I kind of just want to get it over with. i fully intend to explain that the past year or so has been pretty bad and i have not been doing well. Not excusing, but wanting her to understand it is not personal to her. I have been dropping the proverbial ball all over the fucking place.
We have a meeting tomorrow, so getting this sit down done is for the best.
Got it.
Just picture me kicking her ass on your behalf if she gives you too much guff.
Post by thelurkylulu on Mar 17, 2019 12:03:46 GMT -5
I’m so sorry, Cleo. I can only imagine how hard this is for you right now. We are always here to listen and support you however you need. When my father died, someone gave me the best advice... “You are going to get through this. Some days it may be getting through one minute at a time, instead of the idea of getting through the whole day. No matter how hard it seems, just keep reminding yourself you are strong enough to get through it.” Take care of yourself and your kids.
Oh, cleo, your poor tender heart. I am so sorry. I hope you find relief now that the other shoe has dropped. I am sure it took a toll on you to live kind of on hold.
You have a lot to give and you'll figure it out about the job stuff. You have a lot to offer an employer.
May the very, very best come your way. We are all rooting for you!
I’m so very sorry. That’s a terrible feeling. Just remember that you’ve spent however many years out of the workforce supporting his career. You deserve to be protected financially as you build a career now, and that should absolutely be worked into the divorce agreement. He wouldn’t be where he is professionally and financially if you hadn’t run the household, and he should expect to keep you and the kids up to the standard of living you’ve been accustomed to while you build the ability to do so on your own, which will take time (and many judges agree with that, especially when he is the one who initiated this).
I know and he does not disagree with that at all. but, I don't want to rely on that forever. I need to get to a point where there is child support and that is all.
Absolutely. You will be able to stand on your own two feet with only child support coming from him, but be gentle to yourself as you build to that place. This isn’t him paying for you or subsidizing you, this is him following through on his end of a commitment you both made when you made the decision to SAH.
I’m so very sorry. That’s a terrible feeling. Just remember that you’ve spent however many years out of the workforce supporting his career. You deserve to be protected financially as you build a career now, and that should absolutely be worked into the divorce agreement. He wouldn’t be where he is professionally and financially if you hadn’t run the household, and he should expect to keep you and the kids up to the standard of living you’ve been accustomed to while you build the ability to do so on your own, which will take time (and many judges agree with that, especially when he is the one who initiated this).
I know and he does not disagree with that at all. but, I don't want to rely on that forever. I need to get to a point where there is child support and that is all.
It doesn't have to be a permanent solution. I would think they can give it a time limit in the initial divorce agreement, and if not, I know you can petition the court to change it once you are on your feet and to a point where you will only need the child support.
It's a lot, and divorce sucks. But you will get through it. We are always here for you.
I’m so sorry. I think you’re exactly right that the hardest part is coming to terms that the future will be different than you had envisioned. That is such a hard thing to do, but you WILL find happiness within yourself.
I was a SAHM for 9 years and now work in an incredibly low paying profession, so I can sympathize with feeling dependent on a spouse financially, and the vulnerability that comes with that. Just remember that you too have contributed to your family all these years, just in a different way.
And as a GS leader myself, I can’t imagine making my coleader feel bad for what she could or couldn’t do. If she’s anything less than kind at your meeting, remind her*that part of being a sister to every GS is extending grace to others, especially when they need it most. *Edit After telling her to shove it
Oh Cleo. I'm so sorry. I hope that after your meeting today you can go for a walk or meet with a friend to clear your head. This sucks. It really does, but I'm glad he doesn't want to give false hope and is agreeing to counseling to prepare for co-parenting. I'm back to full-time work, but weekends are open-want to take a day-trip to So MD to hang out? I think our kids would get along nicely!
You have gotten good advice on the practical stuff already. I am sure you will be fine, though I know that seems so uncertain right now.
You will have to grieve the life you thought you would have. I think that's the hardest part of divorce. Even if you believe it to be for the best, it takes some time to accept this kind of major change. Be kind to yourself and try to have faith things will get better.
I know I say this every time this comes up, but divorce was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It allowed me to become free of the wrong situation and I've been so much happier ever since. It sounds like things have been tough for you for a while...maybe after the dust settles you'll be glad to be able to move forward towards happiness.
Post by lexxasaurus on Mar 17, 2019 13:55:16 GMT -5
It's going to be hard, I'm sure, and it's scary when the future you expected and envisioned suddenly isn't the future you will actually have. But you have support here, and it's good you reached out to a friend. You'll get through this, no matter how impossible it seems right now. Take care of yourself. Let yourself feel and process everything and remember that you are strong. Day by day, hour by hour, you can get through this.
I’m so sorry. Others have given great advice, but just wanted to echo support. You are not alone in this.
This is not your fault. Think about how you would encourage a good friend through this. Be that good friend to yourself. Allow yourself to process the roller coaster of emotions that will come your way. You WILL make it through this. Take care of your immediate needs and worry about the long term plan later. For today, one hour, one minute, or even one breath at a time. We are with you.