Work is crazy. We have our first soccer practice today. My son has a dentist appt, my daughter has a follow up appt. Older kids are on spring break and FIL is visiting.
Post by covergirl82 on Mar 25, 2019 8:40:32 GMT -5
It was hard to get up today. I need to start going to bed earlier. I've been going to bed around 10:30 (because of reading) and then get up a little before 6:00, but that is just not enough sleep for me.
It's going to be a busy week. I'm working M-W in the office and Th I'm WFH. We're leaving around 1:00 pm on Thursday to start our drive out to NY for spring break (I'm going to try working for an hour or two using my cell phone as a mobile hot spot (we have unlimited data) - stopping in Canton, OH Thursday night so we can spend the next morning at the Pro Football HOF for DS. In between now and when we leave, I need to pack my stuff and the kids' clothes, get snacks together, get the medicine bag together (I bring a bunch of stuff just in case), and do a load of the kids' laundry in case there is anything I want to pack that they've worn since last Friday. I am helping out at church tonight putting candy in eggs for the upcoming Easter Egg Hunt and tomorrow evening DD has guitar, so that is cutting into my trip prep time.
I was in Vegas for a conference last week and this week is my kids spring break so I took the week off. I have so much I need to try to get done this week but I can’t seem to get off the couch!
We have no sports activities this week and it’s only going to be high if 40 all week so I’ve got to find some stuff to do to keep my kids busy and burn off some energy.
This week will be a little nuts. DD1 has a pitching clinic tonight, and I have to catch for her. Hoping I don’t kill myself. I’m meeting with her counselor in an hour. My dad is having surgery on Wednesday. I was very worried as he doesn’t do well with anesthesia, but I found out that they are doing a spinal block instead. So that’s good. Hospital is 45 mins away in one direction, school is 20 mins in the other direction. It will be a long week, as DH has not offered to help in any way.
We got into a huge fight last night about DD1. I’m still angry. He apologized, but I was an “I’m sorry, but...” Those don’t count for me. So now I’m really not going to ask him for any help this week, because I’m too angry.
Post by librarychica on Mar 25, 2019 9:04:54 GMT -5
Barely. There were police helicopters circling my house half the night, one kid woke yelling from a nightmare before that, I have a splitting headache and spilled my second cup of coffee down my shirt.
It’s goinh to be a long day.
Good news: we had a lovely weekend and the kids gave H no trouble getting back to school today.
My weekend away was perfect. Massage and water therapy at the spa followed by a whole lot of champagne drinking and lounging around doing nothing.
Now I get to deal with the fall out of XH's bad choices at home. He's moving his girlfriend in. I'm 100% against it, but we have nothing in the decree about that so he can do whatever he wants. He says I'm only mad because this is who he cheated on me with. I'm mad because he in no way cares of the impact of this on our two young kids who are there 50% of the time. He also got a new job and wants to put our kids in daycare until 7 PM because of his new hours. Total mess going on over here with all this custody stuff. When does a "finalized divorce" actually feel final and done? Ugh.
I am loosing my mind. I am taking 23 girls to a park and pizza. The weather is not ideal.
DS went to bed with a headache and woke up with it. Advil didn't touch it. I am freaking out because he started his HGH shots Saturday. He also has seasonal allergies and everything is starting to bloom, so that may be it. I am praying he makes it through school. DH is unavailable and I am on a bus with a bunch of teenage girls. Plus, this is our last week of volleyball which is 3 night this week.
DH's birthday is tomorrow. Thankfully, he doesn't want to go out. He want to stay at home and cook wings, which will be so much more relaxing on our one night without volleyball. He knows he is getting a wireless speaker for the beach, so he wants to stay home, cook wings, and listen to the beach playlist he has been compiling all winter.
Plus, I spend the weekend up to my elbows in barbeque for a school fundraiser, so not relaxing.
twinmomma, what new job did he get that requires him to be at work until 7pm? Isn't he a teacher? I am so sorry. That absolutely sucks. And to answer your question never. We are constantly dealing with the x. Some years are big deals then it will calm down then go crazy again. Maybe when the kids are out of the house.
I would say you need to revisit custody though. 700 pm on a consistent basis is too late for daycare (also are there any open that late) It would put them at least at an 11 hour day maybe closer to 12 and that is too much.
I might be biased because both of my kids are in bed at 7 right now.
xctsclrx, office job with a long commute, he is no longer teaching. Long story, lots of drama around it. Right now I'm just trying to play nice and see how terribly it fails and then I'll have more of a case to changing custody. It sucks but it's what my lawyer recommended for now.
Last night there were funnel clouds and rotation over our neighborhood, which really messed up my evening.
DS has a 1:15 appointment at the fracture clinic - he fell at soccer (same as DD - foot planted, he fell over it sideways). He went to school and the nurse called me at 9:30 suggesting he see a doctor and I pick him up as she didn’t think he should walk on it.
DD had a 7:30 well check and vomited in the car on the way home.
Middle has middle school orientation tonight. We have a sitter. I have margarita plans after. If anyone else vomits I am going to cry.
DH is out of town. And super hostile about “how unhappy he is”. Which is why I couldn’t take DS to the fracture clinic at 7:00am and he had to go to school. DH can’t help with the kids (which is fine) because of work, but then he gets all victim-y —- saying I make him feel bad (I “do things” like say “I will call the fracture clinic when they open” which he hears as “I have to call because you are worthless”). I have suggested therapy at the rate suggested by his doctor (more than once a week - he hasn’t gone this year or maybe once this year).
Two 7:45PM soccer games (Tuesday and Thursday) and new floors get installed tomorrow. I still have to move things like books and lamps.
I cannot focus at work.
I cannot decide that the high point of my week will be middle playing soccer - she scored another great goal Saturday and her team is playing well together - fun to watch - or work — is that pathetic?? There’s not a ton of joy here.
twinmomma, do you have anything in your decree about the girls not being left in the sole care of "girlfriend". After your last vent about XMIL I can see your XH using Mom to pick up the girls and lots of spoiled girls or they just will start living with grandma because dad gets home to late kind of deal. Right now DD and I don't get home until 7 M-W with tax season and those 12 days are really catching up with both of us but is a short term deal. No way DD could handle 5 12 hour days.
Spring break week here. No traffic! Got to work early meet with my 8am appointment who was early and feel like I've gotten stuff accomplished and it is only 8:30. DD has a funky schedule this week and just wants to be able to sleep in, LOL.
Post by justcheckingin73 on Mar 25, 2019 10:48:37 GMT -5
Sorry twinmomma. That really sucks. DH’s ex (girlfriend - they were never married) always seemed to create some kind of drama and it was so great to not have to deal with that once DSS left college. She also had quite the double standard when it came to us. An example, DH and I were engaged and bought a townhouse, moving in together about a year before we got married. She had some major issues with that. Guess who moved in with her boyfriend and didn’t tell DH? That’s right. Not engaged, didn’t even give DH a heads up. We found out from DSS. Ridiculous. It doesn’t sound like a good idea for your kids but they will know that you always provide the stable, loving environment and put them first.
Weekend was OK. Had to volunteer at church on Friday which was boring but OK. Saturday was no track practice and no basketball game so I slept in, grocery shopped, cleaned the inside of my vehicle and then had friends over that night. Sunday was my 5 mile run in the forest preserve which finally had no ice so it was a great run! And, I took my daughter on her 3rd ever drive around the neighborhood. I’m not sure if my nerves can take my baby girl driving. It’s scary as hell!
People are quitting at work and I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if my boss told me she was leaving. Morale is low and my motivation is seriously waning. I’m starting to look a little more but I do not want to leave. I love my boss. I love the International team that I support and it makes me so sad to think about leaving. But I need to be prepared so I’m taking some baby steps to do that.
Post by supertrooper1 on Mar 25, 2019 10:48:38 GMT -5
My weekend was really nice. I went out with friends on Friday. We went to dinner and then the casino. I am too old to be staying out so late...lol. Saturday, I went out to lunch with my parents and DS. That was nice. I was supposed to have a date, but he ghosted me. Not sure what happened there. So I went out to a restaurant by myself that I've been wanting to try. It was really good and I can't wait to go back. Sunday I just hung out at home and got some stuff done around the house.
I just have to get through this week and then I'm going to be in sunshine in Phoenix!
186momx, No, nothing about that. Just limits on if it's over a certain amount of time, you have to give the other parent first dibs before calling a sitter. I'm really kicking myself for not spelling more things out. I should have known how unreasonable he would be once life got real, but I was just trying to get it down and be amicable about it so that I didn't owe him tons in child support and alimony. He had also lied to me and told me he ended the relationship, but then magically they were back together again a month later. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a soap opera.
twinmomma, This probably won't make you feel any better because your kids are involved, however statistically speaking this relationship is not going to last. If you are willing to cheat with you are willing to cheat on. That goes for both of them if she knew he was married.
twinmomma - I’m sorry. I hope that you can come to an agreement that works better for your kids.
My Monday is becoming increasingly more Monday... I met with DD’s therapist for a check in. Most was as expected, but she brought up that she was very concerned about DD’s obsession with food. That was an issue that I’d backburnered because I couldn’t handle another thing. I was trying to improve her diet, but was pushing aside the obsession because I could not handle one more issue. But it’s bad enough that she thinks I need to address it in short order.
xctsclrx, My gut says they'll either go down in flames once she moves in and has to deal with my kids or he'll propose. He's gone so far off the deep end, my gut says the latter, unfortunately.
Let's see my h's ex moved the guy in, had a kid with him, married him, and then he cheated and now they are divorced. Took about 7 years after H moved out for it to crash and burn. Would have been over sooner if they hadn't had a kid together.
Sorry he has gone off the deep end so much and it sucks that you have to deal with it. Midlife crisis? Try hold steady and not let him see it affect you. Good Luck
This weekend was crazy. Good but crazy. Lots of baseball on Saturday followed by a big lunch with MIL and the kids. Then the kids spent the night with MIL so DH and I got an evening at home alone. We were supposed to go eat a fancy dinner but we were too full from lunch. We were both exhausted though so it was nice just being together.
Sunday night we went to dinner with friends while all our kids had a play date. Everyone loved it. Grown ups had a hilarious dinner. Kids had a blast. We were all up way too late. DD went to school on time because she had a field trip. DS, we let sleep late and go to pre-k an hour late. I’m dragging butt today but accomplishing more than I thought was realistic.
twinmomma, I'm sorry your ex is being crazy. My brother is divorced and is now remarried. Some things that were written in their custody arrangement: have to meet ex's SO before moving someone in, can't badmouth the other in front of the kid, and parent has to ask before signing kid up for activities. I don't know what state you are in, but you may be able to ask a judge to mandate that you and ex attend co-parenting classes together. It may help to put you both on the same page, in terms of parenting goals. My brother and his ex just got around to doing the classes (they've been divorced for 6 years now) and hopefully it will cut through some of the BS that seems to be lingering. Good luck!
Friday evening was ice cream social at DD's school. There was a DJ too, so the kids had fun dancing. On Saturday morning, we went to the gym and then went shopping for some Easter outfits, which will also double as outfits for a wedding we'll be attending in May. On Sunday, I helped with soccer field setup. Apparently there were some crossed signals somewhere because the crew that was supposed to help at 8am never showed up. That meant more work for my shift. Then it was a lazy day at home. DD was bored so she built a track for her line-following robot car, which included a tunnel that had sensor that would turn on a light when the car entered the tunnel. I was impressed and proud that she had the idea to do it and stick with it until it worked right. DH helped her a little bit with programming the sensor, but DD dictated what she wanted the code to do. Since she spent so much time on it, I told her she could use it as her science fair project. She is so excited to show her friends and teacher! This never would have been possible without her ADD meds. It has been so awesome to see her blossom!
Day 2 of being on the beach. Hitting Disney tomorrow. Any suggestions on where to eat lunch at Epcot?
Everyone seems to have hard stuff going on here. I hope it gets better for you all.
DH is going to take the local job. He is taking a week vacation to trial it since some places he has gone in and the first week knew it would be a shitshow. If it works out it would be lower pay, but he wouldn’t travel very much about 20% and would only be a commuter train ride or uber ride away from home, so it would be nice having him home in the evenings.
We do have to pay a $$$ in taxes so thank you government.
polecat8, We actually had a divorce coach who did some parenting stuff with us. The issue is, ExH hid the fact that he was still with her until everything was finalized. And I know her, so no real "introduction" needed. The other issue is, to others he presents like a totally normal, well adjusted person, but he's acting super sketchy behind the scenes. It's a mess. Every time I catch my breath he drops some new bomb on me to clean up.
twinmomma - what ongoing resources did they leave you? I’d almost want the continuity of the divorce coach. Then again, it took me a couple of years to learn this - but in divorce, it doesn’t matter if I’m right or if he was being shady - it is what it is and I have to decide how to feel about it. Would it be legit to feel annoyed/betrayed/outraged/whatever you feel - yes. Is that a total waste of your emotional energy? Yes. See if you can file it under “who exh is” and move on to tactical fallout of whatever behavior he presents or decision he makes (like do the girls stay with him and live in?). I have to focus on my life and not on his but it takes some effort (like when he goes away on a golf trip but hasn’t paid CS in a year...things like that. I have to just live my life with my kids and not spend time or energy on things I can’t change). Hang in there!
2chatter, Nothing official. We could put the coach back on retainer and keep meeting with her, but doubtful that he'd be willing to help pay for that. And I just can't swing that right now in my budget with summer camp expenses looming. (I pay all kid related expenses to avoid paying child support and alimony.)
My therapist is giving me the same advice, it's just so hard when we split the week 50/50. He's ALWAYS THERE and involved in something during every single week. It doesn't feel like any real clean split. He delusionally thinks we can still "be friends" and wants to chit chat and update me on his life when we talk. I want to just check the boxes for the kids, communicate via text and email only, and never hear from him again. My therapist did tell me to basically just tell him off and explain that we will never be friends because of his choices and actions, so that's my homework right now.
And keep in the back of your head that people and relationships do evolve. So over time you may move that boundary - closer or even farther away - and that’s okay. I got really nervous when I shifted to be less engaged and then again when things flowed back to center. It took me a long time to realize fluidity in boundaries was my choice and was totally normal. I’m too black and white.
Yay for your therapist. I didn’t have one so was very trial and error. DD was an infant so I was a trainwreck internally for about a year. Happier divorced trainwreck but my internal dialogue was at a ten all the time.
Post by covergirl82 on Mar 26, 2019 10:59:30 GMT -5
waverly, if you are thinking of a sit-down table service, I would check to see if you can get a reservation for tomorrow, just to have it. I do agree with mustardseed2007 on Rose and Crown as a top choice.