We haven't done one of these posts in a while. I think it stands for Significant Other Sound Off. Feel free to add exes to these.
I am learning DH's personality a little bit more because DD inherited it. He throws tantrums about food- she throws tantrums about food (hers are more age appropriate because she is 6). He wants everything all at once, and is not rational and is easily jealous of what other people have. Wanted to be exactly like his big sister growing up. She wants to be exactly like her big brother, wants everything that everyone has and everything that she sees.
We just got 2 new cars exactly the way he wanted them this summer. He now wants to re-visit the whole issue get 2 new other cars- one super small and one super big instead of 2 medium/ big cars if you call a wagon on SUV tires big and a CRV big. I said no because I picked my car out of 5 that he deemed acceptable at the time and he didn't want me to get more seats for carpooling until it was a huge need and it isn't so far, so I am keeping it. Nor am I driving a small car for my commute and then transferring to a bigger car around town for carpooling. I want my car to be my car all the time. Plus in a smaller SUV the 3rd row is tiny I hear, so for teenagers we would want a large SUV or mini van anyway, so it doesn't make sense to get a small SUV with a 3rd row if no one with any height can fit in them.
We are doing this weekend trip and I made the demand he fly with us because it was all his idea, and I don't want to fly by myself with the kids without assigned seats. So now he is saying bye to us immediately when we land and taking another flight Sunday night to his west coast interview. OK it's a great company and wants the experience of interviewing with them fine, but that still doesn't negate the fact that it won't be enough money to support 2 households or for me to quit my job, so what is the point?
SOS - I still can't wrap my head around why DD cannot plan, execute a plan on his own. We have had a packed week. I told him he needs to handle dinner Tuesday. He is off, I am not. We had to leave the house at 5:30 for DD's orientation. So that afternoon, he has no plan. We get home, DS is confused because he was going to a neighbors, now DH says we are going out to eat, DS is not going so nothing for him I guess, we spend $50 just because he couldn't be bothered to come up with an idea and cooking it without me telling him. Spaghetti? It's not hard. He has no idea about our taxes, except to ask why are our taxes not ready. He has no idea about the kids schedules, I just assign him a time he needs to be out the door. The mental work of parenting falling all on me is exhausting.
Plus everything that goes wrong has to have a blame, but not him. He was painting a light fixture, and it wasn't up to his standards. Why, because the nozzle on MY primer was broken. I didn't make the fing primer. You broke it and now are pissed. He buys a kitchen light that looks cheap and is as bright as the sun that he hates, my fault that I didn't like it. You didn't either, you just want to blame it on me.
PS. We have to be out the door today again at 5:30. I will be home at 4:30. I bet $1000 if I don't call and tell him to put the frozen pizza in, since that is all I am asking for tonight, I will go home to a cold oven.
rere, My DH takes it up a step. Pick up a take and bake pizza from the grocery store for you and DD to eat tomorrow. He texts me next afternoon. I'm still getting pizza right, yes. Phone call from the grocery store. So at the store where is the pizza located at. I tell him and he continues to chat while walking through the store. I can't find them across from the deli and sushi area. Okay now which one should I get. The combo, DD can pick off what she doesn't like. Okay going to check out. 15 minutes later I get another text asking what oven temp and where the pizza cutter was at. I told him to have DD deal with it. Most days I feel like I need to give DH more detailed instructions than I do DD. The biggest vent right now is that DD has figured out that daddy messes up on purpose to get out of doing things. She is starting to fight me on helping out because daddy doesn't have to so why should she. I basically told her I need some help so she needs to help me out otherwise I won't have time to take her to open gym or play multiplication war or do her hair. Its working. I'm so tempted to call DH's therapist and leave a message replaying DD's wording on why she should help out when daddy doesn't have to because he messes up on purpose.
DH's boss is making him work and be there at normal time during out snow deal. This is leaving me most of the snow removal/chores. DH installs garage doors so not life and death since they have had just new installs this week. I just wish he could have gone in later and been able to do some of the snow chores or at least entertained DD when he did get home so I could work in peace but that didn't happen either partially because I was fried by then.
186momx same. Dh can you take them to the doctor. Where is it? Where do I park? What door? Did you call? Who do I ask for? Do they know our insurance? What pharmacy? What do I say?.
JUST WALK IN THERE AND FIGURE IT OUT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!
Today was crazy. Kids had a 2 hour delay due to snow. So I got up and got a workout in before the kids got up. DD1 got herself up and dressed, and I recommended that she work on a project she’s been dodging. That led to a meltdown. Finally calmed her and got out the door late for school.
Rushed home to finish shoveling snow, cleaned the trashed house, folded and put away 3 loads of laundry, showered, sucked down lunch while dealing with tax questions and worked on stuff for MIL’s new home purchase, rushed to a lab to drop off DD1 poo, found out orders were missing for said poo, ran to pick up kids. DD2 had an ear-piercing tantrum the whole way home (20 mins). 15 mins at home for a snack, then out to violin and Walmart. DD2 melted down again at DD1’s violin school. Home to make dinner, DD1 cried through homework while DD2 demanded attention. Sat down to sew DD1’s uniform that she tore today, asked DH to read to DD2.
Eye roll. Said he “just wanted to sit for 5 minutes.”
Really? Where’s my 5 minutes? So I handed him my sewing and started to walk away. He scrambled up claiming he misunderstood... but I think he was scared of me.
This is so minor in the grand scheme of things... but so, so frustrating.
DH loves complex stuff. Model airplanes. Legos. Computer circuits. All things that are tiny but for which his man hands entirely capable. But heaven forbid he should even attempt a ponytail, let alone a braid in his daughter's hair.. his hands just "aren't good at that delicate stuff."
I've been running into the stupid questions with my trip people this week. Are some people truly just missing that "I'll figure it out" gene?!
Another manager and I were just talking about this because everyone wants everything spoon fed to them. Look it up, do some investigating on your own and try to figure it out first before you come to me!
I've been passing the ball off to DH more every day and he has been really great at figuring things out but he is not assertive at all. I hope it will come naturally as he has to deal with the kid stuff on his own more often now. One example, DD1 has a terrible infection from an ear piercing. It's gotten so bad that you can see her swollen lymph node on her neck. I had him call the Doctor to get an appointment. DH tells me that we can't get in because he called at 8:30am and all appointments with the on call doctor were taken by 8:15am. Our doctor is out for a family emergency for two weeks. The nurse did talk to the on call doctor and he said it's an allergy so put some cortisone on it. I asked if he demanded to be seen by another doctor because it is not an allergy. The other ear is fine and this is a giant pus filled boil thing as big as 1/4 of her ear and it's getting worse. "Uhh...no...we have to call back tomorrow right at 8:00". I told him that's ridiculous and they must have a protocol if our doctor is out on emergency so I would call back. I got an appointment that afternoon and DH asks me how? Be assertive.
For those struggling with dumb husbands... You could always share this: lmgtfy.com/
I've been running into the stupid questions with my trip people this week. Are some people truly just missing that "I'll figure it out" gene?!
Yes! People have been freaking out knowing that I'm leaving with a bunch of knowledge. It's not like someone spoon fed me the knowledge, I figured it out on my own. People think I have tricks with our computer systems, but I've figured things out by clicking buttons, trial and error.
For those struggling with dumb husbands... You could always share this: lmgtfy.com/
I've been running into the stupid questions with my trip people this week. Are some people truly just missing that "I'll figure it out" gene?!
Honestly, I think it is only going to get worse. Helicopter parenting did a lot of damage in this department. Those parents who call the school to solve their kids problems when they were in college. Those "kids" are now adults in the work force who are used to other people solving their problems.
I fight this fight with SS2, because SS1 has always done everything for him. To the point where I tell SS1 to go away and stop helping and I refuse to answer questions that he can figure out himself. This kid is 14 years old and has only just figured out how to read instructions on the back of the food. Still his first instinct is to ask me for help. I literally have to stare him down and tell him to figure it out and make SS1 shut up while he is trying to help. I want SS2 to be a functional adult and a good husband. I hope that he has to live on his own for a few years before finding a girlfriend so he learns how to take care of himself.
My H is a very smart a capable father, however if I am home he seems to loose his freaking mind. I am not normally home in the morning. I know he has a routine down with the kids that allows him to get out the door on time. However, if I am home he oversleeps (BS) and expects me to help him play catch up all morning. He doesn't over sleep he just sleeps in because I am home. Then he complains that I ruined his routine or he expects me to do all of the kid work so he can sleep in and and just get himself ready. Then I can't get myself ready. It really irks me that he expects me to do all of the kid work in the morning if I am home. I don't make him deal with the kids all by himself if he is home in the evenings.
My H is a very smart a capable father, however if I am home he seems to loose his freaking mind. I am not normally home in the morning. I know he has a routine down with the kids that allows him to get out the door on time. However, if I am home he oversleeps (BS) and expects me to help him play catch up all morning. He doesn't over sleep he just sleeps in because I am home. Then he complains that I ruined his routine or he expects me to do all of the kid work so he can sleep in and and just get himself ready. Then I can't get myself ready. It really irks me that he expects me to do all of the kid work in the morning if I am home. I don't make him deal with the kids all by himself if he is home in the evenings.
mellym, I have definitely said something on the triage line for the dr's office that if they can't get us in I will be heading to urgent care (for us the co-pay is the same). And they often suddenly find an appointment. There is a certain amount of assertiveness that you need.
Post by justcheckingin73 on Mar 4, 2019 11:15:25 GMT -5
A late SOS but it just happened this weekend.
In the past, DH and I have switched off responsibility for laundry. It wasn’t always a 50/50 endeavor but it was close. One week, he’d sort and start laundry and I would help fold or hang clothes but he was mostly responsible for getting it done. Then it would switch and I would take it on with him helping here or there. It seemed to work.
But I realized a few weeks ago, that he hasn’t initiated laundry in MONTHS. So this weekend we were discussing what was going on and I loudly mentioned - and laundry too! Which he repeated. Saturday he worked, I was busy and was fighting a sinus infection so it didn’t get started. Sunday comes along and I had a hair appt at 11 so I’ll left the house at 10:20 and got home at 2. He hadn’t even started laundry. And worse my dd was doing hers so we had to wait. Now side note, I love that dd wants to do her own laundry but she sat around for the better part of Saturday and we always do laundry on Sunday’s so I was upset and told her she needs to do hers on a different day.
I snapped at DH - I leave the house for hours and literally nothing gets done; it’s all up to me! I think he was annoyed that I was mad but I didn’t care/I was right and he has no reason to be upset. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I take on extra responsibilities during tax season and suddenly, it becomes my “job”. There will be a CTJ talk after tax season about division of responsibilities.
My H is a very smart a capable father, however if I am home he seems to loose his freaking mind. I am not normally home in the morning. I know he has a routine down with the kids that allows him to get out the door on time. However, if I am home he oversleeps (BS) and expects me to help him play catch up all morning. He doesn't over sleep he just sleeps in because I am home. Then he complains that I ruined his routine or he expects me to do all of the kid work so he can sleep in and and just get himself ready. Then I can't get myself ready. It really irks me that he expects me to do all of the kid work in the morning if I am home. I don't make him deal with the kids all by himself if he is home in the evenings.
Maybe you should.
But the evening is when I get my baby and kiddo snuggles in.
We had a conversation over the weekend about it. Most of the problem is that both of the kids really prefer me. DD cries if I am in the room and not holding or taking care of her. DS is jealous and because DD wants me so DS wants me. He thought it was easier if I do it all since both kids want me anyway. I think his feelings are hurt a little and it was him pouting about it. I told him from now on if I am going to be home in the morning I will either be out the door by 6 or I will get DD ready and supervise DS while he gets ready. He will pack the car and make the bottles. Now it is on me to get up and out before the kids are up.
A new SOS similar to justcheckingin73,. I make DH do his own laundry during tax season and most of the rest of the year. He wears 4 layers a day during the winter months so has a shit ton of laundry each week. Due to snow days I did DD's and my laundry during the week. DH still has 4 full buckets of dirty laundry as of last night. He says I should have done it since I was home with DD and had snow days. I just glared at him.
Another SOS DH is using the living room as his wood working workshop. Fine sanding, carving, gluing pieces and leaving them inside. I get he wants projects and its too cold to glue or set stuff in the garage but the living room isn't the place to do it either. DD said yesterday he brought in a full sander and was sanding while I was gone but vacuumed so I wouldn't notice. The whole living room had a cloud of wood dust floating in it last night. If I tell him not to do it then it come back that I won't let him work on his projects. I'm in a no win situation.