Brain dump ahead

[pooh8402]

So I have a job and IF related question. Allow me to ramble a bit, please. And I also realize that this could all be moot in the future. But I can't stop thinking about it the past couple weeks and wanted to dump it here so that I can stop obsessing.

So I am in school to get my NP. I graduate in 2 years. My RE told me last year that she would LOVE to hire me once I graduate, assuming she can afford me. Yall, this is my DREAM JOB. I knew from the time I started nursing school that I wanted to be in women's health hopefully helping people get pregnant. I really really hope this can work out. Obvs, I wouldn't be doing any retrievals or transfers, but would likely be doing histories, medication management, ultrasounds and IUIs. This would open up the REs' schedules to do more retrievals and transfers and potentially help more people.

Anyway. So we just had baby #2 (12 weeks old today). We still have 4 frozen embryos. I'm pretty sure that DH is done, but until the embryos are destroyed, the door is open to a #3 through FET. I am 1000% sure we will not do another IVF cycle.

So here is the question: how would you feel as an IF patient, if your provider was pregnant? Especially if she used fertility procedures herself? I am a veteran of 5 IUIs, 3 IVF cycles, and 3 FETs (one cancelled due to no surviving embryos).

I wouldn't want to make potential patients uncomfortable or cause them pain, so that is a factor in my decisions to have another child and/or take this job if/when the opportunity presents itself.

[megkat]

The NP at my RE’s office was pregnant while I was doing my IUI’s TTC #2. Honestly, it wasn’t my favorite thing in the world, but it wasn’t really that big of a deal, at least for me. She never mentioned or talked about it at all. I’d also imagine, if it had really been upsetting to me, that I could have asked not to have to see her, at least as much as possible (obviously timing wise that’s not always possible, but whenever it could happen). My OBGYN was pregnant when we were having TTTC #1- my HSG actually had to be done by another doctor because she went out on mat leave right before it was scheduled to be done. So having a pregnant provider wasn’t anything new to me

All that to say, while it might not be ideal, and I’m sure some patients might be not want a pregnant provider, I wouldn’t let that stop me from taking my dream job. You’re basically looking at one potential pregnancy, and especially if you took care to dress in a way that minimized it (to the extent that you can- I got HUGE with my DD, so I know that’s easier said than done), it would be such a short time overall in your career.

[ivy]

I 100% see where you’re coming from, but in reality I don’t think it would be a big deal. I remember seeing pregnant nurses at my RE and like PP said, it wasn’t my favorite thing to be hit with, but you’ll also have something else to offer in the form of a caring nurse who has been there and understands what a patient is going through on a very personal level. For me, that would take the sting out of it.

[lovelyshoes]

My first re had a policy of no kids in the waiting area to make it easier on patients. The office I ended up doing treatment at had no policies and the huge and I mean huge waiting area was often filled with strollers. That’s life. You’re talking about such a short period of time in your career, I wouldn’t worry about it. Also, women in treatment might feel more hopeful seeing their provider having a successful pregnancy after treatment. It’s certainly nice to see someone who gets what you’re going through. Best of luck. I think having dealt with IF you will have an extra layer of compassion that i often found lacking during treatment.

[pickel]

There were a couple of nurses at my RE that were pregnant and it didn’t bother me. Sounds like an exciting opportunity! I definitely wouldn’t turn it down because of a hypothetical child. It is very caring of you to consider your patients!

[shauni27]

I would not have a problem with this, especially if you were open with your history. At my first clinic, we had an RN who had a similar history to us, later loss, lots of struggles, etc, but she said she loved doing what she did and wanted to help women. She was not pregnant, but had she been I would not have been bothered and instead would have been genuinely happy for her.

At my second clinic, our RE was open that her kids came from IVF as well. Again, not pregnant, but open about her history.

In general, it always helped me to hear that my providers had the same experiences as me and understood what I was going through. If I knew that and then saw them pregnant I would have been over the moon happy for them.

Good luck!!

[knx9211]

You’re very kind and considerate to be thinking of this. But I’ve had several nurses/medical assistants pregnant during my treatments and it never once bothered me. Ever. Honestly, I never took P to my appointments for my appointments related to FETs number 3 and 4 to be sensitive to others just in case, but even kids in the waiting room didn’t bother me. Strangely gave me a little hope that I’d get there too.

[pooh8402]

Thanks all. Your feelings mirrored mine when I was going through treatment... basically not my favorite thing but understandable that providers are often pregnant themselves. I wasn't sure if I was deconditioned though, due to my line of work.

I appreciate your feedback!

[icedcoffee]

There were pregnant people throughout my treatments. Usually I just thought to myself "lucky, bitch" and moved on. I wouldn't let it stop you.

[seeyalater52]

I know I’m late to this, but I wouldn’t let that stop you from pursuing the job you want or the family you want. I am a particularly bitter infertile person and I dislike having pregnant providers, but what bothers me the most about it is the way they’ve handled it in the office. It felt like most of them drew attention to themselves and wanted to discuss their pregnancy which I thought wasn’t appropriate for the venue of a fertility clinic. Why should I leave my blood draw to confirm my miscarriage hCG levels are dropping with info about when you’re due and how many kids you have at home who are on school vacation this week? Read the room. Just carry on with yourself as normal and don’t acknowledge the pregnancy and I think it’s totally fine.

The bottom line for me is that some professionals are SO inappropriate in ways that I can’t imagine you would ever be. They would never think twice about planning their family around their patients’ feelings, and neither should you. But of course use common sense. I will also be an outlier and say that unless you know that the person hasn’t been through IVF before (as in, not staring down lots of failed treatment) I wouldnt necessarily bring up having used IVF yourself unless it comes up in another context. It is great as a newbie just starting out. But there got to be a point in treatment for me where hearing other people’s successful IVF stories was almost as hard as hearing about regular pregnancies.

[pooh8402]

Jun 8, 2019 6:38:41 GMT -5 seeyalater52 said:

I know I’m late to this, but I wouldn’t let that stop you from pursuing the job you want or the family you want. I am a particularly bitter infertile person and I dislike having pregnant providers, but what bothers me the most about it is the way they’ve handled it in the office. It felt like most of them drew attention to themselves and wanted to discuss their pregnancy which I thought wasn’t appropriate for the venue of a fertility clinic. Why should I leave my blood draw to confirm my miscarriage hCG levels are dropping with info about when you’re due and how many kids you have at home who are on school vacation this week? Read the room. Just carry on with yourself as normal and don’t acknowledge the pregnancy and I think it’s totally fine.

The bottom line for me is that some professionals are SO inappropriate in ways that I can’t imagine you would ever be. They would never think twice about planning their family around their patients’ feelings, and neither should you. But of course use common sense. I will also be an outlier and say that unless you know that the person hasn’t been through IVF before (as in, not staring down lots of failed treatment) I wouldnt necessarily bring up having used IVF yourself unless it comes up in another context. It is great as a newbie just starting out. But there got to be a point in treatment for me where hearing other people’s successful IVF stories was almost as hard as hearing about regular pregnancies.

Thank you for your perspective. I really appreciate it!