Here we go again (loss)

[seeyalater52]

Update 2: lines are barely there this morning. It’s clearly a loss, which they will confirm tomorrow. 3rd one in 8 months, I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. I don’t understand what is wrong with me.

Update: Beta is 20 at 8dp5dt. The nurse said it wasn’t bad and was in the range they look for that early (a little skeptical because if it doubles by re-draw on Friday it will be below their 9dpt range of 50 at 10dpt but whatever. Test this morning isn’t showing progression so who knows. I’m not really convinced this isn’t a chemical but I’m trying to hold on.


*******

Well, it’s positive. And it’s significantly more positive than it was yesterday, although the test is still pretty light for 7dp5dt (according to my thorough online line comparison research lol.) Maybe a slow start. Maybe another chemical pregnancy.

I’m terrified. And hopeful. And afraid to hope.

But I know loving my baby is the right thing for as long as it’s in there, so I’m just trying to hang on one day at a time.

My beta is scheduled for Friday (10dpt) because my satellite clinic is closed on the normal 9dpt beta day. I’m going to call to see if they’ll move me up to tomorrow so I can get a re-draw before the weekend.

[shoeless]

I've got everything crossed for you!

[vmars]

Congrats!!! I am keeping my fingers crossed you have an awesome beta. My lines always start out extremely faint but one of them became my son, so try not to lose hope.

[stellelinds25]

OMG, YAY!!! Crossing everything that one of those two embies (or both!) settles in nice and snug and grows.

[shauni27]

oh this is incredible news! I am thinking such good thoughts for you <3

[scm1011]

YAY, congrats!! This makes me so happy. I've been thinking about you a lot the last few days (I hope that doesn't sound creepy), and have everything crossed that this is your take home baby <3

[icedcoffee]

YEAHHHH!! I have everything crossed for you. I'm so excited!!

[G22]

Congrats!! I'm crossing everything this is your sticky baby!!

[wise_rita]

Stick, baby, stick!!!

[seeyalater52]

Thank you all so much for cheeeing me on. Your notes are making me cry. 😭

I’m officially on for first beta tomorrow at 8dp5dt. Fingers crossed.

[FishChicks]

I am so happy for you! Rooting for you and your embryos!

[loira]

Keeping everything crossed for you!

[landmermaid]

Congrats! It is terrifying. But awesome that you're pregnant right now. I am so hopeful for you. Good luck!

[knx9211]

Yes!!! Fingers crossed for a good beta!!

[discobiscuit]

Yay! I'm sending all of my good thoughts your way!

[chocolatepie]

YES!!! I am so excited for you, and am crossing everything! Please stick, baby!

[fairfax]

Congratulations!!! This is wonderful news!!!

And can I just say, this: “But I know loving my baby is the right thing for as long as it’s in there” is beautiful. It’s also something I really needed to hear right now so thank you for sharing 💖

[Mushe]

Yes! So many good thoughts for you.

[minionkevin]

Yay! I knew the 5d (and 6d - did you test yesterday?) BFN was just to mess with you, especially after the good lining results! Stiiiiick!!!!!!!

[seeyalater52]

Feb 19, 2019 13:37:08 GMT -5 minionkevin said:

Yay! I knew the 5d (and 6d - did you test yesterday?) BFN was just to mess with you, especially after the good lining results! Stiiiiick!!!!!!!

I did test yesterday at 6dpt and it was positive but so light that I thought it might be a false positive (even though I've never gotten one on a FRER before and it turned positive in the first 3 mins.) So seeing it getting darker was a relief!

Although it's worth noting that all my other chemicals initially had test line progression as well. TTC after loss is such an incredible mindfuck. 

[minionkevin]

Feb 19, 2019 14:14:39 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

Feb 19, 2019 13:37:08 GMT -5 minionkevin said:

Yay! I knew the 5d (and 6d - did you test yesterday?) BFN was just to mess with you, especially after the good lining results! Stiiiiick!!!!!!!

I did test yesterday at 6dpt and it was positive but so light that I thought it might be a false positive (even though I've never gotten one on a FRER before and it turned positive in the first 3 mins.) So seeing it getting darker was a relief!

Although it's worth noting that all my other chemicals initially had test line progression as well. TTC after loss is such an incredible mindfuck. 

First rule of TTTC - a line is a line is a line!

[seeyalater52]

Feb 19, 2019 14:29:09 GMT -5 minionkevin said:

Feb 19, 2019 14:14:39 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

I did test yesterday at 6dpt and it was positive but so light that I thought it might be a false positive (even though I've never gotten one on a FRER before and it turned positive in the first 3 mins.) So seeing it getting darker was a relief!

Although it's worth noting that all my other chemicals initially had test line progression as well. TTC after loss is such an incredible mindfuck. 

First rule of TTTC - a line is a line is a line!

Don't ever google "FRER false positive." It will really fuck you up. 

[Yankees21]

Yay!! Crossing everything for you. I know how hard it is to TTC after a loss, but I’m so hoping this is it for you.

[woowoo]

seeyalater52, so many hugs! Congrats.

[pickel]

I am so happy for you, friend! Congratulations!!! Fingers crossed for a strong beta tomorrow!

[lexisgrrl1980]

So excited for you!!!!

[kellikans]

Congrats! FX this is your sticky baby(ies)!

[seeyalater52]

It’s just like every other time. After the first day of progression now the lines aren’t getting darker. I’m pretty sure this is going to end in a loss and I’m just so sad.

[pickel]

Anecdote here, I had the darkening lines with my DS but I did not have it with this pregnancy. I know it’s hard but try not to read anything into it just yet. I have my fingers crossed for you today!!

[wise_rita]

Everything crossed for you.