How do you know it is over

[ark19]

New here. I have been married for 11 years and have 2 children ages 9 and 7. Marriage has been ok, not solid, but not in the shitter. Tonight was my end point. He had been drinking and said things in front of my girls that crossed the line. They were so upset and crying. The oldest had a note asking if we were breaking up. Honestly, I believe he is an alcoholic. He will say things while drinking and then not recall it the next day. I don’t even know what my next step should be. I just know I don’t ever want to see my girls this upset. I’m sorry for not making the most sense, but I am scared and upset.

[booked]

ark19, I spent years asking the question. I finally ended an almost 14 year relationship in October. I was unhappy for a very, very long time but things would stabilize and I'd convince myself to stay until I finally couldn't anymore.

I think the right time is different for everyone. Only you'll know and sometimes it can take time.

Leaving is scary but in the end it was worth it for me.

[kanga1]

This board has gotten super slow but scroll back as this question was asked a lot and you'll see a lot more responses from when the board was busier. For me I knew it was over when I started to ask myself how am I going to leave and started thinking of a plan. Prior to that I was asking myself should I leave. When I started thinking about how I would actually leave then I knew I was done.

[irie]

When I couldn't bring myself to plan upcoming events like vacations and such because I just didn't see us being together. When I started making a plan to leave. When I was always on eggshells in my own home. I left last summer. It was scary, but the best decision. Divorce will be final soon and I am very happy in my new life.

[freezorburn]

Counseling helps. Individually as well as family counseling.

Not all couples/family counseling leads to staying together. A good good counselor can help you both get clarity on how to communicate, and whether to work on the marriage or if not, how to exit it in a way that is relatively healthy for all involved.

[pinkdutchtulips]

It’s over when you hit your ‘enough’ point, everyone has one and when you hit it, you’ll know