Another Monday

[doglove]

How are y’all doing? Finally got the genetic testing results today and there were no abnormalities thankfully! I think they are 99% accurate so that is a huge relief. Tell me all the things going on with you.

[tiramisu]

That's great doglove!! I imagine that's a relief. Sending healthy baby development vibes.


I did two dance classes, for a total of nearly 4 hours of dancing, on Saturday. There was a famous choreographer in town who was teaching. His style is so different than anything in used to but it was such a great challenge! My foot injury from nearly a year and a half ago started acting up during the heels class, though, so I had to stop before the end of the class. I'm still able to walk despite my soreness, which is good.

Had a date Saturday, it was meh. I have another first date coming up this Wednesday. And hopefully another one Friday or Saturday. There are a couple of interesting men from Match at this point. We'll see!

[doriswe]

yay doglove!!

I have been sick since leaving Vegas over a week ago, so I spent most of the weekend sleeping and miserable. Definitely not the fun weekend I wanted.

[neonpink]

doglove, I am so happy to read that.

doriswe, feel better.

tiramisu, The class sounds awesome. I hope your foot feels better.

I had a great weekend watching soccer with friends that came up to stay with us. It's fun having space to have people over. We are going to reset and do it all again next weekend. Sunday I met up with some friends to watch NFL. I don't watch NFL. Those games are too damn long. Nothing should take 4+ hours. I came home and had to do some work for a project I am doing all the work solo on. Fingers crossed I can get it all done by Wednesday for review.

[doglove]

Feel better doriswe.

[downtoearth]

I had a great weekend with kid birthday party, auditions for a play for two of my other kiddos, sleep over where teen boys loudly talked about their crushes and made it hard not to eavesdrop, barre/breakfast, yoga/beers, a (cheesy, not great) local play, and my person visiting for a week. It's new and exciting, and working out amazingly well so far.

Warning downer part of my life right now: Weird thing is that I admitted out loud (to someone other than my therapist) that my XH not telling me anything about his dissatisfaction in our marriage/dis-attachment to me (or the affair), but generally not being honest when we talked for 5+ months before I discovered, makes me feel worthless in my core. I know in my mind that I'm not worthless. I'm know I'm worthy of respect, and that is why I knew from the moment I discovered that I wouldn't reconcile since the disrespect was so overpowering - because I had to discover it and he had never planned to tell me. But there is something horrible about thinking someone you love(d) and have a foundation with (for 20+ years) doesn't respect you enough to be honest and talk to you about their issues or feelings, especially when you're asking them about their emotions/feelings and needs all the time.

I have a great life and am so much happier where I am now, but I'm not sure that slight nagging feeling that someone else's actions can make you feel worthless will ever go away. My sister, who reconciled with her husband after he almost had an affair (emotionally and almost physically), said it hasn't really gone away for her 2 years out. She is one of the strongest people I know and amazing and independent, but she says her marriage is built on a foundation with cracks these days. It's there and fine, and won't fall down, but she can't unsee the cracks.

[tiramisu]

Feel better doriswe!


((((((downtoearth))))))
I can tell you as someone who got out of a bad marriage that those feelings can go away. Granted, I put all of the blame for the cheating and dishonesty on my XH and it was a different situation where I wasn't being as overtly lied to on a daily basis. But really, his lack of ability to be honest says volumes about him, not you. I hope you can dig into all of that and get to a place where it no longer feels like you're worthless because he treated you like you were.

I also did a lot of work with my therapist on a core belief that no one would ever love me forever. It turns out that facing that fear helped reduce its power because you know what? It was scary and awful and overwhelming, but I survived. And life is way better now. I've realized that someone not being able to see my worth, even now, is about them and not me. It took me a long time to get here, but I do think it's possible.

[doglove]

It takes time downtoearth, but they will go away. I think eventually when you rediscover your worth through time and healing you’ll put the blame where it belongs and not hang onto to it like it’s your fault. Hugs.