don't think I got anything for the aftercare either. I think we sent cards to teachers, but not gift cards.

About 5 years ago, I took on all the presents because DH had a fail with presents for his side of the family. He does the Christmas cards. Of course the inevitable happened, and he no longer sent them out, but I didn't pick them up. Yes they are nice, but in the age of social media, I am not sure if they are as necessary, so I do a post on social media and that is my Christmas card/ greeting.


DH does the cooking for Thanksgiving because he likes to cook. I do the clean up. We no longer travel over Christmas. This year we will go back in Nov for "Christmas" with Grandma because she is home bound. My mom usually comes, and sometimes the in-laws. No one came last year for Christmas or DD's birthday party, so it was a kind of sad, lonely holiday. But the alternative when we used to go back to where the family is was 5 Christmas parties. Yup 5! So we couldn't do it after that. This year we are having a class party for DD, so that should help with her birthday.


I like to be a bit event focused so we are doing hometown holidays with Girl Scouts, maybe a neighbor party or a concert depending on if we get a babysitter. I might buy tickets for an outdoor train ride. We are doing breakfast with Santa, and a NYE party at our rec center. Just anything to get us out of the house because it is so cold, it gets to be a bit much if we just hang out at home for 2 weeks straight. I do work a few days in there as well as the library is still open.


One year I went as far as to order every present from Amazon and have it wrapped by them. This year Amazon is still on the list and other online shopping, but probably do most of my wrapping. There is a local toy store and book store we like to go to and they will wrap for us as well.


We order all our groceries online and have them delivered. It's still a lot of work, but we manage to get it done somehow. One year our church had a kids program and the parents could go shopping. They might have discontinued it, but that was great too.


ETA- I forgot to answer the cleaning question.  A few weeks ago I did a big purge so item wise, we are pretty good in the house.  We have a Roomba that keeps the floors clean.  So for guests, I just pick up random stuff, clean the bathrooms and clean the kitchen.  Otherwise I don't care anymore.  My mom will stay with us, so wash sheets if necessary and maybe a quick vacuum/ dust on the guest room.  But she has no problem helping with cleaning, so if I don't get to it she will do it.   

[twinmomma]

I try my hardest to have all shopping done by Thanksgiving, including Christmas cards in hand so I can address them over the long weekend. I pick things up year round for people and go all out on Black Friday to try and check off the last of the list. Not dealing with actual present shopping during December is so nice! It frees up a lot of mental space and gives me my weekends back to do parties and things. We've also simplified the gifting list tremendously in the past few years to move to Secret Santa or Yankee Swap style, instead of gifts for every single person.

For Thanksgiving, when we're with my family it's the most chill holiday. We barely even get out of our pajamas and just hang around my parents' house watching the parade and cooking together. My mom gave up on the fancy, entire extended family plan a few years ago and we've all never looked back. It's become my favorite holiday I think because of it.

For Christmas food, I outsource the dishes I have to bring. My people know I"m not a great cook, so I'll usually volunteer dessert, and then order it from a bakery in town. Costs a little more, but saves me sanity and stress so it's totally worth it.

[HeartofCheese]

It's just me and the kids this year, but I'm still keeping the menu simple. Me in the kitchen for hours with a 4 and 5yo on the loose does not make sense. So cooking just a turkey breast, 5-min stuffing, mashed potatoes w fake gravy, and green bean casserole. I'll probably do 2 small servings of sweet potato casserole, too, b/c it's my favorite. And I'll be buying pie. Rolls will be the frozen kind. We'll play games and probably go out for a movie. Hopefully it snows!

[186momx]

rere, I also am not worthy of bringing anything. More as my mom refuses to anything I cook because you never know what vegetable may be hiding in it. I will make pumpkin pie for my dad and kid as they both love it and it isn't rocket science to do. Plus I really enjoy baking and pureeing pumpkin.

[186momx]

I'm with twinmomma, and try to have my shopping done by Dec 1st. I just don't want to go out and deal with people and all the craziness. This year I've been wrapping gifts as I buy them so won't be spending my last free Friday before Christmas wrapping gifts all day. I also love to bake so try and bake a batch of cookies each week and then store them in the freezer to enjoy at a later date.

We are planning a camping trip the weekend of Dec 7th over to the coast and going to do the big Botanical Garden lights (they turn this state park into a winter wonderland of lights/music/fun) and it just so happens one of the coastal towns is also having a Nog Walk and light parade that weekend too.

[mommyatty]

I try to concentrate on making memories and keeping really small, easy traditions. Like our elf comes on Dec 11, the day after my birthday, so we only have 2 weeks of elf-mania. (DH and I both LOVE the elf. I realize we are weird that way. But that could be because we don’t start it at Thanksgiving.)

Thanksgiving is kind of my fav. I cook because cooking is my happy place. DH is in charge of getting the house clean and ready. If he wants to hire a service, awesome. If he wants to do it himself, awesome. Our only rules are that I’m not listening to complaining, and it better get done. The kids are in charge of making decorations for the house and table. DH also does all the shopping for food. Everyone is responsible for giving opinions on the menu.

DH and I both do the Christmas shopping for the kids. He’s in charge of his mom’s gift. I wrap pretty much everything, in part because I love wrapping. The kids do their shopping at school, which is awesome and hilarious. They set up a gift shop and the kids get to pick things out for their families. We send $ and say how much they can spend on each person. Max gift is like $20. Also, they wrap the gifts for the kids.

This year we may do a Christmas cookie decorating party. We’ve done one in the past and it’s fun. We’ve also made some good friends this year, and I think they would all enjoy that. I buy or pre-make the cookies (likely to buy this year), and everyone comes over to decorate with frosting and sprinkles. The kids love it. We put hot chocolate and cider in crockpots and have snacks for everyone (cheese and crackers, veggie and fruit trays, nuts). This year we might do it as a snack potluck to make it easier on ourselves.

We really don’t outsource much. I really want lights on the house this year, so I might hire someone to do that. But overall, we just keep stuff really simple and execute it ourselves. I love the process as much as anything else about the holidays.

[waverly]

mommyatty, I think I am going to cave and do the elf this year. I had been really resisting, but the kids were begging for it last year. I guess it does make sense to just do it for 2 weeks.

[rere]

Nov 12, 2018 11:58:48 GMT -5 186momx said:

rere, I also am not worthy of bringing anything. More as my mom refuses to anything I cook because you never know what vegetable may be hiding in it. I will make pumpkin pie for my dad and kid as they both love it and it isn't rocket science to do. Plus I really enjoy baking and pureeing pumpkin.

Since the year I didn't put a huge spoonful of bacon grease in my green beans, I have been banished to mac and cheese. Like we need another carb with potatoes, rolls, dressing, and dumplings.

[mae0111]

Well, I offered to host Thanksgiving this year, and everyone declined. We typically go to my BIL's house 5 hours away, but DH didn't want to make the trip. My parents just moved into a new house and are in the middle of a ton of work being done. My sister just went back to work after being home for 12+ years, and is completely overwhelmed. So it made sense for me to host....

But my parents want to go out to dinner. Like, really want to go out, and were very sad that they might not be able to out. And they want us all to go with them. So we are going to a really fancy steak house for Thanksgiving. I imagine that I will cook a whole separate meal because DH is pretty bummed out about no turkey.

For Christmas, we are minimizing gifts. Most of my nieces and nephews are teenagers, and they really just want cash - done. My sister found awesome Adirondack chairs for my dad's birthday in October, so we split those, knowing that we would go small for Christmas because they were $$$$$$. I bought the kids Kindle Fires on Prime day for super cheap, so their "big" gift is done. I've been slowing picking up smaller things along the way, and I plan to start organizing my gift stash this week. I do online shopping for as much as I can, and rely on gift cards for a lot of people. I cook a crazy amount of food around the holidays because I enjoy it, so I won't outsource that.

[erinshelley21]

I don't outsource anything, other than hosting. I told my brother and his wife that their house is bigger and the tree is prettier, so their house makes more sense for Christmas. We go to all the places for Thanksgiving, 3 on the day of and then usually my mom's over the weekend. I hate it but have accepted it.

I may offer to host for MIL next year, or maybe even Christmas, so BIL will start coming again. He's missing the last of their grandpa's holidays and birthdays because he is being a little bitch about some drama with MIL over 3 years ago. It's not fair to the grandpa (GIL?) and I know it's starting to bother SIL.

I honestly want to be the person that all this crap is outsourced too haha. I love decorating, the Elf, shopping, wrapping, prepping food, and doing fun holiday things with DH and the kids.

[waverly]

Decorating is ok/ meh but I enjoy them afterwards, shopping is horrid, wrapping- ugh maybe if no one is around and I get to watch a movie like last year. Food prep- would rather be boozing. I do like doing fun holiday things though. Or maybe it is that I am lazy and want all of the fun and none of the work.

[supertrooper1]

I never start Christmas shopping until after Thanksgiving, but I was at Costco last week and saw a bunch of gifts for DH and my dad. I've even started ordering online already.

I saw kids electric toothbrushes at Costco that I thought about getting for my niece and nephew. I thought it might work since it won't be toys and it's something they could use. Good gift or no?

[waverly]

supertrooper1, how old are they? I get toothbrushes for the kids every year for their stocking, but it's just part of their gift and they get lots of other toys etc. I prefer to get kids toys or clothing for Christmas rather than essentials.

[supertrooper1]

waverly, they're 8 and 5.

[phdmomma]

supertrooper1, DS is 7 and is in love with his electric toothbrush. So I would say that it is a good gift. DD is 3 and likes the idea of one, but not how it moves against her teeth. So she likes me to take electric toothbrush sounds while I do her teeth?

[divanerd]

What?? No one enjoys the Holiday Rush??

We potluck our Thanksgiving even if we host so no one is stuck cooking entire meal.
Even when we travel to family we all agree on what we will make



We are hosting a holiday game night in December and our holiday parties we attend (work, social club and Cubs) we don't have to make anything.

[mustardseed2007]

I am not hosting for one. I've been assigned to purchase pies and make a fruit salad. Sounds good to me.

Last year, my mom wrapped all my family's gifts and I paid her. I just literally ran out of time. I had actually forgotten about that until this thread. I may need to do that again...

[phdmomma]

We also host Christmas eve for my parents and DH's family. That one is a little bit better because the semester has just ended, so I am just finishing up grading. And this year I think that we will do apps before church and dessert after, and people can come for whatever they wish. But I won't worry about that until later.

[erinshelley21]

Nov 12, 2018 13:44:08 GMT -5 supertrooper1 said:

waverly, they're 8 and 5.

I say a good gift. The parents would probably appreciate something useful too.

[madringal]

I host Thanksgiving for 18 people - My parents, ILs, my sister, and her family. My sister will bring a few side dishes, but I do most of the meal and I love to do it. I don't outsource any of it.

I do 99.9% of my holiday shopping on Amazon, and we try to wrap gifts as the come so were not trying to do it all on Christmas Eve.

Our family has whittled down the shopping lists, so we don't buy for any adults except my IL's (getting presents is very important to my MIL. She will even complain if FIL has a bigger pile then her. Yes, like a child.)

I host Christmas morning with my ILs (including SIL and her husband). So after presents we do a big breakfast and kind of just hang out. Dinner is with my family at my cousins so I have no obligations there.

We have gotten really good at keeping it simple and not over spending or over committing ourselves. I decline invites to all the little misc holiday parties us or the kids get invited too. We just don't have the time or money to say yes to them all. We try to stick to a few traditions in that time instead. Seeing the same Santa each year, decorating the tree as a family, getting dressed up to go see a Christmas play, baking pumpkin rolls, delivering cards and homemade treats to our neighbors, shopping for angel tree kids, and hand making presents for their friends. I want my kids to remember the moments we spent as a family, not frantic shopping and long travels.

[sdlaura]

Good thread - I could use help in this area!

A big one is that we don’t travel at the holidays since having kids. People are welcome to come to us - travel with kids is crazy enough anytime, but especially at the holidays, and our family is all 3,000 miles away. We typically end up with some family visiting for either thanksgiving or Christmas every other year. Sometimes we’ll take our own little trip to someplace a couple hours drive away for a few days between Christmas and New Years, but that’s it.

We typically host Thanksgiving. This year for two families who are friends. We’ll have 14 people. We used to make everything, but now DH and I and our Thanksgiving guests each pick a couple things we enjoy making, and I order everything else from Whole Foods.

For holiday gifts, I buy throughout the year for small items - whenever I see anything anyone would like - and have a gift closet. I’ll take stock of it soon and probably have most adults in the family covered. DH and I have a ‘gift fund’ that we contribute to every month. We started it back when we were in our 20s and everyone was getting married and we had to spend a lot on those gifts. It’s nice to not have to stress about paying for gifts at all.

[twinmomma]

For those who wrap gifts as you buy them, how do you keep the wrapping paper looking nice? Do you just have a great, spare closet to stack it all in neatly? I have to shove gifts in the attic crawl space and I feel like it would be hard to hide them and keep them looking good.

[covergirl82]

We are going to my parents' house on Thanksgiving. The only thing I have to bring is rolls, but I make the from-scratch rolls my paternal grandma made to keep that tradition alive and because everyone loves them. They will take me all afternoon on Wednesday to make. Friday we're having MIL over for a small Thanksgiving with her and also to celebrate DH's birthday with her. She's bringing a turkey breast and dessert, and I'm going to make stuffing, potatoes, and green bean casserole (and I'll set aside some rolls from what I make on Wednesday). I'm going to shop for ingredients this weekend and hopefully avoid the last-minute rush.

I will probably do shopping for the kids' cousins on Black Friday (that's the only way it's affordable, it seems) - I always go to Meijer and shop online. I will also shop for my own kids, as DS asked for Madden 19, and that is usually on sale on Black Friday, and DD asked for some toys that I also expect to be on sale.

I wait to wrap my kids' gifts right before Christmas and then hide them in our furnace room in the basement, which they never will go into alone. I don't put ribbon/bows on kid presents, which saves time and effort.

For the holidays in general, I try not to get too worked up. If we have DH's mom's family over for Christmas Eve, I'll do a normal clean and pick-up ahead of time, but I'm not going to lose sleep over it. I am not concerned with having a Pinterest-worthy home/decorations, etc.

[waverly]

Nov 13, 2018 5:53:04 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

For those who wrap gifts as you buy them, how do you keep the wrapping paper looking nice? Do you just have a great, spare closet to stack it all in neatly? I have to shove gifts in the attic crawl space and I feel like it would be hard to hide them and keep them looking good.

I use a lot of gift bags. I stash them in the bedroom closets. The kids never go in there. I’m not super concerned that the wrapping looks perfect. I’m not a perfectionist or great wrapper to begin with. My thought is I got you a gift and wrapped it- be grateful. If it’s not perfect oh well.

I hate our attic crawl space for storage. I don’t have a ton of closets in our house because the house is from 1918, but I would rather go through and purge my closets and make room than use our crawl space. The doors to it are just too hard for me to get in and out as they are basically big blocks of wood. If we had extra money and ambition I could convert them to “barn doors” but it’s just not a priority.

[186momx]

Nov 13, 2018 5:53:04 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

For those who wrap gifts as you buy them, how do you keep the wrapping paper looking nice? Do you just have a great, spare closet to stack it all in neatly? I have to shove gifts in the attic crawl space and I feel like it would be hard to hide them and keep them looking good.

Right now my one couch is angled so I've been stacking up the boxes of gifts behind the couch.  DD knows they are there but she thinks they are for everyone else as she saw me wrapping Grandma/Papa stuff and putting it back there.  I don't tend to do bows or ribbons as they get too messy and I'm a crappy wrapper to begin with.  I did tell my parents as soon as they have their tree up I'm bringing over wrapped gifts for my family to store under their tree instead of stacking them up until Christmas morning to deliver. 

Can you just make a stack in your bedroom?