3. Any ideas of how to help get first time dads more interested/engaged in the pregnancy? I've heard it can take men a long time or until the baby is born, but I'd at least like some interest/questions from him about what's going on with me and our baby.
I'm not sure if this would help your H, but I send mine a weekly screenshot from my pregnancy app. He likes knowing what size she is each week, and will often refer to her as a little (insert size comparison here), which I think is absolutely adorable. I also randomly toss out little "Did you know?" facts when they come up on my app, especially when they have to do with her development. He's been pretty connected from the beginning, but I feel like those things have helped him be more actively engaged in what's actively going on.
My H hates the app LOL. What basically helped mine was going with me to a birthing class and a baby care class. We did the Saturday boot camp, so it was all day for each class, rather than spread out week to week. I also told him I wasn't making him attend the Daddy Boot Camp class so he was more involved with the two classes we did do. (Nothing really new for me after being on these boards, but the two week took were very helpful for him).
2. Barely a fingertip dialated (sob). Baby hasn't responded to stairs, walking, sex, spicy food, or verbal encouragement(lol) to make his way out. Back on Friday for another check and potentially cervidil. My dr apparently won't induce before 41w but since that's the day before Thanksgiving I fought for them to put me on the schedule for next Monday. Of course it's the one dr I haven't met during the pregnancy, but the thought of waiting until after the holiday or going into labor during dinner made me want to cry. Definitely over being pregnant so fx for some action this week!
November 23 is a fabulous day for a birthday! You should definitely wait until the best day of the year to have your little boy!
Post by oceanstbride on Nov 12, 2018 15:49:15 GMT -5
1. How far along are you this week? 16+3
2. Pregnancy-related AW/vents/randoms for this week? Heartbeat was good at 16 week appt on Friday. I feel like I can finally breathe a little bit. I'm still having more anxiety than when I was pregnant with DS, but am feeling like this is actually happening and is real. I was having a lot of back pain a few weeks ago and booked a prenatal massage for this morning and it was awesome.
3. Questions for the group? Susie 's post about maternity jeans was really helpful. Any recs on casual work pants?
4. Thursday is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. When was the last time you cleaned out your fridge? A few weeks ago, but the fruit and veggie drawers need a good wipe down again.
Post by cactuscookie on Nov 12, 2018 16:09:38 GMT -5
1. How far along are you this week? 30w4d - feels good to be in the 30s!
2. Pregnancy-related AW/vents/randoms for this week? I'm starting to get a bit stressed. Logically I know that 8-11 weeks is plenty of time to do what needs to be done - or at least adjust what actually needs to be done, like it's probably okay if I don't get around to organizing the pantry before the baby is born - but with the holidays basically here, things are going to get busy.
3. Questions for the group? STMs (and up) - Are you finding this pregnancy harder than your first? I feel like I'm struggling more this time. I guess that makes sense, considering that my belly is measurably bigger.
4. Thursday is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. When was the last time you cleaned out your fridge? I did a partial clean-out a few weeks ago before my MIL visited, but I need to do a more thorough one, actually going through all the condiments and looking at expiration dates, that sort of thing.
3. Questions for the group? STMs (and up) - Are you finding this pregnancy harder than your first? I feel like I'm struggling more this time. I guess that makes sense, considering that my belly is measurably bigger.
For sure yes. I'm only nearing the end of 1st tri now, but so far I've had morning sickness earlier and more intensely than last time, and more debilitating fatigue, although the latter may just be that in my down time I'm chasing a ~3 year old instead of resting. I'm also showing earlier, despite not gaining actual lbs. yet, so I'm sure I'll also end up bigger/faster.
My big hope is that I don't have GD this time. If so, I will call it even between my two kids on being difficult to gestate.
FishChicks , congratulations on your anatomy scan and welcome!!
woowoo, I work with a bunch of men, so I've heard some totally inappropriate and juvenile reactions/comments (e.g. reference to being "knocked up") but I can't say it went "badly." We don't have a maternity leave policy, but they were receptive to what I said I wanted to do (both last time and this time, 8 weeks paid leave + 4 weeks flex with full time return at 12w), and were ultimately supportive once they blurted out all the stupid things. I was offered equity partnership less than a year after returning from my first mat leave, so I think it all went pretty well.
Post by cactuscookie on Nov 12, 2018 16:15:36 GMT -5
hazel - My husband isn't particularly engaged in this pregnancy either. It was frustrating at first, but I guess I've sort of just adapted to it. I tell him bits of trivia about the baby growing, he says, "oooh boy, it's actually happening..." (our first baby was colicky; we are scarred) and that's mostly it. He goes to ultrasounds but doesn't particularly ooh and ahh. He doesn't try to feel the baby move. But, he was mostly the same way with our first, and now he's crazy about her, so I don't fuss about it.
oceanstbride, I have some from Motherhood Maternity. I compared those with the Pixie pants from Old Navy and with sales, Motherhood is cheaper. I don't wear them much, just when I have on campus labs for school or when I go to work- or school-related meetings, so I can't speak to quality or longevity. I do think they're quite comfy and cute.
cactuscookie, YES! Like susie said, I'm more tired probably because I'm chasing a kid instead of resting. I'm bigger, and gaining weight faster. My nausea was increased, but fortunately didn't last long. I was proactive about managing my back pain this time, by seeing a chiropractor earlier, so my back pain is actually less. I do think my round ligament pain is more though. I wear KT tape on my belly and back to provide support. ETA: OH and my nasal congestion/allergies are like 1 million times worse this time around.
3. Questions for the group? STMs (and up) - Are you finding this pregnancy harder than your first? I feel like I'm struggling more this time. I guess that makes sense, considering that my belly is measurably bigger.
I'm MUCH more tired this time. I basically only sleep from about 9:30-midnight every night and then I wake up stressed about all I need to do and can't fall back asleep. That happened with my first pregnancy too, but this time I have a 2 yo that sometimes still wakes MOTN, and is up for the day by 5:30-6, when last time I could sleep until 7 and nap on the weekends. I'm trying to prepare myself for the fact that I may never have a decent nights sleep ever again.
2. Barely a fingertip dialated (sob). Baby hasn't responded to stairs, walking, sex, spicy food, or verbal encouragement(lol) to make his way out. Back on Friday for another check and potentially cervidil. My dr apparently won't induce before 41w but since that's the day before Thanksgiving I fought for them to put me on the schedule for next Monday. Of course it's the one dr I haven't met during the pregnancy, but the thought of waiting until after the holiday or going into labor during dinner made me want to cry. Definitely over being pregnant so fx for some action this week!
November 23 is a fabulous day for a birthday! You should definitely wait until the best day of the year to have your little boy!
Haha thanks, but if I'm still pregnant on the 23rd I will probably lose my shit 😂
hazel - My husband isn't particularly engaged in this pregnancy either. It was frustrating at first, but I guess I've sort of just adapted to it. I tell him bits of trivia about the baby growing, he says, "oooh boy, it's actually happening..." (our first baby was colicky; we are scarred) and that's mostly it. He goes to ultrasounds but doesn't particularly ooh and ahh. He doesn't try to feel the baby move. But, he was mostly the same way with our first, and now he's crazy about her, so I don't fuss about it.
Thanks, this helped to hear! I think I'm definitely internalizing because I see women (mainly on the month board I'm on) talk about how involved their husbands are at this point. Meanwhile, I can barely get him to talk about the baby/pregnancy/registry things for more than a minute. I can't even remember if I mentioned it my original post, but we are also closing on our first house this week. I do believe that once we get settled in there and start planning the nursery he might start to show a bit more interest. He's wanted a kid for years so I know he's internally excited which helps too.
hazel, my H wasnt super involved with my pregnancies (even after multiple fertility treatments!). He went to all ultrasounds with my first pregnancy and this one but just looks, no questions usually, and he went to the first OB appointment last pregnancy and one more towards the end so he could ask L&D related questions. So far for this pregnancy, he hasn't met my OB (MFM has been doing ultrasounds). He does talk to the baby sometimes, kisses my belly. Movement isnt so frequent yet and he doesnt have the patience to sit around and wait for a kick, but he will. He was very happy when our son was born, cried, even. I have a ton of pictures of him being all goofy smiley with our newborn son.
And he's not really a baby person, so he didn't "connect" with our son until he was like 4 months old and more interactive. He cared for him very well, sure, but he wasnt like INLOVEWITHMYBABYOMG until 4 months. Now he is a super involved and wonderful father to our 3 year old, but he loves kids. Just not babies.
Then there is me. I LOVE pregnancy and babies and all that (that's what my career is in, duh) but once they're like 18 months, I don't connect with kids very well, and have a hard time interacting with them until they're school age.
So all that to say, don't give up hope. Be patient. When he's ready, he'll ask questions. DH would ask the most random questions leading up to delivery because that is what HE wanted to know (my favorite was when he asked me to make sure they cut his cord properly so it will be an innie, LOL). He trusted that I and my medical team would take care of the rest.
katespade, I did not take any classes. As far as birth classes, I thought it would just freak me out/make me anxious, and I thought breastfeeding classes would be kind of useless without a baby. No regrets on either front. I got lots of help from LCs in the hospital with breastfeeding.
Ditto this, katespade. We did not have a successful BFing relationship, but I do not feel a class would have changed that. We did do a hospital tour. At the time H said it was helpful, he says it wasn't now. I worked there, so I mostly needed him to be able to navigate a little bit on his own without me yelling where to park mid contraction!
hazel H didnt really get into it until he could feel movement, but I think in a lot of ways it wasn't real for him until I was standing in the doorway to the bedroom at 2 am when my water broke!
cactuscookie I'm only 10 weeks in but it's way harder! I feel worse, though have fewer food issues, I'm easily short of breath and I'm either exhausted during the day or falling asleep on the couch at 745. The main difference being I was couch bound with a broken foot for #1, and now I have a freshly walking toddler. I'm curious how the rest will compare. I had it really easy until about 34 weeks when I puffed up last time.
Post by cherryvalance on Nov 13, 2018 7:42:52 GMT -5
Also, I didn't take any classes and felt fine going home. I did have an extra day in the hospital because I had a c-section, but the nurses showed us everything while we were there. I had never changed a baby in my life prior to DS, and it was much easier to learn on an actual baby.
Post by KellyEasterbrook on Nov 13, 2018 12:38:40 GMT -5
1. 10 weeks 2. My nausea is almost gone! I'm still trying to decide if that's good or not. SCH seems to be calming down a bit. I've got an appt with the OB this week, and will also get bloodwork drawn for NIPT tomorrow. I'm hoping to discuss when the MFM appt should be scheduled and if I should go ahead and call to get the fetal echo scheduled up at the Children's Hospital. I think the fetal echo will be around Christmas, so I want to get that scheduled so I can figure out holiday travel plans. I'm just really excited/anxious to find out the sex. We've got names narrowed down. Last time, we weren't going to name our daughter until she was born. Once the anatomy scan determined it was a "pregnancy of uncertain outcome," we named her. I wish we had named her sooner. 4. It's been a while...
KellyEasterbrook, my fetal echo was done at the same time as my anatomy scan. Same machine and tech, she just flipped a switch to convert to echo then flipped back to the regular ultrasound to finish up the whole thing. I thought that was convenient, to just do the whole thing all at once.
So while it varies, your echo may be done around 20ish weeks.
KellyEasterbrook , my fetal echo was done at the same time as my anatomy scan. Same machine and tech, she just flipped a switch to convert to echo then flipped back to the regular ultrasound to finish up the whole thing. I thought that was convenient, to just do the whole thing all at once.
So while it varies, your echo may be done around 20ish weeks.
Mine will actually be around 17 weeks with specialists. My last pregnancy ended in late in the second trimester because our daughter had an extremely severe heart defect. Normally, fetal echoes aren't done until at least 20 weeks, but the pediatric cardiologist at the Children's Hospital has told me to travel up there at 17 weeks so that they can rule out a recurrence. She said most heart defects won't be visible at that point, but if this baby is missing multiple chambers like our daughter, it'll show at 17 weeks.
3. Questions for the group? This is mostly for non-FTMs: Have you taken birth classes? Were they worth going to/paying for? We signed up for a 4 week class through the hospital. Each session is 2.5 hours in the evening, from 6:30-9:00. I know it's most likely worth the time and cost, and it's only four sessions, but right now that feels like an overwhelming amount of evening time to spend, especially when we add in the hour of drive time it will take to get back and forth.
I guess I'm just looking for confirmation that we're going to actually get something beneficial out of going.
We didn't take any of the birth classes. Partially due to our incompatible work schedules (not with the class times, with being able to attend class at the same time) and partially due to knowing we'd have lactation consultants in the hospital and on an outpatient basis if needed, and friends with babies to answer any baby care questions we had. The nurses I had were great at walking us through any baby care questions before AJ and I were discharged, which was helpful. I definitely don't feel like we missed anything by not taking them.
The only "class" we took was the hospital tour. THAT was really helpful and we learned all sorts of things like parking, elevator location, and that there was a continental breakfast for "support people" on the post partum floor. Which came in super handy because we had an hour or so between when we arrived on that floor and when my breakfast arrived and I was HANGRY...so I sent my husband to pillage the continental breakfast for snacks
2. Pregnancy-related AW/vents/randoms for this week? I graduate to my OB this week (from the RE). Oh and I'm not longer on Estrogen patches and get to move to EOD for PIO shots which I'm THRILLED (and nervous) about. But it feels like a big milestone.
3. Questions for the group? Has anyone told work and have it NOT go well?
4. Thursday is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. When was the last time you cleaned out your fridge? We just moved into a new house in September and had cleaners deep clean it then. It's still sparkling!
woowoo, Last pregnancy, I told work at around 16 or 18 weeks. It was a little awkward because two other women on my small team had announced pregnancies (with a due date within two weeks of mine) the week prior. The reaction was a little panicked and not quite the joyful congratulations my other coworkers had received. Oh well.
2. Pregnancy-related AW/vents/randoms for this week? I can not wait for the nausea I and exhaustion to stop.
3. Questions for the group? What does the first 24 hours after birth look like in a hospital? My first 2 were out of hospital births but I found out today I need to deliver in a hospital for the first time and have no idea what to expect!
2. Pregnancy-related AW/vents/randoms for this week? I think we're getting closer to finalizing a name, but the middle name is more difficult than I thought it would be.
I just went to sign up for childbirth classes and all the December, January, and February ones are full 😫 I really hope they offer more, otherwise I dont know what to do.
3. Questions for the group?
4. Thursday is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. When was the last time you cleaned out your fridge?
1.How far along are you this week? 30 weeks tomorrow. Wowza.
2. Pregnancy-related AW/vents/randoms for this week? Having a lot of round ligament/ stretching/heavy belly pain. Par for the course. I think I’ve been overdoing it with too many hours, too much lifting but that will hopefully get better as I continue training in my new employee and delegating again. Thank god. I got a new phone a few weeks ago, and it tells me I’m surpassing 20,000 steps most days. And that’s with generally leaving my phone sit most of the time when I’m in the house chasing my toddler.
3. Questions for the group? Suggest some of your favorite bland meals please! Everything is giving me heartburn and I get full so fast. But I need to keep eating enough & halfway decently.
4. Thursday is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. When was the last time you cleaned out your fridge? Oy. Well, we sold our old house this summer and I fully cleaned & bleached that fridge in June. I’m always wiping up and cleaning out leftovers, but a full cleaning is gonna be awhile. 😜
I have a question! Today we had our Doctor appointment (11 weeks today) and he didn’t find the heartbeat with the Doppler. He did say that sometimes you can’t hear it at this mark, but it has me stressed out. I am being sent for a nuchal scan, but the clinic needs to call when it is scheduled. Any experience that turned out good? So far nothing about this experience has been exciting or fun. 😞
I have a question! Today we had our Doctor appointment (11 weeks today) and he didn’t find the heartbeat with the Doppler. He did say that sometimes you can’t hear it at this mark, but it has me stressed out. I am being sent for a nuchal scan, but the clinic needs to call when it is scheduled. Any experience that turned out good? So far nothing about this experience has been exciting or fun. 😞
No experience with that, but I’m so sorry this isn’t going smoothly. Big virtual hug and lots of good thoughts your way.
I have a question! Today we had our Doctor appointment (11 weeks today) and he didn’t find the heartbeat with the Doppler. He did say that sometimes you can’t hear it at this mark, but it has me stressed out. I am being sent for a nuchal scan, but the clinic needs to call when it is scheduled. Any experience that turned out good? So far nothing about this experience has been exciting or fun. 😞
That happened to me last time at 12 weeks. She did an ultrasound instead and everything was fine. I think that is pretty common.
I have a question! Today we had our Doctor appointment (11 weeks today) and he didn’t find the heartbeat with the Doppler. He did say that sometimes you can’t hear it at this mark, but it has me stressed out. I am being sent for a nuchal scan, but the clinic needs to call when it is scheduled. Any experience that turned out good? So far nothing about this experience has been exciting or fun. 😞
That happened to me last time at 12 weeks. She did an ultrasound instead and everything was fine. I think that is pretty common.
Well it’s good to hear this is common, it’s the waiting that is killing me.
That happened to me last time at 12 weeks. She did an ultrasound instead and everything was fine. I think that is pretty common.
Well it’s good to hear this is common, it’s the waiting that is killing me.
Waiting is the worst and I hope you can get an ultrasound soon!
I think it’s pretty common too - both midwives I’ve used and my current OBGYN won’t use a Doppler until 12 + weeks because it can be tricky to hear the heartbeat.
I have a question! Today we had our Doctor appointment (11 weeks today) and he didn’t find the heartbeat with the Doppler. He did say that sometimes you can’t hear it at this mark, but it has me stressed out. I am being sent for a nuchal scan, but the clinic needs to call when it is scheduled. Any experience that turned out good? So far nothing about this experience has been exciting or fun. 😞
Super common. Even experienced nurses and doctors can't always find the heartbeat on the doppler. I struggle finding it before 14 weeks, so I'll grab someone else to look or ask the OB to get an ultrasound.
This is actually why I advise against purchasing a doppler for home use, because the heartbeat can be tricky to find. I couldn't even find this baby's heartbeat at 15 weeks on the doppler because of my anterior placenta blocking.