DDOTS- I’m home sick today with body aches, low energy and some kind of stomach thing. It’s day 2, so I figure it has to be a virus.
Trigger warning- child death
A girl in our school district passed away from brain cancer. They found the tumor when she was 6 and she was 14 when she passed. She had multiple strokes and seizures from the chemo and the tumor was super aggressively growing. I know it sounds super naive and the stories posted were pretty dire but for some reason I thought she would come out if it. I guess because she fought for 8 years. It’s so sad. Everyone in the community knew the family and had rallied behind them.
Post by supertrooper1 on Apr 25, 2019 13:53:45 GMT -5
STBXH and I met with an attorney/mediator on Tuesday. We met for lunch after and seemed to be working things out. By that night he was beyond pissed about everything, saying that I had to be out of the house now and it was going on the market next week. We still have so much to clean out, a lot of it is just junk that we need to get rid of. For someone that was willing to work with me and have an amicable divorce, he has gone off the rails, and even threatened to seek full custody. There is no reason a judge would rule that, but we were trying to avoid the hassle and expense of litigation. I think the trigger was because I've gone on a couple of dates.
I keep hearing about horrible drama going on at my old work location and it makes me thankful every day that I took my new job. I still feel like I'm drowning in new information in my new job, but the work environment is so much better.
My stress test was normal. Yay! Sonogram outstanding and the doctor said we would talk more, but that I am fit, though my heart rate does rise quickly. I wanted to just take that and keep my mouth shut but I did ask him to review my previous monitor results - because it doesn’t happen every time, and didn’t happen during the stress test - but the workout I did with the monitor I hit 194 a quarter of the way into a warm up lap.
I did calculate my VO2 max from the stress test and I am pretty far above the average range for a woman my age, and my range is considered good for a runner - so I don’t get why running is a struggle and my heart rate tops out sometimes.
Also - I am wildly unfocused right now. IDK why exactly. I can’t seem to get traction on anything. I think I’m mailing this week in and planning on a better week next week. Is that awful? I’m keeping up but not getting ahead.
DH dropped dog class last night. The owner pissed him off because DH couldn't figure out the calendar so when she cancelled Monday nights and moved everyone to Wednesday he didn't move his name and she was demanding he do it. I tried for 30 minutes last week after class and couldn't get it to work so sent an email asking for someone to show him how to do. Well she threw a big stink before class about someone having to teach DH how to work the calendar and it annoyed him so he just said forget it tonight will just be our last class. Ladies I can't wait for dog class each week. It is the one night a week that after DD goes to bed at 7 which is when class starts I get a glorious 30-45 minutes of absolute peace. No one looking at me, no one judging what I do, just me doing whatever I want. I need that. I got really upset that instead of working out the problem DH just quiet and I lost my alone time. His response was fine he would just leave each night and not be home, I rolled my eyes and walked away. 20 minutes later he comes and tells me I have to walk the dog every night so I get alone time and I was like no that isn't the point or what I need. I blew it and told him he gets all the fing me time he needs doing his damn projects and all I want is 30 minutes a week of quiet home time where no one needs me or is looking at me. He still didn't get it by the time I went to bed and my heart rate was crazy and I felt a panic attack coming on. Luckily I made it through the night without one.
2chatter, I'm glad your stress test came back normal along with the rest of the tests. I'll join you in calling this week a wash and starting new next. Nothing seems to get done and I can't focus enough to get myself motivated to do anything.
TWERK/DDOT: So I sent an email to DS's principal late Tuesday night about setting up a meeting to talk about DS's potential IEP. I thought I had worded it very nicely. I still haven't heard back. I sent a follow up email a few hours ago. Crickets.
What is a normal amount of time to expect a response before I move on to calling? DH and I both work in professions where any emails are expected to be responded to within a few hours, so I don't know what "normal" should be.
Post by covergirl82 on Apr 25, 2019 14:22:43 GMT -5
I mentioned on Tuesday about my senior dog (almost 13 year old GSD) not doing well on Tuesday. When I got home (early) to check on her, she was ok. The next morning she seemed back to her normal self and has seemed normal since, so I think she must have just had an off day on Tuesday.
We cornered the guy in charge of the building search in the elevator yesterday. Coworker put him on the spot, said the rumored option is not an option. I was happy with his response.. we haven't signed a lease yet, but he says you can stand on the roof of our building and see the new building. We've all speculated which building it might be, which would be basically driving one block farther, more expensive parking (ew), and waaaaaaaaaay more restaurant options in close range. FX it's true.
I never heard back from the PT job that I applied for. They promised I'd hear either way, but with some distance, I don't think it's a good fit for me.
I did reach out to a contractor that has done a ton of work for us at our house. He's in need of some help, which I can do at home on my own timeline. He agreed to my rates. So next step is to put together a plan.
For a lot of reasons, I am very unhappy with my life right now. My kids are acting horribly, DH seems to have checked out, and I'm running myself ragged trying to keep the logistics together for our family. I need a break from life. But it's never coming.
Post by librarychica on Apr 25, 2019 18:29:14 GMT -5
I went on my girls’ trip and had a great time — except I had a mild cold the entire time. Two weeks later and now I have another cold. This is annoying!
In other news, the puppy I mentioned here several weeks back has arrived. I’m pretty sure she’s up as often as DD2 as an infant. No entity on earth could be up as often as DD1. At least she’ll grow out of it faster? She’s very sweet, absolutely adorable and appears to be house training quickly.
@supertrooper, I’m sorry to hear your ex H has lost all ability to be reasonable.
TWERK/DDOT: So I sent an email to DS's principal late Tuesday night about setting up a meeting to talk about DS's potential IEP. I thought I had worded it very nicely. I still haven't heard back. I sent a follow up email a few hours ago. Crickets.
What is a normal amount of time to expect a response before I move on to calling? DH and I both work in professions where any emails are expected to be responded to within a few hours, so I don't know what "normal" should be.
No, a few hours is not enough in a school. Give them a few days. If they saw the email on Wednesday, touched base with their special ed team (who is likely teaching kids all day) plus coordinating schedules...give them till Tuesday.
traveltheworld - the culture here is “we have so many students” - and even things with an element of “we have to figure this out by Friday” aren’t completed in a timely manner. Promises from administration are empty in terms of timeline - it took me from August to March to get DD’s 504 updates complete and we are still working on appropriate enforcement. Average is over a week per email. And this is one of the top districts nationally.
Being the project manager that I am, I started sending them a timeline table - with expected dates for their response and resolution and asking for their agreement on dates - and then I escalate when the dates are missed. It’s helped some, but I am pretty sure they think I am both crazy and annoying.
I’ve also started doing their job - I sent DD’s amended 504 to her teachers and discussed with them. None of them had seen it and I had waited over a week. If you can pull forms and work with your pediatrician or the testing folks or an organization with a grant that helps parents, I got the most traction by relying on the school for the absolute bare minimum of paper pushing.
If DD’s teachers didn’t report she was an excellent, well adjusted, happy student with good grades things would move more quickly, so also expect the “not on fire” phenomenon. DS is smart and doing well? Bottom of the stack.
Freaking out a little here because I just realized that I will need a birth certificate for DS to take his drivers test. I sure hope it in in our fire safe where I think I put it 16 yrs ago. Now I just want to go home and look for it. Thankfully, I am off at 10 so after my grocer pick up I am heading home.
I’m headed to Vegas this afternoon! Meeting my bestie from college as we both turn 40 next week.
Trying not to feel guilty for leaving the kids and my H for the weekend. Also trying not to feel like I have to have everything in order at home to help the weekend go as smoothly as possible for my H.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Apr 26, 2019 8:48:11 GMT -5
I went to therapy for the first time yesterday and so far I really liked her and she was good. She jumped to where I am lacking pretty easily and gave me homework and everything. And this is the one on my insurance so it only cost me 30 bucks.
My family has come to the conclusion that my brother's wife is bat sh!t crazy. Wife doesn't like us because we still talk to ex-wife. New wife has so many issues with ex-wife especially since my brother and ex-wife have an 11 yr old daughter together. We've tried being nice and somewhat accommodating to new wife, including cutting all ties with ex-wife for awhile, but none of it is good enough. The worst part of all? My brother doesn't come around any more and my parents and my niece are put in the middle. The latest drama? My parents go to all of their grandkids activities, including new wife's kid's softball games. Last week, my parents went to step-granddaughter's softball game even though my brother nor his wife could make it (other grandma took her to the game). At the end of the game, my parents told step-granddaughter that she did good in her game and if she wanted something from the snack bar. She said no and everyone left. Then on Tuesday, my dad gets a text from my brother saying he doesn't know what happened at the game, but that my parents are to stay away from step-granddaughter. My mom thinks the wife is trying to get something to happen so the wife can file a PFA on her. Apparently new wife has filed a PFA on her ex-MIL.
polecat8 - why would your parents impact step grand daughter’s relationship with anyone else in the drama? I don’t get it - and feel bad for your parents!
2chatter, my mom has shed so many tears over this. My oldest brother has been calling my other brother out on his wife's shenanigans. But my brother says it's nobody's business. Umm, it is our business when our mother is upset! My parents are the nicest people in the world and they believe that all people deserve a chance. But if you are not nice to them or someone else, then forget it. We are so done with the drama and we can't understand why my brother is accepting/enabling this behavior. He is a cop, so you would think he would be able to de-escalate some of the tension! And don't even get me started on what the new wife has done to my niece. New wife has convinced my niece that ex-wife slashed her tires and is harassing her. I swear that new wife is taking her anger with ex-wife out on that poor girl!
I never heard back from the PT job that I applied for. They promised I'd hear either way, but with some distance, I don't think it's a good fit for me.
I did reach out to a contractor that has done a ton of work for us at our house. He's in need of some help, which I can do at home on my own timeline. He agreed to my rates. So next step is to put together a plan.
For a lot of reasons, I am very unhappy with my life right now. My kids are acting horribly, DH seems to have checked out, and I'm running myself ragged trying to keep the logistics together for our family. I need a break from life. But it's never coming.
I'm sorry you are not feeling well. Have you made any progress in getting better sleep? Sleep depravation makes everything feel 10 times worst.
I brought DD1 and DD2 to Take Your Child to Work Day yesterday and we had so much fun! My work organized a scavenger hunt around the building and then they each constructed a sign out of lumber and painted it.
DH finished tiling the shower late last night. Now he needs to clean up the mess and then grout. There might be an end in sight.
I'm five weeks post op and can't put any weight on my foot without pain and still have lots of swelling. My doctor again scolded me to stay off my foot and said to remember I'm only five weeks in. Buuut, you said I would be out of the boot next week...so this has me concerned.
I need to join the Sports thread. We received the schedules for DD1's sports and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. 7pm games for a 7 year old seems so late and we won't be able to bring DD3.
polecat8 - is the tire slashing happening? I only ask because here, that kind of thing did actually happen, and we didn’t tell DH’s parents because he didn’t want his Dad to try to “help” his ex. We needed the distance. Just one example - I know I appeared insane when DS was born, but ex had threatened to find out where we were (hospital) from skids and come kill the baby (she said this to DH and skids several times). She was screaming at SD to tell her where we planned to deliver, but she didn’t know. So DH’s kids didn’t meet DS for a few weeks.
But putting your niece in the middle is totally not cool. We tried to keep the kids out of it - I had to get a safe because they would photograph and send to ex wife any papers laying around - EOBs, bank statements, the cable bill, the grocery list. I never said a word to the kids - their mom was making them do it - but I changed the way I lived in my own house. I didn’t buy food until Sunday evenings as they would photograph our pantry and fridge and ex wife would blow up about how it must be nice to have so much food, or comment that DH would never eat that or asking why we didn’t buy xyz and send it home with stepkids.
Is it possible there’s a lot of insanity happening? Wondering if since he’s a cop, he is just handling it, and not wanting to share the details for whatever reason. I don’t know how to ask that either - DH was shut down with his (judgmental) brother, so no amount of questions would have yielded anything.
2chatter, the tire slashing definitely did NOT happen at all. While ex-wife would not do anything to jeopardize her time with niece, new wife likes to escalate and thinks she is above the law because my brother is a cop. We have caught new wife in lies and her own mother has admitted the she likes to tell tall tales.
And while the rude text messages come from my brother's phone, I would not be surprised if new wife was doing it without his knowledge.
My poor niece acts so differently when she is around her mom vs. her dad and stepmom. She's definitely more anxious and upset if she does anything wrong when stepmom is around. Not only that, my niece is afraid that something she does at her mom's house will get back to stepmom and then she'll be punished (i.e. going in to school late because she is sick is a punishable offense at dad's house).
Post by covergirl82 on Apr 26, 2019 10:28:38 GMT -5
polecat8, wow, I'm so sorry about BSC brother's wife. I'm sad how your parents and niece are being treated. It seems like there needs to be hidden camera's at your brother's house to keep an eye on the wife if/when she's there alone with your niece. I would worry about her with that crazy B.
I assume that this stuff went on when new wife and brother were dating ... and it just makes me wonder about guys that choose that. I truly don’t get it.
I hope you guys can spend time with niece without new wife so she has some extended family normal and it doesn’t become “dad’s side of the family is awful”. It’s a no win overall and that sucks.
I went on ex friends page to see if she was OK because there was an incident near where she lives, and I find her (not naming names) talking about DH in a bad way from like 20 years ago. I know I shouldn't engage, and definitely there is misunderstanding and he was in the wrong because he doesn't explain himself well which is him M.O. But this was why I couldn't stay friends with her because everything is a competitive debate, and I don't have the energy to compete at this point. I could apologize and try to explain his POV on the topic, but it just seems like a giant time waste to be sucked back into that world on social media. I mean I am not referencing conversations from 20 years ago on my social media lol.
traveltheworld In my experience trying to get DD tested for TAG through the school is that they are going to drag their feet. Especially since DD is content and not causing problems. I've been working on my end since October she finally got tested mid April. The school has the results but need to get the team together to go over so they told me I would know sometime in May. DD teacher isn't included in any of this. I would wait a week and send another with CCs to his teacher.
waverly that is crazy!! Sounds like it’s good you are done with that friendship.
Thanks it is good to have validation because she still tries to draw me in, I guess. I just couldn't do it anymore when I had my high risk pregnancy and subsequent multiple health issues with DS. I just only needed to have supportive people in my life instead of people wanting to debate and being judgmental about stupid parenting stuff (working mom versus SAH, breastfeeding versus formula). I feel so past all that, and then wonder when people aren't, but I think it is because they are insecure or not where they want to be in life or uneducated.
I saw someone post about the working moms don't raise their children, and it was hard to reframe from that debate either. (It reminded me of something my ex friend had said). It's so sexist too. No one says that about dads. And no one says it about school age kids going to school. So I guess only SAH moms raise kids from ages 0-18, but really only 0-4. Makes no sense, but I guess no longer applicable since mine are school age- ha.