3 day weekend hype!

[neonpink]

It's Friday of a 3 day weekend. How are you ladies?!  Any amazing plans or keeping it chill?

I'm a mix of chill and fun. I got up for 6 am yoga this morning. It was awesome. Planned to get to work early so I can leave earlier than noon to hit another yoga class. Get to my office and I forgot my badge at home so instead of an hour early I drove home and was a half hour early.

Tonight is a Soccer game so I'll bike there and meet up with friends.  Saturday is rugby with friends and Sunday a BBQ with my brother and his BF. Monday I may go to my parents and help my Mom do some design changes, if not Monday than maybe next Friday.

Also earlier this week I went to a bubbly and bingo event and won a two nights stay at a local boutique hotel that is amazing. I can not wait for a little "stay-cation"

[doriswe]

I have no solid plans...this is awesome and sad equally. I think R and I are watching a movie tonight and laying low since it's been a long week for him. Tomorrow I'm hoping my headache will subside so I can hit up a sculpt class. I need to mow my lawn and fix some stuff around the house too. Sunday I'm hoping the weather is good so we can go for a hike. Monday, I got nothing.

[tiramisu]

I'm here and surviving! I've worked a lot already this week and still have today, 1-11pm. Luckily no uniform today. I'm also going to the doctor because I'm finally admitting that I have a sinus infection and because my insurance is done at the end of the month and I'll have a gap, unless I pay for Cobra.

Tomorrow I'm planning to participate in a National Tap Dance Day flash mob and in the evening in going to a playoff hockey game. The rest of the weekend will be pretty relaxed. I know I'm going to do laundry and go to dinner with a friend, but that's about it. I want to get lots of rest.

[downtoearth]

I have some plans with kids and girlfriends tonight - need to see if I can do all of that in one night or if I need to skip the girlfriend time and just hang out with kids and get kids ready for their weekend away. Then kids go with my STBX's parents to their cabin Sat-Mon. So I'm going to work on my house - organize and maybe remove some wallpaper and paint or rearrange my room and a guest/office, go to Barre and yoga with friends, try to go to a bluegrass concert on Saturday night, mow the lawn, get a couple bike rides in, and maybe play golf with my parents once. That seems like a lot, but it's my first weekend away from the kids since STBX and I separated, so I'm planning to keep busy so I can not feel bad for not going with the kids (where I think I would be sad b/c it's my IL's cabin and a huge source of memories where STBX and I had amazing vacations).

[kaneen]

May 24, 2019 11:57:03 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

I'm here and surviving! I've worked a lot already this week and still have today, 1-11pm. Luckily no uniform today. I'm also going to the doctor because I'm finally admitting that I have a sinus infection and because my insurance is done at the end of the month and I'll have a gap, unless I pay for Cobra.

Tomorrow I'm planning to participate in a National Tap Dance Day flash mob and in the evening in going to a playoff hockey game. The rest of the weekend will be pretty relaxed. I know I'm going to do laundry and go to dinner with a friend, but that's about it. I want to get lots of rest.

Back when I was an HR practitioner you could back date Cobra enrollment which meant you could enroll only if something came up requiring insurance during your gap.  Of course, that was within your Cobra eligibility period.  It’s been 20 years since I was corporate HR though so check that out before trusting me

[kaneen]

My contractor is coming over tomorrow to finalize reno plans and my contract. I have exactly nothing else planned the entire weekend. Given I’m on my way home from Vegas after being there all week I’m very happy to have 3 days of recovery with nothing planned.

[tiramisu]

May 24, 2019 17:09:12 GMT -5 kaneen said:

May 24, 2019 11:57:03 GMT -5 tiramisu said:

I'm here and surviving! I've worked a lot already this week and still have today, 1-11pm. Luckily no uniform today. I'm also going to the doctor because I'm finally admitting that I have a sinus infection and because my insurance is done at the end of the month and I'll have a gap, unless I pay for Cobra.

Tomorrow I'm planning to participate in a National Tap Dance Day flash mob and in the evening in going to a playoff hockey game. The rest of the weekend will be pretty relaxed. I know I'm going to do laundry and go to dinner with a friend, but that's about it. I want to get lots of rest.

Back when I was an HR practitioner you could back date Cobra enrollment which meant you could enroll only if something came up requiring insurance during your gap.  Of course, that was within your Cobra eligibility period.  It’s been 20 years since I was corporate HR though so check that out before trusting me

This is my understanding, too. I just don't want to pay the $450+ if I can avoid it!

I went to the doctor (not my regular doctor) this morning and she blew me off, told me it's just viral, and basically called the judgment of every doctor who's ever prescribed me antibiotics for my sinus infections into question. Because I didn't have a fever and don't typically have them with sinus infections. So this afternoon/evening, I went to see a nurse practitioner at their "express care" (like urgent care but cheaper) and she gave me augmentin, bless her. Hopefully I'll be feeling better soon.

[cleo29]

I am reading a great book, The New Monogamy by Tammy Nelson. I think no matter how your marriage is, it has a lot of really good advice and it is an easy, almost conversational, read.

[downtoearth]

May 27, 2019 19:58:40 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

I am reading a great book, The New Monogamy by Tammy Nelson. I think no matter how your marriage is, it has a lot of really good advice and it is an easy, almost conversational, read.

I think I watched her Ted Talk - isn't she the one that says that open marriages are okay as long as they don't threaten the main relationship and that the deception/lies is what hurts the marriage of an affair and not the actual act of not being monogamous b/c people have moved beyond needing monogamy?  Is the book this same thing or different? What if some people haven't moved beyond monogamy and their partner has?

[cleo29]

May 28, 2019 10:55:19 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

May 27, 2019 19:58:40 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

I am reading a great book, The New Monogamy by Tammy Nelson. I think no matter how your marriage is, it has a lot of really good advice and it is an easy, almost conversational, read.

I think I watched her Ted Talk - isn't she the one that says that open marriages are okay as long as they don't threaten the main relationship and that the deception/lies is what hurts the marriage of an affair and not the actual act of not being monogamous b/c people have moved beyond needing monogamy?  Is the book this same thing or different? What if some people haven't moved beyond monogamy and their partner has?

This book is not pushing open marriages. But looking at 1) an affair does not happen in a vacuum, so what was going on before that made the conditions maybe more favorable for an affair (be it emotional, sexual or both) and 2) talks about how you kind have multiple "marriages" within one marriage in part due to phases of life and keeping up a continual talk about how you see your marriage going, what you want, etc. For some, they might want an open or semi-open marriage or some might want to stay in a closed marriage.

She does state that cheating and then essentially asking for an open marriage is being dishonest. She does not advocate that at all. I find it is really resonating with me a lot and that a lot of it makes sense. Also she mentions that most couples have the explicit rules of their relationship, but there are also implicit dos and don'ts and here is where there can be confusion.

I feel like this is a great book even for a person who is single because it just makes you really think about what you want and stresses the importance of being able to express that clearly with your partner.

[downtoearth]

May 28, 2019 11:19:50 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

May 28, 2019 10:55:19 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

I think I watched her Ted Talk - isn't she the one that says that open marriages are okay as long as they don't threaten the main relationship and that the deception/lies is what hurts the marriage of an affair and not the actual act of not being monogamous b/c people have moved beyond needing monogamy?  Is the book this same thing or different? What if some people haven't moved beyond monogamy and their partner has?

This book is not pushing open marriages. But looking at 1) an affair does not happen in a vacuum, so what was going on before that made the conditions maybe more favorable for an affair (be it emotional, sexual or both) and 2) talks about how you kind have multiple "marriages" within one marriage in part due to phases of life and keeping up a continual talk about how you see your marriage going, what you want, etc. For some, they might want an open or semi-open marriage or some might want to stay in a closed marriage.

She does state that cheating and then essentially asking for an open marriage is being dishonest. She does not advocate that at all. I find it is really resonating with me a lot and that a lot of it makes sense. Also she mentions that most couples have the explicit rules of their relationship, but there are also implicit dos and don'ts and here is where there can be confusion.

I feel like this is a great book even for a person who is single because it just makes you really think about what you want and stresses the importance of being able to express that clearly with your partner.

Thanks, I will check this out. I feel a little stuck b/c I know we weren't perfect, but I was happy with our imperfections and idiosyncrasies, and only really frustrated for like 4-5 months about 9 years ago and then in our last 5 months of our 20+ years together. I would complain to him (or about him - but it seemed like the same as others), and things would get better. But maybe I just didn't know we were different and my happy was naïve. I come to find out that STBX was "unhappy for years" but he failed to tell me or let on... or stop having great dates, family trips/fun, sex, or making plans for our future. I'm so confused, huh? But I think reading more about this should be good before I decide to date again.

[cleo29]

May 28, 2019 13:05:43 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

May 28, 2019 11:19:50 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

This book is not pushing open marriages. But looking at 1) an affair does not happen in a vacuum, so what was going on before that made the conditions maybe more favorable for an affair (be it emotional, sexual or both) and 2) talks about how you kind have multiple "marriages" within one marriage in part due to phases of life and keeping up a continual talk about how you see your marriage going, what you want, etc. For some, they might want an open or semi-open marriage or some might want to stay in a closed marriage.

She does state that cheating and then essentially asking for an open marriage is being dishonest. She does not advocate that at all. I find it is really resonating with me a lot and that a lot of it makes sense. Also she mentions that most couples have the explicit rules of their relationship, but there are also implicit dos and don'ts and here is where there can be confusion.

I feel like this is a great book even for a person who is single because it just makes you really think about what you want and stresses the importance of being able to express that clearly with your partner.

Thanks, I will check this out. I feel a little stuck b/c I know we weren't perfect, but I was happy with our imperfections and idiosyncrasies, and only really frustrated for like 4-5 months about 9 years ago and then in our last 5 months of our 20+ years together. I would complain to him (or about him - but it seemed like the same as others), and things would get better. But maybe I just didn't know we were different and my happy was naïve. I come to find out that STBX was "unhappy for years" but he failed to tell me or let on... or stop having great dates, family trips/fun, sex, or making plans for our future. I'm so confused, huh? But I think reading more about this should be good before I decide to date again.

I think it is unfair to claim to be unhappy for years and then tell your spouse that you are done without ever giving them a chance to work on things. I realize the talks can be hard and scary, but it should be done out of respect for that person and your years together. So, I think this book helps people keep those talks going. And really how to communicate what you want in a relationship, the explicit and implicit "rules".

[tiramisu]

May 28, 2019 13:05:43 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

May 28, 2019 11:19:50 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

This book is not pushing open marriages. But looking at 1) an affair does not happen in a vacuum, so what was going on before that made the conditions maybe more favorable for an affair (be it emotional, sexual or both) and 2) talks about how you kind have multiple "marriages" within one marriage in part due to phases of life and keeping up a continual talk about how you see your marriage going, what you want, etc. For some, they might want an open or semi-open marriage or some might want to stay in a closed marriage.

She does state that cheating and then essentially asking for an open marriage is being dishonest. She does not advocate that at all. I find it is really resonating with me a lot and that a lot of it makes sense. Also she mentions that most couples have the explicit rules of their relationship, but there are also implicit dos and don'ts and here is where there can be confusion.

I feel like this is a great book even for a person who is single because it just makes you really think about what you want and stresses the importance of being able to express that clearly with your partner.

Thanks, I will check this out. I feel a little stuck b/c I know we weren't perfect, but I was happy with our imperfections and idiosyncrasies, and only really frustrated for like 4-5 months about 9 years ago and then in our last 5 months of our 20+ years together. I would complain to him (or about him - but it seemed like the same as others), and things would get better. But maybe I just didn't know we were different and my happy was naïve. I come to find out that STBX was "unhappy for years" but he failed to tell me or let on... or stop having great dates, family trips/fun, sex, or making plans for our future. I'm so confused, huh? But I think reading more about this should be good before I decide to date again.

I think people rewrite history when they have affairs. It helps them justify it all in their brains.

My XH told me we never should've gotten married (in retrospect, probably true) and that he felt pressured into marrying me. Yes he was someone who would talk glowingly about me to others for quite a while. People commented on how positive he was about me. I know that my XMIL was a huge factor in the eventual breakdown of the relationship, but I think a lot of what my XH said was to justify the way he treated me towards the end and especially to justify his cheating.

I do think the rush of a new relationship can feel "happy" and exciting, so everything else pales in comparison because it doesn't have that same dopamine rush, but that doesn't mean that someone wasn't happy at the time. I don't know if I'm making sense, it's been a long day.