First week of 2019

[icedcoffee]

How's everyone doing?

I had my last u/s with my RE today and graduated to my OB!  I saw a friend and her H in the waiting room.  I instinctively stopped and said hello.  I feel kind of guilty and like I should have ignored them/played stupid and given them their privacy.  It was a little awkward.  As we left I clarified that their secret is safe with us, but ugh.  Millions of RE appts over the past 3 years and this happened at the last one.  LOL

The good news is that I my gut says it might have also been her last appt and she was graduating today too! I really hope so.

I'm half relieved to be back at work today.  4 days of entertaining DS is a lot.  Mad props to all the SAHMs out there.  I'm really going to be sad not to get an afternoon nap though.  

[pinkpeony08]

Congrats icedcoffee!

I’m feeling a little better in the last week or so. Still sad, but I’ve been able to talk with a few people about our losses without crying. Now feeling overwhelmed by the what next questions. And feeling pressured to decide by my low amh. Is this it and we are done trying for a third? Will I have major regrets if we are? Should we make an appointment with reproductive immunology?? But the wait is long I think for an appointment. Or do we look into adoption? I also feel kind of stupid for even thinking of trying again if we met with immunology- that our friends and family feel like we are just asking for heartbreak and our families already think we crazy for even wanting a third.

I hear you on the home with kids. I’m home for the last day with my kids before school starts. It’s mostly been great to spend so much time with them in the last week and a half, but today most of our friends are back at work/busy today and my kids are whining they want to play with a friend.

[scm1011]

Yay for graduating, icedcoffee!
(((pinkpeony08))) You can always make an appointment with the RI now to get on the waiting list and cancel later if you decide its not the way you want to go.

I'm back at work after a week and a half off and feeling okay about it. I tend to spiral into slothdom if I have too much time off, ha. Break was a nice mix of fun, productive, and relaxing though.

DS has been having trouble with daycare drop off the last couple months and it breaks my heart. Every morning one of the first things he says is "No school, Caly stay house". His teachers all say he has a ball after the first 5-10 minutes so I try not to let it make me feel too guilty, but man.

[pinkpeony08]

Thanks, scm1011. I think I will go ahead and do that. I have to have my hospital send all the records before they will let me schedule an appointment, so I might as well get that ball rolling.

After a month, I finally just heard back partial results of genetics on the lost baby. Normal number of chromosomes. Microarray still MIA, but my OB sent the available genetics through today and is calling the lab because it's been so long. I can only presume it will be normal as the last 2 were also normal.

[Mushe]

pinkpeony08, information is never a bad thing. What about scheduling with RI now, to see what they say? You don’t have to decide now. The AMH stuff seems like such a crapshoot. I have very low AMH, like it was 0.24 when I was first diagnosed with DOR in January 2015.

scm1011, ohhhhh they know how to get us. I always hated doing drop off, because DS went through these same phases. He’s always happy to see whoever picks him up...except for that brief period when he’d tell H to go away and come back later. 😆 Never interrupt free play outside, man.

[scm1011]

Jan 2, 2019 12:06:45 GMT -5 Mushe said:

scm1011 , ohhhhh they know how to get us. I always hated doing drop off, because DS went through these same phases. He’s always happy to see whoever picks him up...except for that brief period when he’d tell H to go away and come back later. 😆 Never interrupt free play outside, man.

LOL @ "come back later!".
DS used to be completely indifferent to my leaving which stung a little; what I wouldn't give for that now! 

[cactuscookie]

Heh, my kid is totally fine at drop-off and refuses to leave when we get there to pick her up. At least I know she's happy there, I suppose!

[EllenGriswold]

I can honestly say I was so glad to be back at work today. G’s schedule has been so out of whack and he’s overtired and eaten tons of sugar and have just overall been kind of crazy so getting out of the house and getting him back on a normal schedule is going to save my sanity. I’m also ready to get back on track - my goal for the new year is to start eating better and get more organized. It was a good break but also sort of made me crazy. Being around either my family or ILs nearly every day for a week and half and I’m just done. I need my space. But our Christmas tree is down and out of the house and next step I’m going to purge the toy room to make space for all the new stuff.

I also started AF with a vengeance this morning so I’ve called into the RE and scheduled a saline sono for next week. I start BCp today and if everything is good I will likely have my FET in the first couple weeks of March.

[EllenGriswold]

Jan 2, 2019 11:33:22 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

DS has been having trouble with daycare drop off the last couple months and it breaks my heart. Every morning one of the first things he says is "No school, Caly stay house". His teachers all say he has a ball after the first 5-10 minutes so I try not to let it make me feel too guilty, but man.

G was great at his first daycare but we moved him to a preschool this August and we had a solid month where every drop off was awful! The worst was when I would put him to bed and he was already sad about going to school the next day. But they assured me he was fine once I left. And now we can usually get out no problem. I’m a little worried though for after the holidays. They take about 2.5 weeks off so when we go back next week I’m expecting at least a few rough mornings.

[scm1011]

Jan 2, 2019 13:56:21 GMT -5 EllenGriswold said:

Jan 2, 2019 11:33:22 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

DS has been having trouble with daycare drop off the last couple months and it breaks my heart. Every morning one of the first things he says is "No school, Caly stay house". His teachers all say he has a ball after the first 5-10 minutes so I try not to let it make me feel too guilty, but man.

G was great at his first daycare but we moved him to a preschool this August and we had a solid month where every drop off was awful! The worst was when I would put him to bed and he was already sad about going to school the next day. But they assured me he was fine once I left. And now we can usually get out no problem. I’m a little worried though for after the holidays. They take about 2.5 weeks off so when we go back next week I’m expecting at least a few rough mornings.

Oh man, what a gut punch. He changed rooms about 2 months ago and I think he's still struggling with the transition. He was really attached to his teacher, and his bestie ended up in a different room. Hopefully it subsides soon! 

[pinkpeony08]

Mushe - my AMH is very similar - 0.235 last May. My follicle count was in line with my labs.

Ha, my kids have a great time in daycare after school, but they complain about going... they just love to be home.

[shauni27]

icedcoffee, congrats on graduation! Also, lol at missing afternoon nap. I said that I am so glad to be back at work but man, I already miss my daily naps from the last 11 days, lol.

scm1011, glad you are feeling well, but sorry to hear C is having a tough time at drop off! That is so hard.

pinkpeony08, just hugs. I would go with scheduling an appointment because I think knowledge is power, and anything I can control, like getting more knowledge, helped me in my IF process, especially after my loss.

[shauni27]

Man. I don't know how my long break was both so great and so not great all at once. I loved spending time with S--he is really growing so much, so it is fun to see. But fuck man, doing it just about 100% alone for 11 days was SO hard. My H's work schedule is so crazy that he saw S for othe first time yesterday since CHRISTMAS DAY, which, they only saw each other because I drove S to the ski hill for a visit.

Holidays were chaotic and stressful because of no H. Seeing my sister was wonderful. S and I drove out of town to visit friends. It was great, but a lot of work alone again.

My mom had a heart episode that was thought to be minor but now she has to have immediate open heart surgery and I am freaked out.

S is still hitting and head butting and it is really exhausting to deal with.

The weather was complete shit. We were hardly outside at all and we were all very sick.

I miss having a husband, and even more so, I miss having a husband I like. It is so hard when he IS around that I just don't like him because of how miserable he is and how much I resent him every year at this time.

But I did love my naps, time with family, seeing S change more and more and binge eating holiday treats without thinking about it, lol. I am glad to be back to the real world a bit with some structure. I think it will really help.

[woowoo]

Holidays were good here, we hosted family for a week then went north for the NY holiday to have a 2nd Christmas with everyone up there. A lot of family time but a lot of rest and relaxation as well.

I took another day off work today just to get caught up on stuff at home. I'm a little worried about my weight gain so I need to buckle down and start feeding this kid some healthy food. Coming off 1st trimester/months of fertility drugs then rolling right into the holidays was a little excessive (and also eating everything I could get into my mouth....but let's keep the blame on the fertility drugs....)

We met with a doula team this afternoon and have no doubt they are the right choice. They specialize in evidenced based care, seem calming and empowering and are altogether absolutely wonderful. They work in teams of two so at least one of them will be available when we go into labor so I can labor at home as long as possible before heading to the hospital (which is only about a 10 minute drive). One more decision made!

Happy New Year everyone.

[pandora89]

Holidays were good! H is on leave till about March so we are both home for the next bit.

I also made an appointment with our RE to get our bloodwork and everything on our files updated. We decided to head back to do another retrieval cycle this summer and hopefully have something frozen for before I go back to work in September. The plan is to hopefully do a FET later this year (fall 2019) so I have some time at work before I go off on leave again. Eek. I am not sure I am ready for the FET but having some blasts frozen gives us time to decide. We are worried my AMH will plummet and we will have the decision to have more than 1 not be an option anymore.

[pandora89]

((shauni27)) sending lots of hugs. I hope your moms operation goes well.

[kellikans]

Congrats icedcoffee!
Hugs pinkpeony08.
Hope your mom's surgery goes well and she has a quick recovery shauni27.

I had my first appointment last Thursday. Today I'm 12w2d. Everything looked fine, strong heartbeat of 169. Baby was wiggling around like crazy. It was so strange not having the same excitement as I did with L. Maybe once I feel movement/know the sex/get more used to the idea I'll feel more excited? I don't know.

I had some episodes of cramping and bright red bleeding over the weekend. We went to Disneyland and did a bunch of walking, only rode one (slow) ride with L since it was around his nap time and he slept in the stroller for a few hours. It started right around the time we were leaving. I called the on-call doc and she said to just go home, relax, drink water. Had more cramping on Sunday, with darker red blood, and haven't had any since. I'm still crampy occasionally, which normally wouldn't worry me, but coupled with the bleeding I'm wondering what's going on. Don't know if I'll go back in before my 16 week appointment since if I am miscarrying, there's really nothing I can do about it.

Otherwise I am just so tired and L is EVERYWHERE. First tri exhaustion with a 9 month old sucks. And DH went out of town this morning for the rest of the week so I'm on my own. And it's so strange to almost be out of the first trimester when I only found out I was pregnant less than a month ago.

[kellikans]

Okay, just got results back. I'm surprised since it's been less than a week and there was a holiday thrown in there. But looks like it's a healthy baby girl.

[thoseareradishes]

E had a great Christmas! She got really into opening presents and loves her farm set, recycling truck, and new books. She had lots of fun with family and loved eating all the things.

She seems to finally have settled into her 1 nap schedule. Hopefully. Or she's just still catching up from the holidays and being sick!

[konapoppy]

shauni27, sending good thoughts to your mom. And hugs for everything going on.

kellikans congrats on the girl!

The girls are officially in the toddler room. Where does the time go?

[Chrysanthemum]

iI love the holidays with a kid! All the family traditions I’ve dreamt of having are reality. With Christmas, New Year’s, and C’s birthday, I’m afraid we’re in for a long few months of cold, dark winter now! Ha!

I called our RE today to get the ball rollowing for an FET for #2. We’re in no hurry, but would like to get pregnant in the next year, so wanted to get the ball rolling. I am so grateful to have frozen embryos, I don’t know if I could mentally handle more ER’s after our journey to get C. So grateful.

I’ve been off since 12/20 and have a more days pretending to be a SAHM. I love these short breaks with him but could not do it full-time. He’s so much fun to be around...and exhausting!

[icedcoffee]

So many FET's coming up in here!  So exciting! pandora89, I think banking some embryos while on leave is smart.  I hope you get a few good blasts!  

kellikans, Congrats on a healthy baby girl!  I hope this helps you get more excited!


woowoo, I'm also gaining weight like woah.  It's funny when people say nausea in first tri makes them lose weight.  Not me.  Nausea in first tri makes me eat every hour.  Carbs, carbs, carbs.  I'm trying to focus on healthier choices, but it's hard.

[ivy]

Been thinking about you kellikans . I hope the test results help you continue to process the pregnancy.

icedcoffee , I've experienced the same thing both pregnancies. All I could do was eat to feel better. And carrots and celery sticks weren't exactly going to cut it. I'm nearly 31 weeks now and just doing the best I can. It's really hard to take care of yourself and eat really well when you feel so terrible.

Our Christmas break was nice. I had DD home with me from the 21st through new years day. It was nice but there was little structure to our days and we didn't get out much (cruddy weather and I'm pretty limited it what I can do with her alone these days). I don't think either of us were too sad to get back to normal yesterday. Plus we've hit a new stage where eeeeeverything is a battle. She's started majorly stalling at bedtime (our simple routine takes 1-2 hours now) and getting dressed is a disaster. I will not turn this into a power struggle but I'm riding a fine line between letting her use her independence and not letting her take advantage and draw things out to unnecessary levels. Fingers crossed it passes soon 

[G22]

Add me to the upcoming FET list, we are doing one in Feb.

Z doesnt start back to school until next week, but I'm so ready for it. I'm not nearly as good as wearing him out as his teachers are, the days are long right now.

We just booked plane tickets for a trip to Hawaii this summer! I cant wait!

[knx9211]

shauni27,how scary. I hope your mom's surgery goes well <3

[knx9211]

Write me in on the FET list. I'm in the middle of my prep now. I forgot how much I hate the estrace. It's not horrible, I'm just a little tired of it already. I go in on the 9th to check my lining and hopefully get the green light for a January 14 transfer. I am super nervous. This is our last blast. I need it to work.

Break was good. P caught a damn stomach bug at his 18 month well check and of course gave it to the rest of us. I came down with it Christmas Eve. Lucky us! It was so sad. He's NEVER been sick with anything before, so it broke my heart to see him so sick. I'm at my first day back to work since December 20th, so that's not fun. But we have tickets to Hamilton tonight, so I'm excited! I don't know if it's the estrace, but I've been SO TIRED lately. I'll need some extra caffeine to stay up late.

[shauni27]

knx9211, those pictures of P sick were so sad! I am glad you are all feeling better. And fingers crossed for this FET!

[Chrysanthemum]

Well...I booked our work-up and consultation for March. So, this is officially getting started! Glad so many of us will be cycling together again!

[pinkpeony08]

My microarray finally came back. Normal. Again. Ugh. Now the third genetically normal baby lost in a row. I was expecting it to be normal given the others also were, but still hard to hear.

[shauni27]

pinkpeony08, lots of hugs your way. I would meet with someone I think just to even talk about THAT. Like, what else could be the issue and what could be done to find out and treat it.