Avoiding controversy.

[miranda]

Long story short, last year I took over a newly formed Special Education Parents group at DS's elementary school. It's a small group, formed by a very involved parent with the help and cooperation of the school administration (we are strictly a "parent" group, we used to meet at Starbucks but recently were given permission to meet at the school.). I have not been nearly as involved as the previous parent- I only gather the group every other month or so, and I manage the very sparsely populated FB page that is closed to the administration. This year I didn't get the group together until November, and when I did so, was told that our group can no longer advertise the group's meetings in the school newsletter because "our group has become overrun with parents of students who do not receive Special education services that are monopolizing the meetings." This was what the school secretary relayed to me from the principal and MSW. I laughed out loud when she said this because our meetings have been anything but- usually it's just me and one other parent, sometimes two, and we've never had a parent attend who hasn't been in the ASD program. She is obviously confusing us with some other group, or unfairly attributing the actions of some parent to our group. I sent a very conciliatory email to the MSW and Principal trying to diffuse the situation and asking to meet with them to clear up any misperceptions and they are ignoring me.

I will have to see them in a few days for DS's IEP and I really don't want to even bring it up because DS's IEP is more important and I don't want conflict to mar that experience. This is an important IEP- it's the one that will carry over to middle school next year. At the same time, it makes my blood boil that they are so flippant and exclusionary. The only explanation I can think of is that in this month's notice I changed the verbiage to say "All parents welcome to attend whether you are receiving special education services." The reason I did this is because two new kindergarten parents have emailed me surprised to discover that their children were in fact "in special education" just because they have an IEP and pullouts for social skills. Plus, I want it to be an inclusive group- why wouldn't we invite anyone curious about the program? 

Instead of fighting this, I'm more likely to step down and let the other parents (all 2-3 of them, lol) decide the path of the group. I understand that the school doesn't want a group of dissenting parents getting together to bitch about services, but come on- you can't draw lines in the sand like that. I've spoken with many parents are who have peacefully gone through the appropriate avenues to receive services, and they deserve to come to these meetings to seek out advice or commiserate. Tell me this is NBD and I don't have to feel morally corrupt for not taking the school to task- or is there some other amicable way you all think I can resolve this without turning it into a dumpster fire or making myself out to be a villain?

[pipsqueak]

My first reaction is to say take it back off school grounds.

Can you set up an email group to send emails about upcoming meetings/events to those who have expressed interest in the group? Tell members to spread the word to other parents that they know to get new parents hooked up with the group and maybe get the school to allow the group to post flyers or have a table set up at the entryway during parent events (back to school night or parent teacher conferences) to reach other new parents.

I definitely would not bring the topic up and refuse to discuss the topic if they bring it up the day of the IEP meeting.

That's just my thoughts. Good luck with whatever you decide is best for you and your family.

[miranda]

Nov 13, 2018 12:15:32 GMT -5 pipsqueak said:

My first reaction is to say take it back off school grounds.

Can you set up an email group to send emails about upcoming meetings/events to those who have expressed interest in the group? Tell members to spread the word to other parents that they know to get new parents hooked up with the group and maybe get the school to allow the group to post flyers or have a table set up at the entryway during parent events (back to school night or parent teacher conferences) to reach other new parents.

I definitely would not bring the topic up and refuse to discuss the topic if they bring it up the day of the IEP meeting.

That's just my thoughts. Good luck with whatever you decide is best for you and your family.

Thanks- yes, you're right, it was the school admin that wanted us to be on school grounds. I think I'm going to leave it up to whomever chooses to volunteer to continue the group. I'm planning on driving separately from my husband and suggesting her and I meet after the IEP meeting if the subject comes up. If we had many years ahead of us at this school I'd be more persistent, but I just don't have it in me right now.

[funchicken]

It seems really weird that the school is being weird about this. If I had to guess, I'd say a parent complained to the principal about advertising in the school newsletter.

This is your last year, right? I agree with letting the parents who will take over decide.

[miranda]

Update- IEP went very well, I had met with his middle school the day prior and got a list of things they suggested be put in his IEP, all of which were granted. At the end of the meeting the MSW asked me to stay behind and talk about the SN parent group. It was exactly what I expected- they don't want parents who are pushing for services to attend the meetings. Apparently there was some blowback from those parents when the group was formed a couple years ago that I was unaware of. She explained that this group was/is a SCHOOL group (as opposed to an independent parent group)- so they get to decide the guest list. I dislike their intentions, but I get where they are coming from. I don't plan on leading the group much longer anyway and I'm not about to expend any more emotional energy on them.

[pipsqueak]

If it's a school group then turn it over to the school to run and walk away - that's what I would do at this point.

[waverly]

I agree. If it is a school group (like ours is) than the school should run it. Ours is run by our student services coordinator. She is at the district level, I believe.

[origami]

They don’t like hosting a group that *bitches* about services? Or they don’t like hosting a group that *pushes* for services? Because if it’s the latter I’m making the Britney Spears gif face over a school punishing parents for SN advocacy. Do you have a booster club, or a PTA? If so do those groups not meet to push for more activities, and even fundraise?

[auntie]

I was always a little surprised that your school sponsored such a group. I think I have expressed this sentiment before.

IME, most schools do all they can to keep parents of kids who get IEP services from getting together and comparing notes. It's so much easier to say something isn't possible when a parent doesn't know that some other child in the LEA is already getting what you asked for. I suppose your school decided, in the context of offering a kind of OSFA ASD program, that it was a safe bet at controlling the situation while looking "supportive" of students with IEPs and their parents.


For the group to remain relevant, it needs to be independent of the LEA but that is for current leadership to decide. In the interest of maintaining a good relationship with the district in order to be a collaborative advocate for DS, I would explain that you are stepping away from the group with the transition to middle school and passing the baton.

[miranda]

auntie, Exactly- they bluntly told me that they don't want parents trying to convince other parents to access services and there are a number of parents they do not wish to attend these meetings because they are troublemakers. She even commented that two such parents are mentally ill. I bit my tongue and simply asked her how she'd like me to advertise the group in my remaining time- she said that it is only for parents of children currently receiving services, and the purpose of the group is to provide the school feedback of service delivery. I have doubts that the group will continue at all. The parent who got it off the group a couple years ago bent over backwards to get parents to attend and we never have had more than 2-3 people at a meeting.