So...hey.

[discogranny]

Most of my "people" from my active TTTC days have migrated to this board (yay!), so hello.

I have not done treatment of any kind since late 2014, and H and I were pretty sure we were okay with being kid-free, but reserving the right to change our minds later if we decided to. However, I recently received news that I am BRCA2 positive and after speaking with a genetic specialist and my GYN, it's looking like I am heading for an almost total hysterectomy.

Suddenly, I am having a lot of feelings about having the choice made for me to close the kid door. I feel like I might want to do one more egg retrieval just in case, to put some embryos in the freezer - but my rational mind is struggling with spending $10-$12k OOP and having all of the embryos test abnormally. Due to our miscarriage post-IVF history we were going to have to PGD/PGS the embryos no matter what - but now the BRCA mutation is just one more thing we'll be testing for that will further reduce our chances of a healthy embryo.

I am not sure what I am seeking - head pats? advice? from people who at least identify with part of the struggle. I am also pissed that my body continues to betray me. Being 33 and looking at hysterectomy and mastectomy options is awful and I am ready to be at peace with this whole journey.

[icedcoffee]

I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how many different feelings you are going through right now.

My experience is not the same, but perhaps my view can help you. My H had zero sperm and IVF was our only option for conception. For our first round we were 100% OOP and at the end of the day we spent over $30k to conceive DS. It was really hard to sign that money over knowing our chances for conception were so low. At the end of the day I decided that we can always make more money, but we can't always go back and change our minds about IVF. Personally, I would do it, but it's obviously such a very personal decision. I would worry that if I didn't do it I would always wonder what if.

I really hope you can find peace after all of this. I would also be (and have been) pissed at my body.

[nmosrob]

I didn't want to read and not respond. I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

[woowoo]

discogranny, I can't necessarily relate to this struggle specifically, but IVF was created originally for situations just like yours. What are the risks to your health (if any) for trying a cycle? Maybe if you meet with an RE to review your current stats and get an understanding of the probability of ending up with a good embryo, it might help you make a decision you can feel okay with.

[G22]

Oh disco I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! Theres not right or wrong answer here, only what feels right for you. I know you've been through so much in the past with failed cycles and completely understand the hesitation to enter that territory again. 💔

I think the suggestion of meeting with a RE and talking options might be a good place to start if you want to just see what you'd be looking at if you choose that road. Even if you dont choose to do IVF again, it may help you know what direction to go.

I hope you can find peace with whatever you decide. I'm sorry you are even faced with this decision!

[Chrysanthemum]

Hi! I remember you from a few years ago, I mostly lurk but didn’t want not respond. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I think woowoo’s suggestion to have a consultation with an RE can only help you get the information to make a decision. Infertility and IVF are so painful.

[shauni27]

Oh, discogranny. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I think it is natural, even if you thought you were at peace with being CF, that now that it is NEVER EVER EVER a possibility that you would struggle emotionally. It is a big deal and it is not fair.

Obviously no one can tell you what to do, but there is no wrong answer. I wish you peace as you come to your decision (a shitty decision that sucks that you have to make.)

Sending love and support.

[King26]

Hey lady, welcome back! Its good to hear feom you. Im happy to answer any questions if you have any. I did 4 rounds of ivf to get my little man and the first ovf resulted in a mc. The next 2 were just bad, but number 4 was our lucky one. It was a struggle to do number 4 but it was our last shot and i just had to do it or i dont think i would have been at piece. I cant imagine looking at a hysterectomy at 33. Big hugs

[thoseareradishes]

Hugs discogranny. I hope you are able to come up with a plan you are comfortable with. We're here for you.

[loira]

Hi, of course I remember you! I'm sorry you're struggling. I can definitely sympathize with feeling like a choice that should have been 100% yours is now being made for you. Even if it's the same choice in the end, that feeling of it being out of your hands is maddening. And on top of it all, you must be worried about your own health. It's a lot to go through, and while I don't necessarily have any advice for what it's obviously a highly personal decision, I'm here if you ever need to talk.

[oneslybookworm]

discogranny, hugs lady. I can't imagine what you're dealing with, but wanted to say I'm so sorry. Huge hugs lady!

[awick14]

discogranny- ((Hugs)) I don’t post here much any more but I didn’t want to read your post and not comment. I’m so sorry you are going through this.