16 months later, I might be ready to train again

[wambam]

(Also, there's weirdly a TW for depression and suicidal thoughts at the end of this post)

I have been doing WeverTF I want since my last marathon November 2017. If I want to go to the gym, I go to the gym. If I want to run, I run however far I feel like running. If I want to do 8 yoga classes in a week and nothing else, that's what I do. I still workout 6 days a week, but there's no rhyme or reason to my workouts. 

The coach who teaches the 5AM class at my gym is training for her first full and talks to me about it sometimes and I feel...jealous? Jealous is a strong word. But like, an inkling that I might want to train for something too. 

Before I ran my last full, I flirted with the idea of trying for a sub-2 half. I think that is absolutely not going to happen at this point. But I know myself and I know that as soon as I start training, I will have my PR in my head (2:04ish) and I'll get competitive with myself. I don't want to get into that mental place. I really want to run for the joy of running, and I am really good at following a training plan and the structure suits me. 

So. I would like advice on how to keep the mental aspect of training from ruining my fun. What tips do you have for keeping my training breezy? Towards the end of this month, I'm going to start building a base regardless of what I decide to do because I really do miss running more regularly. 

Relevant information: At the end of my last training cycle, I was dealing with significant depression. At one point, I was having thoughts of running and not stopping for cars. I did therapy, got on medication and things are much more stable now. I genuinely don't believe training caused my depression, but the experience of training is sort of colored by that experience. 

Oh, and if I do another half, it'll likely be Columbus in October. 

[lilypad1126]

I wish I had an answer to this. I can't get out of my head, ever, and so every run is compared to the last. I'm super antsy about my race this weekend and am convinced I won't go sub-2hr, even though the last 4 halfs I've done have been. For me, it seems that part of the "fun" is trying to get better. And, better to me obviously means faster.

So maybe that's part of it. What do you want to get out of your runs? Knowledge that you are a bad ass and can complete another half? Are you hoping that your running will help you de-stress, stay healthy, etc? Maybe focusing on your ultimate goal will help. This sounds really simplistic and I don't mean to minimize your feelings on this. When I was trying to "find my joy" in running last year, it was HARD to refocus my mind.

Good luck!

[wawa]

I am not sure I have anything useful to add here. But I wanted to post because I want you to have fun running too!

would it help your competitive streak to mix up the format a bit? Like...trail running perhaps? Or what about looking into volunteering with ASA or that group that provides guides to visually impaired runners? So you have to train for the distance and even a goal pace and you do an event and have the whole fun of the crowd and the finish line and so forth, but it just takes the PR aspect of the race itself totally out of the picture? Or...see if you can get involved as part of the pacer team? (no idea how one goes about doing that...)

[wambam]

Mar 6, 2019 9:36:51 GMT -5 lilypad1126 said:

 What do you want to get out of your runs? Knowledge that you are a bad ass and can complete another half? Are you hoping that your running will help you de-stress, stay healthy, etc? Maybe focusing on your ultimate goal will help. This sounds really simplistic and I don't mean to minimize your feelings on this. When I was trying to "find my joy" in running last year, it was HARD to refocus my mind.

Good luck!

Yes to the bolded. This is really simple, but really helpful. I want the satisfaction that comes with a good race. 

[foundmylazybum]

Maybe try taking a more mindful approach to your running. You have a choice to jump off competitive autopilot and while you enjoy the structure of a training plan you also certainly have a choice to mix it up with other creative training pursuits this time to see how that works.


Also, try reading the book Thinking body, dancing mind.

[wambam]

Mar 6, 2019 10:02:21 GMT -5 wawa said:

I am not sure I have anything useful to add here. But I wanted to post because I want you to have fun running too!

would it help your competitive streak to mix up the format a bit? Like...trail running perhaps? Or what about looking into volunteering with ASA or that group that provides guides to visually impaired runners? So you have to train for the distance and even a goal pace and you do an event and have the whole fun of the crowd and the finish line and so forth, but it just takes the PR aspect of the race itself totally out of the picture? Or...see if you can get involved as part of the pacer team? (no idea how one goes about doing that...)

I don't think I have enough race experience to be a pacer, but the idea of running for a cause is a good idea. 

[luckystar2]

Would you do the same race? I think trying different races can mix things up. It’s a new and different experience. Plus I find it harder to compare my times when it’s different courses. If it’s the same course it makes it much easier.

I don’t have any other advice. The biggest thing that helped me was injury actually. I threw out all time goals and just want to be able to run!! It was freeing to not stress as much about time and just be happy to be able to do it. But you don’t want to get injured 😜

[wambam]

Mar 6, 2019 10:14:51 GMT -5 luckystar2 said:

Would you do the same race? I think trying different races can mix things up. It’s a new and different experience. Plus I find it harder to compare my times when it’s different courses. If it’s the same course it makes it much easier.

I don’t have any other advice. The biggest thing that helped me was injury actually. I threw out all time goals and just want to be able to run!! It was freeing to not stress as much about time and just be happy to be able to do it. But you don’t want to get injured 😜

I would be doing a race I've never done before.

[theoriginalbean]

I was also going to suggest trail running. That's the easiest way to run without worrying about time. If I'm on the roads, I get caught up in PRs and places, but I don't think that way on the trails because I have to think more about where my feet are going. I hope you find a happy place!

[foundmylazybum]

I just wanted to come back and add quickly that in the last 1.5 years you have done all this creative training and learned to listen to your body and mind a lot more. That's so clear in your first post!

How cool would it be to add and integrate some of this into half marathon training and see what happens? It clearly adds joy to your life already, why take it away?

[mrshandy]

I think cross training is a great way to step away from PRs. But another thing you might consider is running with a stop watch and not a Garmin.

[emilyinchile]

Not a runner here, obviously, but what if you ran...without a watch? Can you do something where for at least your long runs you go purely by feel? If you feel like being speedy one day that's awesome, or if you feel like just taking it easy and enjoying the view then that's great too.

You have to understand I ran a half with no speedwork, no cross training, no fuel or water on runs (which I don't recommend), so I am living proof that you can just sort of run a bit farther every weekend and eventually make it to 13.1.

[stephm0188]

I feel like I could have written a lot of that, right down to considering Columbus in October. I've been focusing on just being strong and healthy, but I'm not sure if that's enough. I've also thought about joining local MRTT/SRTT meetups, but it intimidates me.

I have nothing to add but good luck with whatever you decide. <3

[Wines Not Whines]

The suggestion to run without a GPS watch is a good one, if you can measure distance in advance so you know how far to go.

I became much breezier about running after an injury forced me to take time off. I was happy just to be able to run again. Would you be able to adopt a similar mindset? Trail running has also been great for that, because it’s much more variable than road running. Your pace on trails varied based on the terrain and the trail conditions, so every time is different.

[shauni27]

Mar 6, 2019 11:55:43 GMT -5 emilyinchile said:

Not a runner here, obviously, but what if you ran...without a watch? Can you do something where for at least your long runs you go purely by feel? If you feel like being speedy one day that's awesome, or if you feel like just taking it easy and enjoying the view then that's great too.

You have to understand I ran a half with no speedwork, no cross training, no fuel or water on runs (which I don't recommend), so I am living proof that you can just sort of run a bit farther every weekend and eventually make it to 13.1.

This is what I was going to suggest as well. And I know you, wambam, and how hard that might be for you because you like structure, etc., but I can honestly tell you that when I stopped using any sort of GPS or timing/tracking devices I enjoyed running SO much more. As in, I stopped aiming for a PR, I stopped caring if it took me 3 hours (which, once in a 90 degree half it took me almost that long), and I did not monitor my runs at all. 

Instead of following a strict training plan and saying "ok, today is 5 miles, tomorrow is 3 with speed work, then 4 miles and then rest and a long run with EXACTLY THIS MANY MILES" I would say, "ok, goal of this weekend is 8 miles. Today I will run 3, tomorrow 4 and this weekend I will find a route that is close-ish to 8 miles."

Like you, it has taken me a LONG time to get back into the training game. S  is now 19 months and I find myself CRAVING the "structure" of training for something and the alone time and the actual runs. I am really looking forward to it. I started this week, and I know it is not going to be easy all the time, or fun, or enjoyable, but I can tell you I am going into it thinking all positive fun thoughts with zero time goals and just to prove to myself that I can run 13.1 miles yet again.

[itsme]

Is running with a friend in the half, not a pacer, an option? That way you can talk and enjoy running vs getting in your head about having to maintain a certain pace. It took me a long while to get it out of my head that I NEED to PR every race. I'm competitive so it was hard to get used to running for the fun of it but I had to after burning out.

[wambam]

Mar 6, 2019 13:38:56 GMT -5 itsme said:

Is running with a friend in the half, not a pacer, an option? That way you can talk and enjoy running vs getting in your head about having to maintain a certain pace. It took me a long while to get it out of my head that I NEED to PR every race. I'm competitive so it was hard to get used to running for the fun of it but I had to after burning out.

I dont really have any local friends that run, but I would love to do this!

[Susie]

I was also going to suggest running "naked," ie without a watch, to keep from fixating and competing with yourself.  You can figure out route length with mapmyrun and just execute and keep track of the miles you are doing, all of which can be at whatever pace suits you that day.  

Trail running is also a good idea.  For pretty much the same reason, I have done open water swimming as an adult, but not pool races.  I competed in precisely measured pools and was precisely timed to the 0.01 second from age 7 to 22, and in order to get back into swimming in a healthy way as an adult after a long break, I needed to not compare my current self to my past self (to which I would never again measure up in the pool because I am now an adult with a job and responsibilities and accumulated injuries and can't train like I used to).  That wound up working really well for me.  It also led me into triathlon, which is a whole separate thing.

Good luck, I hope you find the right fit.

[oswin]

I'm here to throw out another vote for trail running. I just started trail running in Dec 2018 and I'm totally hooked, it's nothing like regular running. I just got back from a nearly 8 mile trail run that took me about 2 hours. The only reason I cared how long it took (or even how far I was going) was that I had to get back to go to work. And it was super fun the whole time! At first a few months ago it was "holy cow I'm really slow", but that's not really how it works. For instance, today I averaged just under 15 minute miles, but my average heartrate was in the 150s. If I was going slow, it's because I was going up and down and all around on gravel and rocks and fun stuff - not because I wasn't working hard.

The not-really-caring-about-your-pace aspect of trail running keeps me from missing the days when I was a kind of fast runner. My fastest 10k was sub 50 minutes, and I thought that was pretty good. But that was 7 years and 3 kids and about 20 pounds ago, and I've only just started running again. I think that if I raced a 10k right now, it would take me at least 60 minutes, if not 65. Probably my slowest ever. I'm actually doing one in a month, but I already know I'll be slow because I'm pushing the stroller - so it's okay.

Anyway, I've basically been doing the whatever I want training plan until recently, because that's what you do when you've got small kids. But I started to get that feeling that I should train for something, so I signed up for a 25k trail race and now I'm too terrified of that distance NOT to train (the longest race I've ever done was only 9 miles, and that was in 2003). But the training is fun, all I have to do is put in the miles.

[labbie]

You already know why you're doing it, so that's huge. I think doing it to prove to yourself something is a strong motivator. It's natural to compare to previous times, so when those thoughts creep in, acknowledge them and then remember why you are doing THIS training cycle, race, event, etc.  If your goal is to complete the distance, then keep that in the forefront of your mind, repeat it to yourself, create a mantra, so that when doubts creep in you can remind yourself of your "why" and hold onto that.
It's a freaking miracle what our bodies can do! 

[osulori]

Mar 6, 2019 13:42:22 GMT -5 wambam said:

Mar 6, 2019 13:38:56 GMT -5 itsme said:

Is running with a friend in the half, not a pacer, an option? That way you can talk and enjoy running vs getting in your head about having to maintain a certain pace. It took me a long while to get it out of my head that I NEED to PR every race. I'm competitive so it was hard to get used to running for the fun of it but I had to after burning out.

I dont really have any local friends that run, but I would love to do this!

I would say run it with MEEEEE...but while I am registered for the half, whether I actually do it will depend 100% on how I feel after this baby comes out and I may end up transferring the bib.  So don't count on me.  If I DO run it, it'll likely be with a lot of walk breaks.  The last two times I've run Columbus, my friend and I (same friend both times) took walk breaks whenever the mood struck us and made an effort to just enjoy the race.  It ended up working out really well   In the event that I get to the start line, I would love for you to join me!

(but I do agree with the suggestions to consider not running with your Garmin, or change the settings so that it shows distance+overall time, or just overall time.  I do this before all my half marathons, but after my spring half last year I left it that way and I've found it's really helped me get out of my own head w/r/t pace.)

[campermom]

Another vote for Trails!

I feel like it has such a different impact on my mental health than roads. I run near the water and there’s nothing better than the moment the sun is coming up and that foggy steam coming off the water and geese are sqawaking and taking off. Also I love running right through the mud, not prancing around it. I just embrace it.

[bostonmichelle]

I’d try running naked or if you can’t go completely naked, put your watch on your ankle or something so you can track it but not see it during the run. I definitely had a hard time in the past with not getting faster, I’ve joined a run group where a lot of people are slower than me. I’m actually at the point (2.5+ years) from training for speed that I’m toying with the idea of getting back into it.

You’ve had huge mental gains by being able to just do what you want when you want over the last few years. I hope this is able to translate into more joyful running. It takes a really strong (mentally and physically) person to understand your limits. I have a friend that has done that race multiple times and loves it.

[moreace01]

I recently started training for another half and at this point, the training plan has me running for time instead of miles and I can say that I'm loving it. No pressure at all - 50 minute run is just 25 minutes out and 25 back. NBD. I never look at my pace and I don't care - when I get done I'll check and somehow...I almost always manage to run faster than I do normally. The lack of mileage and pace pressure makes it more effortless.

My best races ever were done when I was cross training like a mofo - my sub 2 half was when I was strength training, swimming, biking, whatever. I got the runs in...more or less. So honestly, just keep doing what you are doing.

I also really like running with a group. When I marathon train, I do it with a group. All I have to do is show up and follow the feet in front of me. I don't have to think about my pace, how far we are going, where we are going or anything. I can chit chat with the person next to me, or not. And I can't throw in the towel and turn around cause then I'd be all alone and somehow that seems dumb. Also, the group is there for you in the race. I've run halfs and marathons going out with a pack of people. Having a buddy helps get you through it sometimes.

I think the pressure of training and the grind can really get your down sometimes - or make you feel like you aren't progressing or you'll never...."get there" and then it is a slog and no longer fun. Running for distance is such a mental game. I think we've all been there. And yet we all come back to racing cause there's something in it we like - whether it's the regimen or hitting a personal goal or just overall saying "I can do this". I guess knowing what it is that is bringing you back to it could help you figure out what you need to do to keep it a positive experience.